Simply Monkey Business

Happy New Year and well, well, welcome to 2018! I will fill you in on my absence later on in the week but I just felt the need to get this out there and address the monkey on our back.

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the uproar about H&M and their decision to market their ‘coolest monkey in the jungle’ hoodie by using a Black model. I’ve read a lot of comments from posts popping up on my timeline and I’ve heard both sides of the argument. Now I’ll throw my 2 pence worth into the mix.

I’ve seen a few people say that it’s only a hoodie, it’s harmless. Why do we always see everything as a race issue? No, not everything is a race issue but when it is we won’t be afraid to call it as we see it. Yes, it is simply a hoodie and he’s simply a cute kid who may well behave like the ‘coolest little monkey’. But unfortunately the world isn’t that simple. As much as we would like to paint a picture of an ideal society and a world where racism doesn’t exist there are some fuckwits out there who simply don’t give a shit or in H&M’s case, want to make a buck!

Some of you may be fooled by their apology but I’m not buying it. For a multimillion pound company there are way too many people who would have seen this before it was put out there. Even if it were genuinely put on him without a second thought of a racist link at the photo shoot, you would think at least one person in the whole of marketing and advertising looked at it sideways and made a suggestion to leave it to one side…wouldn’t you?

In today’s current climate you’re telling me not one person put it out there? Without a doubt I would, but it’s possible you wouldn’t, and for the white majority and a Black minority I wouldn’t expect you to, because you simply don’t get it. And quite frankly I’m tired of explaining.

And for those of you who say they wouldn’t purposely put it out and hurt their sales, wake up. They know their arses are covered and “slip ups” like these won’t matter much and will soon be forgotten when they offer you some type of “bargain” in the sales.

Just a few weeks ago a friend of mine was out on his way to his Christmas do, when a van drove by and threw a banana at him. Naturally he was upset by this as you can imagine, what with it being 2017 (then) and them being supposedly grown, hairy arsed “men”. He mentioned he could have been with his children at the time and pondered when racism was going to end. Now he was on his own, minding his own business, and it was simply the colour of his skin and the connotation synonymous with Black people and monkeys that caused their reaction to him. Believe it or not that is simply all it takes – trust me, WE know!

Things haven’t got any better they are going backwards and getting worse. The only upside is more folk are awake this time around and won’t let things slide as easily, no matter how petty others may deem it to be.

To be fair it’s a parents choice. I don’t know whether this models parents knew exactly what he had been modelling that day and which pictures would be put out to the public, but I’m really hoping they weren’t all about the money. As a Black woman I wouldn’t be buying it for my children to wear or allow them to model it. I don’t associate my girls with monkeys, cheeky or cool, and I’m not giving anybody – big or small – ammunition to throw at my child.

Kids can be cruel and are raised by aforementioned fuckwits, passing on their hate. That’s why I was determined to pass on OurStory to my girls, to let them know the real deal. They were named after an Egyptian goddess and a highly talented Black woman whose name means honour confers a crown – they are my royalty and I won’t allow anyone to paint them as anything less.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to do the same with your children. I’ve noticed a lot more of our youth are embracing their culture and heritage and it’s a blessing to see. We just need to find a way to get through to more of them.

The death toll for our young in this New Year is too high already. As corny as it sounds they are our future and there is a whole wealth of talent out there in every aspect. We need to start doing and building our own. Easier said than done I know, but doable. It has been done before and can be done again. It’s as simple as that.

 

 

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

We Are Lions – Hear Us Roar! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Sky Is The Limit!

In my last blog I told you about me dealing with the 3 wise monkeys and things never being straightforward for me. Let me elaborate on what I mean with a prime example. For most, switching broadband providers ain’t a thang. For most! I have come to realise I’m really not most people. Grab a beverage – I’m gonna be a while!

I have Sky tv, landline and broadband and have had them for a while, but my broadband has been slow as you like and reception lacking to the point of my daughters having to congregate in my room as that’s the only place you could get a half decent signal. Now as much as I love my daughters, my boudoir is my sanctuary and after months of invasion I’d finally had enough and decided I was going to switch to Virgin fibre – ergo the start of the madness.

I called Virgin and it was all arranged that I would keep my Sky landline number and receive their superfast, top of the range fibre on June 6th. I happily counted down the days, and 3 weeks later the day arrived.

2 engineers came, and 3 1/2 hours later 3 engineers and a supervisor left – and so did my joy, as between them they couldn’t connect me or work out what the issue was despite my neighbours being connected with no problem. Apparently they couldn’t find a connection to my flat and I had to contact the housing association to sort it before I could join them. Great. Fanfuckingtastic.

This now left me in a dilemma. I’d cancelled with Sky but I still had their tv package. Virgin had said they would sort things from their end to get me back to Sky but I didn’t want their broadband back – that was the whole purpose of me wanting to switch!! As I was getting married in August and flying out of the country in July I decided I wouldn’t do anything until we returned.

Once back, I debated my options and called Sky to verify I was still with them for now. They said yes and sweet talked me – yes, sweet talked, as I put my hands up and admit I’m a bit of a telly addict and SkyQ had been calling my name for the longest while, so when they told me about their fantastic SkyQ and Sky superfast fibre offer I got blinded by the lights, and the storage, and the…everything!!

Before I knew it I had an appointment booked for connection of my Sky fibre on October 17th and my SkyQ and mini box on October 29th. That was back in mid September and whilst I waited patiently I became aware that people had been trying to call my landline from mobiles but couldn’t get through. To be honest I hadn’t realised as I could still make calls and don’t get that many calls on that phone.

