Reality Check 1! (Part 4)

“I’m not the average girl from your video

And I ain’t built like a supermodel 

But I learned to love myself unconditionally 

Because I am a Queen…”

Video ~ India Arie

So we’ve finally gotten through the 310 long ass days of January and cruising through February,  and if you’re anything like me, you’re patiently waiting and observing the skies for signs that those long ass days will soon be filled with more light and warmth. #BringItCome

In preparation for the changing season, and the need to seriously reduce the overflowing contents of my wardrobe, I found myself having a little fashion show (as you do!), as I debated on what would stay or go.

Last summer I put a post up on Instagram about my ‘some-time’ top. It was a purchase made for summertime in the hope that at ‘some time’ in the (then) near future I’d fit in it. That didn’t happen. My cups and handles runneth over so I put it back and kept it moving!😅

There was once a time when that would have had me feeling all kinds of way, fat most especially, but over time I have learnt to love my new curves. I say new curves as I was blessed with batty and breast so they’ve always been there, but the flat stomach of my BC* days are over.

I ain’t gonna lie, my AD* body has taken some getting used to. Since that fateful day I discovered the magic of a Lycra catsuit circa 1992 I’ve been mostly very happy with my physique; but I now have a scar that runs from above my belly button down to my bikini line, and I’m not sure what the frig the surgeons were doing (other than saving my life, obvs!) but after they’d rummaged around and removed a third of my bowel, they stitched me right up in more ways than one by leaving my stomach bigger on one side and looking like hills and valleys. 

I thought I’d give it time after the op to settle down and hopefully look less abnormal but alas, the body snap back that occurred after both my pregnancy’s had left the building! My size has fluctuated naturally over the years. I’ve ranged from Kun Kum Kum* to my body being so Bootylicious even I struggled to handle that jelly, but I’ve always managed to carry it well enough. This was different though. It felt glaringly obvious and made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I stopped wearing my figure hugging clothes and opted for looser fitting tops and dresses to hide my embarrassment. I worried about how my husband would see me. Yes, I still had the lovely lady lumps he was so fond of but now I had an equally lumpy belly to match. 

As ever he continued to show me I picked a winner by continuing to love on me effortlessly, and although it wasn’t enough to make me feel completely comfortable in my skin, it helped a great deal and I felt brave enough to put some things back on – but then 2020 hit! Miley Cyrus said it best – it came in like a wrecking ball!

Death, depression, grief, toxic family, greedy corporations, moving and menopause all took its toll on me and my waistline, and before I knew it I was the biggest I’ve ever been and back to wearing the clothes that hid all I had to offer.

I made attempts to find something that worked in regards to keeping fit, but found I had an easier time keeping fat.🫠 To be fair the attempts were half hearted so I couldn’t screw too much. I only had myself to blame! But fast forward to last year and the magic happened; the mindset shifted and it caused a chain reaction.

It pays to actually focus and listen to what your mind and body tells you, and mine was screaming flexibility. I remembered doing yoga some years back and how much I enjoyed it and followed the signs to a 1-2-1 session and it’s been doing its thing ever since.

So much so that it’s given me a renewed appreciation for my body. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m aware I’m a natural born woman of a certain age who is currently wading her way through peri menopause, so I have no unrealistic expectations of what/how my body shape should be; but after literally and figuratively weighing things up I’m finally at peace with what I’ve been blessed with and the fact I’m here, alive and relatively well.

That’s not to say I plan on staying this way. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m good. I’m not flawless, but I care about my flaws less. My birthday suit is looking cute, and although the Mr assures me I’m there already, by summer I will be looking like a goddess in my some-time top and the shorts that are currently having trouble making their way past my knees. Update pending! In the meantime I’ll look on the bright side; they say thick thighs saves lives, and hubby keeps testing the waters so they’re serving their purpose.😏😂

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*BC: Before Cancer, AD: After Damage – The NuDawn Bible with its own tales, testaments, scriptures and revelations pending!😅

Kun Kum Kum by Red Dragon – Google it!🤣

Reality Check 1, Cheque 2, Check Me!

