Reality Check 1, Cheque 2, Check Me! (Part 2)

Cheque 2

“Children, children…

Yes Papa,

Where have you been to?

Grandmama,

How is she keeping?

Safe and sound,

What did she teach you?

DON’T BEND DOWN!”

Lloyd Lovindeer ~ Don’t Bend Down

I decided a while ago that when I returned back to work after taking care of Mum it wouldn’t be working for ‘the man’ wherever possible, and primarily it would be doing something that I’d always wanted to do. Obviously I know that it’s easier said than done. Them bills gotta be paid!, and it’s not easy out there for everyday folk. 

I’m thankful that my circumstances so far have allowed me to stick to what I have decided – for now anyway. I’ve never been about the money. I know there are plenty of people out there who are on their grind constantly to make that paper and spend it on the highlife. I totally get that and more power to you, but that has never been the life for me. I’m not big on the materialistic. I’m not hating. Some people assume that’s your temperament because you don’t have the money, and your thinking would be different if you could afford it. I can’t deny they’re right in part, but it’s a very small part. 

If I had a wealth of disposable income I’d no doubt have a few nice little touches – but honestly, overall I’m happy with my lot – which can sometimes be hard for others to understand or believe. I’ve already explained in Can You Feel The Beat?, so I won’t go over it all again – just know that there are many of us out here who it takes very little to make happy, and despite what you may think, we’re good! In that blog I talk about certain beats in life and setting your levels, and it’s exactly that that has me writing this today.

As I mentioned in Check 1, last year I was (still am!) going through some thaanggs, and my mojo took a hit to say the least. I had plans, thoughts and ideas but it was a struggle to get myself together and, full disclosure, certain things are still a struggle; but this year has been a lot more progressive, and an opportunity arose for me to do some work that I enjoyed and would be paid to do – a win-win if ever I saw one, so naturally I accepted the offer. I had a couple of meetings with them and then I started to feel the beat; and it was off! 

Now I need to pause right here and give props to Queen Kelechi Okafor. If it wasn’t for me tuning in to her podcast and choosing the third tarot card reading people would be getting fully bought out and exposed.

F👏🏾U👏🏾L👏🏾L👏🏾Y! 

But, I’m going to heed what was advised and hold my corner for now. Instead I’ll break it down like this:

The Beat

By beat, I mean what tune is being played? Are you in sync and rocking together, or is someone playing you like a fiddle and expecting you to jump to their beat? I had a few crystal clear signs that the people I was dealing with were of the latter thinking and that nah ga’ work! When you’re running or conducting business there is a basic standard and/or principle that should be set and, to be fair, it’s really not that fucking hard to do. Communication is key, and in this day and age there really are no excuses to be had when it comes to putting it into practice! But when you’re dealing with certain demographics it’s not about how easy or hard things are, it’s more to do with who they think they are.

Without getting too deep into my particular situation, the Black/White ratio was an issue here. And trust me, this isn’t about me playing the race card – more the raas card!

The Levels

Setting your levels is highly important. It’s basically another way of saying KNOW YOUR WORTH. People can only treat you how you allow them to. What are you willing to contend with? What are you willing to do or not do? How long do you let shit slide for? What are your boundaries? Under the right circumstances I’m pretty patient and tolerant. I know that we’re only human and things don’t always go according to plan and mistakes can be made, I’m not unreasonable; but understand when it looks and smells like a piss take know you get 3 strikes* and then you’re out! I really don’t business. That’s one of the levels I’ve set for myself as life is way too short to waste on fuckery and my time is precious! 

There are things we all want in life no mater how big or small, cheap or expensive. How we go about getting it and what we’re willing to do for it is another thing. You should never be made to feel less than or tolerated, especially when the example others set are below your standards. I, for one, am not willing to play small, do myself down or sell my soul to the devil to get mine or what you have to offer. It sometimes amazes me what others will put up with to stunt on others.

Grandmama was giving her grandkids a reality cheque! Money can’t buy everything, especially integrity, and you don’t have to bend down or over and assume the position to get yours! Have faith, your time will come, and without you having to put up with other peoples shit.

For those who believe they are entitled to treat others like a claart don’t be surprised when you get raased up!

WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!