I called Sky and told them about the problem. They told me they would call me back on my mobile and then I should hang up the landline and they’d do some checks. A few minutes later they told me they’d done their checks and everything was fine…hmm, is it really?

I asked them if they’d tried calling from a mobile – you know, the whole reason as to why I’m calling, and they said, “Well, erm..no.” After trying that he came back and told me it looked like I had a problem, and they’d send an engineer out on October 12th. Here’s where the real fun begins.

An Openreach engineer came out on the 12th and checked the line in my flat and outside at the main box. I got a call from him whilst he was outside to ask if I was sure I was a Sky customer (seriously!) as it didn’t look like I was connected with them and there was nothing more he could do from his end. He left and I called Sky who told me they were waiting on the engineer to send a report before they could confirm what the issue was.

The next day I awoke to no landline at all and no wifi! #FridayTheThirteenthForReal

After trying to call Sky and being cut off I decided to try their messaging service. All I can say is I’m glad that I did because it’s black and white evidence of their incompetence and there’s no chance of anybody saying shit when I put in my complaint. I started with Andy from the VIP service team in Derry. It took him 5 hours after my security check to get back to me and tell me that it looked like my line was wired to the wrong exchange and the engineers have advised that the line needs to be cancelled and re-ordered. Come again!?!? I asked him why and he said it’s not a Sky problem it’s an Openreach problem…can you see where this is going?

After speaking to Linda, Amy, James, Nadine and Andrew from various departments over a few days and getting nowhere fast it occurred to me that this episode could fuck up my superfast fibre order, so I specifically asked if this would be the case. I was assured it would be fine but quelle surprise, the 17th rolled around and it wasn’t. I was told I’d now have to wait until they’d cancelled this current order and they’d re-order it again…#DejaVuAnyone

Fast forward a few days and after conversations with Greg, Julie and Michael I got nowhere but Steve then told me my landline order still hadn’t been cancelled and re-ordered as Openreach were now advising they would be sending someone out again to see if they could solve the problem from their end once more. Now this is slap bang in the middle of half term and would you like to guess whose mobile data got waxed off by a pair of leeches on my personal hotspot resulting in forking out for a bolt on? You don’t even need to ask; an official complaint was made!

Conveniently, Openreach came out AFTER half term and managed to reconnect my landline and wifi but it was still super slow and mobiles still couldn’t get through. They advised me that the mobile issue was definitely a Sky problem and I should contact them…again. By this time we’d reached the 29th, SkyQ day! Yay!! At least I’d be able to take comfort in good telly right? Wrong.

I managed to get hooked up without a hitch but because of my supershit broadband downloading programs took an age. Oh, and to top it off, they forgot my mini box. So now I have one tv on tortoise mode and the other one back to basic freeview channels. Not to worry though, they’d sort me out with a mini box on December 1st! If you’re still with me and can process all of this fuckery you’ll realise that at this point we were still in October. They wanted me to wait over a month to receive an item they’d forgotten…after all of the ongoing nonsense – I DON’T THINK SO!!

I got back on to Sky and after convos with Mags and Jade I got put through to Liz. Liz is who I am currently in talks with. Well, I think I am. She’s lasted the longest so far and after 3 weeks we’ve kinda built up a rapport, asking how each other’s weekends were and the like. I had high hopes for Liz. She fully understood my frustration.

Liz put in another complaint (to which I promptly received a phone call from the complaints department promising to call me back the next day…I’m still waiting) and she made sure they sped up my mini box order to November 15th and FINALLY got my old Sky superfast fibre order cancelled and re-ordered for the 29th, with promises that she would be advising that I’m properly compensated when everything was sorted. She then moved on to trying to sort the phone problem out and that’s when the bubble burst. After having a conversation with Openreach, the engineer and their network team they were saying it was an issue with my number. She then came back with this gem:

“Dawn, thanks for your patience. I have spoken to Openreach and they are advising that there is no issue with your number. I have sent it back to our network team to have a look at. Do you have a list of the mobile numbers that haven’t been able to get through and roughly what time the attempt was made?”

Huh!? I’m sorry, you want me to do what now!? Oh yeah, because obviously it’s feasible that every random mobile that calls my landline has an issue and it’s not your shitty fucking line. Excuse me as I call my friends and family and ask them to check their call lists for those times you tried to call me and couldn’t get through. WTF! You’re having a laugh, surely!? Which is what I told Liz in a roundabout way. I don’t think she appreciated my sarcasm…she’s been a little cool since. The smiley faces are gone and she didn’t ask me how my weekend was. I was suppose to hear back from her yesterday but…

And so the saga continues! I forgot to mention that in the midst of all that drama they sent me a message with great news – I’m a VIP Platinum customer. That means I’ve been with them between 8-15 years and I can tell you it’s closer to 15. So what does that mean Dawn? That for all the money and loyalty you’ve invested in us we’ll prioritise your issues and get you sorted? No. They’ve given me a free film and offers for audience tickets to various shows that are all conveniently fully booked.

I’ve got a few more days until they attempt to hook me up with their superfast fibre. Any takers on how that’ll pan out? I know what you’re thinking. Why haven’t you just locked them off and gone elsewhere? All of the above should explain why! I bloody tried and look where it got me. I figured better the devil you know, forgetting that the devil is a liar.

