Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go! (Part 1)

This was originally first published back in August 2018

I’m baaacckk! Didn’t mean to have a break for so long but I was looking for mo and jo and you’ll be happy to know I’ve caught up with them now.

Have you ever sat and wondered wtf is wrong with people? I’ve been asking that question a lot lately. I’ve recently had to address certain situations that in my mind are unnecessary, and an incident a couple of days ago flared up my allergies again. For those of you unaware, I’ve been diagnosed as allergic to bullshit, fuckery and I’m drama intolerant.

Cancer woke me up to how short and how precious life and time are and my allergies are a side effect of this. I know I’ve said it before but it’s the truth. You see things with fresh eyes and it’s actually crazy how much you let slide when you believe you have time on your side. I know I’m not perfect and I know not everyone is going to like me, but I’d like to think I’m a good person and try to do right by people. I don’t want for much and I’m probably one of the most low maintenance people you can get so it wasn’t hard re-evaluating what’s worth spending time on.

My husband thinks I’m too soft but, depending on the circumstances, I give people 3 strikes before they’re out, meaning if we’ve fallen out over something minor or I’ve tried over time to contact you I’ll give it 3 attempts and then I’m done. You can come talk to me but I’m not about trying to contact you, which I think is quite fair.

A few years ago I fell out with a friend. She made it abundantly clear that I had not given her enough attention and I was a bad friend. In my mind it wasn’t anything major, miscommunication at best. She had an issue with her back and I fully appreciate it was a hard time for her, but at the same time it wasn’t a touch on the shit I was dealing with that she had subsequently ignored. All that aside I still put in the obligatory 3 attempts of phone calls and texts to try to sort the situation but to no avail. In the last message I wished her well and moved on.

Recently, after having no issue with certain members of her family I was suddenly locked off. One minute we were fine, the next I was being blanked. At the same time I was trying to contact a mutual friend yet seemed to be getting the same response. On strike 3 she happened to reply and that’s when I realised I was having an allergic reaction. Silly me dived in without checking the ingredients. They were full of nuts…

I was informed that (wait for it) the reason why I’d been locked off is because I’m an aggressive texter. I was actually told that a text can ruin a good friendship and I should think about that because I could lose more. There was no ‘let me hear your side’. She had already believed what she had been told and was letting me know it was on me. Well I did think about it and have come to the conclusion that a text can’t ruin a true friendship but it can end a fake one in a heartbeat.

Now let’s be clear here, I know I have a potty mouth but in all of my messages to them not once was I rude or did I cuss them out. I was respectful and simply spoke my truth, asked questions where necessary, told them how I was feeling and ended each one with well wishes. They may call it aggressive – I call it real talk! Sometimes though the truth hurts, and I believe that’s what happened here. It’s possible my words could have been misinterpreted but here’s the thing, if you’re suppose to be my friend and it upsets you so much why not pick up the rahtid phone or come to my face and tell me?

I confess I questioned myself for a hot minute, but then I thought I’d try a little test…👀

I sent the mutual friend a text that I was thinking of sending to one of the “friends” I’d offended and asked her to vet it and give me her honest opinion on if she thought it was negative or aggressive.

She read it and agreed it was a nice, positive text. I then informed her that it was actually a copy of the one that I had already sent and was shut down over. Her response was maybe I should just leave it then…so “mutual friend”, they can get away with blatantly telling lies to you about what I’ve done and I’m to leave it, yet you have no problem in believing what they say about me and telling me how I’ve possibly offended them and what I should do.

Alrighty then!

Thankfully I have more than enough genuine, bonafide, ride or fucking die friends that are there for me 24/7, rain or shine. We build each other up, support each other’s goals and are woman or man enough to address any differences or queries like adults. I can guarantee you this shit would never happen with them. Ever! We’re too grown.

Ain’t nobody got time for fake ass friends and the Mean Girls shit, I left them days back in ‘91, so as much as they may like to think I feel a way, I really don’t. It’s the reason why I haven’t felt the need to contact her in 2 years and why I will continue to do the same with the rest of them. I can live with the worst thing they can muster about me being I’m an ‘aggressive texter!’ Got to admit that was the joke of the day! I’m actually trying to figure out if that’s the most petty and pathetic excuse I’ve ever heard from grown ass women and it’s come in real close.

Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Don’t beg or bow down, if it’s meant to be it will work itself out without the bullshit, fuckery and drama. If others don’t want to speak to you because of someone else’s opinion of you, or they spread idle gossip about you without finding out the facts and/or hearing your side, then they really aren’t your friends. If you can’t hold your own thoughts and judge me on our own friendship then why would I want to know you? We’re clearly on 2 different levels and I’m good with that.

Whatever you’re going through don’t let anybody dim your shine with their shade throwing. Question yourself and if you’re sure it ain’t you keep on moving and try to shine a little brighter and dazzle the fuck out of them! Listen to the talk and check on your strong friend. Stress is a killer and we’re not superhuman all the time, even if it looks that way on the outside. I’m thankful, grateful and blessed to have a network of real friends who do just that and vice versa. Also don’t believe the hype that your best friends are the ones you’ve known the longest. Some may well be, but go for quality over quantity every time!

R.I.P Dani Richardson. You were truly one of the most talented and genuinely nice men I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. The party will be lively up there once you and the other legends get jamming!

R.I.P Aretha Franklin, Kofi Annan and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Mojo Flow, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

2 replies
  1. Bernadette Hills-Scott
    Bernadette Hills-Scott says:

    100% with you on this! Been there and although it is stressful at the time, life is so much calmer and happier without fake friends. I always hold the belief that no matter what the disagreement is, real friends will want to sort it out.


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