Downtime🖤 (Part 1)

Well!! 2020 has certainly come in all guns blazing! I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I did have an idea as to how I’d like it to be…needless to say it looked nothing like this!

From the get go there have been occurrences all around the world of biblical proportions. Not that I’m religious, but the majority of us have heard about what’s to come in the end of days according to the book of Revelation, and we’re coming pretty close to its description. Fires, floods, hailstones the size of grapefruits, a plague of locusts, and now to top it off we have a pandemic – and it’s only March.

The majority of signs are there and honestly, the way things are going, if come April 1st someone were to tell me the four horsemen of the apocalypse were parading through Slough high street I’d probably think hard before dismissing it – especially as they’d probably feel right at home there.

There are a lot of conspiracy theories as to how and why the coronavirus has arrived. Whether it be bat eating Chinese, 5G or Bill Gates ‘great corrector’ thesis; the effects have been felt worldwide. No matter who you are it will effect you in some way, shape or form. The most notably universal one being lockdown!

I’d like to say I’ve been amazed at the way some people have handled things but that’d be a lie. The levels of greed and selfishness have been astounding, from the stockpilers making it hard for our elderly and most vulnerable to get the simple basics, to the multi billionaires who don’t want to give a tiny fraction of their money to help the ‘little people’ that made it possible for them to accumulate their huge wealth.

As frustrating and annoying as this lockdown may be, we’ve all been given reflection time and should try to appreciate it. For those of you who think it’s a pointless exercise you can at least take comfort in the fact that as well as helping others stay safe, you’re helping Mother Nature out too. Our planet has been bawling out for the longest while and now she gets a chance to breathe a little more freely.

I think we can all agree that there’s no doubt as to who the real superheroes have been. Each and every frontline, key worker who has done their utmost to keep the world ticking over and keep us alive. I’ve seen the most wonderful acts of kindness in these troubled times and online communities offering every kind of support and advice. Naturally there are those who can’t help themselves and take advantage. In my opinion these people are worse than the virus we’re dealing with. To try and make a profit out of peoples hard times and misery is abhorrent.

I don’t care how much I like dumplings, I will not pay £3.99 for a 500g bag of plain flour! You’d best believe every shop I’ve seen taking the ‘berties will never get another penny of my money and get reported to trading standards. I definitely won’t be Ceeing U Next Tuesday, Sorry!

Also in that category are the likes of Bore-us Johnson, Priti Pathetic and all of those conservatives who now want to show love to the ‘low skilled’ workers. It’s ironic that the same Windrush generation who Priti gave a half arsed apology to not so long ago, and they were quick to deny their rights and fling out of Grate Britain on the sly, were some who were the backbone of your magnificent NHS.

For all his talk of others making a fuss and wearing gloves, Bore-us has now supposedly got the virus himself! Good for his backside! Who don’t hear will feel as they say. I have little sympathy and if I pray for anything it’s that he sees some form of sense now in how he treats others on every level.

I’d remind you that whilst they were all stood on their doorsteps on Thursday night giving a worthy clap for all of their beloved NHS staff, it wasn’t that long ago they were clapping at the fact that they were not going to give those same, low skilled workers a fair wage whilst toying with the very foundation of the service.

For those who couldn’t see it before, it’s as clear as fucking day now! They’ve more than proved their worth. No one is denying they had and still have their issues, but it cannot be disputed that they are a valued and much needed service that should be protected and funded to make life easier for those that put the effort in 24/7 and were very much under appreciated before this pandemic.

They can pull countless millions out of their ass now – where was it before? To every person who, like myself stood and clapped and cheered and whooped, I hope you remember the feeling you had and carry it with you when this is all over and demand that the government do what is right by them. It benefits us all in the long run. At some point in your life you or one of your loved ones will need them. It’s something we should all be invested in trying to better.

In the meantime I’m gonna try and better myself and make the most of this downtime. Somehow it’s easier on my soul to call it that than lockdown! I started loc’ing my hair again 3 weeks ago today and it’s at that Coolio stage so I’m grateful to be out of sight for a while!

I’m also trying to work on my body. Like most I’m having trouble socially distancing myself from the whole damn kitchen not just the fridge, but I’m determined not to be rolling out the gaff in a few weeks time. My saviour has to be music. Netflix and books are all good but no matter what I’m going through or how I’m feeling music always has an answer.

These are serious times folks, but a few simple steps can make a difference for all. I don’t need to tell you what needs to be done – it actually couldn’t get any easier but people are dumb and make life harder than it has to be. Don’t be that dick I beg you please!

Try to breathe life in, under a mask if you have to, but just try and find a bit of peace. It’s not like you don’t have the time. Technology allows us the luxury of being able to connect with those who you can’t see on the regular anymore and reconnect with those who you haven’t for a while. Now is the ideal time for so many things. Don’t waste it.

I truly hope we learn from this and it’s not a forgotten blur once we’re (hopefully) back to normality. Big love and positive vibes heading your way.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives and those currently fighting this virus. Wishing you all a speedy recovery.

Sending love and best wishes Linda. Hope you’re on the mend soon.

Happy 3rd Earthday/Birthday Tula. Can’t wait to see you and give you a squeeze!😘

Keep Calm & Carry On, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
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Detox Decade!

Well! What a shitty end to the year and decade! And what a decade it’s been! I was hoping I’d have me a Bobby Ewing* moment and wake up in the shower to realise it was all a dream!

At the start I thought I’d realised the importance of how precious time was by leaving a job that was killing my soul; but it was nothing in comparison to the real eye opener half way through.

I’ve observed how some people judge and treat others without looking at their movements and realising they are the same, if not worse. I’ve lost real ones and real fake ones. I’ve fought cancer, fought family and fought for family. I’ve seen dementia (and others) rob my mum. I’ve lost my crowning glory and gained a disability. I’ve felt alone, been disowned, depressed, downhearted and cried me a fucking river – but I’m still here!