Believe In Better is Sky’s motto. Believe me I do believe there is better out there, but right now I don’t have the energy to find out. All I wanna do is watch a little bit of tv…ok a lot. Sorry, not sorry. I’m a home bird and Winter is here. I may have been born in November but there is a sun child in my heart, body, soul and skin. It’s hibernation time and I want to enjoy mine. Is that really too much to ask?

That was just one of many dramas that make up my life recently. I won’t even tell you what happened when I got a new car!

 

 

 

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

First World Problems, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number…For The Most Part!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m one of those people whose life is 9 times out of 10 never straightforward. Even a simple, everyday manoeuvre will usually result in me having some form of tale to tell by the end of it. The past few weeks and counting have been above average.

The highlight being in talks with the 3 wise monkeys – Sky, Openreach and Slough Borough Council – between them I have seen and heard more shit than I care to deal with and spoken to too many imbeciles to count. I swear they’ve flagged my name so that as soon as my number comes up only idiots are allowed to deal with any issues I have.

One ray of sunshine in my otherwise overcast weeks was my firstborns 18th birthday. I’m giving myself props, as before her and her sister were born I couldn’t even keep a plant alive (still can’t!), so to raise a child to government-adult status is a real accomplishment.

I say government-adult because, as far as I’m concerned, just because you turn 18 does not a man or woman make. I know some fifty odd year olds that aren’t grown yet, and believe me I’m not even joking. On the flip side I know some very mature young people, but she’s not quite there yet. I’ll let her know when I think she’s grown enough, and until I witness it I can’t define it with a number…but I can tell you it isn’t 18.

I couldn’t help but compare her to myself at the same age, and I was definitely more mature; with no disrespect to my daughter at all. It’s not that she’s overly immature, she just hasn’t had the same experiences as me to warrant her having to take on real adult responsibilities yet. For starters she has two loving parents in her life, where as I was raised by my mum and older siblings. I’m not knocking it, we didn’t have a lot but my mum loved us and did what she could for us, and who’s to say it would have been any better with my dad in the picture?

I will never know the answer nor do I care, but I do know that not having him about and clocking how the male role models in my life stayed, it made me determined that I was going to be very picky about who I chose to have children with, and if I had daughters they would be told that although no man is an island it doesn’t mean you have to take on every castaway.

Another difference between us is she is the eldest child of two, where as I was the youngest, (by 5 minutes) of five. Like me back then, she has to share a room (hopefully not for too much longer), but unlike me it wasn’t with a sociopath. That’s another story for another day but it’s the reason why I left home at 17 and why I only managed one year of my media studies course at college. I wasn’t quite as good at multitasking as I am now (👀) so I couldn’t really deal with homelessness and education at the same time.

I figured the priority was a roof over my head and to earn money to pay for it. I’d eventually sort myself out and then go back and complete the course at some point but….erm….yeah, that never happened but life did! I’m not too fussed though. The way I see it, life happened so I’d have plenty to write about when the time was right. Thankfully Isis is now into her second year at college. She’s still not sure which career path she wants to take but I’m grateful she’s at least had a smoother ride so far than I did.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry about what the future holds for her and her sister. The world is more messed up on every level than it has ever been, and being Black and women means they’ll have to fight harder. I’ve tried my damnedest to keep things real with them from day one. Yes they are British, but they are Black first and foremost.

As much as colour shouldn’t count it does to a lot in this realm, always has and always will until that change that gon’ come, comes!! There have been some small changes since way back when but we need the big whammy to really shake shit up! You know we have a loooonnnggg way to go when they can airbrush our hair out of pictures and prevent us from progressing because of our natural hair type. #DTMH

I can’t say either daughter has given me any serious cause for concern…yet. Here’s hoping they never do but you never really know. Being a part of Generation Effed does not help their cause. Technology is great but the internet and social media has turned a whole heap of our youth into shallow, vain, pretentious, materialistic, selfish sheep. It stems back to nature versus nurture but it’s not really one or the other it’s both. The majority of us raise them with the intention of them growing up to be well rounded, responsible adults but our intentions and expectations can only go so far.

Others either drag them up or pander to their every whim, so there’s little wonder as to how they turn out…or is there? I know kids that have had far from the greatest start that flourish and others that have come from loving, stable homes that end up in prison. Now that is definitely down to nature not nurture. Parenting certainly ain’t easy and we can’t beat ourselves up if we know we’ve tried our best and failed. Sometimes it’s simply down to the DNA and you can’t compete with that.

Our children will potentially be someone’s husband/wife/father/mother and we owe it to them and ourselves to try and shape them into decent human beings, but once they are out in the big wide world the paths we’d like them to choose may not be the ones they want to follow. As much as they are our babies at heart in reality they’re not.

I’ve tried to teach my daughters that life isn’t all a bed of roses – there’s the thorns and manure to contend with amongst the beauty. Celebrate life by all means, but show a little love and compassion to others at the same time. The amount of unnecessary deaths of youngsters nowadays is heartbreakingly sad and frankly fucking pointless. If you teach your children one thing, teach them that life really is too short to be wasted.

 

 

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

 

Only Time Will Tell, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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SHOUT IT OUT LOUD!!

Well hello there, it’s been a while! Apologies for the long thing – I’ve had a lot going on and had to prioritise my time which meant blogging took the back burner for a while.

The upside is that there’s a whole range of bullshit that has (or hasn’t) happened in my absence giving me a nice selection of future posts.

To be honest I’ve started then rewritten this over and over again as there were so many different, newsworthy things happening in succession that I wanted to give them all a mention now!

