Hear No Evil!

I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit this week!….well I say lighten – it’s a joke to some but being a sufferer I know it’s not so funny. It’s a battle myself and many others have to live with on a daily basis. By todays headlines it’s actually being classed as a brain abnormality, which it could well be as I see nothing abnormal in the reactions it provokes. I’m talking about Misophonia.

What the hell is that you wonder, we’ll let me break it down for you. It’s people who cannot bear certain sounds, which in itself sounds ridiculous but trust me, it’s a thing! I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve wanted to throat punch someone for the ungodly and downright sickening experience of having to watch and hear them eat. Mouth open and…(OMG I can feel my heart rate intensifying and my right eye twitching just thinking about it), THE NOISES!! Like friggin’ pigs at a trough BUT THEY’RE HUMANS…supposedly!

I get some foods are noisy and you can’t avoid making a sound whilst eating them, but when you add your own sound effects on top of that you’re taking things to a whole new level. The slurping, clapping, smacking of lips alongside the moist squishy sounds incorporated with the view of the food being churned honestly makes me want to fuck you up – especially if I’m eating at the same time!! And then you get the ones who want to add to the mix and TALK to you too.✋🏾😷🤢😤😡😢

I actually know people who won’t say shit whilst putting the food on the fork but got plenty to say when their mouth is full. Why!?!? So on top of you freaking me out and pissing me off I have to avoid your missiles too!? Thanks, but sharing ain’t caring in this instance.

Obviously I can’t react in the way I would like to and repeatedly batter them or jook them in the eye with their fork so, wherever possible, I make efforts to remove myself from the offender whilst gritting my teeth, throwing them daggers and actively wishing they choke – just a little! Harsh I know but real talk all the same.

Misophonia isn’t just about food related noises, it can be any noise that triggers it in people; breathing, nails on a chalkboard, certain materials rubbing against another, even babies crying etc. Coming a close second to the eaters for me are, wait for it….balloons.

Again, I know it sounds ridiculous but I kid you not, one of the most truly disturbing times I’ve ever had is at a TGI Fridays. It put me right off my Jack Daniels shrimp I tell ya! It was like every child in there had a birthday – ok, maybe not every child but 4 at least, meaning 4 different sets of kids, and what did they do? Come out singing their ‘Happy, Happy Birthday’ ditty and make fucking balloon animals for every bastard one of them!

I was seriously traumatised. I felt physically sick and the tears were welling up. I felt hot and cold and had to put my headphones in and blast my music, cover my ears on top of that and rock gently whilst the rest of my family watched me with side eye as I told them to eat up, grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

It’s not even about them popping – it’s the sounds they make when they’re being handled – even the Almighty knows, it hits my soul and not in a good way. The struggle is real people! Believe that!

You may think you’re a bit weird sometimes but when you check it you’ve actually got more in common with most than you think. We all have our quirks and things that do our heads in or rub us up the wrong way. Some of it may seem irrational to others but we know different.

I realise I probably shouldn’t have given you that ammunition to use against me, but if any of you try it I will stab you safe in the knowledge it’s now been scientifically acknowledged as me having a brain abnormality and possibly get away with it! #JustSaying.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Hush Up, Stay Blessed and #CelebrateLife