Reality Check 1! (Part 2)

Reality Check 1! (Part 3)

I Don’t Need No Other Body, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Spiritual Accountancy

“When I think of where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One

Look at where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One…”

Where I’m Coming From ~ Lila Iké

A few weeks ago I wrote about my love/hate relationship with social media, and this week I was reminded of one of the reasons why I love it. Facebook has a function where they’ll post memories of things you’d posted on that day from years past, and this month’s reminders so far has been a shining example of love and exactly how far I’ve come.

I told y’all I’m thee keeper of receipts! Please believe me when I tell you I kept every email, text, voicemail and diaries to boot! Hence the disclaimers! Ya girl was READY and waiting for them to slip and try me once I really got going. #BringItCome

One memory to re-emerge I remember well! It was days after mum died and I’d had to deal with family and their fuckery, and I was very angry, upset and about to fire shots. I spoke to a couple of people about it and noticed this; some “friends” will goad you whilst others attempt to guide you. You need to focus and respect the difference. One will have you more up in your feelings and the other will allow you to acknowledge and deal with them.

I chose guidance from the light that was Ms Christina Brooks-Abraham, and put up a post stating as much. I wasn’t where I am now though, so there was a little dig at the end – just to let them know they weren’t forgiven, just allowed – for now!😂

There were a few more angry posts with me slinging expletives left, right and centre. I’m sure I even questioned what the collective noun of cunts was at one point.*🤣 I can look back now and see what a waste of real energy it was, but at the time it felt good to get it out, and it’s part and parcel of what I had to go through to get here.

Two more posts to pop up were one I was tagged in by Tara Bailey, celebrating women and asking to build each other up instead of tearing us apart, and the other post had a response from the fluffiest of fluffies, Ms Cotton Candy, my beautiful cousin Janel.

All of the above Queens have now passed over to the other side, so to have these reminders is a blessing. I’m doing my own Spiritual Accountancy course and so far it’s working wonders. I’ve nearly archived the receipts of the negatives and I’m building another collection, the NuDawn Love Collective. Collective power based in love, great energy and good vibes. These are the kinda things I want to hold onto.

When I look at where I’m coming from I will applaud myself all day, every day for getting here. The ride was wild but necessary and I’m beyond grateful to be seeing and feeling the way I do. The only wild life I’m experiencing is the one nature provides, not people, ego, greed and circumstance. It’s a great place to be and I’m feeling free. No ‘woe is me’, it’s ‘Woah! It’s Me!🤩

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

Continue to rest in paradise and shine your light from above Queens Tina, Tara and Janel.🙏🏾😍

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*I think we settled on bunch, but I could be wrong!😂

Check What Receipts You Keep! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing!

“Everybody’s got a thing

But some don’t know how to handle it

Always reaching out in vain

Just takin’ the things not worth having

But don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

‘Cause I’ll be standin’ on the side when you check it out..”

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing ~ Incognito


Happy New Year one and all. I hope and pray it’s a blessed one for you and yours. 2024 is a significant year for me personally. It’s been a decade since being diagnosed with stage 3C bowel cancer and the many, MANY tales that followed from that journey.

I thought I knew myself, and I did for the most part, but I had to be reminded of the light I had inside. It was burning but not quite bright enough; then cue the darkness. 2014 said come le’ me show you some thangs and brought forth the cancer and chaos.😩

It changed me on EVERY level, and I’ve learnt so much more about myself and people within the past decade. You know the phrase ‘a real eye opener!’, well that part!! It’s also the year I decided on one final resolution – to not make any and live.

