Now You C Me (Part 2)

So this week I’d like to touch on another side effect I experienced that also ties in nicely with a subject that really bugs the Hell out me!

Not long after starting chemo one of the more noticeable side effects was the change in my complexion. Let’s get things straight from the get go: I LOVE BEING BLACK! I have never had an issue with my complexion at all, as I have no issue with any other complexion – we all bleed the same! I’m the shade I was made and it ain’t gon’ change!!….until it did.

I got darker all over, most noticeably the palms of my hands, soles of my feet, fingernails, toenails and most predominately my face. I’d bump into people and they’d ask if I’d just got back off of holiday (yes white folk – we do tan!!) and I’d explain that I’m on an 8 month cruise round the Topics of Cancer!

I’m not going to say it didn’t phase me at all; it did, when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see me looking back. I can’t even really explain it but it was like looking at a stranger (one whose eyebrows blended in with her face) and I can honestly say it’s the ONLY time I’d ever wished I could change my complexion; not because lighter is better but because it was what I was used to seeing for 39 years!

There was no holiday glow about it trust me! Thankfully I’ve never been too hung up on that type of thing so I didn’t let it phase me for too long. I figured it is what it is and I’m still me despite the packaging.

That’s not to say that I don’t understand those who experience the same kind of thing wanting to cosmetically alter their appearance so they feel more comfortable in their skin, it’s just not for me (make up never has been), and my understanding only goes so far!

I get applying a little foundation etc to even out a skin tone for whatever reason, but things have gotten waaaayyy out of hand and a whole lot deeper with a lot of people, especially in the Black community, and men and women alike!

Too many of us still have not woken up and are still clinging on to the lie told many moons ago that to be seen as worthy you have to be white or at least light. I’ve watched documentaries in Jamaica and Africa on people bleaching and their reasons as to why and it breaks my heart and gets me vex at the same time. #RealTalk.

Chatting fuckery about when you’re darker skinned you look dirty and nobody wants you, but when you bleach you look fresher and more attractive….well…..it has the same effect on my toilet so I suppose you could be right, but I’d prefer not to try it thanks!

Seriously though, how is this even a thing in 2016, that they are still so confused they will damage their health to try to impress? Impress who exactly? You’re only kidding yourself and whilst you’re trying to lighten your skin the people you admire are trying to darken theirs! Tomfoolery at its highest!

The torture they put themselves through to look like the living frigging dead is unbelievable. Chemical burns and skin as thin as tissue paper that doesn’t heal if you get cut…lovely!! Not to mention your tarantula looking hands….beautiful!!👀

In my opinion I can say with all honesty that not one of them looked better for it….NOT ONE!, and I very much doubt it bought them whatever it was that they thought they’d get.

The thing that upsets me the most is they’re brainwashing their children with the same sorry thinking so there’ll be another generation of the walking dead coming soon if we don’t wake them up! #JustSaying.

I love every shade that we produce; from high yellow to jet black, and no matter what shade I am, there’s not one person who will convince me I’m a lesser person because of it.

Since stopping chemotherapy my colour is changing back, even though my face is not fully back to how I used to look, I can now see my eyebrows so it’s all good! And even if it is to remain a darker shade it ain’t a thing – the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!

R.I.P Darlene Horton, Jassim Eissa al-Baloushi and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Love The Skin You’re In, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Now You C Me (Part 1)

For those of you who are unaware I was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer 2 years ago. At the time I didn’t go public until I was told I was in remission last year – that’s to say ‘social media public’ – my nearest and dearest were aware, but I’m not really the type who likes to air my business too much (though you will get a few exclusives here), and if I’d have ‘checked in’ every time I was in hospital you’d have been bored within a month!

As you can imagine I have many tales to tell about my “journey” and I’ll touch on everything eventually but today I’d like to talk about one of the many ‘lovely’ side effects I got through having chemotherapy. It’s called Neuropathy, which is nerve damage AND IT’S A BITCH!!

I suppose I only have myself to blame as I chose to have chemo, but when you’re put in a life or death situation you’re gonna hold on to any lifeline on offer, and when it’s the experts telling you, you’re gonna listen. I only wished I’d done more research into it before making the choice because if I had I would never have poisoned my body and looked for a more natural alternative instead of being sold on statistics. Should I ever have to make that decision again it’d be a whole other story!

Don’t get me wrong, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I was determined to fight it to be here for my girls. I knew there was a chance I could get a few side effects on the list so when they started it wasn’t a shock. I had neuropathy in my hands and feet but was told it usually subsides once chemo stops. Usually….

Unfortunately for me it got so bad they had to stop the drip form of chemotherapy for the last month, but after seven months the damage had already been done. Thankfully my hands are ok unless it’s really cold but my feet got it big time!

On the outside I look fine and I’ve always taken good care of my feet so they look ok and you’d be forgiven for thinking I’m all good. I’ve bumped into a few people and they’ve commented on my walk being ‘leisurely’ or how I’m ‘strolling along’, and had to explain that it’s not by choice! I’d give anything to be able to fast walk my ass through Slough high street believe me!

