Affairs Of The Heart
“The situation between myself and Dawn Williams has always been an issue, for whatever reason she has chosen to create problems for me…”
And we’re back to that line! We’ll be coming back to it a few more times still, but for now if you’ve read It’s A Family Affair you’ll have some understanding of today’s topic.
Sometimes life has a way of putting things in your path. In Disclaimer (Part 1) I spoke about signs of the star and mystic variety and the fact that I believe some signs we are meant to see. Dale would have you believe that my life is so boring I have nothing better to do than find myself all up in his business. Like most narcissistic sociopaths (he’s been upgraded), he fails to realise that HIS actions have consequences. Shit doesn’t just disappear because you choose to forget about it!
Back in ‘94 Dale started seeing someone. Our relationship at that point was ok. He had become a born again Christian (😐), attended church twice a week and he surprised the fuck out of me by dating a black woman! Before then I knew he had dalliances with a few but as far as I was aware and seen, his preference was white women.
She was from Leicester and was lovely. I admit to being amazed he’d bagged her, but then again he does have the gift of the gab and was still fit and good looking so I could see her attraction I guess. She was doing for herself before meeting him and had a young daughter. We got on really well and she was of Antiguan heritage too so that was an added bonus. We’d often travel up to go to the carnival or to just visit and were in regular contact – she was good people.
Being completely honest I’d hoped that she might have been the one to set him straight, but I can see now that was mission impossible; and at a time where I possibly held out a little hope he wasn’t a total cunt.
We both fell pregnant in ‘99, me having my eldest in October and her giving birth to my niece in January. By 2004 she got blinded by the light and they were over. I commend her for lasting nearly 10 years.
At that time Dale showed his true colours like you wouldn’t believe but that’s another tale for another day!
During the time of their relationship he was still in contact with his 2 sons from his failed marriage and had introduced them to their little sister. To say his eldest saw sunshine when looking at him is an understatement. His dad was his idol and they both adored him. They had been mostly shielded from the truth of what had caused their parents to split, apart from one encounter when the eldest was about 10.
He had been informed he had another brother and was obviously very upset. He asked his dad and he denied it and said it was all lies. His son naturally accepted it and moved on. Personally, I know he was a child at the time but I believe it would have been better to tell him the truth. It’s not the truth people need protecting from – it’s the lies! Despite my beliefs, he’s not my child so I kept out.
Fast forward a few years and I’m bopping through Queensmere shopping centre, minding my own business, and I’m stopped by a woman who asked if she could speak to me. She wasn’t familiar to me and I thought she was going to try and sell me some kind of shit, so being the polite person that I am I listened first before shutting her down.
Well!! When she asked if I was Dawn my ears pricked up. I scanned for the lucky heather, and when she asked if I was Dales sister I did a mental eye roll, inhaled and braced myself. She informed me that she had a daughter by him and wanted to let us know as Dale wasn’t acknowledging anything and she has a right to know who her family are.
It’s not every day you get a random come up and tell you these things. She didn’t look cray-cray but you never can tell, and she was mad enough to get pregnant by him so…👀 I asked a few questions, took her number and told her I would have to talk to my brother and would contact her once I’d done so.
By this time the incident in Antigua had already happened and at that time I was fuming that he could carry on and treat mum the way he did. I’d written him a letter as he was still away to let him know how I felt. If you hadn’t noticed I’m a bit passionate like that. Funnily enough he didn’t appreciate it!
I got a phone call when he got back asking what I was doing sending him letters, so I said no worries, I’ll come and see him instead. I came to the house and explained exactly what my beef was and that was when he again reiterated that he did not get to live the life he wanted because he had to take care of us, and that I was disrespectful in sending him letters disregarding all his years of effort.
I totally understand, love and appreciate him for stepping up and would never do it down – but to say his life was ruined because of it is a little fucking rich. We were born in 1974 and he left home less than 10 years later and was not financially responsible for us way before then so, wtf!? It’s not like by then all of the best years of his life had gone. He would have been in his early twenties – hardly past his frigging prime! Were we seriously going to be held responsible for HIS life? It would appear so.
I left him to wallow in his self pity and we hardly spoke again after that. I really didn’t have time. I grew the Hell up at 17 when I left. He was in his forties and still pining about missed opportunities. He had it better than I did as he was still living virtually bill free and rent free, working, running “businesses” and not taking care of any dependents. By this time his ass should have been out of the house long time ago but yet here he was, bitching. Fuck off! You can miss me with that bullshit.
Now I had to go and speak to him again after having the bombshell dropped at my feet. As you can imagine that went down well.
I came round to the house to talk to him. I explained the situation and he straight up denied it and tried to make out it was nonsense. I told him there had to be some truth in it. Women don’t usually approach others about these types of things without having some kind of certainty. He then admitted that he had slept with her once (🙄) and that he knew for a fact that she was sleeping around with lots of other black men so it was probably one of them.
I pointed out the fact that even if that was the case (which I highly doubt!), it still made him a contender in the baby daddy stakes and the only way to be sure was to take a DNA test. That’s when he lost it and shut it down. He didn’t need to do one because he knew, in my best Maury voice – he was not the father.
I called the woman back and told her what he’d said. She was adamant he was the father and I have to say I believe her – especially after seeing a picture of her daughter. But looks alone is not concrete evidence. Her mum spoke to her and at the time she wasn’t ready to deal with it, which I totally understood, but we have since been in contact. I know there is nothing on paper stating who she is but I’m not about to dismiss her because of it.
Even if it turns out she’s not his I wouldn’t view it as wasted time. What’s wrong with showing a little love regardless? I wish more people put as much effort into loving as they did fucking. The world would be a better place.
By this time his sons were adults and their relationship with their dad was ok but the shine had definitely diminished. We all still lived in the same town so I did what any logical thinking person would do and made it known that they possibly had another sister in Slough. I make no apologies for it. By this time she was nearly 16 and they were males. Shit happens, and I’d prefer it if it didn’t happen between siblings thank you. They took it well, I’m guessing they had already started a little chalkboard of their own!
A few years after that I’m sat at home, minding my own business, and the phone rings. It’s my fiancé. He’s in the barber shop and I’m not going to believe who he’s with. He said he walked in and there was a young man sat down and he looked exactly like Dale so he asked him his name.
It turns out that he was the son that was conceived whilst he was still married – and unbeknown to me at the time, the biggest sign the higher power was to send out!
I did not create any of these ‘problems’. HE CREATED PEOPLE! I wasn’t out digging into his business, I stepped in his shit. But unlike him I dealt with it instead of ignoring it and spreading it further. Because I did this I’m being accused of interfering in his affairs, and yet again I say, so be it.
It’s a family affair once kids are involved, and some of us actually recognise what that entails.
R.I.P to the young boy who passed away in Salt Hill Park and to all those who have lost their lives recently. We seriously need to find a way to combat the madness.
Congratulations to Jharrel Jerome on winning an Emmy for your magnificent portrayal of Korey Wise in When They See Us
Congratulations to Jurgen Klopp on being named the Best FIFA men’s coach of the year! #YNWA
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