Archive for category: Get To Know!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m one of those people whose life is 9 times out of 10 never straightforward. Even a simple, everyday manoeuvre will usually result in me having some form of tale to tell by the end of it. The past few weeks and counting have been above average.

The highlight being in talks with the 3 wise monkeys – Sky, Openreach and Slough Borough Council – between them I have seen and heard more shit than I care to deal with and spoken to too many imbeciles to count. I swear they’ve flagged my name so that as soon as my number comes up only idiots are allowed to deal with any issues I have.

One ray of sunshine in my otherwise overcast weeks was my firstborns 18th birthday. I’m giving myself props, as before her and her sister were born I couldn’t even keep a plant alive (still can’t!), so to raise a child to government-adult status is a real accomplishment.

I say government-adult because, as far as I’m concerned, just because you turn 18 does not a man or woman make. I know some fifty odd year olds that aren’t grown yet, and believe me I’m not even joking. On the flip side I know some very mature young people, but she’s not quite there yet. I’ll let her know when I think she’s grown enough, and until I witness it I can’t define it with a number…but I can tell you it isn’t 18.

I couldn’t help but compare her to myself at the same age, and I was definitely more mature; with no disrespect to my daughter at all. It’s not that she’s overly immature, she just hasn’t had the same experiences as me to warrant her having to take on real adult responsibilities yet. For starters she has two loving parents in her life, where as I was raised by my mum and older siblings. I’m not knocking it, we didn’t have a lot but my mum loved us and did what she could for us, and who’s to say it would have been any better with my dad in the picture?

I will never know the answer nor do I care, but I do know that not having him about and clocking how the male role models in my life stayed, it made me determined that I was going to be very picky about who I chose to have children with, and if I had daughters they would be told that although no man is an island it doesn’t mean you have to take on every castaway.

Another difference between us is she is the eldest child of two, where as I was the youngest, (by 5 minutes) of five. Like me back then, she has to share a room (hopefully not for too much longer), but unlike me it wasn’t with a sociopath. That’s another story for another day but it’s the reason why I left home at 17 and why I only managed one year of my media studies course at college. I wasn’t quite as good at multitasking as I am now (👀) so I couldn’t really deal with homelessness and education at the same time.

I figured the priority was a roof over my head and to earn money to pay for it. I’d eventually sort myself out and then go back and complete the course at some point but….erm….yeah, that never happened but life did! I’m not too fussed though. The way I see it, life happened so I’d have plenty to write about when the time was right. Thankfully Isis is now into her second year at college. She’s still not sure which career path she wants to take but I’m grateful she’s at least had a smoother ride so far than I did.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry about what the future holds for her and her sister. The world is more messed up on every level than it has ever been, and being Black and women means they’ll have to fight harder. I’ve tried my damnedest to keep things real with them from day one. Yes they are British, but they are Black first and foremost.

As much as colour shouldn’t count it does to a lot in this realm, always has and always will until that change that gon’ come, comes!! There have been some small changes since way back when but we need the big whammy to really shake shit up! You know we have a loooonnnggg way to go when they can airbrush our hair out of pictures and prevent us from progressing because of our natural hair type. #DTMH

I can’t say either daughter has given me any serious cause for concern…yet. Here’s hoping they never do but you never really know. Being a part of Generation Effed does not help their cause. Technology is great but the internet and social media has turned a whole heap of our youth into shallow, vain, pretentious, materialistic, selfish sheep. It stems back to nature versus nurture but it’s not really one or the other it’s both. The majority of us raise them with the intention of them growing up to be well rounded, responsible adults but our intentions and expectations can only go so far.

Others either drag them up or pander to their every whim, so there’s little wonder as to how they turn out…or is there? I know kids that have had far from the greatest start that flourish and others that have come from loving, stable homes that end up in prison. Now that is definitely down to nature not nurture. Parenting certainly ain’t easy and we can’t beat ourselves up if we know we’ve tried our best and failed. Sometimes it’s simply down to the DNA and you can’t compete with that.

Our children will potentially be someone’s husband/wife/father/mother and we owe it to them and ourselves to try and shape them into decent human beings, but once they are out in the big wide world the paths we’d like them to choose may not be the ones they want to follow. As much as they are our babies at heart in reality they’re not.

I’ve tried to teach my daughters that life isn’t all a bed of roses – there’s the thorns and manure to contend with amongst the beauty. Celebrate life by all means, but show a little love and compassion to others at the same time. The amount of unnecessary deaths of youngsters nowadays is heartbreakingly sad and frankly fucking pointless. If you teach your children one thing, teach them that life really is too short to be wasted.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Only Time Will Tell, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Last weekend was a nice but busy one for me. I had 3 celebrations to attend and felt blessed to be surrounded by good people and good vibes. With all of the crazy madness going on in the world it’s nice to have something positive bringing people together, as I’ve been treading a fine line with my association with humanity – hot stepping in and out of love and hate on a, what seems like, daily basis. Ok, maybe hate is too strong a word, but there’s definitely dislike, disgust and disdain to say the least.