Let me try to describe to you exactly what it feels like in a way you can understand. Imagine that you went shopping all day and dancing all night, then ran the London marathon and danced all around Notting Hill carnival, then walked 500 miles and then you walked 500 hundred more……ok slight exaggeration, but you know when your feet are proper mashed down; throbbing and bunin’ you? – it’s that one there but with the added pleasure of extra super sensitivity! (hear me when I say a bed sheet has bought tears to my eyes!)

It’s chilblains, pins and needles and sunburn rolled into one. My feet are either on fire or frozen with the occasional happy medium of numbness and because of this I’ve had to go up shoe sizes and can only wear flat shoes, the most comfortable being Ugg type boots. Driving is easier than walking but even that’s causing me problems pushing down on the pedals. Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that it fucks up your balance? So if you see me swaying occasionally I’m not high (👀) I’m just trying not to fall on my face. This is my life, all day, everyday! #IWokeUpLikeThis.

There is no cure but there are pain relief tablets I can take to ease the pain. Erm…no thank you. It’s not even about soldiering it out or playing a martyr, it’s about self preservation and paranoia! I’ve first hand experience of what damage drugs can do to the body; I friggin’ feel it in every step, yet they would have me pop more pills on a daily basis for what? To take a little pressure off and the chance to fuck myself up, get addicted and rely on more drugs to deal with that too? I’ll pass thanks. Yet because I choose to do so my disability is being questioned by the powers that be. It’s like If you don’t want prescription drugs you don’t need any help, naturally!!

I’m not writing this for sympathy, but I am writing it to draw attention to the many invisible disabilities that are out there, because until I got one, I would probably look at someone like me driving into a disabled space and wonder what the deal is.

Not every person is fleecing the system for ‘cushy parking’ or what they can get. I’ve seen the looks and heard the comments about me sitting when I’ve got flat shoes on yet matey’s bunions are trying to bruck out of her stilettos so her need for the seat is greater! I’ve seen the judgey side eyes of old folk and pregnant women and the more blatant ones watching me in my face and assuming shit, even questioning my badge when it’s fully on display, and to you all I’d like to say FUCK YOU!

The struggle is real bitches! I’d love to see some of you handle this shit! It takes a lot to keep smiling and carry on when you’re constantly in pain but I suck it up and think I do a good job at keeping the whinging to a minimum, because really and truly I’d have every right to be a miserable cow! #JustSaying….

But for me, peace, love and positivity is the key……and a few natural herbs!

R.I.P to all that have lost their lives this week.

Don’t Judge A Book By The Cover, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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R.I.P’d Off (Part 3)

Bloody hell Dawn, part three!!, I hear you cry! I’m sorry, but there’s a lot to cover. I will be changing it up over the next few weeks (unless something really big warrants an airing) BUT there will be more parts to come. Today I’d like to address my people on a level and maybe encourage a few to wake up and STAY WOKE!!👀

There’s no denying that as a people our struggle has been and continues to be REAL! I’ve been over the atrocities previously and won’t hash them out again but I’d like to remind us that we weren’t always downtrodden – WE ARE KINGS AND QUEENS! Only we need to remind ourselves and exchange the “shackles” we’ve helped secure around our necks for the crowns SOME of us deserve. I say some because as in every race there are the few that can’t help themselves and unfortunately make things harder for us as they are still in a deep coma!

The reason I say we’ve helped to secure the shackles is because for the longest while we’ve found it hard to support our own. For some reason we begrudge a brother or sister for trying to make it up, not realising that the pie is big enough for everyone to get a slice. You support me, I’ll support you, and we can all eat!

Sounds simple enough, but our problem is we’re too focused on how big the other persons slice is and not the fact that we’re all eating and more pies can be baked! There was a time it wasn’t like that. Once upon a time we were all in the same boat – pun intended – and WE KNEW THAT WE WERE ALL WE HAD! We were all Black no matter what “ends” you came from and that was enough. WE had US because no other fucker did. #RealTalk.

Fast forward to 2016 and it’s a very different tale….from one aspect anyway. We’re still getting little love from the majority but we lost our love of US along the way. I’m not saying I don’t understand why to a certain extent. Times are hard enough but when you’ve got black or brown skin it’s usually a tougher ride.

We’ve all got bills to pay, mouths to feed and me and mine is a priority! Yet more time we’re just too damn watchy-watchy!👀 Sorry, not sorry to fire that truthball at ya!! My fiancé has been promoting for all but especially black people for decades, and trust me I’ve heard a lot of talk over the years (despite not being delivered to the face!) ‘Why should they pay x amount for this when he drives a car like that and they drive a banger?’ ‘He’s been on holiday twice this year and they haven’t been anywhere!’ ‘He’s obviously got money to burn!’ ‘He thinks he’s too nice because he’s friends with x, y, z.’ Blah, blah, blah…..

Always watching and assuming and never bothering to think that there’s 101 reasons as to why he has this or goes there. It must be all the money he’s raking in so I won’t support him – he’s got more than enough. But quite frankly if you do the maths of what it takes to put on an event you’d realise that you’re actually getting a good deal and there’s no need for the red eye!