If I had carried on I would never have got this out so I decided to come to a compromise as the majority of what I had to write about related in one way or another to being Black – and seeing as this is the month “given” to us for Black History, I thought I’d give you the opportunity to dig into a little NuDawn history.

If you don’t know me or you’re new to my blog let me break me down real quick!

 

I AM A REAL TALKING, ALL NATURAL, BLACK, PRO-BLACK-BUT-NOT-ANTI-ALL-OTHERS, 40+ year old TWIN, MOTHER AND NEWLYWED (BUT NOT NEW IN LOVE), CANCER/CHEMO SURVIVING, STICK ROLLING, SCORPIO WARRIOR QUEEN with an INVISIBLE DISABILITY, SPIRITUALLY SENSITIVE SOUL, A LOVER OF LOVE, SLIGHTLY POTTY MOUTHED, CARER (of my elderly mother who has vascular dementia) AND A BIG BELIEVER OF THE LEGALISATION AND BENEFITS OF CANNABIS!!

HUGE BELIEVER!! 

MAHOOSIVE!!!

#FREETHEWEED

 

That was just a quick highlight of some of the main things that make me, me. Some! You’ll get to know about the rest over time. I tick a few boxes, I’m not afraid to speak up and I’m a lover of love and real talk. For the newbies I suggest you read Forget You and the R.I.P’d Off! blogs before you read on. It’ll give you a clearer understanding of where some of my passion comes from.

You will notice I spoke about Colin Kaepernick back when he alone bent the knee and you’ll also notice that not a lot changes in the response to our protests. No matter what we do and however peacefully we do it they will always find a way to try to do us down and make us the enemy. Our message will always be lost to them because they don’t want to hear it and will twist it to suit what works for them and justify their hatred. #RealTalk

This week alone I’ve read story after story of what can only be described as pure fuckery. In big 2017 we have schools that think it’s appropriate to have lessons on slavery by having the children dress up as slaves and/or reenacting slave auctions including pricing up the “stock”. Add to the mix the art gallery in China featuring an exhibition of portraits comparing Black people to animals and the everyday blatant disrespect we get from all sides, is there really any wonder why we feel the way we do?

It’s the same as it’s ever been only a lot more in your face and it seems like anything goes when it comes to addressing Black people – literally anything. With the likes of Trump in power in AmeriKKKa and more neo-Nazi groups popping up over here in Grate Britain it appears the die is well and truly cast.

My blogs have raised a few friendly debates and it’s nice to see that there are a number of White people who are woke and can totally understand where we are coming from. But one thing I can’t help but notice is there are certain types of people who, no matter what evidence you put before them, will never admit that there is such a thing as White privilege and they believe that the issue has more to do with Black people being too sensitive or entitled.

Three types predominately stood out: Mr & Mrs I Have/Had A Black Partner And We Have A Child/Children So I’m An Authority On Black People; Mr & Mrs All Lives Matter and Mr & Mrs It’s In The Past Get Over It.

Each has a different take on things but their bottom line is one and the same – we doth protest too much.

One of the most popular ways of describing people who, like myself, are totally fucked off with the injustices we faced and continue to face is by telling us we have a chip on our shoulder. You know what, if that’s what you want to call it I won’t even bother to disagree, but understand this; it’s a big, fat chip off the block that built their foundations and allows them to think that they are more superior than us.

It gives them the ability to put blinkers on when a WHITE TERRORIST massacres 58 people and injures hundreds or a would be nail bombers attempts are thwarted with hardly a mention in the media. Naturally they’re mentally challenged and have no affiliation with any religious or terrorist groups, yet had they been a darker shade of pale they’d have their motives down in a heartbeat.

I wanted to put this out there because personally I’ve reached my limit with all of the fuckery and those who choose racism, White privilege and ignorance above all else. I’m sick of people taking the absolute ‘berties and dismissing us. I will not be polite and I’m not about sparing anybody’s feelings.

I feel like I’ve gone Black to ’92 and getting my Malcolm on. Don’t get it twisted, it’s always been there, but over the years it’s been slightly muted for want of a better word, but no more! I’m hear to tell y’all;

 

I ACTIVELY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK. I’M SHOUTING OUT LOUD, I’M BLACK AND UNAPOLOGETICALLY PROUD!

 

I’m more than happy with the skin that I’m in and wouldn’t want to be anything other than what I was blessed to be. Anyone who has a problem with that it’s all yours because I feel no way, and you will be told in no uncertain terms and by any means necessary.  #JustSaying

 

 

 

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

It’s So Good To Be B(l)ack!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
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A Class Act (Part 2)

Last weekend was a nice but busy one for me. I had 3 celebrations to attend and felt blessed to be surrounded by good people and good vibes. With all of the crazy madness going on in the world it’s nice to have something positive bringing people together, as I’ve been treading a fine line with my association with humanity – hot stepping in and out of love and hate on a, what seems like, daily basis. Ok, maybe hate is too strong a word, but there’s definitely dislike, disgust and disdain to say the least.

Despite my great weekend my thoughts were never far away from the events that took place at Grenfell Tower two weeks ago. I’m astounded at the blatant lack of compassion, understanding and effort on behalf of the government, authorities and media. I checked Sky news online yesterday and a story was halfway down the page on the DEATH TOLL RISING TO 80, and Jeremy Corbyn blaming the events at Grenfell on austerity whilst Theresa May hit back with “You lot started it!”

To be fair she then admitted it had been overlooked for decades, took place under both government colours and they are both responsible, so my main question of many is WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y’ALL DOING ABOUT IT!? Talk is cheap and life is precious, all life! Not just those who can afford to pay their council tax in full.