R.I.P Desmond Tutu, Betty White and to all those who have lost their lives recently, and forever remembering those who have passed away.

Wishing you all a Very Happy, Healthy & Blessed New Year And Beyond🖤

*Not every occurrence will get 3 chances, it depends on the severity – sometimes it’s one and done but, NEVER any more than 3!

Straighten Your Crown & Don’t Bend Down! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Rebecca Richardson

If you could put a face to the phrase ‘Doin’ It For The Kids’, I’m pretty sure it’d look like my guest this week! After being introduced to the Orchard Youth Club by her friends at the age of 11, Rebecca Richardson’s sense of community spirit was set in motion.

For those of you who don’t know, The Orchard was a staple hub of the Slough Black community, offering a range of amenities and events to cater for us – day or night! They often showcased a range of talents, introducing well known musical artists, comedians and parties galore. For Rebecca (Bex to her friends), the joy of learning street dance and the multiple activities that were on offer triggered a want in her to be part of the action; and she soon found herself volunteering, progressing on to being given a part time job. 

Music has been front and centre in her life, and as a child, in the comfort of her grandmother’s living room, her love of singing developed. Influenced by the church and gospel music, she aspired to and couldn’t wait until she was old enough to join the choir. That love has blossomed into her creating choirs of her own, most notably to date the Soulful Sistas Quartet and The Slough Community Youth Soul Choir.

Slough Community Youth Soul Choir

On 30th July this year the Soulful Sistas launched their official video of their rendition of the gospel classic Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around. These Sistas are definitely doing it for themselves, with this being the first of many to come and appearances lined up to perform at festivals and other events in 2022.

Soulful Sistas

Her work with the Youth Soul Choir has gone from strength to strength too. The choir itself being an amalgamation of several different local schools, and their most recent performance being at none other than The Royal Albert Hall. It was an amazing experience for all involved and the kind of boost she’s adamant about providing for the youth.

The biggest instigator of her putting the choir together was her late, great, super multi-talented cousin and Slough legend, Dani Richardson. After losing his battle with cancer in 2018, Rebecca wanted to make sure that his love and legacy of all things musical continued, and her hope is to get more kids involved in every aspect.

She recognises that there is a wealth of talent out there and doesn’t want to see them pigeonholed in the stereotypical vision of the masses. Maybe I’m just blessed to know these kind of people, but like my previous guests, the aura and energy that is given off when she speaks about things is palpable.

Her passion knows no bounds, and for years now she has dedicated her services to educating the kids – not just in the musical field, but in knowing who they are, where they came from and formulating on where they are heading to. After securing funding one of her first projects was creating a ‘Nuseum’ in the high street, a new style museum where the kids were taught a wealth of information – not just the bog standard teachings synonymous with our history.

She’s a strong believer that Black History Month should be scrapped and covered 365 days of the year, (which if you’ve read my blogs you’d know I’m a big advocate of! A podcast discussing this very subject coming soon!), and the focus should be on ALL aspects of Blackness – the good, the bad, the ugly, the absolutely amazingly blacknificent!

Over the summer she took part in the Marcus Rashford initiative, making sure that the children who needed food and entertainment throughout the holidays were covered and learning new skills in a fun and safe environment. A TikTok video of the children performing the Breakfast Challenge went viral, being viewed over 20,000 times and retweeted by Mr Rashford himself, hyping up the kids no end!

On top of doing it for the kids, she also does it for herself and the adults, performing with The Upfront Reggae Band, which she informs me she’s been involved with for over 20 years, playing gigs all over the country. We reminisce and catch the most jokes of days gone by when she reveals it was in Tree Tops that she was first ‘discovered’ by the band members. One day I’ll drop the outtakes and you can join in the jokes too! #WhenISeeYouSmile

The Upfront Reggae Band

I have known Bex for many years and it’s not hard to understand why she’s so well received. She has a fun and bubbly personality, and it also has to be said that she’s one of those women who smashes whatever it is they turn their hand to! Like seriously, she’s a great singer, banging cook, she can do hair and has a fantastic rapport with both youngsters and adults alike. 