It’s funny how some won’t think twice to fork out hundreds on designer items, further fattening the pockets of a person who has millies in the bank and deep down doesn’t want you wearing their brand but will take your money season after season, but you’ll watch matey sideways and question his motives for trying to entertain your Black ass for £25! KMT!

One positive thing to come out of the recent events in Amerikkka so far is the fact that we are actually pulling together. It’s like the majority have been reminded of the time when we truly were WE and did for US. It’s a shame it has taken us this long but despite the lack of mainstream media coverage things are beginning to happen slowly but surely. We are finally recognising there is nothing wrong in supporting our own and doing US!

After singing about it for decades is a change finally gon’ come? Right now in this world we live in it’s like nothing’s impossible anymore so I give us hope! WE GOT THIS! We just need to be united and remain that way. Hell, you know shit’s for real when Bloods and Crips unite

I’ll be addressing the celebrities and what part they play in a later blog but the last word goes out to the everyday mums and dads of a generation that will be looking after us in our old age (should we live to see it!)

I beg you please teach your children our history and what’s happening in the world today. TALK HARD!!! – in Amerikkka and England, because after watching a group of little shits causing aggro in Hyde Park and ransacking McDonalds in the week I was absolutely disgusted. I can’t even put it on the boys alone because some of the girls are just as wild and unruly.

I hope if you caught your little angel causing destruction and disruption you put them well in check because I guarantee you if it was one of my daughters they’d be getting it! SHIT IS REAL OUT THERE! This is no joke. You can’t have them add fuel to the fire and then blame others for them getting burned.

Same to the wannabe “G’s” out there fighting each other because ‘my man’s not from ends.’ You don’t own the streets and you ain’t no mother f*****g “G” fam!! All you are doing is making it easier for those who want us down to keep us down. It’s pathetic and pointless. Shooting a gun or starting beef does not make you a man. It makes you a dick. Y’all love to follow Amerikkka so much well how about you follow the lead the REAL gangsters are taking now? #JustSaying.

R.I.P Mzee Mohammed and all those who have lost their lives this week.

WAKE UP!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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R.I.P’d Off (Part 2)

For those of you who have no interest in what’s happening to Black people I suggest you avoid reading my posts titled R.I.P’d Off  because that will be the topic of conversation. As there are many factors to consider when addressing the situation I’ve chosen to break it down into sections because I really could go on for days! Today it’s the media’s time for some attention.

To clarify, I know some of you are wondering why Black people over here are getting so upset and riled up. It’s because white superiority isn’t contained to just Amerikkka – it’s a global phenomenon! I can speak from my own personal experiences when I say that the police in England can be just as racist and unprofessional – to the point of me having a meeting with two commissioners from the IPCC (I don’t play!) to tell them just that.

Wanna know what they told me? That they cannot deny and fully admit that there is a problem and they are “working on” training programs for officers so there can be better relations between ethnic minorities and the police. I swear that’s the line they are taught in response to every incident found to be racist. That was approximately 5/6 years ago and from what I can tell not a damn thing has changed!

I’ve heard people say “Well at least our police are better than over there!” No love, they’re not. You’d better believe the only reason our roads aren’t running red (and literally our saving grace) is because the everyday bobby can’t carry a gun, because the ones that ARE allowed to make sure they shoot to kill too. Theresa May-Or-May-Not touched on this topic in her speech on Wednesday. I won’t be holding my breath that much’ll change but crack on!

So it’s been a week since the fatal shootings in Dallas and what do the media have to say now? When I turn on my tell-lie-vision are people still shown to be hurting and in uproar? Are communities pulling together to support their own? Are Bloods and Crips uniting in peace for their people? Are peaceful protests happening and innocent protesters being arrested for no reason? Have petitions been made and are celebrities coming together and campaigning?

I know the answers to all of the above but I didn’t hear much about it through mainstream television or media outlets. Only today I heard about how Obama feels. And why is that? Why can I hear how Micah Xavier Johnson has now made officers in Dallas fear for their safety for the first time and have a full rundown on HIS history but I don’t know the names of the cops who killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile in cold blood?

I’m sorry but I actually laughed when I heard that the police fear for their safety – because it’s a fucking joke! They don’t fear for their safety – the fear only arrives when it’s a Black person with a gun…or not…or sells CDs…or wears a hoodie…or takes their family out…or fails to signal…or tries to breathe – you catch my drift?

Yet we have nothing to fear at all according to the media. These killings needn’t have happened if we complied. Every one of these people killed by police had some kind of chip on their shoulder or some justifiable reason as to why they died. The police treat everyone as equals and the media never lies.

They tell us things so it must be true! They don’t all regurgitate the same crap about statistics of “Black on Black” crime etc and have their little ‘specials’ on Black power groups arming up in order to create an image of us being killing machines so someone needs to put us in check. None of that! They’re the good guys!

Firstly, yes there is a lot of crime – it’s not Black on Black crime it’s just crime. They happen to be committed by Black people against Black people because that’s who they’re surrounded by. Blacks living on top of Blacks will commit crime the same way Whites living on top of Whites commit crime but you don’t call it White on White crime. GIVE IT UP!! Secondly, if the media insist on outing the victims previous wrongdoings and telling us about how fearful the officers are, let’s see both sides of the coin. Where are the real news stories and documentaries on the police? Like, REALLY REAL?