I’ve never had any issues with the ability to love and I thought I knew loss, hurt and heartbreak, but I got the real beat down in 2020. It wasn’t just losing the woman who gave me life, it was the fight beforehand to make sure she had the most comfortable twilight years possible whilst fighting my own battles. The struggle was real y’all!

This is one of the reasons why I want to do the podcasts. There’s a lot to unpack! I cannot deny the stinger in my Scorpio being was in control when I first started writing. I wanted to out them and shame them and hurt them the way they’d hurt me. I remember writing in one particular blog that I don’t understand why my siblings would behave in some of the ways they did and say some of the things they said, but I sooo get it now, like, really get it.

I thankh the higher power for receipts of all kinds because the proof and truth is made easier to find when need be. The difference is now I can clearly see their motivation and energy from a higher level and don’t feel compelled to bring them out in the same manner. They’re more than capable of doing that without my help. My actions are justifiable in the space that matters most, my heart and soul.

That will all be broken down in time. You see that little light of mine that was flickering in the cold breeze of pain and dis-ease in 2014 has grown as big and bright as the sun. I’ve had to contend with more fuckery than most but I’m still here, rising, just as my name implies. I’ve been blessed to know myself from an early age and by this time last year I knew that my one major flaw* had to be addressed – them signs were signing HARD!! They were too blatant to ignore.

But I did it, and just as cancer and chaos had changed me on every level this worked its magic on them too. I done told you about the missing puzzle piece, and it was made possible to find it by having faith in myself to step outside of the box and have my world turned upside down, only to find out that that was the way it should be all along.✨

I’m happy to report I’m still growing and glowing, and despite my lifespan being capped by oncologists and certain fam wishing me dead with chest, I’m heading towards 50 years of existence feeling the best version of me yet and it’s improving every day. Suck on that bitches!🖕🏾😂

Jokes aside it’s bought me to a place where I’m equipped to handle my feelings and emotions, to the extent of feeling completely at peace with the anniversary of mums passing tomorrow – a year ago it was a different story, and in honesty if I had truly picked up on the signs earlier I could have avoided years of misery. 

I think that’s why I’m now so passionate about wanting the same for others. If I can help you avoid unnecessary worry and source draining ish I’m on it! I’ve been there, felt that, and not just wearing the T-shirt, I have it tattooed. If I can get to where I am now I know you can, but as with all good things it takes the right mix and blend and the willingness to make it.

I’ve had a taster of how awesome it can be to help others find a way through, and 2024 has more in store! I always knew I had a heart and wanted to help people in some way but I think I may have found my calling, I’m not entirely sure but I’m not gonna worry ‘bout a thing and keep growing with the flow!💫

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

4 years since you passed and I’m finally at peace with it.🙏🏾 Continue to rest in peace my Queen. Love and miss you but I know you’re close by.✨💫

STOP THE GENOCIDE IN PALESTINE AND ALL OVER THE WORLD!! Honestly, what the fuck have we become?

*It’s shocking I know, but I do have them!😅

To my Daily Deposits Tribe I can’t thankh you enough for the help you gave me and it’s an honour and a pleasure to be a part of such a beautiful family.

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Earthdays, Old Ways And Blessed Days

“Blessed to have another moment

Some more time spent

Some more minds to get into

Blessed to have another daydream

Another maybe

Yeah…”

Blessed 2 Have ~ Floetry


I was fortunate enough to celebrate my 49th Earthday a few weeks back, and thankhs to The Mr, it was one of the most beautifully peaceful days I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing. 

It was spent exploring the Atlas Mountains in Marrakech, with glorious sunshine and beautiful people. In our efforts to find a munch we almost drove past a modest sign outside of an ordinary looking wooden gate, but our companion thought the name rang a bell so we drove up to it to be greeted by a friendly face enquiring what it was we needed. 

We waited at the gate whilst he called someone who could help us, and a few minutes later we were greeted by another friendly face who asked if we had a reservation. At this point I still wasn’t exactly sure what this place was but we said that we didn’t and he told us that it was fine and they’d accommodate us, then asked us to pull into a parking space outside the front of the building.