Her future wants and plans are to get more kids playing instruments that you wouldn’t necessarily associate young Black and ethnic minority children playing, and to eventually create an Urban Orchestra. She would also like to create cultural hubs that cater for the different ranges we have in our diverse town. Naturally she’ll start with the Black community, but can’t stress enough it’s ultimately about unity and having a connection and understanding of all cultures and hopes that the hubs will allow that to happen.

With her sense of purpose and determination there’s no doubt in my mind that she will achieve this and add to the multitude of good she has already done for the community of Slough. Queen salute going out to my girl!

If you would like to contact Rebecca or are interested in finding out more the Slough Community Youth Soul Choir you can find them on Facebook and Twitter

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Portia Walker

I don’t know many people out there who knew from an early age what they’d like to do with their life. Hell, I’m nearly 47 and only just putting my hopes and dreams into play! But for some, not only do they know, but they put in the work from the get go to make them come true and through.

This is most definitely the case for this weeks guest, Portia Walker. It’s the first time I’ve had the joy of meeting her in the flesh, but I’d heard about this young Slough woman many years previously. Although they are a little more prominent now (very little), having a super talented young Black girl playing football and killing it was a rarity back then, so naturally she stood out from the crowd.

At the tender age of eight years old and influenced by her older brother, she started playing football for local teams. By the age of 10 she was trialling for Arsenal, Chelsea and Fulham, who she eventually signed for, but after a few months made the change to Tottenham, also playing at West Ham, Millwall and back to Tottenham once more.

Her talent cannot be denied and she continued to blossom throughout the years, mixing the sport she loves with a variety of different jobs and promotions in between. She was fortunate enough when she was younger to escape the racism that seems to go hand in hand with the game, but by her teenage years she couldn’t help but notice the presence of it within the industry. 

This was to have a detrimental effect on her passion for the game, with her coming to the conclusion that it was no longer for her as she feels that there will never be a change when it comes to the powers that be truly tackling the issue (pardon the pun!) – although her love for it still strongly remains and she is still involved in different aspects of the sport.

But being the woman that she is, she wasn’t about to just sit back and blend in with the shadows. Instead she used her voice and platform, and in 2020 not only called out the W.S.L (Women’s Super League), for their lack of diversity in their campaigns, but off of the back of it, the WSL made the change within 2 days of her highlighting it. Although she appreciated the gesture, she found it very frustrating that it took them being called out to take action.

Spurred on by this, she made a short film, ‘Is It Because I’m Black’, with input from a range of other females, again highlighting the challenges faced by women of colour and in general within the industry. 

It’s got to be said that there is an amazing energy that this young lady exudes, and with her infectious smile it’s an easy interview to conduct. What’s even more pleasurable to see is the fact that she is 100% confident in her own skin and happy with who she is. She freely admits that she struggled academically, but she knew where her talents lie and believes that everybody should be given the chance to shine and excel at what they’re good at without having the pressure of other peoples expectations of what it means to be smart and successful.

She’s out, proud and unapologetic about it – which is so refreshing to see in one so young and especially with being part of the Caribbean community – as some are unfortunately still stuck in their homophobic ways.

She may well tick a few boxes, but don’t ever proceed to think about putting her in one. There’s no hiding in closets for my girl! She’s truly smashed it to pieces and is dancing around the bonfire made from the remnants – probably to tunes she’s spinning herself! Not one to sit on her laurels, Portia taught herself how to DJ during lockdown last year and her talent has taken her from strength to strength, taking her from being headhunted to have her own show on Croydon FM, to DJing for Lost Girl at Leeds Festival this year, holding her own in front of a massive crowd and enjoying every minute of it. In fact, since conducting our interview she has just finished touring with Lost Girl supporting Dappy.

With all of the above, advertising campaigns for Adidas and Nike, appearances on BT Sport and guest mixing for Capital Xtra all under her belt, this twenty two year old has already achieved more than most her age, but she’s adamant that you’ll be seeing and hearing a lot more of her in the future; and I have to say I believe it, I’m here for it and look forward to it!

If you would like to contact Portia you can find her on:

Instagram: PortiaWalkerr

Soundcloud

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The Shelf Renaissance

We are all guaranteed three things in life; we’re born, we grow, we die. No matter who you are or what clout you may carry, we all have these things in common; but it’s the middle part that separates and/or defines us.