I know they mistreat all ethnicities but I’m saying it happens to us a lot more often. The KKK and many other White supremacist groups are free to go about their business TODAY in 2016 and that’s ok. The people who lynched, tortured and murdered us are still in full operation AND police officers and that’s ok. It’s not illegal to be a police officer and a part of a White supremacist group, in Amerikkka that’s ok.

A police officer is suing his department after being sacked for being in the KKK because, and I quote “Being affiliated with a hate group does not make him a racist and does not affect his police work.”, but I mean, of course that’s ok!

Obviously we believe him – because he’s a cop and they never lie and are there to protect us. We feel the extra love he brings to the job, knowing we’re n****s who don’t deserve to be alive and breathing the same air as him. WE FEEL IT TRUST ME!!

No, we have no reason to be scared and we have every reason to trust and respect him and the many others like him. We just love to fling that old race card up at any given opportunity because we forget what a happy existence we’ve had and continue to have. We forget all the love that’s been shown to us already – we sorry. It’s not at all absurd that he should be allowed to be an officer let alone have the audacity to be so affronted at being sacked from his position (NOT as an officer) that he FILES A CASE. THAT’S OKKK!!

No need for a documentary on that, that’s a minor. Touchy Black folk! What are we worried about!? Now let’s just say a member of ISIS was found to be a police officer. How quickly would that hit the headlines? How many fucking documentaries do you think we’d see on that?

Would they be willing to believe he could do his job without prejudice? Would he still be allowed to wear the uniform and sue for unfair dismissal? Would you still feel comfortable with him having power and carrying a deadly weapon? Would you feel safe in his presence and trust and respect him or would you be watching him with side eye?

Wouldn’t you be appalled and demand that the force be thoroughly checked to eliminate any others and make sure no more could ever join up??? You may see this as a far comparison to make but it’s not for us. The KKK are the biggest bunch of terrorists in operation in Amerikkka but because they’re White it’s alright. Hear me when I say Black Amerikkkans have been on high alert from day one! #JustSaying

WHERE ARE THE REAL NEWS STORIES? If you’re gonna tell one side without bias you should be doing the same to the other side, but you won’t. You won’t because the same racism runs deep in the media too and there’s an unwritten law that it’s forever open season on Black people and if you’re born White you’re entitled to a hunting license for free!

R.I.P Nice 84 and all those who have lost their lives this week

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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R.I.P’d Off (Part 1)

This was written before this mornings news of the police officers in Dallas getting shot and killed. As you’ll see, I can’t say I didn’t see this coming! It’s funny how quickly this has been broadcast by the media though. How long did we have to wait for them to air about Alton Sterling? It took the murder of Philando Castile before they thought they’d better say something. KMT!

I already had the topic of this weeks blog in mind but it’ll keep! I wasn’t about to bypass the most recent, all too common, murders of my people at the hands of those who are suppose to protect and serve. Protect and serve who you may well ask. If you refer back to my post Forget You you’ll understand the answer to that question.

Some people believe that there’s no such thing as White privilege and Black people find an excuse to bitch and throw the race card at every opportunity. The majority of these people are white, although you do get the odd few Black people (i.e Stacy Dash) who are right up there alongside them dispelling it as some kind of myth. They don’t see it because they can live their everyday lives in relative peace. They have no fear of going anywhere or doing anything. They don’t understand that THAT is the privilege we’re talking about – the right to go about your everyday business without the fear of losing your life.

They don’t get it as it’s never going to happen to them because their majority rule so life’s good! They’ll tell you the police do a great job at keeping ‘us’ safe and how dangerous it is out there for them. I’ve watched numerous videos of white people straight up fighting the police and openly brandishing firearms in broad daylight and yet they somehow manage to defuse these situations without killing anybody.

I admit they did shoot one man but hey, what do you know, it was in his leg and he lived to see another day. Why is it they can only shoot to kill when it’s a Black man? You see they can protect and serve, and they do protect and serve…..you just have to be the right shade for it to work.

Even if you comply, as in the case of Philando Castile, you’re still in the wrong for doing what was asked. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Just for good measure they’ll try to dig up some dirt on your past to discredit you and make you appear as a thug or troublemaker, like Alton Sterling. And the relevance is? None!!

It’s all about putting the right shine on their misdoings. An attempt to tarnish their names and make it appear that they’d actually done us a favour because they were no good anyway. Who do they think they are trying to kid? The most sickening part of all this is the fact that it’s highly unlikely that the overseers will be punished. They’ll find a way to justify their actions as they have in numerous other cases and their trigger happy asses will be back on the streets or nicely paid off before you can say Michael Brown or Tamir Rice. #BlackLivesMatter

Unbelievably there are going to be the few that try to justify the actions of the murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile and I’d really like to know how. How can a man with his hands in the air be a threat when you’d asked him to show you ID? Was he suppose to use teleportation? How can a man flat on his back on the floor, being held down by two officers get shot at point blank range six times? You can clearly hear the officer yelling at him to “Get on the ground!” AFTER he’d already had him pinned down and already fired the first three shots. No sir, I believe you meant get IN the ground, because my man was already on it and you killed him. #RealTalk.