I’m calling it my Detox Decade! I had a major build up of toxicity which I’m almost done filtering out, and it’s left me heading into 2020 with 20/20 vision on certain aspects trust me!

I’ve had more than my fill of negative attitudes and bad energies. #MekItStayFarAway

Throughout all of the bullshit and the madness I’ve had my constants. The ones that show and prove and who have helped me through it all. Understanding that although I may have seemed alright on the outside, I really was a mess, and they did all they could to help me out.

Thank you for showing me what genuine friendship and love is all about. Y’all know who you are but I have to shout out the main one. The one who has seen me at my absolute worst and still loved me unconditionally. The one who took me from Miss to Mrs! My husband, Mr Biggs. Big love, respect and thanks going out to you from the bottom of my heart.🖤

The same for all of you who have supported me in every aspect and those of you who take the time out to read my ramblings! It honestly means a lot. I’ve taken a little break to recharge the batteries but there will be PLENTY more Tales Of The Dales and more to come in 2020. Stay tuned! #SoonCome

In the meantime, feel free to reread some of my earlier blogs and like, comment and share if the mood takes you.

Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it and I’m truly wishing you all the best that 2020 has to offer and beyond.

R.I.P to my little cuz Janel Merchant and all of those who have passed away recently. Gone but by no means forgotten.

*Google him😂

20/20 Vision, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Blessings And Lessons

I know a lot of you are wondering where Tales Of The Dales has disappeared to. Don’t worry, I haven’t been silenced and I’m very much alive! There’s only one way I’ll be stopped and that’s via a court order, so until that happens – keep watching this space. They will return!

The fact of the matter is I’ve had some bad news recently, and as much as I enjoy writing TOTD, despite them being infused with humour, the majority of the memories are sad and negative ones about people who now mean very little to me.

Although it’s in the past, I don’t have the headspace to be thinking about them right now. Alongside an uncle passing away and the family drama that incurred, a cousin of mine is gravely ill and my focus has been on sending as much love and positive vibes I can muster her way.

When you go through the shit I have with my siblings it makes you question the word family and what it entails. I admit to at times feeling cynical about it, but certain members reminded me that the actions of a few shouldn’t tarnish the true meaning.

A lot of people knock Facebook and other social media platforms for creating issues and drama. That’s not the case. It’s down to how you choose to use it. For me, amongst other things, it’s been a great way to communicate with my people all over the world, and a few years ago I set up a messenger group page.

It was good to be able to fill them in on what was going on, and also to vent to people who knew me and had prior knowledge of how certain family members stood and the complexity of the situation.

It’s by far easier to sit on the fence for fear of offending or causing upset, but the reality is people can be both good and bad. If certain folk only want to highlight the good and can’t handle being called out on the bad that’s not for me to feel a way about, no matter how much they like to point fingers and shout about it, and I feel blessed and thankful to those in the group who fully understand that.

One such person is my cousin who is now fighting for her life. She is one of the most loveliest young women you could hope to meet, and helped me no end when I was getting married. She’s a character and a half and has a lovely bubbly personality. To think of her the way she is now honestly breaks my heart.

I can’t help but question the higher powers movements sometimes. Apparently everything happens for a reason and I’m hoping at some point some sense will be made of this. To be fair I questioned her (the higher power), when I was going through things with mum, but I now see it was (in the end) for the greater good. I’m hoping with all my might my cousin is not called up just yet. I know we’ve all got to go sometime…just not yet.

In life we’re given blessings and lessons. I’ve learnt to be grateful for them all – the good and bad. The lesson I got from my escapades with my family is to make sure you truly fully appreciate the ones who are there for you and show you they care for you.

All too often excuses are made as to why some don’t put the time and effort in. I’ve heard the most amount of bullshit reasons as to why some don’t bother coming to see my mum. The fact of the matter is as hard as it is for some to see her in a home, it’s not a fraction on how it must feel for her to live there, but it’s her home now so you should try your best to make it feel that way.

Presumption is a key factor. They presume because she has dementia it means she’s not worth the effort. What’s the point? She doesn’t remember shit anyway!…only she does, but you have to be around to see it. Because she has dementia you make more of an effort not less. But to each their own. You keep on doing you and I’ll keep on doing for those who need it.

Show your love and mean it. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the fucking walk! Tomorrow isn’t promised and life is way too short. If you haven’t said it lately, or ever, tell those you care about how much you love them. If you can’t muster up the words find ways to show it instead. It has the same effects and doesn’t have to be a grand gesture but can have a big impact and mean a lot, especially when it’s truly heartfelt.

R.I.P Uncle James and all those who have lost their lives recently.

Lil’ cuz, if prayers alone could see you through you’d have been out and about time ago. Keep fighting, and we’ll keep sending up and out the all the love we can.

Show The Love, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Driving Me Crazy!

It may not seem like it, but I honestly don’t like to moan and try my best not to – although sometimes it’s made damn hard. The majority of the time it doesn’t change anything so I do what I can, hold shit down and get on…mostly!

There are certain circumstances however, where people give me no option but to voice an opinion…ok I lie, I do have an option and I choose to voice it loud and clear! I wouldn’t call it road rage as such. The recipients of my choice words and horn bibbing may beg to differ but really idgaf.

If you live in England you’ll have noticed that the big, yellow orb in the sky we’re use to occasionally seeing has been teasing the life out of us over the past few months. I’m not knocking it (much) as I’m a sun child at heart, and it’s not as if I haven’t travelled to hotter climates, but there’s a big difference when you’re abroad.

They’re equipped for heat and we’re so not! I sensed the eye roll and heard the snigger when I told my cousin in the states I was sweating like a bitch in the 30 degree heat we had a little while back. I had to break down the fact that they have homes with air con and sea breezes whilst I live in the ‘penthouse’ á la greenhouse with a fan circulating hot air and frustration.