Despite my great weekend my thoughts were never far away from the events that took place at Grenfell Tower two weeks ago. I’m astounded at the blatant lack of compassion, understanding and effort on behalf of the government, authorities and media. I checked Sky news online yesterday and a story was halfway down the page on the DEATH TOLL RISING TO 80, and Jeremy Corbyn blaming the events at Grenfell on austerity whilst Theresa May hit back with “You lot started it!”

To be fair she then admitted it had been overlooked for decades, took place under both government colours and they are both responsible, so my main question of many is WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y’ALL DOING ABOUT IT!? Talk is cheap and life is precious, all life! Not just those who can afford to pay their council tax in full.

Standing in parliament discussing who’s to blame isn’t helping the people that need it the most. Why are the victims still relying on the community for help when the above should be bending over backwards to help them? For years the residents warned those in charge that this could happen and were ignored. When one dared to write a blog about it they were quick to threaten her with legal action, yet every word she wrote has proved her right. Not so quick to respond now are they?

Real news is out there if you care to look for it and I’ve seen and heard some of the real talk from the survivors living the nightmare of losing, at the very least, every possession they owned and friends, family and neighbours too. They have been well and truly shafted and it stinks to high heaven.

Respect to the likes of James O’Brien, Eddie Nestor and Victoria Derbyshire, the latter who I watched interview residents and victims alongside the housing minister Alok Sharma. This man sat there and told residents that he would be writing to them all to explain what their plan of action will be, but as the victims pointed out, where are you sending these letters to? Do they even know how many people need help and where they are, considering that half of them don’t even know where they will be from day to day?

Where’s the organisation? Where is the compassion? WHERE ARE YOU? Talk and letters don’t mean shit. These people need help and support that they should not still have to be asking for a fortnight on. These are the types of stories the mainstream media need to be airing. It’s amazing how they can focus on and count up the amount of buildings now deemed unsafe but nobody is questioning the number of the death toll or how many survivors are still in desperate need.

I couldn’t help a snort of derision after seeing the death toll has risen by one. One!! Who are they trying to kid? And don’t give me that “it’s difficult to identify the bodies” bullshit. I’m not doubting that for an instant or demanding every body be formally identified straight away, but come on. I understand they will never know exactly how many people were in the building but I’m sure they’re aware of more than 80 from residents accounts and the missing alone. And now we’re being told it could take at least 6 months for a figure to be revealed.

In the meantime their loved ones have to look at the shrine their homes became. Can you even imagine how tortuous that is on top of everything else? Children and adults alike witnessed sights no one should ever see, where are the counsellors and therapists? What help are they receiving for their mental stability? I’m pretty sure a lot will be bypassed and eventually end up slipping through the cracks and forgotten about until they crack and supply us with something deemed newsworthy.

Since starting to write this it has emerged that Sir Martin Moore-Bick has been appointed as the chairman of the Grenfell Tower fire inquiry. A man who thought nothing of relocating a single mother 50 miles away from where she lives and her kids go to school. Great! I’m patiently awaiting for when they’ll announce there will be an inquest too. God knows how long all that is going to take – I’ll hazard a guess at about 28 years. That seems the average waiting time for justice of mass failings in our Grate Britain.

I’ve still got a lot more questions and plenty more to say about this, like addressing those who felt the need to be up in arms and all up in their feelings because the lesser class are within breathing distance, but I’ll allow it for now! I will reiterate though that A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS AND NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. You’re lucky folk have managed to stay calm for so long but it won’t last forever.

Justice For Grenfell!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Less Talk – More Action, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Well, my last post was the day after Manchester and now we’re nearly a week after London Bridge. My sentiments remain the same. Whatever theory you believe, or whoever you want to point the finger at, does not take away from the fact that it’s everyday people like me and you who end up suffering.

I know it can’t be easy for authorities to follow every suspect out there but there’s one thing I’d like someone to explain to me; why did nobody think to keep a closer eye on The Jihadis Next Door? You couldn’t get a bigger fucking whiff of suspicion if you tried. So it’s ok to use them for ratings and send them on their way knowing exactly what they’re all about? It’s one of many cock ups by the government that costs people’s lives and yet again my heart goes out to all innocents caught up in the madness.