Have you actually seen the footage?, because I forced myself to watch both clips a couple of times just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. That’s the beauty of the 21st century – they can’t hide as easily anymore. We can witness their wicked deeds in living colour, for all the good it does us. It’s still not enough to award us justice. How many more clips of the same nature will it take before we find a resolution or cause a revolution?

Like a lot of people out there I’m awash with a range of emotions right now – I feel disgusted, saddened, upset, incensed, frustrated and most predominantly angry!! In fact angry is an understatement. Yeh, yeh it’s not all police officers who react this way but there are way too many for it to keep being ignored, and the ‘good’ ones ain’t doing jack to shop them or stop them. They cover their backs and know the problem will go away.

Personally I’m at a point now where enough’s enough – I’m R.I.P’d off beyond belief and you’d better believe I’m not alone. We’ve had our fill….our cup runneth over! REAL FUCKING TALK!! For centuries there has been no let up for us and hear me when I say there will be dark days ahead. There’s only so much peace we can keep. There’s only so many songs we can sing, chants and marches we can make before fire is fought with fire and quite frankly I’m ready to fight to survive.

I can hear the backlash already about advocating violence but I really don’t see it as that. I’m advocating a fair life and putting a stop to this fuckery by any means necessary because WE’VE BEEN COMPLIANT FOR CENTURIES AND YOU ARE STILL KILLING US ON THE DAILY!! It’s about self preservation because these cunts are intent on wiping us out – BELIEVE THAT!! THE WRITING IS CLEARLY ON THE WALL!!👀

Show me an option Black people haven’t already tried to find a solution? It’s a non starter because we have no power. The system is corrupt and rotten from the core – from root to tip. There is truly nothing more left for us to do. WE CAN’T BREATHE without being put down and we will never be allowed to breathe freely until the White people in charge say we can – and they aren’t willing to share their privilege with us.

We may not have the power to fix it but we have the power to fight it. And no doubt that’ll just go to prove to the masses that we are the animals they said we were all along, but remember this: like most animals if you treat them right they’ll love you and leave you alone but if you keep poking them eventually they’ll bite back.

Watch the ride people – it’s gonna be bumpy!

R.I.P Alton Sterling

R.I.P Philando Castile

R.I.P the Baghdad 281

Fight The Power, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Sticks And Stones (Part 1)

⚠️WARNING!!: If you’ve read my blogs before you’ll be aware I like the odd smattering of expletives here and there. I could apologise but I won’t. It’s MY real talk and how I express myself, obviously not all the time – there is a time and a place.

HERE IS MY TIME AND MY PLACE!

I’m just giving you a heads up: There’s a couple of strong ones today!!

Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I’ve heard it being said and even muttered the saying myself as a kid, but the truth of the matter is I was only lying to myself. It’s a crock of do-do! No, they can’t break bones but they can cause pain – they can make your heart ache – and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that they hurt you.

I had my fair share of petty drama as a teen but as an adult I avoid it like the plague! “Ain’t nobody got time for that!!” I’m not saying I’m friends with everybody. There are a few people I really don’t like but it ain’t a thang! I see you, but I don’t see you, and life goes on. They quite literally mean nothing to me and I understand the value of time so it will not be wasted on “nothing”.

The majority of the time I’m an easy going person, I live and let live. I know my worth, I don’t allow people to cross many lines and I know how to lock people off, but sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes a situation arises where as much as you try to be the better person you can’t escape a little drama whilst dealing with it because you’re faced with a special breed of people. I like to call them CUNTS.

Harsh words are never welcome but at times need to be spoken. Every once in a while certain people need to be put in check and told a few home truths. #JustSaying.

Thankfully I don’t have to do it often but when I do, for me, the reason they’re receiving the tongue lashing is a build up of so much bullshit either being said or done I can no longer bear the stench.

I’m aware that those words hurt the person on the receiving end (or possibly not as it’s debatable whether they actually have feelings) but, in my eyes, that pain can be classified as being self inflicted on account of being a cunt. #YouBroughtItOnYourself

Cunts have the ability to throw you off balance. The most grounded person can be rocked by another persons cuntish behaviour. They come in both sexes, all colours, creeds, shapes and sizes but share many nasty characteristics and qualities.

Their cuntishness knows no bounds and can range from small time cunt – like the ones who now feel it necessary to shout abuse and tell every person of colour in England to go home, or major cunts like the government and the most recent terrorists in Turkey.

They have the knack of pushing the right buttons to really upset you and make you wanna fuck up a bitch! As cool, calm and collected as we may appear to be, we’re only human, we do have feelings and cunts can inflict pain with words like no other.

My pain was caused by words that come straight out of left field and knock you for six. It kinda stops you in your tracks for a hot minute as your head and heart register what was said. It’s said just in the right tone or just at the right time to inflict the most damage. It’s bad enough if it’s from a random stranger but when it comes from a supposed “loved one” it cuts all the more deeper.