That being said, I’d never wish it away. When you have the right setting there’s nothing better than a sunshiny day. For those who don’t know, I have neuropathy (nerve damage) in my feet. It’s bad enough on a good day but the weather has played havoc with them – rain or shine. Thankfully I can drive, but since the neuropathy took hold all joy of being behind the wheel soon disappeared. The pedals added to the pain, so eventually after years of driving various cars I gave in and opted for an automatic.

I say gave in because I use to be one of those people who thought driving an automatic car was a cop out for lazy drivers. I fully take it all back! I’m glad I learned to drive manually, but I’m even happier there’s an option for me to drive relatively comfortably in my AD life. And after watching the button with lust and forever wanting, my latest car has air con that actually works!

She has become my sanctuary. I can enjoy the sun whilst pandering to my protean feet, blaring my tunes, feeling that vibe that only the sun can bring and life is good…. until some dickhead tries to wipe me out.

I wish I was joking but it’s coming like that’s the aim of the game for some of these fuckwits. It starts with the low level infringements and works it’s way up! Indicators for instance, although not a major deal it’s nice to have an INDICATION of where the frig you want to go! It’s bad enough when they expect you to mind read; it adds insult to injury when they decide they’ll switch the indicator on when they’ve done cut you up and are in front of you.

The Mexican standoff at a mini roundabout because they can’t figure out who moves first is another delight that has to get a mention.

YOU GIVE WAY TO THE RIGHT!

If that’s too hard to understand, one of you move and the rest should follow – it’s really not that hard.

Then you’ve got the ones who are waiting to pull out of a road and blatantly see you coming from afar. They make no attempt to move until you’re right up on them – which is fine IF you can follow it through and maintain the speed and distance necessary.

DO IT WITH CONVICTION OR DON’T DO IT AT ALL!

About you want ME to hit you up the backside when you pull out like you’re driving Miss Daisy! #NotToday

The last shout for the minors goes to the Sunday drivers, the *OAP’s and the boy/girl/trans racers who put their foot down to beat you to the lights by 5 seconds, and then sit revving their engines like a dick.

You get the ones who edge out further and further because they just have to beat you! Some of them are so busy edging out that when the lights actually do change they’re not ready, so they feel the need for extra speed. Am I the only one who secretly wishes I’d drive on to find they’d crashed? Not a serious hit with innocents and casualties; just enough damage done to dent their car and pride rather than their body or anyone else’s….like in a bush. A big fat bush, subliminally and metaphorically representing the pussies they are…

Just me is it?…ok I may need to talk someone…

I admit I’ve been done for speeding – twice! Once by those sneaky bastards and their speed guns, and the other time via speed camera coming back from London. I was caught doing 36 in a 30mph zone and 45 in a 40mph zone respectively. Hardly Lewis Hamilton speeds but they nabbed me all the same.

I paid my dues, did the course, and have avoided being done since. But the speeds I reached were not overly excessive in comparison to what others clock up, and I wasn’t in an environment where others were at risk from my speed.

It’s coming like red lights are a mere suggestion nowadays, and you don’t have to stop at them if you believe you can make it through. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone through on an amber, but when it’s blatantly red I’m stopping. Yeah, waiting is a pain, but I’d rather arrive at my intended destination and not my final one, so I keep my backside where it’s suppose to be.

I’ve witnessed the aftermath of someone speeding through a red light when those whose who are supposed to go have moved off and it ain’t pretty! It may seem worthwhile to you but you put other lives at risk to save on a few minutes.

 

I wasn’t too fussed about driving until I got the motivation – my kids. I’ve been with their dad since we were 17 and he could drive so it wasn’t a necessity. Naturally he wasn’t able to take me everywhere I wanted to go so I’d use taxis and public transport to get around, which is fine if you’re on your own. But as any parent will tell you, kids come with a lot of shit, and dragging a pushchair, child and paraphernalia on a bus ain’t the one!

Fast forward to the present day and it’s my daughters who are now experiencing the many joys the road has to offer. It’s nice to see them gain their independence with the added bonus of ‘mums cab’ in decline, but it’s also another worry until they’ve had a bit more experience out there on their own.

Obviously the only way you can gain experience is to do the task at hand. When she was learning I took my eldest out for lessons and I was pleasantly surprised at how attentive she was in regards to her surroundings and the mad manoeuvres some people like to pull; drivers and pedestrians alike! It’s like some of them believe they’re invincible!

Wtf happened to the Green Cross Code??? Do they not teach it anymore? Like, seriously!?! It’s needed more than ever these days with the many distractions of everyday living. I can’t tell you the amount of people who I’ve had near misses with because their focus is elsewhere and they can’t hear my car as she’s so quiet (and environmentally friendly!).

She was called Aurora but I’ve renamed her Arya – silent and deadly.

Three major infringements that cause the most concern and are my biggest worries are; Alcohol, Drugs and Mobile Fucking Phones!

I’m not a major risk taker. Life is too short and precious. I don’t drink alcohol and never have, and the drugs I take are purely medicinal (😏), but even if I did decide I’d like to try something different, the last place you’d find me is in the driving seat of a potential metal coffin on wheels whilst I’m doing so!

I don’t care how ‘safe’ a car is suppose to be, I’d prefer not to be the one to find out how good their makers word is! I have very little sympathy for those who choose to catch a buzz and endanger lives. Call an Uber, a friend, walk, run, crawl, or better still STAY YA ASS AT HOME! 

YOU’VE GOT OPTIONS! USE THEM!!

It’s easy to get distracted, and one of the biggest distractions of our times is the mobile phone. We’ve come a long way with technology and they offer multiple functions at the tap of a screen, which is great an’ all, but there’s a time and a place. Again this applies to both drivers and pedestrians.

I really don’t understand what is so hard in allowing the phone whilst you’re driving or crossing roads. Personally I can drive any distance, no matter how far, and not once touch my phone. I’m lucky enough to have hands free and sat nav built in, but even if I didn’t I’d wait until it was safe to use it.