I assumed it was a restaurant until we stepped out of the car and made our way into the foyer and our greeter informed us of what they actually offer, which was one of the most stunning olive garden retreats I’ve ever seen🤩…ok, the only stunning olive garden retreat I’ve ever seen – but it was honestly breathtaking.*

As I soaked in my surroundings I felt truly blessed to be. I had three of the best things in life with me – breath, love and sunshine. I’m a woman of little wants and needs and that there was me to a tee! I could have sat there a lot longer than we did and I will most definitely be going back, higher power willing.🙏🏾

When I got home, as I find myself doing a lot lately, I reflected on the time I’d had and the wonderful way the world works with hidden surprises and the power of connection. All it takes is patience and observation. I’ve had time to master both recently and a few things keep presenting themselves that confirms what my soul keeps on telling me.

Yes, I’m probably repeating myself when I say I have a love hate relationship with social media, but I do. I love the ability to share with loved ones far and wide and the wealth of knowledge and information it can provide, but, and hear me out, I don’t like people; not ALL people, but ‘People’ people.

‘People’ is an old Caribbean term for a person or group who are an annoyance on varying levels in some way and there’s waaay too many out there for me to contend with and maintain my peace. I’ve been urged to do more in regards of digital marketing and pushing my blogs and impending podcasts and honestly, it just depresses me.😩😅 

I have tried, albeit not too hard, but I don’t have a desire to sell myself and my soul in the process. I know the work has to be done but I’m determined to find a way that sits well with me. I’m at capacity with the amount of time I spend online as it is. Fuck a reel! Respectfully.🙏🏾

Money has to be made and bills paid, but the things we put ourselves and others through to get it can be just plain wild!

Without getting into it too deeply, a while ago I reached out to a couple of well known names to literally just discuss a few projects I was thinking of and to get a little advice. They weren’t complete strangers to me, and I got a response back to say they’d be in touch soon. Now, it’s possible that we have different definitions of the word soon, but I done been through 3 seasons waiting and the fresh buds preparing themselves to come through will not be waiting to be nourished by them!🌝🍂❄️🌱

I’ve seen what drives and motivates these people and, even for the ones who like to think they are keeping it real, it’s all about the money, honey! If it ain’t making you some you’re making sure it can’t block that flow, joe! And good for you! If that’s what makes you happy I’m happy for you. We’re all human and have our desires and requirements, but because these people have made a name for themselves we tend to forget that.

It’s usually the little people that get them to the heights they dream of, but once they’re there you realise how little to them you indeed are. But it’s all good. It’s been an old tale and will continue on. Ain’t no bigger game than the quest for fortune and fame. And these players be playing! 

I’d prefer not to, and if it means I miss out on a certain type of revenue I’m good with that. I’ve never been driven by money. I always knew I wanted to write and share my life and thoughts in the hope it would resonate with some and possibly help others know that we’re all going through some type of shit! 

And boy did I have a heap to offload! It’s been a much needed outlet. If it’s meant to make me money I have faith that it will, but it’s already performed it’s task for me so that’ll be a bonus.✨

I’ve always appreciated my blessings but now I see each and every one clearly. Pay attention. Immense beauty and worth can lie behind the ordinary. I’ve had blessed days and the best days with ordinary people with an extraordinary light – the type money can’t buy. Not all that glitters is gold. Look for the glimmers.💫

R.I.P Benjamin Zephaniah, an all round creative genius and King of keeping it real. You will be missed but your spirit and legacy shall live on.

R.I.P Andre Braugher, another talented brother gaining his wings with a legacy in tact. Condolences to both families and rest easy Kings.🙏🏾

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Still standing in patience and observation so y’all are gonna have to wait with me! #PodcastsPending😂

*Olinto I’ll be seeing you soon; and there won’t be 3 seasons in between!😍😂

Patience And Observation, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Glimmer And Shine

I feel noice!* You know that feeling when you’ve done what you had to do and have a little free time, you’ve eaten and just had that first drag of choice ‘erbs whilst some tunes are playing to match your vibe and you feel content? I’m on those ones today.