Standing in parliament discussing who’s to blame isn’t helping the people that need it the most. Why are the victims still relying on the community for help when the above should be bending over backwards to help them? For years the residents warned those in charge that this could happen and were ignored. When one dared to write a blog about it they were quick to threaten her with legal action, yet every word she wrote has proved her right. Not so quick to respond now are they?

Real news is out there if you care to look for it and I’ve seen and heard some of the real talk from the survivors living the nightmare of losing, at the very least, every possession they owned and friends, family and neighbours too. They have been well and truly shafted and it stinks to high heaven.

Respect to the likes of James O’Brien, Eddie Nestor and Victoria Derbyshire, the latter who I watched interview residents and victims alongside the housing minister Alok Sharma. This man sat there and told residents that he would be writing to them all to explain what their plan of action will be, but as the victims pointed out, where are you sending these letters to? Do they even know how many people need help and where they are, considering that half of them don’t even know where they will be from day to day?

Where’s the organisation? Where is the compassion? WHERE ARE YOU? Talk and letters don’t mean shit. These people need help and support that they should not still have to be asking for a fortnight on. These are the types of stories the mainstream media need to be airing. It’s amazing how they can focus on and count up the amount of buildings now deemed unsafe but nobody is questioning the number of the death toll or how many survivors are still in desperate need.

I couldn’t help a snort of derision after seeing the death toll has risen by one. One!! Who are they trying to kid? And don’t give me that “it’s difficult to identify the bodies” bullshit. I’m not doubting that for an instant or demanding every body be formally identified straight away, but come on. I understand they will never know exactly how many people were in the building but I’m sure they’re aware of more than 80 from residents accounts and the missing alone. And now we’re being told it could take at least 6 months for a figure to be revealed.

In the meantime their loved ones have to look at the shrine their homes became. Can you even imagine how tortuous that is on top of everything else? Children and adults alike witnessed sights no one should ever see, where are the counsellors and therapists? What help are they receiving for their mental stability? I’m pretty sure a lot will be bypassed and eventually end up slipping through the cracks and forgotten about until they crack and supply us with something deemed newsworthy.

Since starting to write this it has emerged that Sir Martin Moore-Bick has been appointed as the chairman of the Grenfell Tower fire inquiry. A man who thought nothing of relocating a single mother 50 miles away from where she lives and her kids go to school. Great! I’m patiently awaiting for when they’ll announce there will be an inquest too. God knows how long all that is going to take – I’ll hazard a guess at about 28 years. That seems the average waiting time for justice of mass failings in our Grate Britain.

I’ve still got a lot more questions and plenty more to say about this, like addressing those who felt the need to be up in arms and all up in their feelings because the lesser class are within breathing distance, but I’ll allow it for now! I will reiterate though that A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS AND NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. You’re lucky folk have managed to stay calm for so long but it won’t last forever.

 

 

 

Justice For Grenfell!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

 

Less Talk – More Action, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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A Class Act (Part 1)

There could only be one subject up for discussion this week – the atrocious and unnecessary loss of life at Grenfell Tower, which will stay with me for the rest of my days.

I had one eye open when I turned on the tv just after 7am on Wednesday morning, and at first I thought it was one of the Twin Towers (I was still half asleep, forgive me) then I caught the word LIVE in the top left hand corner, opened the other eye, turned the volume up and tried to take in what was happening…

I’m here 4 days later still trying to take it in. Like anyone else out there with a heart mine broke observing the carnage. I can’t even bring myself to discuss the full horror of it or of being sat watching knowing there were men, women, children, whole generations dying in front of my eyes. I’m honestly having difficulty putting my feelings into words and handling my emotions and I’m just a bystander, so can’t even imagine what it’s like for those directly affected.

I don’t live in a high rise but I do live on the top floor of a two storey block of flats and have thought about my escape route should, heaven forbid, we become trapped in here. Thankfully we’re low enough to jump without hopefully causing major damage or by knotting a few sheets together but you can’t help but imagine yourself in the position of the residents of Grenfell Tower and wonder what if it were me?

Massive respect goes out to the firefighters who worked tirelessly to try to help the victims. Again I can only imagine the sights they had to witness and they’re still having to face the daunting task of recovering the bodies. I pray they and everyone affected get the counselling they are so going to need. If it was love alone that could soothe a soul they would be well and truly covered. Witnessing how communities all over the country came together within hours to offer whatever help they could with thousands of donations was truly heartwarming. With all of the tension of late it was amazing to see humanity at its best at last. Sometimes it takes shit happening on your own doorstep for people to realise how precious life is…some people that is.

As more information came to light the more frustrated and angry I began to feel. It’s little wonder the people are raging, they have every right to be! WHERE WERE THE GOVERNMENT?

The residents warned the authorities that this could happen ages ago and have literally lost everything; family, friends, neighbours, their home and all of their possessions in the most horrendous of ways, knowing that their concerns were brushed off like lint on a designer suit, because that’s what they were; shit to be brushed off and covered over as an eyesore in one of, if not the most affluent parts of London.

Well now you have left them with nothing so they literally have nothing to lose when they come at you with all guns blazing. All you’ve left them with is hurt and anger and again WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? ‘Bout you wanna turn up a day late and a dollar short with your police protection to talk to the firefighters. WHAT ABOUT THE VICTIMS? Theresa Mayhem you and Kensington and Chelsea Council are an absolute fucking disgrace and highly disrespectful but you’d better believe that the blood you and all those who play a part in this have on your hands won’t be washed away so quickly. You want to put your hands up now and admit your response was not good enough but too little too late. The people have already seen and felt what they mean to you!