It’s one of my biggest bugbears as it’s totally unnecessary and to me unforgivable if it is the cause of an accident. Sorry, not sorry. I’m sick of seeing heediyats driving like cocks, swerving and having to slam on breaks because they can’t leave the phone alone. Some of them don’t even business about being discreet. Got their arm hitch’ up on the window or armrest just shooting the breeze! Not a care in the world or a thought for others.

I’m sure there’s a lot of you out there who think I’m just being extra, but tell that to the families of those wiped out because answering a call or sending a text was more of a priority than paying attention. The roads are bad enough as it is without you adding to the mix!

I could go on for days with the issues driving can bring, (potholes, parking and car problems especially!), but that’s enough for today! Despite driving driving me crazy, it’s also as much of a pleasure as a curse. There’s nothing like the freedom it can bring once the planets align, the vibe is right and there’s no dickheads in sight!

 

R.I.P Peter Mayhew and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Respect to Arya Stark, Lyanna Mormont, Black Widow and all the others females who show and prove – fictional or not!

*I mean no disrespect to all OAP’s, I know there are many competent older drivers. I’m addressing the ones who would give Mr Magoo a run for his money – and trust me they’re out there! I understand wanting their independence but some are downright reckless and need to be informed there is no shame to be had in hanging up their keys and accepting the bus pass gracefully! Just saying…

 

Think & Drive, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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The Name Of The Game

I’m sure you’ve heard someone at some point say, “You wouldn’t believe the week I’ve had!” Well for me this shit seems to be standard procedure. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if I’m being tested, and if so, what the hell for? What prize do I win at the end, because it had better be a bloody doozie!

It’s part of the reason why I wrote Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go!. I get enough BFD from supposed family and trying to make it through the day in general – I don’t need it from those who I choose to have in my life. I should point out that there are different strains and various degrees of BFD – I’m allergic to all. I’ll leave this weeks shenanigans for another day, but I will share with you something that happened a few weeks ago.

There’s a perception that most Black people tend to give their children ‘funny’ names. That wasn’t so in my case. In fact if you saw mine or my siblings names on paper you’d be forgiven for thinking we were of Caucasian persuasion.

Hailing from Caribbean descendants there’s no surprise about our surnames though – I think we can safely decipher where they came from, but again that’s another story for another day…

I knew I really wanted to have children. Boy or girl I was good as long as she or he were healthy, I was happy. I couldn’t wait to have my babies and was one of those who found out what I was going to have. It gave certain people time to get their head around it not being their first choice, and for me to compile a list of names for my impending bundle of girly joy.

I don’t know about you other parents out there, but I thought long and hard about what I was going to name my kids. My own name isn’t the most exciting or exotic, but it has meaning and I love it. I wanted to give my girls a name they could love too, and I had succeeded…until a few years ago.

My eldest, who will be 19 in October, has recently finished her A levels but decided against going to university. That was absolutely fine with me, but she wasn’t going to be sitting her backside on the sofa watching Netflix and YouTube videos all day.

It was made clear she would have to do something, so she chose to look for a job and was eventually successful in finding one. It isn’t her first job, but it’s her first full time office job, and for someone her age it’s good money.

My daughters name is Isis, and before anyone asks the question (again!) of didn’t I think about what I was calling her, I’d ask you to check the above paragraph at her age. She’s 19 next month. She was around before all of the Islamic State debacle kicked off. There could be no further comparison between the two.

She was named after a Goddess, and a badass one at that! She was called “The One Who Is All” and “Isis The All Goddess”. Her name literally means Queen of the Throne. She was the model on which future generations of female deities in other cultures were to be based. She was the goddess of the moon, motherhood, fertility, magic, death, healing and rebirth and the first to walk amongst her people and teach them many skills….and you wanna question if I thought about her name? Did YOU think before you opened your mouth?

As I mentioned, Isis recently started a new job. It’s in customer service and she had to have a months training before starting on the floor. A couple of weeks in she was politely pulled to one side for a chat. She was told that she had done nothing wrong, but it was a heads up that when she eventually gets on the floor they would prefer it if she used her middle name so as not to offend any of the customers.

Do what now!?!

Those who know me know this piece of information did not go down well with me AT ALL!! When she said it, it took a second to register and then the vexation took hold! Who did they think they were? You gave her the job knowing full well what her name was and at no point during the interview did you say it would be an issue.

Why should she have to change her name to pander to those who are obviously lacking in intelligence and cannot differentiate between the name and the terrorists? Which of y’all sat there and decided that it even needed to be discussed?

Believe I was ready to go OFF! READY!! When I asked her what did she tell them I was praying she’d told them to (ever so politely) stick your job and look forward to hearing from my solicitor!

But she didn’t. She said that it was ok with her and she didn’t mind. At this point I’m watching her with mouth open and side eye in full lock. I asked her how can she not be offended and disgusted, and then she broke it down…

As upset as it makes me that her name causes the reaction that it does, I’m not the one who actually bears the name and has to live with it. It’s not that she doesn’t like or feels ashamed of her name, but imagine how it feels to have the jokes and jibes throughout school, college and work.

She’s sick of the attention and sniggers at her name badge and people outright telling her she shouldn’t be allowed to work with the name. She’s even had to ask her friends to not bawl out her name in airports.

It gets beyond tedious and she’s had enough. Her work colleagues call her by her name and she only uses her middle name for phone calls. When she was eventually officially told before starting on the floor, the manager was apologetic, told her it has absolutely nothing to do with her personally and explained exactly why they’d asked her to do it, which made sense to her and she was cool with it.

Me personally, I wouldn’t be having it. Despite how nicely you want to put it or how much time it saves or financial sense it makes to your company your ass would be going down – but that’s me, and it’s not my decision to make.

Had she been a few years younger and it happened she’d have had no choice in the matter. But she’s nearly 19 years old and I need to allow her to make her own choices and decisions, especially when it comes to something as personal as her name and her feelings.