Moving on, I’ve been wondering why it is that some people like to find their way all up in your business? It’s one thing if it’s been put out there by yourself; you can hardly complain if you’re vocal or post a status about something and people ask what’s going on. As far as I’m concerned if you’re putting it on social media it’s obviously not something you want to keep to yourself. I understand that sometimes you can’t go into full detail but feel so frustrated or upset over a situation you just want to vent – been there, done that!, but unlike some I won’t leave you in suspense or tell you to inbox me (attention seeking much!?), I’ll tell you straight I can’t divulge anymore just yet but you’ll know when the time’s right!

If I offer up information and people enquire about it that’s not being nosey…well, to an extent. No, I don’t have to tell all if I don’t want to, but if I’ve already kinda addressed a subject publicly I’d rather people ask than assume or presume and I will set the record straight either way. Despite not giving a rats arse what others think of me and having the ability to laugh it off the majority of the time, what sometimes irks me is when folk take it upon themselves to tell me their opinion of my life. If I’ve asked for it, crack on. I may not agree with everything you have to say but I’ll hear you out. If curiosity is really burning you, ask. I’d prefer it to assumption and innuendo. You will either be told the truth or to fuck off depending on the question, can’t say fairer than that! If, however, I haven’t asked or you don’t know me from Adam, could you please just hush your mouth. Respectfully.

An example of this happened recently. After an enjoyable meal with my hentourage we headed across the road to the Broadway Theatre to be entertained by a selection of fabulously talented women spreading that Black Girl Magic! At the end of the evening the host addressed myself congratulating me on my upcoming marriage and for being together for 25 years. Unbeknown to us, and as unlikely as it may seem, there just so happened to be another Dawn having her hen do that night who had been with her partner for 25 years too! Seriously, you couldn’t make it up! I’m not sure which one of us he was congratulating but we both shared the love. As we were preparing to leave Dawn2 and her crew paused on their way out to congratulate us and informed us of the coincidence. Niceties were exchanged and then one of her friends taps me on the arm as she passes by and says, “Yes darling, about bloody time too! 25 years is too long. It should have been done time ago!”

Oh is it?…says who?

I gave her a smile and a nod as my vibe was nice and I couldn’t be arsed to correct her. It’s possible that is her Dawn’s story and she thought because I had the rest in common with her that everything was the same – it’s really not. It’s not ‘about time’, it’s the ‘right time’ – there’s a difference. We have love and trust and can fill in the relationship conformity blanks as and when, there’s no rush because society or religion says so. It hasn’t always been easy, we’ve been through a lot over the years but we’re still standing. You need a solid foundation before you build anything, relationships included, and ours is set. We do what works for us and have nothing to prove to anybody but ourselves and our daughters, and once we’re happy, job done! The higher power can judge us, the rest of you can do one.

It’s funny how some things can stick in your mind. I can distinctly remember two people back in the day, who probably don’t even recall saying anything, taking it upon themselves to tell me that, a) He’s not right for you, you could do better, and b) You don’t know ’bout relationships. You’re just a yout’! Well 25 years later that “yout” is grown and STILL with the same man knowing nothing about relationships.

I’ll save your blushes and not name and shame and say nothing more than maybe y’all should have practiced what you preached!

Life has taught me to never presume or assume anything of anyone, it’s full of surprises and people even more so. I’ve gone way past thinking ‘they would never’, full throttle to ‘you never bloody know!’ – because you never do! If you really are interested, ask, it’s that simple.

I try my best not to interfere in other peoples business and/or relationships but if we’re close and I see something that causes concern I’m not afraid to talk up, which sounds like a contradiction of the above but it’s said under the right circumstances. If I can see someone’s not appreciating your worth or something’s not right, I have been, and will continue to be, that friend that tells it straight – not in a horrible way, but with love and straight up real talk! That’s what REAL friends do – be it a wonky weave or a wasteman!

R.I.P to the London Bridge 8 and all of those who have lost their lives this week.

Giving credit where it’s due to Diane Abbott. I’ll put my hands up and say I’ve never been a big fan or paid much attention to her purely because I’m not big on politics, but after reading up on her history I salute you! You may have made a few gaffs recently but put them in comparison to what you’ve achieved and it ain’t a thang! Rest up Queen, you’ve earned it!

Think Before You Speak, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Pinch, punch, first day of the month and all that jazz. I’m moving on from the babies of last week and fast forwarding to the late teens. In October my eldest daughter will be 18 – supposedly an adult in the eyes of the law.

Despite whether or not I believe she is capable of living an adult life, the law says she can. It got me thinking who wrote these laws we’re suppose to live by and who’s in charge of updating and/or amending them?

I mean, the same law states that it’s legal for a 16 year old to have sex, allowing them the possibility to become responsible for another life, but they still need to be accompanied by an adult to have a cider with a meal if dining out. Now tell me there’s nothing wrong with this picture?

