It’s A Family Affair

This was originally published a few years ago but is relevant reading for Tales Of The Dales.

Family. A bunch of people affiliated by blood, marriage or whatever. They can bring you joy, pain, sunshine and rain and this week I was reminded of that.

My impression of family doesn’t stop at the bloodline. It extends to anyone in my life who truly knows me, understands me and takes the time to show me. Someone who will be there by my side – ride or die!

We’re family as long as you do right by me and those around you. I don’t feel obliged to like you because we share blood and I’m not going to dismiss you because we don’t, but that’s just my interpretation. Of course there are plenty of others who don’t think that way. Some believe that being family gives them the right to say and do anything they please and because there is that invisible bond you are tied to their bullshit.

You shouldn’t dare open up your mouth and say anything. You respect them regardless of how they act, don’t talk your business and if anyone asks everything’s fine and all’s good in the hood – and you never bring shame on the family!! Unfortunately for some that’s not my belief.

I suppose it really boils down to what you class as shame. I’ll let you decide which is more shameful. When I was little I had a big brother who I idolised. I’d never known my dad and he was a great substitute. He was big and strong, good looking and popular and I really loved him……then I grew up and began to see people for what they are and I was no longer the little sister that adored him but a teenager that could actually see the real man behind the mask. Hence the start of our rocky relationship!

This is just one of many reasons why we don’t get along. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t have a dad around but I’ve got a strong belief that if you’re going to have children you should do the job properly or if you can’t then make sure that they are provided for as best you can.

You may have noticed if you’ve read a few of my previous blogs, I’m kinda into my heritage and believe everyone has a right to know where they came from. It’s not so easy for a lot of us to find our true ancestors through ancestry.co.uk so we need to hold on to what we do know and teach our children about where their roots lie. #RealTalk.

On Tuesday I had the pleasure of introducing my mum to her grandson for the first time in 25 years. It was a bittersweet meeting as she now suffers from vascular dementia so was unaware of the true capacity of it, but I believe had she been in her right body and mind it would have been a whole other story!

He’s the product of an affair, which means absolutely nothing to me in the shame stakes but a hell of a lot to certain family members. Nobody’s perfect, and as long as you put your hands up and own it that to me is less of an embarrassment than getting caught out there and denying shit that you know is true.

How you got here is neither here nor there – the fact that you exist is all that matters. At the time he was born I was only 16 and not ‘mixed up in big people business’ so didn’t know the full details. Fast forward 20 years and I got to know. But by me knowing, acknowledging and accepting I am looked down upon at welcoming him with open arms.

To some I’m seen as a traitor – I should be keeping it 100% legit! Others believe I’m just getting back at my brother by getting close to the son he denied for so long. Some just couldn’t give a shit and done got enough family!! – I hear you all, but you are you and I am me, and as much as I see where you’re coming from I’m having real trouble understanding it.

I’ve felt rejection from a parent and it’s not nice. My conscience would not allow me to walk away and disregard a person who didn’t ask to be here and wants to know to whom he belongs. How could I? How can people do it so easily? It’s needed – especially when people shit on their own doorstep and don’t man up about it! You can do your dirty deeds in the dark but when you donate sperm sometimes they pop out in the light!

Tuesday’s meeting should have happened decades ago and I am truly sorry he missed out on mums good years. If people had been open and honest from the beginning things may have been different. I’ve seen the damage lies and deceit cause which is why I only deal in real talk.

I made my intentions clear to my loved ones before even meeting my nephew for the first time and have been vilified by some for doing so, yet they would still expect me to show them respect. Despite who you are to me I cannot and will not respect you on the basis that we are family alone. You’ll get it when you give it.

I’m not ashamed to talk about it openly. There is no shame in standing up and saying a situation ain’t right. In fact if more talking had been done half the things that happened wouldn’t have gone down. I believe there is more shame to be had in ignoring it and trying to convince your family to ignore it too. That shame is all yours – you own it! You had an affair which is your business but when children are a by-product, IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR so I won’t mind my own! I’ll mind the child you chose to forget!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Congratulations Team GB, especially mo on your double-double.

Congratulations to Usain Bolt on your triple-triple (medals that is!👀😂)