I can only hope that she’ll feel a different way about it but I doubt it, and I fully understand that it’s her choice. Her employers, on the other hand, I don’t understand. They really don’t know how lucky they are trust me! It’s as if they were blessed by a Goddess!

 

 

Sincerest condolences to Errol Fenton and family on the loss of your beautiful, multitalented daughter Taymah. Way too young to be taken but she left her mark whilst she was here. R.I.P Queen.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

No Shame In My Game, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go! (Part 1)

This was originally first published back in August 2018

I’m baaacckk! Didn’t mean to have a break for so long but I was looking for mo and jo and you’ll be happy to know I’ve caught up with them now.

Have you ever sat and wondered wtf is wrong with people? I’ve been asking that question a lot lately. I’ve recently had to address certain situations that in my mind are unnecessary, and an incident a couple of days ago flared up my allergies again. For those of you unaware, I’ve been diagnosed as allergic to bullshit, fuckery and I’m drama intolerant.

Cancer woke me up to how short and how precious life and time are and my allergies are a side effect of this. I know I’ve said it before but it’s the truth. You see things with fresh eyes and it’s actually crazy how much you let slide when you believe you have time on your side. I know I’m not perfect and I know not everyone is going to like me, but I’d like to think I’m a good person and try to do right by people. I don’t want for much and I’m probably one of the most low maintenance people you can get so it wasn’t hard re-evaluating what’s worth spending time on.

My husband thinks I’m too soft but, depending on the circumstances, I give people 3 strikes before they’re out, meaning if we’ve fallen out over something minor or I’ve tried over time to contact you I’ll give it 3 attempts and then I’m done. You can come talk to me but I’m not about trying to contact you, which I think is quite fair.

A few years ago I fell out with a friend. She made it abundantly clear that I had not given her enough attention and I was a bad friend. In my mind it wasn’t anything major, miscommunication at best. She had an issue with her back and I fully appreciate it was a hard time for her, but at the same time it wasn’t a touch on the shit I was dealing with that she had subsequently ignored. All that aside I still put in the obligatory 3 attempts of phone calls and texts to try to sort the situation but to no avail. In the last message I wished her well and moved on.

Recently, after having no issue with certain members of her family I was suddenly locked off. One minute we were fine, the next I was being blanked. At the same time I was trying to contact a mutual friend yet seemed to be getting the same response. On strike 3 she happened to reply and that’s when I realised I was having an allergic reaction. Silly me dived in without checking the ingredients. They were full of nuts…

I was informed that (wait for it) the reason why I’d been locked off is because I’m an aggressive texter. I was actually told that a text can ruin a good friendship and I should think about that because I could lose more. There was no ‘let me hear your side’. She had already believed what she had been told and was letting me know it was on me. Well I did think about it and have come to the conclusion that a text can’t ruin a true friendship but it can end a fake one in a heartbeat.

Now let’s be clear here, I know I have a potty mouth but in all of my messages to them not once was I rude or did I cuss them out. I was respectful and simply spoke my truth, asked questions where necessary, told them how I was feeling and ended each one with well wishes. They may call it aggressive – I call it real talk! Sometimes though the truth hurts, and I believe that’s what happened here. It’s possible my words could have been misinterpreted but here’s the thing, if you’re suppose to be my friend and it upsets you so much why not pick up the rahtid phone or come to my face and tell me?

I confess I questioned myself for a hot minute, but then I thought I’d try a little test…👀

I sent the mutual friend a text that I was thinking of sending to one of the “friends” I’d offended and asked her to vet it and give me her honest opinion on if she thought it was negative or aggressive.

She read it and agreed it was a nice, positive text. I then informed her that it was actually a copy of the one that I had already sent and was shut down over. Her response was maybe I should just leave it then…so “mutual friend”, they can get away with blatantly telling lies to you about what I’ve done and I’m to leave it, yet you have no problem in believing what they say about me and telling me how I’ve possibly offended them and what I should do.

Alrighty then!

Thankfully I have more than enough genuine, bonafide, ride or fucking die friends that are there for me 24/7, rain or shine. We build each other up, support each other’s goals and are woman or man enough to address any differences or queries like adults. I can guarantee you this shit would never happen with them. Ever! We’re too grown.

Ain’t nobody got time for fake ass friends and the Mean Girls shit, I left them days back in ‘91, so as much as they may like to think I feel a way, I really don’t. It’s the reason why I haven’t felt the need to contact her in 2 years and why I will continue to do the same with the rest of them. I can live with the worst thing they can muster about me being I’m an ‘aggressive texter!’ Got to admit that was the joke of the day! I’m actually trying to figure out if that’s the most petty and pathetic excuse I’ve ever heard from grown ass women and it’s come in real close.

Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Don’t beg or bow down, if it’s meant to be it will work itself out without the bullshit, fuckery and drama. If others don’t want to speak to you because of someone else’s opinion of you, or they spread idle gossip about you without finding out the facts and/or hearing your side, then they really aren’t your friends. If you can’t hold your own thoughts and judge me on our own friendship then why would I want to know you? We’re clearly on 2 different levels and I’m good with that.

Whatever you’re going through don’t let anybody dim your shine with their shade throwing. Question yourself and if you’re sure it ain’t you keep on moving and try to shine a little brighter and dazzle the fuck out of them! Listen to the talk and check on your strong friend. Stress is a killer and we’re not superhuman all the time, even if it looks that way on the outside. I’m thankful, grateful and blessed to have a network of real friends who do just that and vice versa. Also don’t believe the hype that your best friends are the ones you’ve known the longest. Some may well be, but go for quality over quantity every time!

R.I.P Dani Richardson. You were truly one of the most talented and genuinely nice men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. The party will be lively up there once you and the other legends get jamming!