Unfortunately for me I’m dealing with the latter type at the moment, with words and actions combined they are the hardest to ignore and forgive. Unfortunately for them their words are not enough to break me but inspired me to write a few of my own, the pain they caused has subsided substantially and their actions I am dealing with as best I can. A little down but never out – believe that!! These cunts picked the wrong bitch to mess with.

I believe you shouldn’t hold things in that upset you. Negative energy’s not the one. Better out than in and all that jazz. Release that shit and keep on moving! I also believe you shouldn’t allow anybody to try to bring you down or disrespect you no matter who they are to you, especially if, like me, you know your worth.

I try to stay as positive as I possibly can be but as I’ve said time and again I’m a realist and I know it’s not possible all the time.

I’m not a big fan of airing all of my business and I’ve never felt the need to name and shame, but under special circumstances (and for especially cunty cunts), I’m willing to make an exception to my rule. The only reason it hasn’t been done already is because I have no option but to bide my time for now. There’s been a mild breeze in the air but hear me when I say Hurricane Dawn is brewing!!🌪

Watch what you say people. No matter what the old adage says WORDS HURT!! I’m very careful with mine. It’s a shame others are not the same because once they’ve been said they cannot be taken back, but they can be remembered for a long time. Some will soon be reminded of their words. #Cunts

R.I.P to those who have lost their lives this week

Think Before You Speak, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Happy Farther’s Day

Last week we celebrated Father’s Day and after reading A LOT of the posts on social media I felt the need to throw my tuppence in! I’ve experienced both sides of the coin having never met my dad until I was sixteen, then not hearing from him again until my early thirties, and on the flip side having a fantastic father for our two daughters. I know some fathers are only absent through no fault of their own, but mine made a conscious decision to step before I’d even left the womb. Everyone has a tale to tell, be it good or bad, and I won’t bore you with the ins and outs (EU pun intended!), but for me his absence wasn’t a biggy.

Yes, I can remember the odd occasion when I was little thinking it might be nice to have a dad but it was never an issue. My mum never ran him down to us. She might curse his name every once in a while but ultimately she just cracked on. As far as I was concerned I had a mum and siblings that loved me and my twin and you don’t miss what you’ve never had!

I understand it being harder for those that had their dads in their lives to start with and were then abandoned or had the fair weather type. I know hurt and I understand the need to vent sometimes, but regardless of whether it’s yourself or your child who have an absent parent, I don’t think Father’s Day is the right day to air your negative feelings and run him down. Any other day, holler away, and before you shoot me down, hear me out!

Like Mother’s Day it’s supposed to be a day that you celebrate the love you have for them and show your appreciation for the ones that deserve it. I say this because along with the fucked up fathers there are some equally messed up women. Using their children as pawns against their dads and only out for what they can get instead of what their child needs – LOVE AND ATTENTION! That’s what being a parent is all about.

If you’re a single parent Hell yeh you should be saluted, and I see nothing wrong with doing it on Father’s Day (or Mother’s Day if you’re of the opposite sex). You’ve proved you are wo/man enough to do the job to the best of your ability whilst your counterpart has gone with the wind. All I’m asking is you celebrate it for the great job you are doing in giving twice the love and not mar it with thoughts of the people who should be farthest from your mind. Sod them!

Relish the fact that this is precious time you have with your children that they will never have – and kids ain’t kids for long! They’ll grow and see how you did for them and will love you all the more. Trust me, been there, done that.

Moving on to the negative posts I saw about women celebrating. Wow!! I mean, WOW!!  Some in particular went IN and chose to describe the mothers as bitches. If you too are celebrating the day I would assume you are a parent, so you know it’s not an easy job but it’s definitely made easier with two to share the stress. Yet many women, like my mother, handled their shit and proved they have bigger balls than the “men” that chose to step and you would begrudge them a little recognition?

I’ve seen long ass rants claiming that they have Mother’s Day and now they want to hijack our day too, or that they’re not men and don’t know what it is to be a man so they need to be quiet. Hmmm….tell me….exactly how did their posts impact on YOUR day personally?

I’m almost certain it’s less of an impact as the ones the mums and children feel when this day comes around. And what an example you set of what it is to be a man. Whinging on Facebook about the injustice of it all. KMT! I would have thought you could find better things to do with your time – you know, like untwist your knickers, paint your nails or braid your hair. I suggest you sit down with your knitting and a nice cup of chamomile tea to help calm you down. #WhosTheBiggerBitchBitch

Just sayin’!

 
Happy Belated Farthers* Day to all of the single mothers out there.

(*Tasha hold the text, it’s intentional!😂)

Farthest From Your Mind, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Forgive Them Father

I didn’t have to think twice about this week’s topic. It’s something that no matter who you are, no matter what our many differences, you have dealt with it – because we are all a part of it – Humankind.

You cannot escape hearing one awful situation after the next. Innocent lives taken away because of what? Because my skin tone’s better than your shade, or my God’s greater than yours, or you love someone I don’t agree with – so that gives me a right to wipe you out!? I’m seriously trying to understand what makes a certain percentage of us so twisted you can happily destroy another innocent life.