I’m not sure of the exact figure but between £8-£10m was spent on refurbishing the block yet basic safety requirements were not met. What the frig was the money spent on? Why were no sprinklers installed? What happened to the fire alarms and extinguishers? Why only one flight of stairs for a 24 storey building housing hundreds of people? Who gave the go ahead to wrap the building in substandard cladding so the well to do would have a nicer view? Let’s not get it twisted – this is some fuckery of the highest level. Boil it down to what it is – a disregard of the lower class plain and simple. Issues like the above would never arise had a different class of people been living in that property without a shadow of a doubt.

I only hope the survivors get sorted and settled as soon as possible within the area they called home and the many relatives and friends awaiting confirmation on news of their loved ones are informed soon. Hear me when I say we feel for you all and will be shouting with you and for you too. The fire in people’s hearts is burning brighter than the one that took everything from you and long may it continue.

 

 

 

R.I.P to all those who lost their lives at Grenfell tower and throughout the week. Condolences to all of the families affected.

Much love to the survivors. May you receive all the love and help you need and more.

Happy Father’s Day to all the real dads doing the job right. Spare a thought for those unable to enjoy today.

Think Of Your Fellow Man, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Yakety Yak…

Well, my last post was the day after Manchester and now we’re nearly a week after London Bridge. My sentiments remain the same. Whatever theory you believe, or whoever you want to point the finger at, does not take away from the fact that it’s everyday people like me and you who end up suffering.

I know it can’t be easy for authorities to follow every suspect out there but there’s one thing I’d like someone to explain to me; why did nobody think to keep a closer eye on The Jihadis Next Door? You couldn’t get a bigger fucking whiff of suspicion if you tried. So it’s ok to use them for ratings and send them on their way knowing exactly what they’re all about? It’s one of many cock ups by the government that costs people’s lives and yet again my heart goes out to all innocents caught up in the madness.

Moving on, I’ve been wondering why it is that some people like to find their way all up in your business? It’s one thing if it’s been put out there by yourself; you can hardly complain if you’re vocal or post a status about something and people ask what’s going on. As far as I’m concerned if you’re putting it on social media it’s obviously not something you want to keep to yourself. I understand that sometimes you can’t go into full detail but feel so frustrated or upset over a situation you just want to vent – been there, done that!, but unlike some I won’t leave you in suspense or tell you to inbox me (attention seeking much!?), I’ll tell you straight I can’t divulge anymore just yet but you’ll know when the time’s right!

If I offer up information and people enquire about it that’s not being nosey…well, to an extent. No, I don’t have to tell all if I don’t want to, but if I’ve already kinda addressed a subject publicly I’d rather people ask than assume or presume and I will set the record straight either way. Despite not giving a rats arse what others think of me and having the ability to laugh it off the majority of the time, what sometimes irks me is when folk take it upon themselves to tell me their opinion of my life. If I’ve asked for it, crack on. I may not agree with everything you have to say but I’ll hear you out. If curiosity is really burning you, ask. I’d prefer it to assumption and innuendo. You will either be told the truth or to fuck off depending on the question, can’t say fairer than that! If, however, I haven’t asked or you don’t know me from Adam, could you please just hush your mouth. Respectfully.

An example of this happened recently. After an enjoyable meal with my hentourage we headed across the road to the Broadway Theatre to be entertained by a selection of fabulously talented women spreading that Black Girl Magic! At the end of the evening the host addressed myself congratulating me on my upcoming marriage and for being together for 25 years. Unbeknown to us, and as unlikely as it may seem, there just so happened to be another Dawn having her hen do that night who had been with her partner for 25 years too! Seriously, you couldn’t make it up! I’m not sure which one of us he was congratulating but we both shared the love. As we were preparing to leave Dawn2 and her crew paused on their way out to congratulate us and informed us of the coincidence. Niceties were exchanged and then one of her friends taps me on the arm as she passes by and says, “Yes darling, about bloody time too! 25 years is too long. It should have been done time ago!”

Oh is it?…says who?

I gave her a smile and a nod as my vibe was nice and I couldn’t be arsed to correct her. It’s possible that is her Dawn’s story and she thought because I had the rest in common with her that everything was the same – it’s really not. It’s not ‘about time’, it’s the ‘right time’ – there’s a difference. We have love and trust and can fill in the relationship conformity blanks as and when, there’s no rush because society or religion says so. It hasn’t always been easy, we’ve been through a lot over the years but we’re still standing. You need a solid foundation before you build anything, relationships included, and ours is set. We do what works for us and have nothing to prove to anybody but ourselves and our daughters, and once we’re happy, job done! The higher power can judge us, the rest of you can do one.

It’s funny how some things can stick in your mind. I can distinctly remember two people back in the day, who probably don’t even recall saying anything, taking it upon themselves to tell me that, a) He’s not right for you, you could do better, and b) You don’t know ’bout relationships. You’re just a yout’! Well 25 years later that “yout” is grown and STILL with the same man knowing nothing about relationships.

I’ll save your blushes and not name and shame and say nothing more than maybe y’all should have practiced what you preached!

Life has taught me to never presume or assume anything of anyone, it’s full of surprises and people even more so. I’ve gone way past thinking ‘they would never’, full throttle to ‘you never bloody know!’ – because you never do! If you really are interested, ask, it’s that simple.