Do you ever just sit back and feel thankhful for the little things? Like a full belly and room to breathe. Over the years there are many things I’ve felt, written about, spoken on and meant that I thought I understood, but I was only getting tasters.

I’ve always been sure of my heart and character but I was given the tools to set them free. Completely. It’s not that I’d ever hidden it, it’s more a case of being more in tune and free flowing. It’s taken some time to get here but my word, it was worth it! A little tip from me; if you’re ever offered a chance to try a different path have faith and take that step. You’ll know when your time is right. Your gut and the universe will throw up signs if you’re willing to see them.

I saw mine, and it was the beacon of light needed to see me through this shit show of a world we’re made to live in. Thankhfully no matter how dark it gets light can always be found. I’ve always known it but didn’t have a name for it until Queen Tee, aka Tanya Brooks-Carty, put me on to the word – Glimmer.

A glimmer works in the opposite way of trauma. The same way you can get triggered by trauma, you can get glimmer triggers. An internal or external cue that shines the light and brings the joy back! It really doesn’t take much to counterbalance the darkness if you try.

I’ve found my flex and I fully confess to being on a ‘hippy vibe” and honestly, what’s not to love about love!? This time 10 years ago I was heading into my last year of my 30’s with a niggle in my side, not knowing of the whirlwind to come.

Today I feel overly blessed to be able to tell you all about it – the good, the bad and the ugly – only in reverse. Hear me when I say I’ve more than been tested and survived and intend to thrive for how ever many days I’m blessed to be here. 

I went for a walk with my daughter the other day and she said, “Mum, you’re shiny.” I automatically wiped my nose because it always seems to be glistening, but she said, “No, not your nose, you.” 

If you understand my child that was a compliment!😂 Another term for it would be glowing, and she ain’t wrong and it ain’t all menopausal!😅

I feel me – and in comparison to all of the negative emotions I’ve felt and carried for years it’s infinitely better than that and then some. People may wonder and question it but how that looks to them is their concern. I give zero fucks about how others see me, so they can move an’ go ‘long!…with love of course.🙏🏾😂

I fully intend to keep finding the glimmers and shine!💫✨

STOP THE GENOCIDE AND FREE PALESTINE!!🇵🇸 Continuing to send love, prayers and support your way.🙏🏾

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

*Nice with extra spice!😂

Glimmer And Shine, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Doors And Scores

“I’m a little wiser, baby

I’m a little kinder, baby

After all these years it’s time I let you know

See, I learned some things, my baby

Finally spread my wings to save me

Yes, I lost myself, that’s why I had to go

Then the light came up, my baby

Right after I forgave me

And I prayed so hard, I thought I’d lose my mind

I’m a little stronger, baby

Took a little longer, maybe

Tell my younger self to enjoy the ride…”

Rose In The Dark ~ Cleo Sol

At the end of last year I made a conscious decision to tighten my boundaries when it came to loving on certain folk. I would constantly be the one making contact with no response for weeks, sometimes months, if at all. I still had/have love for them, but I was done wasting my energy. I made it clear in a message and let things be. The door will always be open but they’ll have to find their own way to it and knock instead of me holding it open and catching breeze!

I know I’ve said it before, but it’s crazy the things we do and put ourselves through for love – or our perception of what love is anyway. Throughout my years of personal experience I can testify that that pathway can be a rocky one but honestly, it’s not meant to be.

There are many types of love to be found. I have plenty of love to give but not everyone gets the same type. I’m not gonna love on my friend the way I love on my man; those distinctions are clear enough to comprehend, but it tends to get a bit fuzzy when it comes to setting those boundaries that surround certain entrances to your heart. Remember there are many ways in. If one door closes you’ve got options. Find the love where it flows freely until that door opens up again.