That’s not to say I don’t believe that SOME people do deserve to die (or at least suffer for a really long time) I put my hands up, I do. But I’m talking about the real lowlife scum of the earth. The murderers, rapists, paedophiles etc. What I can’t comprehend is how one can take another’s life because their lifestyle or colour or whatever isn’t the same as yours. Is it nature versus nurture, a chemical imbalance or are they just plain evil? #AnswersOnAPostcard

As I understand it – well in Christianity anyway, and in the few religions I have a little understanding of, the whole purpose is to live right, love and treat your fellow man as equal, follow the guidelines that have been set and those that don’t will be dealt with by the Lord. Obviously there’s a bit more to it than that but you get my gist. It seems simple enough right? WRONG!

I was raised a Christian but have chosen to follow no specific religion. That’s not to say I don’t believe that there is some form of higher power or that I don’t know love or compassion or faith because I do, but I’ve seen way too many hypocritical people judge, criticise, condemn and kill in the name of the Lord. Believing that their shit doesn’t stink or they can go about being heathens throughout the week because on Sunday all of their sins will be forgiven. Hiding abuse behind a cassock or a bible. KMT!

I make no apologies, I choose not to put a name on my belief or live by a set of rules that many over centuries have interpreted in their own way and try to make their abhorrent actions justifiable. I thought only He could judge? So why do so many followers believe they are judge, jury and executioner? #JustSaying

I know we will never all sing from the same hymn book but the world would be a much better place if we just really did leave the retribution to the Almighty and not take it upon ourselves to mete out his punishments. I’m sorry but I feel nothing but contempt for those who choose to do so. I guess that’s another reason as to why I’m not a practising Christian. They’re (supposedly) all about forgiveness and I haven’t quite mastered that.

Forgive them Father;  ’cause I bloody won’t!

 

 

R.I.P to the Orlando 49 and Jo Cox

 

Show A Little More Love, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Copyright ©2021 NuDawnDiary. All Rights Reserved

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The Only Kind Of Hit I’ll Condone!

Well, Well, Well…..what a week! My emotions have been as bipolar as the weather – NO LIE!! I’ve been saddened by the passing of a friends loved ones, and of Muhammad Ali – a great example of a true legend, especially within the Black community, and a lover of real talk too. May he rest in peace along with the relations of various friends who are being laid to rest or are being mourned.

Not gonna lie, this week’s been a bit of a bitch. You know them ones – each day brings a little something with it to add a little grey to your day! I try not to let it cloud me for long though (pun intended). In fact after visiting an old friend on Tuesday it reminded me of how blessed and resilient we can be.

She’s had more than her fair share of serious, life-changing experiences that understandably a lot of us couldn’t handle, yet she continues to smile, bus’ joke, laugh and live life despite it all. I can’t help but get a feel good vibe at that.

Another reason to smile is the glorious days of sunshine we’ve had (that’s in between the hay fever and the biblical thunderstorm that disrupted my goddamn viewing pleasure, playing with my Sky and emotions to boot! No panic though – I watched BB on the iPad and caught the last Blindspot on demand – I know you were concerned!)

I’m a straight up sun-child and any chance to top up my vitamin D will make me a happy bunny. It seems to be contagious too. It’s amazing how much nicer folk can be when the sun has got his hat on. It’s also just as fascinating how unhygienic and “eclectic” some can be but we won’t dwell on that….well….just long enough to say I’m in favour of people loving themselves no matter what their shape or size, but a high number of you, (AN EXTREMELY FUCKING HIGH!), need to make your acquaintances with my friends soap, water and deodorant!

Ultimately whatever mood decides to take hold of me, be it sadness, happiness, disappointment, disgust, heartache, frustration (yes, that was my own personal rundown of this week’s lot), there is one thing I can rely on – and I mean really rely on – to boost the joy, soothe my soul (even if it’s just a little) or evoke great memories. Music: the one thing that has an answer for every kind of emotion I could possibly feel.

Though I’m predominantly an ‘anything-old-skool raver’ (I was a teen in the 90’s, need I say more?) I’ve been blessed to have many great musical influences of all genres from an early age and it’s one of the sweet things in life I can’t bear to live without.

You may well have seen me driving by, music blaring, singing along tunelessly whilst performing a little shoulder skank or the two finger gun salute hand wave – I DON’T BUSINESS, and I am totally unashamed to say I don’t care! I’m not feeling you – I’M FEEEELING A TUUUUUNNNEEE🔊

There’s some who won’t have a Scooby about what I’m talking about but true, bonafide music lovers will. Whether it’s the lyrics, vocals, emotion, beat, bass, whatever – something will hit you!

And when it hits you, you feel no pain.

Go on I dare you. Find a song, pick your poison, kick back and relax or jump and shock out – FEEL A TUNE AND START YOUR FRIDAY RIGHT!

Wheel And Come Again, Stay Blessed & #CelelbrateLife

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Forget You

Last week was all about the love and this week is more of the same, but today I’m focusing on the love of my people. Not all of my posts will be this long or deep (pinky swear), but I’d like to explain and hopefully get you to comprehend why I get so frustrated when people suggest we should ‘move on’ from slavery. I understand this subject may leave some feeling a tad uncomfortable but nevertheless, I’d like to address the big white elephant in the room.