If you’re fortunate enough, you’ll forge great friendships within that growth section, that will hopefully continue on through to the twilight years. Our journeys can come with a number of twists and turns, highs and lows – the Black woman’s road even more so – and as women in general there is a hella lot we go through, especially when we reach a certain point along the path.

My guests this week like to describe that specific point as being ‘Middle-Young’ – which I personally couldn’t love any more! The Shelf Renaissance is a podcast that was created by two Slough Queens and firm friends Lydia Shekiluwa and Patsy Christian, after realising there was a gap in the market to cater for the category of Black women who are at that ‘Life-Beginning-But-Certain-Aspects-Ending’ phase! 

Patsy Christian and Lydia Shekiluwa

They are accompanied by fellow co-hosts and Slough Queens, Margaret Shekiluwa and Hellen Lawuo-Meena, and collectively call themselves a tribe. They are a sisterhood addressing different aspects we associate with being adults, and whilst forever keeping it real, each topic is handled with a level of research, compassion, insight, and the perfect balance of infectious humour. Their main objective being to discuss a varying range of subjects and situations, bolstered by their lived experiences and seen through the eyes of the wise, incorporating three of their favourite things; catching jokes, drinking and spending time with the sisters! 

Margaret Shekiluwa, Hellen Lawuo-Meena and Lydia Shekiluwa

Each episode is called a Campfire; bringing about the heat, coziness and warmth you’d feel if you were around a real one. There is a natural flow between all that, even if you personally don’t know who these ladies are, you can tell is genuine and inviting, giving the feeling that you’re sat with your sistas putting the world to rights! What’s also great is that there is a mix of West Indian and African descent, helping to break the old taboo of our cultures not mixing or getting along.

I have had the pleasure of knowing both Lydia and Patsy from a very young age, and as we sit around the table, I can’t help but be reminded of memories we’ve shared around different tables throughout our lifetime so far.

I have known Patsy, literally for as long as I can remember as our parents were good friends and my godparents. I have many fond memories of going to Patsys family home on numerous occasions when I was younger, but due to our slight age gap, I was closer to her younger brother. Over the years, the age gap that seemed so wide when I was small dissipated with the realities of life and adulthood.

Their home was always welcoming, filled and flowing with music, alcohol and good vibes – and me amazed at how, 1) their back garden was on the first floor, and 2) how many different varieties of Club biscuits Goddy Ursil always had on offer! Our parents had a truly lifelong friendship, and when my mum sadly passed away last year a big, totally unplanned, comfort to me was that she was buried right opposite her best friend. 

Lydia and Margaret I have known since first school days, with our most prominent memories made from the early 90’s. The common room banter at Langley College and camaraderie which was to follow us through the years was one of a kind, with firm friendships being cemented. I couldn’t regale on our past without the association of bussin’ a tune or ten! Meeting up at the college disco with DJ Aki spinning the latest rhymes and trying not to choke on the heady mix of peoples body spray and body funk! 

Black music had a number of different genres that were on fire in the 90’s, all of which we enjoyed – but you’d definitely have to crown them Hip Hop Queens! It was the era of finger waves, high top fades and many memories being made; the Shekiluwa sisters being synonymous with unity, as you very rarely saw one without the other.

The times may well have changed but the unity and vibes remain, only now they are sharing the isms and schisms that come with being middle-young! 

Middle-Young and still going strong…ish!

Ok I admit it, I’m a tad biased, but I truly believe that these ladies, with their relatability and refreshingly real podcasts, offer up a bit of knowledge with a dash of melanin magic and a sprinkling of light relief – which considering the current climate is more than welcome! One of their punchlines is Stay Curious, and I encourage you all to do just that and check them out! Pour a brew, pull up a pew and listen to what’s on offer – especially as the new season of Campfires have just been lit!

Click below for all of The Shelf Renaissance media links.

The Shelf Renaissance

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Supported by HOME Slough using public funding by the National Lottery through Arts Council England

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Tanya Brooks-Carty

If you order up a cuppa Coach Tee be prepared to get more than your money’s worth! She’ll come at you hot and in full force, with a kick to your nervous system to challenge any caffeine hit you can find.