Transitioning from a child to an adult usually involves a heavy dose of hormones and headache. They can jump from one emotion to another in a heartbeat and somehow every issue they face is your fault.

I’m lucky to have not been tested too much by my girls as yet but I’ve had cause to watch them sideways and sometimes wanting to pinch, punch them when words STILL don’t sink in, but after a few more choice words I manage to restrain myself and retreat to my boudoir for some deep breathing and herbal relief.

It’s not really my thing but back in the day you could discipline your child with a slap and it wasn’t an issue, in fact it worked wonders for some. I’m not talking about assault and battery but a tap to show that their behaviour won’t be tolerated.

Nowadays a hand doesn’t even have to twitch before the kid’s talking about child abuse and reaching for the phone to call Childline; which is great in the right circumstances, but not if the “abuse” they are calling about is because mum won’t let you out because you haven’t cleaned your room. Don’t get it twisted, some of these kids can be straight up terrors and will get you shot in the blink of an eye!

A few weeks ago I read about a mother of 4 being tagged because her eldest refuses to stay in school. He has learning difficulties and his specialist school was closed due to lack of funding so he now has to attend a mainstream school that he can’t keep up with and is being bullied in. Despite being bigger and stronger than her she manages to get him there but he subsequently leaves.

She has asked the school for help and asked for him to be moved to another school and had no joy with either. She’s done all she can and has 3 other children to deal with (who have perfect attendance) and yet the powers that be’s answer to her problem is to tag HER because she can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink. Tell me who and how that is helping please? And what message is that sending out to her son apart from him being able to do what he likes whilst mum faces the repercussions?

As parents the majority of us try to do the best by our children and steer them in the right direction, which isn’t easy when you’ve got a government that has helped to create Generation Effed and is happy to leave them by the wayside and blame you for not dealing with the fallout.

We can only try our hardest and hope and pray they emerge as well rounded adults. There are a lot of factors that go into making them what they are and we can be held responsible for some but not all. We brought them into the world and they will always be our babies, but they will ultimately grow up and make their own choices and mistakes.

Personally I believe it’s nature that determines the type of person we will become rather than nurture, although it plays a part. A saint and a sociopath can have the exact same loving upbringing yet travel down very different paths so don’t be too hard on yourselves parents – with all the obstacles we face, we’ve done well to get them this far! #RealTalk

Congratulations Anthony Joshua – I can’t stand boxing but applaud your achievements.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

God Bless The Child, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Well!! It’s been a week of ups, downs and eye openers so no long thing today as I’m shattered!

A few highlights of the week have included paying my respects at a funeral, the day after that congratulating and celebrating the birth of a new princess to the family and the day after that I thought April Fools Day had come early, only to realise it wasn’t a prank but the joke is well and truly on them!

On Tuesday I attended the funeral of an old school friend. I didn’t see him that often but when we did bump into each other, no matter how fleeting the time, I was always greeted with a smile and he just had a good vibe about him.

I saw him two weeks before he died and as usual hailed him up with him reciprocating and flashing his gold teeth. Now there’s a lot of speculation as to events that lead up to his death but we will never know the full story and I’m not about to add to it. Life has a way of throwing shit at us, and until we’re in a particular situation ourselves we don’t know how we’ll handle it so I try hard not to judge. Instead I choose to remember the gentle giant that loved his dogs and gave me jokes back in the day, and I’m glad that so many others came to celebrate his life too.

I attended the funeral with a cousin who was due to give birth in 8 days. The last thing I said to her on that day was, “Ooh, any day now really, Tash. Next time I see you, you’ll be a mummy!” Little did we know, bubba had no intention of cooking for another week and put in an appearance the day after!

It just goes to show that we can plan things and hope they turn out the way we would like, but time waits for no man and will show you who’s really in charge! #RealTalk

That brings me to Thursday and the realisation that some people are in the wrong profession and should be writing comedy because they’ve got jokes for days!

Although I may have thought time can’t come quick enough for some things to happen it’s actually proved to me it’s because it was giving others the chance to gather enough rope to hang themselves.

I can’t divulge any details yet but hang tight, I’ve got a doozie coming real soon. Remember Sticks And Stones. (Part 1)?, well Hurricane Dawn has been gathering force since then and you’d better believe for some there will be no peace in the eye of this storm. Folk need to get comfy in the bed they’ve made – like I’m about to get comfy in mine!

Celebrate life for real people. Tomorrow is never promised.

R.I.P David, Darcus Howe and all those who have been laid to rest or passed away this week.

Congratulations Natasha on the birth of Princess Tula. Can’t wait for a snuggle!

Count Your Blessings, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife