Apologies for being a tad late! Truth be told I’ve had a lot on my mind mixed with a few long days, late nights and some upsetting news which have taken their toll. I had to have a recharge and get my head together. Nearly there!!
We all have our faults – ALL OF US! I’m no angel and I’ve done a few bad things in my past. During my mid teens I was a bit naughty but not majorly, (well, in my eyes anyway!) – a few white lies, petty crime like shoplifting etc.🙈
Yes, I put my hands up and admit it. I’m not overly proud of it or downplaying it, it happened, but by the time I reached my late teens all that had stopped.
I moved out of home at 17 and realised I was going to have to get a job to pay the bills and generally fix up! That’s about the extent of my wrongdoings and were made at an age where although it’s not right, it’s slightly more acceptable – I’ll put it down to being young and reckless, but I reached a stage where I knew I had to grow up and now the “bad” habits I have are more personal than anything that could cause anybody else grief or distress.
As adults we’re suppose to be able to differentiate between right and wrong. We’re suppose to understand that our actions have consequences, people can get hurt and we are responsible for our actions. Unfortunately some people don’t quite get it or simply just don’t give a fuck.
If you’ve tried to connect with that person and explained that what they are doing or have done is wrong, and they’ve honestly tried to atone or amend their errors and actually get it, then I’m all for forgiveness (to a certain extent), trust may be a bigger issue, but one step at a time!
If, on the other hand, you still continue with your antics after being told, you actually just don’t give a fuck and in turn neither will I when it comes to addressing you again. Real👏🏾Fucking👏🏾Talk👏🏾
I’m fully aware of how short life can be. It can be gone in a heartbeat, or four. I was hit with some news that caused me to reevaluate and revisit a lot of things that have happened in the past few years that have still to be fully addressed; things I won’t allow to be swept under the carpet or brushed off as unimportant.
Not all families get along and I am no exception as you will discover, but my relationship with my mum has always been solid.
A lot of friends have had parents pass away recently and I’ve sadly witnessed their loss and hurt and I’m dreading the day I’m in their shoes. In the meantime I will ALWAYS have her back and her best interests at heart.
We may not have had much but she was ALWAYS there. I love her dearly and I’m blessed to have her still with me at the age of 82 despite having vascular dementia and other health issues.
At the time she was diagnosed with dementia I was going through chemotherapy but that didn’t stop me from taking care of her. SHE’S MY MUM. Enough said. When you truly love someone you will fight for them, no matter what.
As you can imagine it’s been a hard time but life ain’t easy! No one wants to watch a loved one decline, it’s bloody heartbreaking, but you do what comes naturally when it’s someone you love. It wasn’t made any easier to begin with and still isn’t now, but that’s something I’ll address later.
I just want those people involved to know that nothing has been forgotten and your time will come. You keep talking and I’ll let my actions speak for me as you seem to forget yours do to.
Today I’m just making things quite clear so you can revise your tales whilst I dot my i’s and cross my t’s in preparation for when that NuDawn breaks because believe I will be firing stone cold lyrical bullets straight at ya! #JustSaying.
I honestly try to avoid drama and pick my words and battles carefully. If we’re friends on Facebook you’ll see I’m not the beefing type and don’t air my business or “check in” every 2 minutes but once in a blue moon exposure of others can be counterbalanced as a warning – not purely idle gossip.
I know myself and I know my worth and I’m fully aware of how precious time is after my life experiences, so I want you all to understand and hear me clearly when I say that there are certain incidents and circumstances caused by a certain type (Sticks And Stones (Part 1), whose actions will never be forgiven by me – end of.
Miss me with the forgiveness bullshit, I feel no way and I don’t care who you are or think you are, or how much older you may be; I will not be allowing you.
Respect is earned and given in return. It doesn’t come automatically because you’re an elder or have the ability to make others believe your lies and deceit. Smooth talking and crocodile tears will only get you so far and one day your shit will blow up in your face.
Remember that as you sit in church in your Sunday best sheep clothing and try to fool God too. I’ll wait patiently for that day knowing I have the truth to wash my hands clean.
The wise know there are two sides to every story and will wait to hear both before judging. If you still decide to stand by, defend or enable the bullshit don’t be surprised when the shit spray hits you too.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
R.I.P to civil liberty in AmeriKKKa!
Yes, I’m aware it’s the day AmeriKKKa officially confirms the madness but I really ain’t got time for that! I’ll be unwittingly seeing more than enough of Trumps face in the media over the next four years without me spending my precious time purposely tuning in.
There’s nothing about it I want to see and the fear I had of an assassination when Obama took the stage is most definitely not present in this case! FAR, FAR FROM IT!!