I have known Tanya Brooks-Carty, aka Coach Tee, for a number of years so can personally speak on the ball of energy that is she! In fact, the day of our interview she cycled her way to meet me, her love of exercise leaving her pumped up and good to glow, whilst I eyed up Greggs wondering if I should pop over and grab a vegan sausage roll and see whether they’ve got London Cheesecakes back in stock yet.

There’s definitely something about her energy that cannot be denied, and she has the wild and wonderful personality to match, (with the hair too, as long as she can keep it in place!)

Tanya is a Slough born and bred entrepreneur who has had interactions with the Black Slough community from a very young age, in part due to her being the daughter of one of Sloughs most prominent features within the community, the formidable Christina Brooks-Abraham.

With the seed firmly planted, it nourished and grew, and at the age of 25 Tanya decided to branch off from Motivation – the family community group, and alongside a group of young ladies consisting of her sisters and friends, R.A.W – Real Ass Women, was born!

RAW started as a dance squad, performing a variety of dance styles and routines to a selection of Black music and participating in many performances, tours and video shoots.

Eventually Tanya ventured out on her own, starting with her dance/fitness classes, (and trust me when I say she will put you through your paces and have you wukkin’ up a sweat!), which has snowballed into a number of businesses and enterprises including her Pick Me Up Sticks – a collection of sticks emblazoned with positive words and affirmations to help pick you up when you need a lift or some guidance. They come in a range of different themes and are available for the young, old and in between to enjoy.

Her journey has productively continued on, with her becoming a life coach and mentor offering RAWtreats, brunches, seminars, workbooks, Sisterhood, networking events and Mindset to name a few! On top of all of that she has her exercise classes and a range of fitness products and online launches. Phew!

It’s totally unsurprising to me that she would at some point end up in the field that she is currently in. I can testify that her words work, as she was the instigator of me writing blogs and she seems to have an uncanny ability to pick up on things you may well dismiss. Not everything will be to your taste or you may find yourself wondering if certain aspects are for you, as I admit to wondering myself, but she has a saying of take what you need to proceed! #SipSip

She may not be everybody’s Cuppa Tee, but she may just be the perfect blend for you – and you don’t know until you try!

This mother of 2 has most definitely packed in a lot during her lifetime so far and I have no doubt there is a lot more to come! Ultimately she would love to build up our community so that her sons and the rest of the communities children can thrive and flourish in a creative and safe environment.

We’ll be watching this space Coach Tee!🖤


If you would like to get in contact with Tanya or purchase any of her products you can find her on:

Instagram and Facebook: Tanya Brooks Carty
Clubhouse: Shake The Room
Spotify: #CuppaTee
www.rawcoachtee.co.uk
www.pickmeupsticks.co.uk

Since our interview Tanya has become a lecturer for Windsor Forest Colleges. If you’re interested in becoming a life coach or counsellor click on the link! https://www.instagram.com/p/CXN-CF3Ih-U/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

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Supported by HOME Slough using public funding by The National Lottery through Arts Council England

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R.I.P’d Off! (Part 17)

Lately I have purposely tried to keep myself away from certain subjects that cause my blood to boil and pressure to rise. My emotions are already naturally high and hormones raging at the best of times, so for the sake of my sanity and stress levels I have tried to stay far away from any triggers. Tried…

If you live in England you would more than likely have had to be living under a rock to not hear some kind of talk about the Euros over the past month. Now, I don’t have anything against football per se, but what I seriously struggle with is the fuckeries that come with it. It’s not like it’s anything new, but you know when you’ve had more than you can bear to stomach? Well I’ve fully reached my limit.

I admit to having a little chuckle and head shake to myself when I’d heard folk chatting before last nights result on how unified the Euros were making Grate Britain. I distinctly remember thinking yeh, they’ll be unified right up until the time one of them puts a foot wrong; then we’ll see what unity means – and sure enough, here “we” are!

It may well be called the beautiful game, but with beauty comes the beast, and unfortunately it’s in the shape of the many supporters that chose to conduct themselves in that abhorrently racist, sickening, disgusting and utterly disrespectful manner.

People had asked me if I’d be watching and I told them straight, No. I really wasn’t interested and avoided all matches until last night, which I would have avoided too, but the Mr came up and put it on just in time for me to see the last remaining minutes of the main match and how events unfolded afterwards.