It all starts with thyself. Once you know the score and you’ve got you covered that cold breeze of rejection will be replaced by a warm glow and you’ll manage to avoid the majority of the potholes and debris. Naturally we’ll all encounter a little heartache at some point in time – for some of us more often than not – but hopefully you’ll realise that the ache is only a fraction of the heart’s capacity.

If some people can’t appreciate you or acknowledge your worth it’s their loss not yours. It’s a lesson I’ve learnt but I confess to still having my moments of feeling less than in certain peoples opinion*, but they are only fleeting. I will never allow anyone to dim my shine. The attention I’m missing from them can be and has been made up tenfold by loving on me.**

I know it sounds easier said than done but I promise you it’s worth the effort.

STOP THE WAR AND THE MADNESS AND SET PALESTINE FREE!!!🇵🇸 My heart goes out to all of those suffering and I pray for peace and an end to all of your bloodshed and injustices.🙏🏾

R.I.P Paul Mills and all those who have lost their lives this week. My heartfelt condolences to the Bailey family on yet another passing.🙏🏾

Earthday Blessings to my firstborn blessing Queen Isis. Keep shining and being true to you. Love you!😍🖤💚

More Earthday love to fellow Scorpio Princess Nyah and Queen Bex Richardson. Sending nothing but love your way!😍

*And the work continues!😅 We will slip and slide throughout this ride but still we move!

**I love a tattoo and I’ve added a few more to the collection! The girls are looking pretty even if I do say so myself!😂😏😍 #TattooCute🪷

Go Where The Love Flows Freely, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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One Step…

Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.

Mel Brooks

I was recently reminded yet again of how the choices we make can impact our life. A few years ago I went against the majority of my family and made the decision to go with my heart and show love to someone. To say that’s been repaid in abundance is an understatement. 

A couple of weeks ago I had one of the most magical experiences I’ve had to date; and that includes all of the joys we associate with being “magical” that I’ve been blessed to receive. When I got home and reflected on the events of that day it took me back to that one step I took years ago, and naturally had me remembering all of the fuckery that surrounded it and with that a whole bag of emotions.

When I say I’ve always been about the love I tell no lies. I’ve had personal experience of rejection, literally starting from before I was out the womb with a steady drip of it to date; the majority of it coming from the ones who are supposed to love you the most and of whom I did.

I’ve had every reason to be a bitter, twisted old wretch and apportion blame and spew hate, but throughout all of it I never let go of the belief that real love and acceptance exists. The type that can still hold strong despite us not agreeing on everything. The type that knows my true heart and capabilities. The type that won’t deny me or try me. The type that understands you don’t shut love out, you let it in.

I have to give thankhs to them still because they made my beliefs stronger with the determination that I could never be like them and cause another to feel the things I’d worked through*.

One step. One step is all it takes to make a world of difference. It doesn’t matter the size or direction if it’s in accordance with being a better you. Be it a step up, down, to the side, into the unknown, new pastures or in your own damn truth – just take the step! Have faith in yourself and that those who are meant to love you will.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.

*I thought I’d worked through! One step in the right direction showed me otherwise and more than I’d ever realised!

The most amount of love and respect going out to my nephew Josh Parker and the wonderful work of the Daily Deposits Tribe.😍 One step I will never regret or forget.🙏🏾🖤💚

Big love and thankhs to niecey Ajada Bridges-Matthew for hooking Aunty up as I embark on this vegan ting!😅

One Step, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Can You Feel The Beat?

 

♥ Originally posted back in January 2017. ♥

 

So we’re six days into 2017 and Nora’s prediction didn’t quite bear fruit – we’re still here, yay!! It’s a shame that within hours of the new year we were hit with how mad and sad the world can be with the nightclub shootings in Turkey, and so it continues. The world keeps turning and the beat goes on!