I’d rather discuss something else that’s happening today. It’s the UK release date of The Birth Of A Nation. I doubt that you’ve heard much about it and I don’t have to think long and hard as to why! It’s the story of Nat Turner, a slave preacher who led a two day rebellion of fellow slaves and free men in 1831.
They rolled through plantations freeing slaves and recruiting others and killed over 60 white men, women and children in the process before being captured and dealt with accordingly. And why would you want to watch it Dawn? I imagine it’s not the most comfortable viewing but, well, neither is Roots or 12 Years A Slave, but I guess it’s always more palatable to watch a Black man of that time suffer and/or die as it’s what we’re use to seeing right?
The fact is, as you can imagine, when you’re treated like a dog for so long one day you’ll bite back. For the majority of us we were tolerant, patient and full of the belief that better days gon’ come….for the rest they weren’t willing to wait for their freedom and took a stand.
I’m not saying I agree with the slaughter but I can understand the horrors they’d lived through, witnessing their own women and children being used, abused, tortured, raped, sold and murdered for years – that has to have a psychological impact without a doubt. It’s not an excuse for it, but it’s a very good reason and incite into the desperation they must have experienced to go to those levels. #RealTalk.
Funnily enough, this film didn’t do so well in AmeriKKKa. The first reason is in the title itself. Written and directed by Nate Parker, he chose the title from a 1915 film of the same name (although it was originally known as The Clansman), a 3 hour long film that basically glorifies and makes heroes of the Ku Klux Klan and is credited as being inspiration for their second era.
Ironically, it was also the first AmeriKKKan motion picture to be screened at the White House. Yeh…just let that sink in for a min! No doubt Donald’s looking to dust off the reel for a hit of nostalgia at the after party tonight. Ahhhhh, the good old days! #LetsMakeAmeriKKKaGrateAgain
Another reason for it taking a hit was the fact that back in 1999 Nate Parker was accused and found not guilty of rape. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a heinous act to say the least, but he was put on trial and cleared. He has never shied away from it and has always maintained his innocence but that makes very little difference to some. The Birth Of A Nation birthed a lot more hate than anything else.
You see the girl in question was a White girl – which really should make no difference at all – but in 2016 AmeriKKKa, with tensions high and Trump rallying the White Walkers, it was enough to get the hate train rolling despite it being some 17 years earlier that he was accused and acquitted. That, added to the insolence of using the name of a “classic” to virtually blacken its content – OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
Well…they would if they could, but they couldn’t, so they did the next best thing; lock it and knock it down – or at least try. Most media outlets will tell you it’s disappointing and not worth watching. Certain cinemas in AmeriKKKa told customers it was sold out and suggested other films knowing full well it wasn’t, therefore making it look like there was very little interest in it and it was classed as a box office disaster. Job done!
Reality bites sometimes but it is what it is and the Nat Turner story was a reality. Over the years they’ve portrayed all the different sides to slavery – why the big problem with this one? Because 60 Whites died?
How about you compare it to the thousands of Black people that died in slavery over the centuries or even the 200 that died in retaliation for the revolt itself – the majority of whom had nothing to do with it – AND the fact they tightened the laws after that to hold us down even further.
I don’t know why I’m asking because to those types there is no comparison and never will be because no matter who we are or what we do, to them being White Trumps all – they are the fine china to our disposable plates.
It may well be a shit film but I’ll judge that for myself and I encourage you to do the same.
R.I.P to those being laid to rest today and to those who have lost their lives this week
Condolences to AmeriKKKa on this sad and sorry day.
Fasten Your Seat-belts, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
Yep, we’re going back to Black this week! There are 3 main reasons for me doing so. Firstly, the absolutely disgusting and sickening event of four Black teenagers arrested in Chicago for kidnapping and torturing a mentally ill white man. Words almost (but not quite!) fail me as to what the Hell they were doing – or smoking – because that’s some next level kind of madness.
This should never, under any circumstances have ever occurred, but I’m glad they filmed it and put it out there as absolute proof that they were responsible for those sick and twisted actions. Things like this go to undo the good the rest of us are trying to do, causes more hate and more watching us sideways. There are no excuses and it is what it is, but it isn’t all of us that think that way or would use those actions.
I have no doubt that they will be dealt with swiftly and bang to rights in no time at all – and rightly so. You commit a crime, especially one like kidnap and torture, you most definitely deserve to do the time! Caught on camera too!?! Goodnight sweetheart, it’s time to put your head down.