Let me clear something up straight away: This isn’t a dig at all White people, I know there were slaves of different ethnicities throughout time, and I am fully aware that all lives matter BUT this is addressing the special breed of people who think they are better than Black people due to a sense of ‘White superiority’. This is addressing the ones who would either like us to forget, or would like us to go back and this is addressing the fact that BLACK LIVES MATTER.

You should already know the atrocities placed upon us back then, but if you don’t know, I suggest you get to know. Go check out Google or better yet visit The International Slavery Museum in Liverpool for a real up close look at the life and times of a ‘happy slave’ – and my they were happy!!!

Happy to be taken from their homes in shackles to be sold to a White man (if they survived the journey). Happy to be made to work like a dog and treated as such for life, FOR FREE. Happy to be tortured, abused, raped, lynched and murdered on a daily basis. Happy that they weren’t allowed to read or write or better themselves in any way without severe repercussions. Happy to have their children sold and sent away to whatever White man offered the best price, whilst the mother breastfed the children of the same people that sold her children.

Happy to be handed down like the family silver in a will. Not set free – but passed on to the next. Happy to have no fortune to hand down after years of backbreaking labour and even more happy to know it’s the fate that awaited their children. Happy to be told they are worthless and lazy and to be grateful that their master was so kind to allow them to live such a happy life, and the reward in Heaven for their years of blood, sweat and tears will be great if they are faithful servants and death finally grants them some relief. REAL FUCKING HAPPY! With all that on offer, wouldn’t you be!!?!?!?

It’s easy for David Cameron to say we should move on from the painful legacy of slavery. Easy because it wasn’t White people who suffered. Had the script been flipped I find it hard to believe he’d be so quick to offer up the same sentiment. They’d be wanting theirs and then some! “We” love a bit of history but are quick to sweep the dirtiest parts under the carpet. It’s all well and good to talk about and commemorate the world wars, but our war at their hands doesn’t get a mention.

Tell me something, if we were so worthless how come the trade was so great? If we were so worthless why were West India merchants and planters (posh names for slave traders and owners) paid millions in compensation for the loss of their ‘property’? Seeing as we are the lowest of the low why, when you could have granted us straight freedom and be rid of the bind, did we then have to continue to work for you, for free, for a further four years to pay for the privilege of “freedom”? Yes, it was painful David, but not for y’all! And moving on would be a damn sight easier if we were given even a fraction of what was well overdue. #JustSaying

We’ve more than earned the right to be compensated. Other races have received their reparations but we know that’ll never happen to us – not in my lifetime anyway – and the reason as to why is simple. Both here and in Amerikkka and for a Hell of a lot of White people in the world we will never be seen as anything other than the help. We are truly seen as worthless now because they cannot exploit us as freely as they use to and profit from us. REAL TALK!! What do you think happened to all the slave masters, traders, overseers and the like? They didn’t suddenly stop being racist sons of bitches because slavery was abolished. They went on to run things ensuring us n****s could have our so called freedom and guaranteeing it’d be a damn hard ride.

They’d made sure that their children had fun days out at the lynchings prior to the abolition of slavery and made sure the hate was passed on to the next generation and the next and the next and so it continues. The evidence is as clear as day, especially in Amerikkka. Anytime we try to build ourselves up, they knock us down. It’s funny how they managed to disband the Black Panthers yet the Ku Klux Klan are still in full force today despite the clear evidence of what they stand for and the crimes committed against us.

Don’t get it twisted either, the Black Panthers were not a bunch of terrorists. They were there to help their people and not scared to fight fire with fire. It didn’t scare them, but it damn sure scared a lot of white people. Seeing that given an opportunity we didn’t need them to survive and could do for our own, how dare we! We’re not meant to survive and thrive we’re meant to struggle; so let’s call in the overseers, my bad – the police and justice enforcers to set things straight. Job done!

It’s never been a fair fight and it never will be. What we need to do is understand this fully, and DO FOR US AND FEEL NO WAY ABOUT IT! There’s never an issue when any other race wants to support their people but it becomes an issue if we want to. Cast aside the notion that there is nothing to love in us, that our hair is too nappy, our skin too dark and to be accepted you must look like them. Having straighter hair and bleaching your skin will not endear you to their hearts. Underneath the mask you are still Black and your children will be too. Love the skin you’re in.

For those of us who are fortunate to have, help a brother out and build us up. To the stars who have the money and the power – use your platform to help inspire and aspire us to be a strong Black nation and stop bitching about the injustices of being Black – it won’t get you shit because they don’t want us to have anything. Teach our children OUR history so they are fully aware of the horrors we went through. Do you forget segregation ended just over 60 years ago? – that’s not that long ago.

Too dirty and worthless to sit with or eat with – but good enough to cook, clean and work for you and raise your children. Ain’t that a bitch! If you don’t know your history, you don’t know where you’re coming from and we must remember because the likes of Donald Trump are calling on those ‘good old days’ to come around again and should that happen it won’t be pretty, but I have a feeling this time around will not be quite as easy.

You want me to forget my history. I say forget you!🖕🏾

NEVER FORGET, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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