There are certain beats that will always be playing in life. I like to imagine it as our personal human playlist that we’re instilled with. There’s every type of beat going that pertains to making you a part of society; social, ethical, compassion, love, hate etc – it’s down to you how you turn on, tune in, drop out and tun’ up! We control the levels and more time we need to start hollering our own tune than remixing someone else’s.

I people watch but I don’t watch people and yes, there is a big difference! I love a bit of people watching – we’re all human (I think!) but boy do we come in a wide range and some folk, from their outside appearance alone, are fascinating creatures.

Obviously you can’t judge a book by its cover, but it does make you wonder sometimes. I don’t spend my whole life doing it but when I get the time to do so (like sitting in a doctors surgery for over an hour!), it’s hard not to take in those around you. That is the difference between the two: people watching is taking things in; watching people is taking things on.

I’ve never been one to watch people. It’s too much like hard work. I’m not interested in keeping up with the Joneses or the Karcrashians thank you all the same. Better yourself and your life for you. Admire and aspire, but when it’s all about impressing or outdoing the neighbours is it really worth all the energy?

There’s no shame in living within your means until you can afford to step up your game. No food in your fridge, in credit up to your eyeballs and can’t sleep at night but you’re rocking the latest designers and top of the range telly so you can keep up appearances. For who? Why does the opinion of others matter to the point of you making yourself miserable on the inside so that they can believe you’re something else on the outside?

People may not understand the way you choose to live your life or look down on you because it’s not how they believe you should live, but if it works for you and you’re not hurting anybody – especially yourself – then what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?

I’ve had people question me in the past on how my relationship works and it works by focusing and watching us and not others, it’s as simple as that. Life is easier when you keep it real, set your levels and dance to your own beat. More folk should try it!

 

R.I.P Turkey 39, Jill Saward and all those who have passed away this week.

Don’t Watch – Do You!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Karma Chameleon

“Love it would be easy if your colours were like my dreams
Red, gold and green. Red gold and green…”

Karma Chameleon ~ Culture Club

I was going to tell you about a particular tale that happened to me over the past few weeks but that can wait as ultimately it was part of a bigger lesson that I’d prefer to address.

This is a message to those who believe that they can behave in any which way without some form of consequence. I’m here to confirm that good or bad, your actions will come back to face you at some point in the future.

The past fortnight I’ve been shown example after example of how karma works. She has a wide and varying spectrum and can be big and bold or subtle as fuck, but she’s always at work. For some of us it appears she’s on a long ting – I can truly testify!🙋🏿‍♀️🤣 – but she’s here to teach us timing is everything.😮‍💨

You already know how it goes if you’re on the love train, but to those passengers on darker rides enjoy it whilst you can. Life is never all it seems. Despite it appearing a safe and secure journey at some point it stops and the lights turn on, and whatever colour you’re rocking, be it red with rage or the blood of humanity, gold with light or the glint of greed or green with envy or love of the Earth, karma is a chameleon and will adapt to greet you.

Who don’t hear will definitely feel.

R.I.P Leon Christian. Sincerest condolences to your family and R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Rest Easy King Tony (Bangy) Cunningham. A fitting send off for the legend you were and remain.🙏🏾

Congratulations to the Bailey and Henry families on the birth of beautiful baby girl Nellie Tara Bailey~Henry.🥰

I’m sure Nanny Tara is watching and guiding with pride as always.😍🖤💚

Happy 31st Anniversary to the Mr and me!💞 As it forever goes, still working through the highs and lows, sure in the knowledge that it’s love that follows.😘

Just to confirm, no I haven’t been away; my ebony glow is the effect of me topping up to the maximum because, a la Game Of Thrones – winter is coming, and with it my usual vitamin D deficiency (🙄😩) so I’m grabbing every ray in the hopes of a slow release system during the ‘Bers!☺️…👀…Ok, I’m pretty certain that’s not how the science works but let me live, cha!🤣

Match Made – Poison Or Peace? Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Nine Nights & One Awakening

On Tuesday I attended the nine nights of a true Slough legend and friend Mr Tony ‘Bangy’ Cunningham; and what a night it was! 