I try my best not to interfere in other peoples business and/or relationships but if we’re close and I see something that causes concern I’m not afraid to talk up, which sounds like a contradiction of the above but it’s said under the right circumstances. If I can see someone’s not appreciating your worth or something’s not right, I have been, and will continue to be, that friend that tells it straight – not in a horrible way, but with love and straight up real talk! That’s what REAL friends do – be it a wonky weave or a wasteman!

 

 

 

R.I.P to the London Bridge 8 and all of those who have lost their lives this week.

Giving credit where it’s due to Diane Abbott. I’ll put my hands up and say I’ve never been a big fan or paid much attention to her purely because I’m not big on politics, but after reading up on her history I salute you! You may have made a few gaffs recently but put them in comparison to what you’ve achieved and it ain’t a thang! Rest up Queen, you’ve earned it!

Think Before You Speak, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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What’s On Your Mind?

It’s ironic that the day I choose to get back on my writing game is the morning I wake up to hear about the nightmare in Manchester.

The irony is the sole reason I had to take a break is because I’d literally had my fill of people and the blatant lack of humanity. I’m not naive, I know we’re not all saints and some people are straight up bastards, but when you’re facing them head on and feel the effects of what they are capable of it’s a whole other story.

When their actions involves the loss of children it cuts deeper still. The act is bad enough, but to knowingly target kids is lower than low. What kind of a world are we living in? My heart truly goes out to those who died, the injured and their families.

For nearly a year I’ve posted weekly and very rarely have an issue with finding a topic, last week was no different. I was good to go and then something happened, and in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t life threatening or anything I hadn’t experienced before, so it shouldn’t have meant a thing, but it was just enough to make my cup runneth over!

We all have our lot in life and I’d like to think I’ve handled the shit that comes flying my way relatively well. For the most part I just carry on and try to make it through the day alive. I’ve learnt from the lessons life has taught me (sometimes it takes a couple of goes but I get there eventually!), and I try not to let too much stress me, but when it’s something or someone I love I can’t just switch off – especially if someone else is taking absolute liberties.

One action caused a chink in my armour. I sat blubbering to my cousin wondering why I was feeling the way I was considering it was nothing new. Unnecessary drama by others made necessary because it starts off a chain reaction.

After nearly 2 years of it I’d had enough. 1001 thoughts ran through my head as to where to go from here. I was sick and tired of it all but stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Then she reeled off all I’d been through and I became aware I was actually going through the five stages of beef:

Denial (No one can be this messed up, it’s not true😲)

Anger (Who the fuck do they think they are!?😤)

Bargaining (How much do you reckon a hitman costs?👀)

Depression (How am I still dealing with this punk?😞)

Acceptance (I accept you’re a cunt and always will be!🖕🏾)

May 8th – 14th was Mental Health Awareness Week and I was fortunate enough to be aware of mine being rattled. A lot of us go through things physically yet don’t realise the strain on the brain.

There are a number of reasons as to what causes these issues but the most important thing is to deal with it. I recognised I needed to talk to someone, others are unaware and may need a push for their own good. They may just need to step back from it all and talk it over like I did or they may need drugs and therapy – don’t feel a way! A mind is a terrible thing to waste and it’s not just about education. Be it beef or grief, get the help you need as I’m hoping those who were affected by Monday nights tragedy get the help they’ll need. Children are only resilient up to a point and they literally are our future, we need to do our best by them because right now it’s looking like anything goes!

 

 

R.I.P to all those who lost their lives this week, especially in such a senseless way in Manchester.

R.I.P Frankie Paul – I’m sure you’re passing the tu-sheng peng up there.

R.I.P Sir Roger Moore – shaken, not stirred

 

The Mind Matters, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Law And Disorder 

Pinch, punch, first day of the month and all that jazz. I’m moving on from the babies of last week and fast forwarding to the late teens. In October my eldest daughter will be 18 – supposedly an adult in the eyes of the law.

Despite whether or not I believe she is capable of living an adult life, the law says she can. It got me thinking who wrote these laws we’re suppose to live by and who’s in charge of updating and/or amending them?

I mean, the same law states that it’s legal for a 16 year old to have sex, allowing them the possibility to become responsible for another life, but they still need to be accompanied by an adult to have a cider with a meal if dining out. Now tell me there’s nothing wrong with this picture?

Transitioning from a child to an adult usually involves a heavy dose of hormones and headache. They can jump from one emotion to another in a heartbeat and somehow every issue they face is your fault.

I’m lucky to have not been tested too much by my girls as yet but I’ve had cause to watch them sideways and sometimes wanting to pinch, punch them when words STILL don’t sink in, but after a few more choice words I manage to restrain myself and retreat to my boudoir for some deep breathing and herbal relief.

It’s not really my thing but back in the day you could discipline your child with a slap and it wasn’t an issue, in fact it worked wonders for some. I’m not talking about assault and battery but a tap to show that their behaviour won’t be tolerated.

Nowadays a hand doesn’t even have to twitch before the kid’s talking about child abuse and reaching for the phone to call Childline; which is great in the right circumstances, but not if the “abuse” they are calling about is because mum won’t let you out because you haven’t cleaned your room. Don’t get it twisted, some of these kids can be straight up terrors and will get you shot in the blink of an eye!

A few weeks ago I read about a mother of 4 being tagged because her eldest refuses to stay in school. He has learning difficulties and his specialist school was closed due to lack of funding so he now has to attend a mainstream school that he can’t keep up with and is being bullied in. Despite being bigger and stronger than her she manages to get him there but he subsequently leaves.