One thing HisStory has shown us, and that they keep making abundantly clear, is that as long as you’re of benefit to them then it’s all good. You’ll be tolerated and even applauded as one of “us”. But once you’ve served your purpose (Windrush), or make a mistake (miss a penalty), then they’ll let you know exactly where you stand. Gone is the jubilation for the team bringing them closer to victory than they have ever been in decades, to be replaced by hate, racist abuse and the same old rhetoric of fucking off back to where they came from.

I guarantee you that any Black person who watched the match, saw it go to penalties and then saw who Gareth Southgate chose to step up to the plate knew exactly how shit would go down should any of the Black players miss. Not one bit of it is surprising. The “fans” had already started their shenanigans from before they’d even entered the stadium. Mob, yob and knob mentality at the forefront and from the get go. Barging their way in and making themselves known as is true to their English form.

It may well be called the beautiful game, but with beauty comes the beast, and unfortunately it’s in the shape of the many supporters that chose to conduct themselves in that abhorrently racist, sickening, disgusting and utterly disrespectful manner. And I beg you please, miss me with the bullshit of it’s only a small minority that are the troublemakers. The ‘small minority’ really isn’t that small in the grand scheme of things. Their numbers are constantly rising, and due to the likes of the government and other establishments having a lackadaisical approach to racism, they feel no way in telling us how they truly feel.

Those youngsters played their heart out for a cuntry that would stab them in it in return. I highly applaud and congratulate them for their efforts and contribution to the game – which no matter how diehard a fan you are, you need to remember – IT’S JUST A GAME!! You win, lose or draw and life goes on – it’s really not that deep, and if it is that deep to you, you really need to get a life.

I know for sure if my son or daughter were a footballer I’d be discouraging them to play for England; regardless of whether they were born here or not. Sorry, not sorry. They don’t deserve their talent, most definitely not until real moves are made to deal with the issues they have when it comes to kicking out racism and the racist fans. I would actually love to see just how well they’d fair if it were down to the ‘true bloods’ alone and the n****s that let the team down went to play for the countries to which, as so many put it, they belong.

England may well have 3 lions on their chest, but they need to remember where lions originate from!

Maximum love and respect to Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Bukayo Saka. You did ‘US’ all proud. #OriginalLionKings

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.

Keep Blinding Them With Your Light, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Reality Check 1, Cheque 2, Check Me!

Check 1

“Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. Givin’ all your love to just one man…”

Tammy Wynette ~ Stand By Your Man

Have you ever heard a song and thought, “Yessss! THAT PART!” Well personally, I believe Tammy needn’t have gone on with the rest of the song; she’d already done killed it with the one opening line. (To those of you who know the rest of the lyrics to Stand By Your Man and are thinking tea is about to be spilt, you really couldn’t be further from the bloody truth!)

Granted 2020 hit differently for a lot of people and for many reasons, but for me, it wasn’t just a hit – it was a series of knockout punches to the solar plexus that continued relentlessly. In a few short, (yet feeling extremely long) months, I had to contend with more grief, toxicity and bullshit than I had ever known or knew what to do with. I’m relatively “strong” but it was all getting a bit too much. On top of that I moved house which, thanks to covid, bought with it new challenges.

I can admit now to feeling all kinds of a way. My emotions were all over the place and as much as I tried to fix up and find the fight and positivity, it was all getting me down. I’d talk to friends and family but never really fully expressing just how shitty I felt. I was struggling but trying to put up a good front. I had been trying to keep myself occupied during lockdown by learning new skills, but found I couldn’t retain information, which in turn made me feel even worse and as thick as the shit I was feeling.

I didn’t want to do anything. Netflix, Disney+ and music were my best friends. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to read. I didn’t want to do fuck all but tune out and virtually escape as due to lockdown, it was physically impossible to do so. Everything was getting to me or stressing me out. I knew I needed some kind of help so thought I’d try Talking Therapies, which was helpful to some degree, but even with understanding all they were saying I just couldn’t get my emotions in check and I knew there was more to it.

As a woman of a certain age it’s inevitable that there’s a journey we go through with our bodies, and I’ve recently had more signs that it was on its way; only to be told by the professionals after enquiring that that wasn’t the case. All the while my body was hollering, “Nah bee, they’re lying to you!”

I’m not sure of what percentage of males will read this but I’d like to believe they’re man enough to handle this topic, if only to garner a little sympathy for what any females in their life could possibly be experiencing.

I can be as cool as you like one minute, the next I’m making radiators jealous with the heat emanating from my body. Added to that is the joy of night sweats – as naturally you’ve gotta share the love throughout the whole 24 hours. I’ve mentioned it once…or maybe twice…possibly a little more to certain males in my vicinity that y’all don’t realise just how good you actually have it when it comes to your bodies.

As women, from a young age ours prepare us for the prospect of temporary lodgings for a baby. And yes, bringing new life into the world is a blessing, but pregnancy offers up a whole range of different, not so pleasant experiences that accompany the magic; and regardless of whether we want to have children or not, we still have the ‘joy’ of our monthly visitor to look forward to.

Understand the word joy is dripping with sarcasm. It is in fact the polar opposite. Some women manage to breeze through theirs without a hitch, but from my very first one they’ve been a bitch! I started at 10 and I’m nearly 47 now. Decades of hell and no, they didn’t ease up after having babies as I’d heard can happen. I’ve had a few reprieves due to the contraceptive pill, but they just lull you into a false sense of security. You’re all good living your period free life, then WHAM!!, they come back at you with a vengeance even John McClane would struggle to deal with.

The reality of periods is that although they help to bring about life, they can also bring with them a whole heap of mess and pain. In correlation to the pain, it can be doubled for some if on top of the monthly beat down you’re getting, you are trying to get pregnant and sadly not succeeding. It is, after all, supposed to be the one upside of having the buggers.

I in no way feel like my youth is slipping away and I wholeheartedly embrace Aunty stature. It’s time for those bitch ass eggs to dry the hell up and leave me in peace.

I 100% feel for all of those who are in that position, and I’m aware that as much as I’m cursing periods out that they too are a blessing, and I have two beautiful daughters to show for them, BUT – I HAVE SERVED MY TIME! Things were bad enough when they were regular, but now it’s a lucky dip as to how long my cycle will be and I’m guaranteed it’ll be flowing like the Orinoco. That’s just another delight that comes with being the bearer of heavy, painful periods. You’re constantly on edge. Whispering silent prayers as you stand up that that gush that was supposed to be held back by your layers of leakproof (yeh, right) protection hasn’t soaked through to your clothes.

It’s little wonder that going out is the last thing I want to do. It’s bad enough being paranoid of leaking whilst sat at home in bed with chronic back and stomachache whilst munching on a bag of sweet and salty popcorn, getting bleary eyed over a restoration on The Repair Shop, without the added pressure of being outside somewhere and having an accident that you have to try and sort out in some manky toilet. There are way too many variables to take the risk.

If you’re as truly blessed as I am, you’ll also have the ‘joy’ of being an emotional, hormonal wreck before, during and after your cycle. The urge to wanna fuck someone up over what would possibly be seen as a minor infringement to others is overwhelmingly phenomenal. These hands could do damage if you chew wrong, so it’s best to keep myself to myself! I went back to the professionals to get checked out and they found I’m currently extremely anaemic (I can’t think why), and I’m awaiting a scan to check and see if my fibroids have grown.

Just know that to put it bluntly, my periods have fucked me sideways for way too long and I’m sooo over them. I in no way feel like my youth is slipping away and I wholeheartedly embrace Aunty stature. It’s time for those bitch ass eggs to dry the hell up and leave me in peace.

I’ve only given you the highlights. There are many more facets I could really go in-depth and tell you about, like clots, sore boobs and the period shits, but I don’t wanna spoil you too much. After doing some research and listening to some ladies who are working their way through the menopause (aka, menace – no pause), I realised that it’s more than likely the reason as to why I’m finding it so hard to function and I’m not going to beat myself up over it anymore. It is what it is.

Sometimes you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Tammy was right. Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman, but I’ll be damned if I’m giving ALL my love to just one man. That’s not to say I don’t love mine and I’ll naturally stand by him, but as women we physically go through a lot in comparison to what men do – and self love is where we need to start.

Stand By Yo’ Ass!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Check On You Boo, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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