R.I.P Aretha Franklin, Kofi Annan and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Mojo Flow, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Something Old, Something New…

It feels like I’m stating the obvious when I say it seems as if the world has truly gone mad. In fact I swear I’ve started a blog like this before. Everyday there’s some new addition to the ongoing madness that is residing all over the place. Even the remotest spot in the world can’t escape it, so it’s great when something nice comes along to raise people’s spirits and take their minds off of things – if only for a day. #WeddingOrFACup

I know there is a lot of worldwide love for the royals, but despite being born and bred in England, from a young age I honestly didn’t understand what their purpose was and I honestly still don’t. I mean, what do they actually do? And why do taxpayers have to subsidise some of their living costs when they have more than enough wealth to help themselves? I’m not totally ignorant, I know they generate tourism and a few have/had jobs in the forces etc, but not all and what do the rest do? And exactly how much wealth does tourism generate?

It’s not that I hate them and you can’t control what you are born into, but I think they’re an outdated entity who, with the world being the way it is right now, could quite easily give back to their subjects and help fix their country without putting too big a dent in their vast pockets.

There’s only one member of the royal family that I paid any attention to and that was Princess Diana. She always seemed like the realist of the bunch (which she proved with ‘that’ interview – we love real talk!), and she was the first royal I’d ever seen truly interact with everyday people and not look like she wanted to run and decontaminate herself as soon as it was over. She had that human touch where the rest were as stiff as their waxworks. I really felt for William and Harry when she died. It’s hard enough dealing with dysfunctional families and grief at any time let alone as a child in the public eye.

Fast forward a few years and here they are, both grown and in love – and who doesn’t love love?…well, plenty to be honest! It seems there are some not so keen on the bloodline being tainted with melanin. Oh well! Such is life! You can’t help who you fall for and unfortunately you can’t pick your family either. And what a family on both sides!

If you pay any attention to the news you can’t escape hearing about the scourge that is the Markle family. To put it bluntly, what a bunch of cunts! Her siblings are phenomenal! If we’re honest we’ve all got at least one family member who fits that description, but she got a job lot. She had already made a name for herself in her own right and now she’s topped it off by marrying a prince and their jealousy is palpable.

Their actions have been atrocious and I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor cow…but keeping it 100, myself and the majority of Black people breathed a collective sigh of relief when the stories that appeared in the press were all about the White side. REAL TALK! Can you imagine if the drama was on her mothers side? You’d never hear the end of it and I can just see the headlines now; ‘Pass The Duchess Pon The Lefthand Side’. Personally I would have loved if her mother walked her down the aisle. She’s the only one who has shown dignity throughout, but to each their own I guess.

Whichever way you look at it history is about to be made and an age old monarchy is about to be hit with a fresh, new breed! As a woman of colour, newlywed and a true lover of love (no matter what mix), I’m happy for them both and will be tuning in to see the sights.

I’ll be goddamned if I’ll be standing with the masses to catch a glimpse though, despite it being right on my doorstep. I really can’t do crowds and Windsor is peopley enough on an average day let alone today. I hope they can prove the doubters and naysayers wrong and it lasts a lifetime…or at least as long as the disruption it’s caused to my life! I don’t mean to bitch (👀) but it’d be nice to get back to normality and pop down the road to Waitrose and Thai Terrace in peace.

 

 

 

Good luck and congratulations Harry & Meghan.

R.I.P. To all those who have lost their lives this week.

 

Love Love, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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EACH ONE TEACH ONE!

I remember when I was younger being told that one day I would look back and realise that the school years were the best years of my life. I’m not too sure about that. They were great in the sense that I was free of bills and major responsibilities, but I’d hardly call them the best. They were ok.

I most definitely wasn’t one of the ‘hot’ or ‘popular’ girls but I wasn’t a loner. I had a good mix of friends/acquaintances, a few I’m still in contact with on Facebook albeit not very often. Recently I received an invite to attend a secondary school reunion and with that in mind and current stories floating around, it got me thinking of an incident from my school days.

Before I tell you my tale I’ll recap on the stories that caught my attention. The first is of Rufaro Chisango, a Nottingham Trent University student who, as the media put it, ‘believes’ she was targeted with racial abuse. Now considering she was the only Black person on her floor and they were stood right outside of her room chanting ‘We hate the Blacks’ and other such ish, AND she’s got it on video, I would say it’s more than a belief.

This happened on a Monday evening and was reported straight away, by Wednesday night she had heard nothing back so took to Twitter. Funnily enough Nottingham Trent took an interest after that and 2 men have since been suspended and arrested. Lovely. But if she hadn’t taken to social media to highlight this when were they going to make the time to address it?

The next one is of a student at De Montfort University who was invited out on a girls night by course mates only to have them sing Eeny Meeny Miny Moe to her. One then later went on to call her a n****r to her face. She reported the incident but has since been suspended herself because of a second, apparently more serious accusation of intimidation on her part. The university says, ‘It is an extremely sensitive issue. There are a number of aspects which need to be explored.’

I totally understand that, but what I don’t understand is why it took over a month for the Black students complaint to be addressed, and when it was they focused on the second complaint made afterwards by the White girls and suspended her. If accusations have been made by both sides why not suspend them all until their investigation is complete?

The last being the one of seven white teenagers who chained a Black student to a lamppost and whipped him in a mock slave auction. He was hit with sticks and racially abused as they discussed their trade. In response to this they were all suspended for 2 weeks whilst 3 of them were expelled by the headteacher, however that decision was overturned by the board of governors in accordance to their statutory procedure, so the outcome has been they get to do the crime and get 2 weeks ‘time’. 2 weeks off school.

I’m sure they were absolutely devastated and have definitely learnt their lesson. They get to breeze back to school and think nothing of it. Has anyone taken into account how the victim feels having to come into school and face them 5 days a week knowing his suffering meant fuck all in the long run?

But that’s just the thing – our suffering means nothing to them in the long or short run. The same old rules and statutory procedures were not made with us in mind. I guarantee that if a bunch of Black boys had done the same to a White boy there would be no hesitation in expelling all of them.