She has asked the school for help and asked for him to be moved to another school and had no joy with either. She’s done all she can and has 3 other children to deal with (who have perfect attendance) and yet the powers that be’s answer to her problem is to tag HER because she can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink. Tell me who and how that is helping please? And what message is that sending out to her son apart from him being able to do what he likes whilst mum faces the repercussions?

As parents the majority of us try to do the best by our children and steer them in the right direction, which isn’t easy when you’ve got a government that has helped to create Generation Effed and is happy to leave them by the wayside and blame you for not dealing with the fallout.

We can only try our hardest and hope and pray they emerge as well rounded adults. There are a lot of factors that go into making them what they are and we can be held responsible for some but not all. We brought them into the world and they will always be our babies, but they will ultimately grow up and make their own choices and mistakes.

Personally I believe it’s nature that determines the type of person we will become rather than nurture, although it plays a part. A saint and a sociopath can have the exact same loving upbringing yet travel down very different paths so don’t be too hard on yourselves parents – with all the obstacles we face, we’ve done well to get them this far! #RealTalk

 

 

 

Congratulations Anthony Joshua – I can’t stand boxing but applaud your achievements.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

 

God Bless The Child, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Baby Love

What a week the world has witnessed! Waaayyyy too many topics up for discussion and unfortunately the majority of it is highly depressing and I don’t have the energy to attempt to decipher it. One story in particular gave me food for thought though, especially as it was my daughters 15th birthday on Saturday.

Being a parent was a choice I made knowing it wasn’t going to be easy, but you never really know how hard something is until you’re in the thick of it. Thankfully, I have so far been able to handle (just about!) what was bestowed upon me twice. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for many, some through no fault of their own, but others choosing to handle things in ways I will never understand.

I don’t remember giving birth to my daughter. Some may say that’s a good thing but for me, not so much. It wasn’t that I was high on drugs or so zoned out it became some sort of surreal experience, and I will explain fully another day, but the outcome was completely losing all memory of having her and being introduced to this little red-skinned cutie two weeks after having her and not instantly knowing she was mine!🙈

In fairness to myself, her sister was darker when she was born so I was expecting to see the same ok!! Jokes aside, I’m not sure if it was nature or nurture that kicked in but it took no time at all to bond with her. She was mine and I loved her. The fact that she was as chilled as you like was an added bonus but even if she wasn’t (take a bow firstborn!), it wouldn’t have mattered, she’s a baby I created – totally helpless, dependent and my responsibility. I wasn’t about to, or would ever intentionally, let anything bad happen to her and 15 years later things ain’t changing!

I know hate is a strong word but it doesn’t even come close to what I feel about adults that choose to abuse babies and/or children. I’ve recently had the pleasure of cuddling a couple of newborns and it makes my blood run cold that some could even think about causing something so tiny and precious harm. There are no excuses in my eyes and I was utterly disgusted at a story I read about an abhorrent couple named Jeffrey Wiltshire and Rosalin Baker.

They staged the death of their 16 week old daughter Imani, and made it appear she had fallen ill on a bus, knowing the poor child was already dead. By all accounts they are drug addicts, with 52 year old Wiltshire being the “father” of 25 children. He insisted he’s not a life taker, he’s a baby maker. Is that so? Well this baby maker left his daughter with 40 rib fractures, a broken wrist and terrible head injuries so I beg to differ. I can’t even imagine how you manage to fracture a 16 week old baby’s ribs 40 times let alone the rest.

How could they do it? Why? I get that a teenager might push you to the point of wanting to do damage sometimes but what could a baby have done to warrant all of that hurt and pain? Why couldn’t they give her up if they didn’t want her? I’ve got 21 questions and then some but all I know is I’m hoping that there is a special place in Hell for those two and their like and Imani’s soul finds the love that was missing on Earth.

If for whatever reason you can’t love the child you were blessed with do them a favour and find someone that will because they didn’t ask to be here. I’m not going to glamorise parenthood as the real deal parents will know it’s a bloody hard job but it can be so rewarding…(eventually) for some! You may not see it or feel it at first but the rewards come in many different ways.

Some people simply aren’t cut out to do the job but there are plenty of people out there who would happily do it for them if given a chance. Without trying to offend anyone religiously or otherwise, there are options if you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy or a baby/child you cannot handle.

I don’t believe in abortion as a form of contraception but I do believe women should have the choice, especially if the pregnancy is the result of rape. If the pressure is too much after you’ve given birth, seek help! Ok, I said I’m not trying to offend but I’m straight up going to now. There are certain religions that will do you down for having an abortion, being unmarried or marrying out of their comfort zone, but turn a blind eye to the abuse and murder of children because their abusers wear cassocks and habits.

They will tell you how it’s unnatural and perverted for two men or two women to raise a child whilst fiddling the choirboys/girls on the side; but that’s not perverted at all!

For me parents are people who can provide love, safety and a sense of stability. I would rather a child be loved by unconventional parents than abused by the ‘norm’. I’ve heard stories of single people being turned down for adoption or fostering with the only reason being they are on their own. Why?

Isn’t it better for them to have the love of one than none? Imani had both parents and look what happened to her. I’ve said it before; just because you can make a baby it doesn’t make you a model mum or dad, and just because you can’t have one naturally it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be one. Here’s hoping the world wakes up some time soon.


R.I.P Ugo Ehiogu, Germaine Mason and all those who have lost their lives this week.

 

I Got You Babe, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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