My heart honestly goes out to the victim and I hope that he gets all the help he needs to recover. It’s not nice being the victim of any crime when you’re fully functioning let alone mentally ill and chosen simply for the colour of your skin.
I highly applaud the efforts of the police in dealing with things as simply and effortlessly as they did; job well done. It’s nice to have faith in a system that can decipher right from wrong and put the bad guys away….the ones that count to them anyway, and yeh, I’m going there!
Unless you are totally oblivious to what’s happening in the real world it cannot have escaped your notice the flaws in the justice system when it comes to addressing black people.
For the majority of us the majority of the time, we have already committed the crime of being Black whilst breathing so innocent or not, we already have a strike against us. Why is it so hard to get a conviction when the colours are reversed and there is clear evidence of wrongdoing? Not so swift then is it?
I read a few comments made by some white people when it happened and saw what I expected to see in such a case. A lot of blaming the Black Lives Matter movement and “typical Black people”. I’m not sure where these people are living that that is the typical behaviour of the black people they know, but I’d suggest a move sharpish! I’m sure they’re not generalising at all!
A comment I saw that stuck with me was of one guy saying he doesn’t understand why black people continue to fight a losing battle. He said white people have always had, and will always have the power and it’s been that way throughout time so we should know our place by now and accept we’ll always be the underdogs.
Now he may well have been a troll for all I know but I have no doubt there are many that believe in that kind of thinking. He’s right though, it is evident as he stated that that has been the case for a mighty long time, but in that same vein he should know by now that WE AIN’T QUITTERS! #RealTalk.
We’ll always be that itch you can’t quite scratch; you know that type that gets right under your skin….
Moving on to the second thing that caught my attention and made me happy and sad at the same time; the sentencing of Dylann Roof. For those who’ve forgotten who he is, he’s the unbelievable piece of work from South Carolina, who after being welcomed with open arms into the oldest Black church in the South, and sitting with them for 45 minutes, decided to then fire seventy five bullets at them killing nine and injuring three others. You don’t really get much lower than that.
In present times it would not bode well if he had had a soft sentence considering the pampering and pussyfooting around him from arrest to conviction. It’s funny how when it comes to us they can call a spade a spade (pun intended) but when it’s Dylann and his type, they’re just fifty shades of confused.
For me I’m more than happy that the death sentence was given as he’s shown not one iota of remorse throughout it all. I’m glad he gets to suffer for a while contemplating the only joy he has left in his life….what will my last meal be? Fancy a Burger King you sonofabitch!?!
I’m all for an eye for an eye in this case. He took away eighteen, I’ll have his two. I’m hoping this gives the families some kind of peace. There’s no doubt they’d much rather have their loved ones here but at least they don’t have to suffer complete injustice on top of it.
And finally I couldn’t bypass the final speeches of the POTUS and FLOTUS! If you know you know that Presidents are just the puppets on display so I won’t go into the politics but as the people they are. I can say from the heart that as AmeriKKKas first Black President and First Lady you’ve done us more than proud.
I love the way you handled your business with style, dignity, class, grace, humour and compassion with a hint of swagger on the side! You raised two beautiful daughters and the love you have for each other is blinding. Not a whiff of scandal or dodgy stains on people’s clothing – (wait…was that Olivia Pope just leaving?👀) All jokes aside they set a fine example for us all.
They will undoubtedly be missed by many and I have a feeling that in four years time a lot of their haters will be wishing they could turn the clock back, in fact I’m sure it won’t even take that long.
Big up yourselves Brrrrraaappp Obama and Michelle. Did you show them what you’re working with? YES YOU DID!
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Well no one can say that 2016 wasn’t an eventful year! Not all great events to say the least, but eventful nonetheless! I’m not going to go over the highs and lows – if you don’t know, you’ll soon get to know about some of them as a lot of the events have far reaching repercussions that will be felt well into the New Year and beyond.
The past 7 days have been a doozy for deaths, especially of celebrities. It just goes to prove as I said a few weeks ago, that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you have; when your time’s up, your time’s up! Yet despite knowing we only have a limited time here that could be cut short at any moment, some people still choose to waste time – which is fine and their prerogative – but don’t attempt to waste mine.
They say everything happens for a reason and there’s a blessing in every lesson. The older I’ve become, the more I believe that it’s true. Some life experiences have the knack of waking you up to reality. Some of us acknowledge this and grow and change; some remain the same. For the growers and changers we understand that not everybody will get it and wonder why we’re not playing the game anymore. Why we don’t respond or rise to certain situations. It’s because we know there’s more to life than fuckery and no matter who they are; friend, family or foe, there’s nothing more important than doing you first.