It would be nice to think that the parents of those boys spent time out explaining how wrong their actions were but I highly doubt that happened and I’m not concerning myself with it. The best thing we can do is not sit around and presume others are raising their kids right.

I’m not sure how the victims parents have dealt with this situation, but if it were my child they would not be stepping foot back in that school and shit would be going down! I really don’t business. Yes, I know I’m repeating myself when I say this, but we need to prepare our kids for today’s times and they need to know OurStory. Don’t sugarcoat because the other types won’t be and I’m telling you they are looking for their time to come around again. #ItsAllJustALittleBitOfHIStoryRepeating

Now for my tale. I went to a predominately White school, with Asians being the largest minority and then Blacks. I was one of only two Black girls in my year, but by the time I left there were a fair amount representing. There were more boys in comparison but not that many. Personally I didn’t experience a lot of racism in school but there is one incident that I’ll never forget.

We lived in Chalvey and our school was in the next village of Cippenham, and the difference between the two places back then was noticeable. Chalvey had a majority of ethnic minorities and Cippenham was predominantly White. Back in the day we weren’t getting dropped off to school by our parents or taking a bus – we had to walk our ass through Hell or high water.

By the time I was a couple of years into secondary school there were a fair number of us (Black children) who had grown up together so we’d meet up on route and roll in together – safety in numbers and all that! For those of you old enough I’m sure you can remember starting secondary school. The kids in the years above you seemed grown in comparison to your just left middle school self. They have that air of authority because they’ve been there that little bit longer than you and naturally some like to show it. This was the case at my school too, only because they now had this invasion of Black boys it was open season on the brothers.

There was one particular group who were relentless in their taunts, bullying and verbal abuse. There’s no 2 ways about it – they were blatantly racist. Now you need to remember that the Black boys they were picking on were just that – boys. Puberty hadn’t set in yet and the only threat they bore was the colour of their skin. They used to literally chase them down, but that was soon to change.

A group of our peers got told about what was going on and weren’t having it! They sprung a little surprise on them after school and let’s just say they proved that day that White men can jump! There was no real damage done – a few got a little shaken up but nothing major, just enough for the fuckers to never try it again! The irony is one of the abusers now has a Black partner and has tried to make amends to a couple of them. He doesn’t understand why they are not receptive.

It could be the fact that it didn’t occur to him to do it 20 odd years ago, albeit better late than never, but he still puts it down to schoolboy ‘banter’ that should be water under the bridge. What he fails to see is his banter was their nightmare. It wasn’t fun for them you fuckwit, like it wasn’t fun for you when you were chased by a bunch of bigger boys that had you giving Usain Bolt and Woody Harrelson competition. You know you were out of order, own it! If you can’t come correct don’t come at all and even then, if you do, don’t expect to be forgiven.

I was lucky to grow up in a time where we had each other’s back – young, old, big or small. The sad truth is that if the same were to happen to a bunch of kids nowadays their peers probably wouldn’t be coming to help them but to take advantage somehow. Somewhere along the line the message of unity has been lost.

The above goes to show that it doesn’t matter how young or vulnerable they are they’re not exempt from the hatred. Reading, writing and arithmetic are not the only lessons they are learning. What makes it worse is the fact that a lot of our youth are helping the haters by living under the misguided sense that they own the streets and not realising that we are stronger and can achieve more together. It’s senseless and pathetic and I honestly fear for my daughters innocently getting caught up in those idiots escapades. They’ve got it hard enough already.

Parents I’m hollering at you…again! I’m talking specifically to the ones who don’t even try or turn a blind eye. No one said life was going to be easy and we’ve gotta do what we can to survive, but some of y’all are making it even harder for us by encouraging or enabling the bullshit.

 

 

EACH ONE TEACH ONE! It’s not just about reading, it’s about life!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Can anyone tell me what happened to Spring?☃️

Each One Teach One! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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MAMArvellous!

Growing up as a child in England you were hard pressed to see many Black faces on tv. When you did see them they were usually playing a role portraying all of the usual stereotypes associated with being Black – I won’t list them, we know what they are.

Maybe it’s the fact that we only had 4 channels back then that I can remember some of the ones that I could actually relate to so distinctly; The Real McCoy, Desmond’s, No Problem!, The Cosby Show, Different Strokes, The Lenny Henry Show and Flava spring to mind. Thanks to videos (R.I.P Blockbuster) and cable tv bringing Yo! MTV Raps and AmeriKKKan shows like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Moesha, A Different World and a whole other range into my life, it really did feel like a different world than where I came from.

If you know me then you’d know there was only one place I’d be going to on the evening of February Tuesday 13th. If you’ve managed to avoid the hype and the date means nothing to you then let me fill you in: it was the day BLACK PANTHER came out in cinemas over here and yes, I was one of the many who pre booked tickets!

I’ve always loved superhero movies and even at the age of 43 I still get excited at trailers. Some may call me sad, but the idea of people who could do amazing superhuman things has gripped me from a young age and most of us have some form of guilty pleasure – superheroes are mine! I’ve seen nearly every Marvel film going but this deserved special attention and yes purely because of my melanin. There is no shame in my game!

I’m not a diehard fanatic. I don’t know the exact origins of every character or get into deep debates about whom could beat who. I really don’t care if they were born super or got their powers by chance – I just enjoy watching them! DC will always have a place in my heart – they gave us Eartha Kitt as Catwoman (which was a huge deal in the 60’s), and it was Superman and Wonderwoman that really got me hooked, but in my humble opinion, Marvel has the edge over them. #StormInATeacup*

I’ve read a lot of shit, prior to and after the release of the film. You actually have to laugh at how one film can cause certain ‘people’ so much distress. Again I’m not even going to go there – we know why they’re hating and that’s on them and hasn’t stopped it from being the hit that it is. Personally this film got me on so many levels. They combined my love of both my people and superhero perfectly!😍

I thought I’d got lucky with Luke Cage (Sweet Christmas), and I’ve yet to watch all of Black Lightning, but in comparison to what I’ve seen they’ve got nothing on what Black Panther has to offer – especially for our youth and our women. Yes, I’m fully aware we’re dealing with fiction here, but it’s nice to have our kids excited about something that shows us in a positive light and embracing it. It can’t be said that it’s not needed now more than ever no matter in what form.

One thing you can’t ignore about the film is the part the women play. Beauty, brains, brawn, all black everything – and just like the Dora Milaje they’re killing it! They are the real superheroes. When Okoye did the hair flick and got ready for action, alongside it being a funny moment, it said so much more if you care to see it. She wasn’t afraid to show the real warrior woman she is, she was literally itching to in fact! Being the mother of two young women I’m trying to instil their warrior women. Being a woman is hard, but being a Black woman is harder still, and despite Wakanda not being real the message is. We got this!

Thursday was International Women’s Day. A day to celebrate the achievements of women all over the world, and why not – WE’RE PHENOMENAL! (Well some of us anyway!) For all my ladies around the world who have made a change big or small, added to the population, and/or had to deal with painful periods, menopause or any other ‘woman’s issue’ I salute you!

Seriously men, you don’t even know how blessed y’all truly are!

 

 

 

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mum and all those deserving the title. Hope you have a blessed day.

Wakanda Forever! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Every Kinda People

Okay, I know I said that I’d explain my absence to you but instead of going in deep it’s easier (for now) to sum it up in one word – People. I don’t want to misinterpret myself and make it appear as if I’m not a people person, because I so am – it just has to be the right type of people.

Again, don’t misinterpret this as me hating on any particular group of people. I have a whole range of acquaintances, family and those close few I can call true friends in all colours, creeds, shapes and sizes. I will happily have a convo with a random stranger in a queue or buy a homeless person a munch. Overall I’m good with others. I was brought up with manners which have stuck and more time if I don’t say hello when I’m out it’s because I didn’t see you or I’m in my thoughts somewhere. Yep, me and the populous are just fine. When I talk about ‘people’ I mean the alternative Black definition.

For those of you who don’t know let me clarify. ‘People’ can be one person or a group. For whatever reason they have overstepped the mark or caused upset of some kind, minor or major. If you’re addressed as ‘people’ it’s usually in the form of a sometimes subtle, sometimes not, warning and it can also be used in exchange of an expletive. Basically you are/are being a cunt.

I’ve spoken about the lack of humanity previously on a couple of occasions and find myself here again. Unless you’re totally devoid of any emotion there’s at least one thing or one time you can think of where someone’s actions had you asking wtf, why would anybody do that? My main ‘people’ problem has been a continuous saga that I’m hoping I’ll see the end of soon – I’m sure there are plenty that can relate. But on top of our own personal ‘people’ issues there is a major global ‘people’ problem that we all need to be watching with side eye whilst googling the easiest way to build a fallout shelter – AmeriKKKa I’m talking to you.

I’m aware we have our own issues to focus on in Grate Britain and Resident Chump is known to air his petty, small minded, racist opinion on a multitude of subjects at any given time, but I found it hard to ignore his comment about immigrants from “shithole countries”. For the longest while I’ve wanted to know my true heritage and trace my roots by building a family tree. The Mr and my daughters caught the big ass hints I dropped all year and bought me an ancestry dna testing kit for my birthday. Not that I didn’t already know I was of African descent, it was amazing to have confirmation that I am 97% African Queen…and 3% Irish, and I honestly love it and couldn’t be prouder.

Ideally I would love to visit every country that came up as a dna hit. So far I can only cross Ireland off of the list. It’s a beautiful place which reminded me of the West Indies and is why I nicknamed it Irieland. Little did I know then it was in my blood blud! I want to save the full breakdown of the remaining countries for another blog sometime soon.

According to Chump the rest of the places I want to visit are shitholes or shithouses depending on what you read. In R.I.P’d Off (Part 8), I spoke about Haiti and their struggles and I suggest Chump checks up on his history before washing his mouth on these countries, as they were not shitholes before the White man “discovered” any of them. Where’s the millions of dollars the American Red Cross had to help rebuild Haiti after the the horrors they faced? We won’t even start on the people, precious gems and natural resources you’ve managed to pillage over centuries from the other shitholes…

#PeopleNeedToWatchWhatTheySayBeforeItGetsThemInTrouble

It takes every kinda people to make what life’s about, but you shouldn’t let every kinda ‘people’ take the piss. Trust me I know in some circumstances it’s hard as your hands are tied, but I believe in karma so I’m focusing more on letting her do the job. How we deal with any kind of people is up to us and how much time and energy we are willing to give, as the majority of us know how precious time is.

Weigh up if it’s worth it and if it is do your thang! I’m not so sure about AmeriKKKa leaving it to karma to deal with their issues though. I honestly don’t know what they were expecting when they elected Resident Chump to run the country but I can 100% believe his reaction was as written in Fire and Fury. Not even he thought y’all would be dumb enough to elect him!

The joke has gone far enough. Even Mother Nature is clearly showing us she’s vex with him (ok yes, and the rest of the world!) at not recognising global warming, sending in her own version of Fire and Fury. I don’t know the ins and outs of this North Korea madness, but I do know I don’t trust either sides leaders and the downside is the possibility of WW3 – which could effect us all. That is, of course, if he decides he wants to be our friend again and come over to our house to play.

As for his medical check up – can we say all say ‘fake news’. He can’t even tell the truth about his height ffs! It’s all good though. Maybe his heart will give out before too long, oh wait, you have to have one first. Serious times call for serious measures. AmeriKKKa wake up and impeach this clown before he takes your country to the point of no return.

I will give him credit where it’s due though. He promised to make AmeriKKKa great again and he’s definitely hit the target. You’ve got the greatest dickhead for president.

 

 

 

R.I.P Cyrille Regis and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Watch Your Mouth, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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