No matter who we are we have 2 things in common and that is that we’re born and we die. How we spend the time in between can most times generally, albeit loosely, be summed up by the reaction of our passing. What mark did we leave? How many will genuinely miss us and feel the need to come out and show love?

We all have our faults. Nobody is perfect and despite you trying to be your best you, you will always have the ability to upset someone, some way, some how – it’s a part of human nature. We can’t be everybody’s friend and personally speaking, nor would I want to be.

But all faults aside, you would like to hope that the general consensus of the people that really know you would have some kind of positive view of you and would feel some form of relative emotion to boot. It ain’t gotta be a weeping and a wailing and the gnashing of teeth (😅) – but even one good memory would suffice. In Tony’s case things spoke for themselves.

The place was jammed. His people came through! I saw faces I hadn’t seen for well over a decade – boys turned to men!*😩, the numbers were truly a testament to his character. He was dearly loved and will be missed. It wasn’t until I saw a clip posted on social media that I realised how many people I hadn’t seen that were there.

To be fair a part of that also has to do with the fact that by the time I got there after work it was dark, and I’m currently rocking an old pair of glasses until I get my new pair and let’s just say it’s a struggle to focus when my ass should be bussing bifocals at the very least! #ToSeeOrNotToSeeThatIsTheQuestion

Which brings me to the awakening part. As I said it was late when I got there and you know what it’s like when there’s lots of people, you get caught up in hellos every few steps, but I was eager to go and see Tony’s partner, Gardel, and was told that she was inside and it would be easier to go through a particular door. I made my way over there and got stopped by my husband who pointed out a friend so I went over and greeted him briefly before excusing myself and telling him I’d be back to catch up soon and finally headed through the door and inside.

Now I’m aware that there were other people standing around and a few sat down, but I wasn’t focused on them because even if I did try it would have been a mission, and also because I wanted to see my friend first and foremost. After catching up with her I did the rounds inside and was told that a family member was sat outside the entrance I’d come through.

I went out to greet them and their partner and was met with 2 push’ up faces. I was asked if it’s only now I’m coming to say hello and they questioned if I hadn’t seen them sat there. They said they watched me come their way and speak to someone and ignore them and go inside. Sigh…

I explained the circumstances, and had a brief chat about the fact I’d been waiting to hear from them for weeks to which they informed me that they forgot, which I get. I will never judge anyone with a memory like mine…well, for certain shit anyway. There’s a particular section of my brain that ain’t forgetting fuck all trust, but still we move! 

I kept it polite, said my goodbyes and continued to catch up with people, but that trigger switch had been activated. As ever, there’s a longer, stronger tale behind it than someone’s perception of not being acknowledged, but I’m not going to go into it now as it’s all a part of The Tales Of The Dales saga and I’d prefer to put them all to bed one time. 

What I will share is that it was a damn sight quicker and easier to handle this particular trigger. All it took was a nights sleep with an awakening reminder that boundaries were put in place for a purpose and they have been doing a fantastic job of keeping the fuckery out so far. If it ain’t broke…

The fact is these people could quite easily have come and addressed me as they so clearly saw me but decided to get in their feelings with I’m guessing a hint of ‘elder entitlement’ to add to their negative energy. Well they can feel all the ways they want. I may not be as old as them but I’m fully grown, untied that bind time ago and keep telling y’all  –

NOBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO DISTURB MY PEACE!

Fuck about!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Have a great Bank Holiday weekend and good luck to all of those venturing to Notting Hill! I’ll be with y’all in spirit but never again in body.😅

*S’up Trev!?😂🖤💚

Protect Your Energy, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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