I don’t know how much time I have left on this Earth but I do know I still have 3 and a half years before the cloud over my head is officially lifted. I try not to think about it too much and let the sun shine through, but was recently reminded that too much stress is fuel for cancer and my body is throwing out warning signs. Some of the stress cannot be avoided but others can and I have made the conscious decision to eliminate unnecessary stress causing shit from my life. Signs are everywhere trust me, we just have to be awake enough to see them and heed them.
I’m not expecting 2017 to bring miracles (as much as I may wish it!) but it will undoubtedly bring change. I have been blessed with some amazing people in my life, most importantly the man who has given me the most – my beautiful (though sometimes challenging!) daughters and 100% unconditional love. I honestly can’t wait to wear my official Queen Wifey crown and live our life. It’ll be stressful no doubt, but it’s the type I can handle. This kind of stress ends with better days and beautiful memories – I can work with that!
A humongous thank you to one and all who’ve taken the time out to read my blogs. I know time is precious and I’m grateful for the minutes you give up and your support. I wish you all good health, wealth, blessings and happiness in 2017. It will get bumpy at times but remember the lows are there so we truly can appreciate the highs. Try to find a positive in every day – even if it’s just that you woke up this morning!
To 2016 I say, Bye Felicia! You’ve been tripping on all kinds of levels and I’ve received your lessons but you’ve overstayed your welcome. Thank you very much for your services but could you now, ever so politely, fuck off! #JustSaying
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week and year. I pray you are resting in peace.
2017, BRING IT COME!!!
Happy New Year, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
No long thing this week. In fact, I was seriously considering just copying and pasting last weeks post. Berlin alone proves humanity still needs a wake up call!
This time of year is supposed to be about peace and goodwill to all wo/mankind, but why do we leave it until a certain time of year to show it? Why is it a seasonal thing?
Shouldn’t it be in effect 24/7? I know it’s not an easy task, some folk are just hard to love for a whole number of reasons, yet still I’ll try, but if I’ve given them a fair chance (#ThreeStrikes) and they keep disappointing, I figure I’ve been fair enough and I’m honestly not about wasting my precious time on the non deserving. My next challenge to myself will be to bring that peace and goodwill vibe all year round and I’m hoping it catches on, you know, like the mannequin challenge, only instead of standing still we start paying it forward. Even if it’s with just a smile to the haters, testers and triers! (Can that be classed as goodwill, ’cause that’s all I’ve got to offer them!?!)
This week I challenged myself to try and do a little extra good each day, no matter how small. So far it’s ranged from dropping change in a charity box to posting a Christmas card to Bradley Lowery, a little boy who is dying of cancer, has 2 months to live and his last wish is to receive thousands and thousands of cards. How sweet and yet heartbreakingly sad is that? It’s amazing how something so small, the tiniest of gestures, can mean the world to someone else. I truly hope he gets his wish.
No matter who we are or what religion we choose to follow or not, we all have it in us to do a bit of good no matter how insignificant it may seem. Today I will be dropping off some tinned goods to an address I will post below to help Slough 4 Syria send urgent humanitarian supplies to those poor people. Again, I know it doesn’t seem much, but I’ll feel good when I’m sat in warmth and comfort today, Christmas Day or any day, knowing that my tin of chickpeas or packet of pasta may have provided sustenance for someone in dire straits and the other little things I have done, and will do, might just help make a difference.
Show a little more love people – we’re all gonna need it real soon, especially people of colour! Whatever shade we may be we need to pull together. For those of you wishing to add a donation to Slough 4 Syria the drop off location is:
Masjid Al Jannah
Stoke Road
Slough
Berkshire
SL2 5AH
23rd December 2pm-6pm
24th December 10am-5pm
25th December 10am-3pm
R.I.P to the Berlin 12 and all those who have lost their lives this week
Share The Love, Stay Blessed and #CelebrateLife
…..Exhale! There’s been a lot of inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the mouth, counting to ten and woosah’s this week! REAL TALK! You know when you’re trying your damnedest to stay positive and appreciate the good around you but with every turn there’s something or someone testing your patience?….it was that time for a while! Again!
I am by no means perfect and I don’t believe that any human being is 100% perfection. I’m not talking about aesthetics but the person as a whole. We all have our flaws, however many, major or minor, there may be. Some of us are more aware of them and try to work on them, others either don’t see them (which happens a lot!) or just couldn’t give a shit. It’s all part and parcel of being a human being. We were placed on this earth knowing the only thing we have in common, without a doubt, is that we all have a certain amount of time here before we die never to return…well…at least not as the same person. We all breathe the same air and see the same sun, moon and stars. We all bleed the same and we’re supposedly the most intelligent species on the planet…hmmm…about that!
I spoke about the subject of humanity in my previous blog Forgive Them Father, a few months back. Since that time there’s been a few things I can look back upon that make me smile and appreciate how great life can be, and even though I know there are good and bad people I’m still struggling to understand and accept all the bad bits.
I have a higher respect for life since 2014. I think it’s a part of being in the Survivors Club. You don’t take time for granted and know that it doesn’t matter if you’re as rich as Crassus or as poor as a church mouse, as black as night or as white as snow, young or old and any other opposites you can form – there’s no discrimination in death. You understand the reality of it and the beauty of life and it’s partly why the past couple of weeks have had me feeling like Leeloo in The Fifth Element. There’s a line where she says, “Everything you create, you use to destroy.” And Korben says, “Yeah, we call it human nature.” Film or not, how on point they were!
After nearly six years of conflict the people of Aleppo are finally catching a break and being allowed to leave in relative peace. I say relative as some were still subjected to gunfire and who really knows how long the peace will last? I’m just relieved that after witnessing the horrors those poor people went through, especially the children, they have been given a reprieve, and hope and pray the peace is maintained, but knowing how us humans can be, I hate to be a pessimist but I can’t see it; and it blows! Am I the only one that’s fed up with the way the world is run? I almost wish a higher power would come down and fix the mess that they created!
You may think I’m joking but I’m deadly serious! Don’t get it me wrong I’m not saying I’m praying for the end of days, death and damnation scenario. I’d much prefer a time out on the naughty step kinda thing but hey, it’s not my call. But before they carry out whatever form of punishment they deem fit, I’d like them to press the pause button on everyone and explain that when they put us here it was with more than enough space and more than enough resources for us to get along. The rest wasn’t in their master plan; they thought that given time we’d figure it out.
They didn’t expect us to turn on each other but embrace and admire the differences between us. They didn’t expect a country to spend millions of dollars on jewels on a Christmas tree whilst millions of people are starving, poverty stricken, sick and dying. That wasn’t the whole point of the story despite what baby Jesus was given. They didn’t expect people to be bombed out of their homes, or used and abused, or tortured and destroyed by something as petty as skin colour or who they choose to love. We didn’t understand that we should respect each other and nature and not the materialistic things we hold the most value in.
Nature is the one gift we were all given to share, (granted some things you could have kept to yourself!🕷), and in our death it continues to survive, yet we’re happy to kill off the planet and not utilise natures remedies to its full potential to fatten our pockets whilst our fellow brethren are dying. “Saving” the planet by recycling whilst allowing the manufacturers to continue producing plastic packaging for us to use that destroys the wildlife yet fining us for not recycling correctly – (yep, it all matters!)
Honestly, when the time comes and they spell it out to us we’ll be kicking ourselves! The conclusion will be, ‘We had it easy – we made it hard!’ #RealTalk.
The world is actually big enough for us all to live in peace. I’m not saying we have to like each other, but there’s enough space for us to live together without the need of hurt and bloodshed. Seriously, what have we become? Brother Marvin, we’re still asking what’s going on! Until the day I’m blessed or cursed with the answer I’ll continue to try to be the best human being I can be. I would love to be able to solve all the worlds problems but I’m not quite there yet!
Wherever possible I will always do my bit to help a cause or support a friend, even if it is just with words, but ultimately I have to do me before I can do you. That may mean that you haven’t been at the forefront of my mind but not that I’ve forgotten you completely. I may well have had bigger and more important issues that I have to deal with that are priority, and if it upsets you that I be so bold to tell you so and set you straight (all said with love), quite frankly, that’s your business. We all have our crosses to bear – trust me I GET IT, but the world doesn’t stop because of it.
Respect the fact it’s not all about you sometimes and ask yourself how much attention you’ve paid to the friendship. This week I’ve had a couple of situations that really got to me for a hot minute but then I had to stop and put myself back in check. I’ve fucked off friend and family alike but oh well. If they’re true they’ll sit back and assess where I was coming from and hopefully understand, if not, whatever. You’ll reach a point in your life when you will be comfortable with this decision – no matter what they bring to the table. It’s the point you reach when you know you’re doing or have done right for you and others. Once you’ve experienced it you’ll be more at peace in the long run.
Thankfully that’s the thing about humanity and humankind – for every person that darkens your day there’s another that can shed new love and light. Hold on to those ones. Shade’s only good for so long.
R.I.P to those we’ve lost, and love and blessings to all.
Inhale The Good Shit, Exhale The Bullshit!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife