“Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day…”
John Coffey ~ The Green Mile
I’ve seen a few posts on social media asking what’s one thing that being in downtime (lockdown) has taught you. I responded to one and told the truth – nothing.
All it has done is highlight a lot of things I was very much aware of beforehand. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs I’ve been through enough in my lifetime to see things a little more clearly and appreciate and celebrate life. Ultimately I’m a lover not a hater. I love life and I can fully understand tolerance, patience and forgiveness – but only to a certain extent.
The past couple of weeks have been testing for me. Obviously with the world being the way it is now it’s a trying time for everyone, but so far I’ve been reasonably ok, so I’ve been trying to pinpoint exactly why it is that I’m feeling the way I am. I took into account the current climate and the fact that Mother Nature did her monthly rounds and I realised that my hormones were raging – but then I realised something else. It’s fatigue.
Like John Coffey said, I’m tired. T👏🏾I👏🏾R👏🏾E👏🏾D👏🏾
I’m not a fan of politics or religion and I’ll avoid both like the plague if I can. I know there are those who feel strongly about these subjects, and more power to them, but for me they are entities saturated in so much fuckery and corruption I have no interest in wasting my time trying to figure them out. Some may well see it as me being ignorant, but I have my reasons, and if anyone is interested I’ll gladly tell them what they are.
I don’t claim to be an expert. I just know what I know and feel how I feel. If you’ve read any of my R.I.P’d Off! blogs you’d already have a gist.
So when I awoke one morning and popped onto Facebook to see Bore-us Johnson’s face all up in my timeline and people inviting me to clap for that clown, I wrote a post to let them know what I thought about it. I made it clear they’d be no form of clapping or sympathy for him from me. For a start, wasn’t it he who publicly stood and ignored the warnings given and visited a hospital – A HOSPITAL – shaking hands with people? I stated that if any “friends” took offence at my post to delete me. I lost a couple but the way I see it they weren’t friends in the first place, as friends would enquire. We don’t necessarily have to be on the same page on all things to get along.
One such person responded to my post before deleting me. I had made a comment about Bore-us being just as bad as those who were blatantly ignoring protocol and was told I need a reality check. Me or you my “friend”? Bore-us is actually WORSE than those people as he is supposedly a leader and to set the example we follow. And now it transpires that he possibly ignored meetings and advice given about how to deal with Covid-19 weeks prior to the outbreak in the U.K.
And you would have me clap for this fucker? KMT!
I make no apologies about it. Some people are quick to forget things. I’m not…wait, let me take that back. It depends on what it is, and in this instance there was a lot to remember when it came to my issues with our grate leader.
It’s bad enough when the average Joe decides to give us his two pence worth on his thoughts about immigrants, but when derogatory remarks are made from someone who is supposed to be fair and impartial and running the *cuntry you live in, it makes it hard to ignore and easy for others of their ilk to think it’s acceptable behaviour.
Not only has he proved what he thinks about us, he and the Tories decided to show us too by underhandedly abandoning the Windrush generation and forcing them into poverty and ill health, then forcing them on a plane ‘back to where they came from’. They openly stood and applauded not giving NHS and other key workers a fair living wage, did the dirty on the victims of Grenfell and thought they were slicker than slick with Brexshit.
What better way to get rid of the rest of the pests by labelling them as low skilled and 10 a penny. We don’t need them if they can’t prove to be worth £25,000 or more. We’ve got this! This is England. We’ll pull together and show them what we’re made of…only there’s a problem with that…
It mainly lies in the fact that they are patriotic to a fault. The fault being that they forget that their *Grate Britain is so great because of the blood, sweat and tears of a lot of the minorities they despise, disadvantage and dismiss. If they were to really check facts and strip away all that was robbed from other countries to benefit them they wouldn’t have much to shout about. Not even over a cup of tea with 2 sugars.
Right now there is no shadow of doubt about the roles immigrants and ethic minorities play in helping the country to survive, but there are certain collectives who, no matter what kind of information you put before them, fail to see our worth. It couldn’t get more prominent now and it needs to be remembered.
Piss poor apologies mean nothing and as HIStory shows that’s all we’re ever given!
To top off my mood, a few days later I saw some footage that has been hard to swallow. China – ground zero for this whole madness that we and the world find ourselves dealing with – had supposedly eradicated Covid-19 in their cuntry until some recent cases that they are now saying is being spread by Black people…
Yep! You heard right.
Despite not testing positive for Coronavirus, they have been thrown out of their homes, beaten, abused and denied access to shops, restaurants and other amenities with little to no help from authorities. China are to blame for causing it, but let’s forget that and divert attention and look at these dirty Black people spreading it. It gets me so mad, but to be honest it doesn’t surprise me. It seems like it’s only a matter of time before we get to be the cause of every negative going.
It’s an age old tale. They love our climate and natural resources, some even love our culture but they don’t love us, and feel that we’re not worthy of having anything they consider to be of value. All the while we’re welcoming them into our countries and not focusing on the bigger picture. They don’t love us or want to integrate – they want to take over. And they’re doing it. How many Chinese shops and businesses in Africa and the Caribbean have Black people working in them? How much land do they own? I’ll wait!
As “all about the love and not hate” that I am, and as tolerant, patient and understanding as I try to be, I have to confess that it’s running low – way low! I’m battling my negative emotions HARD! I have always tried to be kind hearted and accepting but it’s getting harder by the day. My fear is I’ll end up being as cold hearted as the ones causing us pain but I’m truly sick and tired of people being ugly to each other and especially my people. We’ve been used and abused for centuries and enough is enough.
2020 and downtime has shown us that we can do things differently and adapt to change – well the majority of us anyway. Now is the time for a lot of us to wake up and really look at what’s going on and work on a solution to the problems we face. My anger isn’t just at those taking the ‘berties but our own people who are allowing it to happen. The corrupt governments and money hungry leaders thinking that they’re good because they’ve been given backhanders. What happens when you’re out of power and the money runs dry???
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but most things worth fighting for aren’t.
Thankfully, right now my aromatherapy diffuser, essential oils and herbs have been working its magic and I won’t be out on the streets causing a revolution…not yet anyway!
And breathe!
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives.
Well done Captain Tom Moore.
*no misspelling
Well!! 2020 has certainly come in all guns blazing! I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I did have an idea as to how I’d like it to be…needless to say it looked nothing like this!
From the get go there have been occurrences all around the world of biblical proportions. Not that I’m religious, but the majority of us have heard about what’s to come in the end of days according to the book of Revelation, and we’re coming pretty close to its description. Fires, floods, hailstones the size of grapefruits, a plague of locusts, and now to top it off we have a pandemic – and it’s only March.
The majority of signs are there and honestly, the way things are going, if come April 1st someone were to tell me the four horsemen of the apocalypse were parading through Slough high street I’d probably think hard before dismissing it – especially as they’d probably feel right at home there.
There are a lot of conspiracy theories as to how and why the coronavirus has arrived. Whether it be bat eating Chinese, 5G or Bill Gates ‘great corrector’ thesis; the effects have been felt worldwide. No matter who you are it will effect you in some way, shape or form. The most notably universal one being lockdown!
I’d like to say I’ve been amazed at the way some people have handled things but that’d be a lie. The levels of greed and selfishness have been astounding, from the stockpilers making it hard for our elderly and most vulnerable to get the simple basics, to the multi billionaires who don’t want to give a tiny fraction of their money to help the ‘little people’ that made it possible for them to accumulate their huge wealth.
As frustrating and annoying as this lockdown may be, we’ve all been given reflection time and should try to appreciate it. For those of you who think it’s a pointless exercise you can at least take comfort in the fact that as well as helping others stay safe, you’re helping Mother Nature out too. Our planet has been bawling out for the longest while and now she gets a chance to breathe a little more freely.
I think we can all agree that there’s no doubt as to who the real superheroes have been. Each and every frontline, key worker who has done their utmost to keep the world ticking over and keep us alive. I’ve seen the most wonderful acts of kindness in these troubled times and online communities offering every kind of support and advice. Naturally there are those who can’t help themselves and take advantage. In my opinion these people are worse than the virus we’re dealing with. To try and make a profit out of peoples hard times and misery is abhorrent.
I don’t care how much I like dumplings, I will not pay £3.99 for a 500g bag of plain flour! You’d best believe every shop I’ve seen taking the ‘berties will never get another penny of my money and get reported to trading standards. I definitely won’t be Ceeing U Next Tuesday, Sorry!
Also in that category are the likes of Bore-us Johnson, Priti Pathetic and all of those conservatives who now want to show love to the ‘low skilled’ workers. It’s ironic that the same Windrush generation who Priti gave a half arsed apology to not so long ago, and they were quick to deny their rights and fling out of Grate Britain on the sly, were some who were the backbone of your magnificent NHS.
For all his talk of others making a fuss and wearing gloves, Bore-us has now supposedly got the virus himself! Good for his backside! Who don’t hear will feel as they say. I have little sympathy and if I pray for anything it’s that he sees some form of sense now in how he treats others on every level.
I’d remind you that whilst they were all stood on their doorsteps on Thursday night giving a worthy clap for all of their beloved NHS staff, it wasn’t that long ago they were clapping at the fact that they were not going to give those same, low skilled workers a fair wage whilst toying with the very foundation of the service.
For those who couldn’t see it before, it’s as clear as fucking day now! They’ve more than proved their worth. No one is denying they had and still have their issues, but it cannot be disputed that they are a valued and much needed service that should be protected and funded to make life easier for those that put the effort in 24/7 and were very much under appreciated before this pandemic.
They can pull countless millions out of their ass now – where was it before? To every person who, like myself stood and clapped and cheered and whooped, I hope you remember the feeling you had and carry it with you when this is all over and demand that the government do what is right by them. It benefits us all in the long run. At some point in your life you or one of your loved ones will need them. It’s something we should all be invested in trying to better.
In the meantime I’m gonna try and better myself and make the most of this downtime. Somehow it’s easier on my soul to call it that than lockdown! I started loc’ing my hair again 3 weeks ago today and it’s at that Coolio stage so I’m grateful to be out of sight for a while!
I’m also trying to work on my body. Like most I’m having trouble socially distancing myself from the whole damn kitchen not just the fridge, but I’m determined not to be rolling out the gaff in a few weeks time. My saviour has to be music. Netflix and books are all good but no matter what I’m going through or how I’m feeling music always has an answer.
These are serious times folks, but a few simple steps can make a difference for all. I don’t need to tell you what needs to be done – it actually couldn’t get any easier but people are dumb and make life harder than it has to be. Don’t be that dick I beg you please!
Try to breathe life in, under a mask if you have to, but just try and find a bit of peace. It’s not like you don’t have the time. Technology allows us the luxury of being able to connect with those who you can’t see on the regular anymore and reconnect with those who you haven’t for a while. Now is the ideal time for so many things. Don’t waste it.
I truly hope we learn from this and it’s not a forgotten blur once we’re (hopefully) back to normality. Big love and positive vibes heading your way.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives and those currently fighting this virus. Wishing you all a speedy recovery.
Sending love and best wishes Linda. Hope you’re on the mend soon.
Happy 3rd Earthday/Birthday Tula. Can’t wait to see you and give you a squeeze!😘
⚠️WARNING!!: If you’ve read my blogs before you’ll be aware I like the odd smattering of expletives here and there. I could apologise but I won’t. It’s MY real talk and how I express myself, obviously not all the time – there is a time and a place. HERE IS MY TIME AND MY PLACE! I’m just giving you a heads up: There’s a couple of strong ones today!!
Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I’ve heard it being said and even muttered the saying myself as a kid, but the truth of the matter is I was only lying to myself. It’s a crock of do-do! No, they can’t break bones but they can cause pain – they can make your heart ache – and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that they hurt you.
I had my fair share of petty drama as a teen but as an adult I avoid it like the plague! “Ain’t nobody got time for that!!”
I’m not saying I’m friends with everybody. There are a few people I really don’t like but it ain’t a thang! I see you, but I don’t see you and life goes on. They quite literally mean nothing to me and I understand the value of time so it will not be wasted on “nothing”. The majority of the time I’m an easy going person, I live and let live. I know my worth, I don’t allow people to cross many lines and I know how to lock people off, but sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes a situation arises where as much as you try to be the better person you can’t escape a little drama whilst dealing with it because you’re faced with a special breed of people. I like to call them CUNTS.
Harsh words are never welcome but at times need to be spoken. Every once in a while certain people need to be put in check and told a few home truths. #JustSaying
Thankfully I don’t have to do it often but when I do, for me, the reason they’re receiving the tongue lashing is a build up of so much bullshit either being said or done I can no longer bear the stench. It may come across as harsh but it’ll be based in truth. I’m aware that those words hurt the person on the receiving end (or possibly not as it’s debatable whether they actually have feelings) but, in my eyes, that pain can be classified as being self inflicted on account of being a cunt. #YouBroughtItOnYourself
Cunts have the ability to throw you off balance. The most grounded person can be rocked by another persons cuntish behaviour. They come in both sexes, all colours, creeds, shapes and sizes but share many nasty characteristics and qualities. Their cuntishness knows no bounds and can range from small time cunt – like the ones who now feel it necessary to shout abuse and tell every person of colour in England to go home, or major cunts like the government and the most recent terrorists in Turkey. They have the knack of pushing the right buttons to really upset you and make you wanna fuck up a bitch! As cool, calm and collected as we may appear to be (👀), we’re human, we have feelings and cunts can inflict pain with words like no other, which as well as causing anger can also have some sliding down a slippery slope to dark places.
My pain was caused by words that come straight out of left field and knock you for six. It kinda stops you in your tracks for a hot minute as your head and heart register what was said. It’s said just in the right tone or just at the right time to inflict the most damage. It’s bad enough if it’s from a random stranger but when it comes from a supposed “loved one” it cuts all the more deeper. Unfortunately for me I’m dealing with the latter type at the moment, with words and actions combined they are the hardest to ignore and forgive.
Unfortunately for them their words are not enough to break me fully, but inspired me to write a few of my own. The pain they caused has subsided substantially and their actions I am dealing with as best I can. A little down but never out – believe that!! These cunts picked the wrong bitch to mess with.
I believe you shouldn’t hold things in that upset you. Negative energy’s not the one. Better out than in and all that jazz. Release that shit and keep on moving! I also believe you shouldn’t allow anybody to try to bring you down or disrespect you no matter who they are to you, especially if, like me, you know your worth.
I try to stay as positive as I possibly can be, but as I’ve said time and again I’m a realist, and I know it’s not possible all the time. I’m not a big fan of airing my business and I’ve never felt the need to name and shame but under special circumstances (and for especially cunty cunts) I’m willing to make an exception to my rule. The only reason it hasn’t been done already is because I have no option but to bide my time…for now.
There’s been a mild breeze in the air but hear me when I say Hurricane Dawn is brewing!!
Watch what you say people. No matter what the old adage says WORDS HURT!! I’m very careful with mine. It’s a shame others are not the same because once they’ve been said they cannot be taken back, but they can be remembered for a long time. Some will soon be reminded of their words. #Cunts
R.I.P Turkey 43
R.I.P to all who have lost their lives this week
Think Before You Speak, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“What’s worse, lookin’ jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy? Or like, being walked all over lately, walked all over lately. I’d rather be crazy.”…
Beyoncé ~ Hold Up
Two weeks ago my mum unexpectedly passed away. As you can imagine it hasn’t been an easy time. Despite her being in her twilight years and having dementia and knowing it’s inevitable, I wasn’t ready. There was no prep time. No warning. No final goodbye.
It was nothing we hadn’t been through before. She had been admitted to hospital with a chest infection and would be fine once the antibiotics had kicked in. I’d been there for hours and it was late and I was told to go home. She’d be fine and discharged back to the home in the morning. I wrapped her blanket around her, kissed her and told her I loved her and I’ll see her tomorrow.
I did see her, but not how I expected. I got a call just after 5am telling me she wasn’t looking good and to come now. I was confused. “What do you mean, not looking good? You said she’d be fine? You told me to go home!”
The nurse told me it was a suspected heart attack, so naturally I threw some clothes on, made the necessary calls and rolled out.
I was the first to arrive, and I knew as soon as I was asked to come and sit in the relatives room instead of by her bedside what the deal was; but I still needed to hear it. I had been alright up until that point. As soon as she said she’d gone I was a mess. It was only a matter of minutes before I was joined by my twin and as soon as he saw me he knew.
With my hand on my heart I can say we did all we could to make sure she was loved and taken care of. Since she went into the home the longest my twin and I had not seen her for was a week – the week of our cousins funeral which we both attended in Antigua. Before I left I made sure I’d asked people to visit. Regardless of whether she could hold a running conversation or not, it’s always nice to see a different face and you don’t know what seeing it may trigger.
For some it’s just a waste of time. For me it was quality time. I have been accused of being to blame for mum being in a home. It’s all true. I fully accept my part in it. But when the Carry-Go-Bring-Comers get the scoop they forget to ask about the finer details. The multiple questions and reasons as to why. It’s all good. I have the answers as you’ll discover soon enough. In the meantime here’s two you can ask them.
How often did they see mum in the past year and how often did they take her out?
It’s ok. I’ll wait…
To those who have been vocal and for those who are whispering behind closed doors, I’ll set you straight. There will never be any chance of reconciliation with my siblings within my lifetime and possibly the next. I’m pretty sure it works both ways too. Apparently I’m an interfering, druggie, family wrecker with daddy issues who needs help, and I’m to keep on ranting on Facebook like the crazy Black woman I am!
Ok. If I must!
Call me what you want and say what you will. I would rather be me than anything like what others perceive themselves to be. I admit I’m not always a lady and I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, holier than thou – I’m as far from religious as you can be, but I’ve respected my mum all of my life and I’m not about to stop now as we lay her to rest.
If ‘people’ are looking for fireworks or some kind of show at her burial you’ll be disappointed so please don’t come unless it’s about showing your respect. Many didn’t when she was alive, and it’s actually ironic how some are more fussed about her dead body and what happens to it than when she was living.
Gotta make sure she has a good send off!
I think it was more important to give her the best life rather than a good send off. Some will see me as being awkward or stubborn or just plain outta order, and that is your right, but I am not in the habit of playing happy families to make other ‘people’ feel comfortable. I have no desire to ‘pull together’ now. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do? For who exactly? Her spirit has left. That’s what needed lifting when she was here. Fuck who wants to lift her coffin now she’s gone.
But that’s just me, and emotions are high, but as I was told I have to live with my guilt and my conscience. And I’m doing just fine on those levels! I can’t say I’m the best with the rest but I’m sure I’ll be fine in time. It just hurts like a bitch.
For now I’m going to try and deal with the flow of toxicity that has returned in my life, and do what has to be done and move on. It’s a struggle but one thing I know for sure is I am definitely Dolly Merchant’s daughter when it comes to my mouth, so I will continue ranting like the crazy Black woman I am for you, mum.
Whilst others may remain wrong and strong, so I shall remain right, tight and shedding light…when the time is right!
Thankh you Mama for the 9 months you carried me through and for being you. You’re finally at peace now and out of your dementia state. I hope you’re having a blast up there.
R.I.E.P Mumzy🖤
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.
Well! What a shitty end to the year and decade! And what a decade it’s been! I was hoping I’d have me a Bobby Ewing* moment and wake up in the shower to realise it was all a dream!
At the start I thought I’d realised the importance of how precious time was by leaving a job that was killing my soul; but it was nothing in comparison to the real eye opener half way through.
I’ve observed how some people judge and treat others without looking at their movements and realising they are the same, if not worse. I’ve lost real ones and real fake ones. I’ve fought cancer, fought family and fought for family. I’ve seen dementia (and others) rob my mum. I’ve lost my crowning glory and gained a disability. I’ve felt alone, been disowned, depressed, downhearted and cried me a fucking river – but I’m still here!
I’m calling it my Detox Decade! I had a major build up of toxicity which I’m almost done filtering out, and it’s left me heading into 2020 with 20/20 vision on certain aspects trust me!
I’ve had more than my fill of negative attitudes and bad energies. #MekItStayFarAway
Throughout all of the bullshit and the madness I’ve had my constants. The ones that show and prove and who have helped me through it all. Understanding that although I may have seemed alright on the outside, I really was a mess, and they did all they could to help me out.
Thank you for showing me what genuine friendship and love is all about. Y’all know who you are but I have to shout out the main one. The one who has seen me at my absolute worst and still loved me unconditionally. The one who took me from Miss to Mrs! My husband, Mr Biggs. Big love, respect and thanks going out to you from the bottom of my heart.🖤
The same for all of you who have supported me in every aspect and those of you who take the time out to read my ramblings! It honestly means a lot. I’ve taken a little break to recharge the batteries but there will be PLENTY more Tales Of The Dales and more to come in 2020. Stay tuned! #SoonCome
In the meantime, feel free to reread some of my earlier blogs and like, comment and share if the mood takes you.
Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it and I’m truly wishing you all the best that 2020 has to offer and beyond.
R.I.P to my little cuz Janel Merchant and all of those who have passed away recently. Gone but by no means forgotten.
*Google him😂
I know a lot of you are wondering where Tales Of The Dales has disappeared to. Don’t worry, I haven’t been silenced and I’m very much alive! There’s only one way I’ll be stopped and that’s via a court order, so until that happens – keep watching this space. They will return!
The fact of the matter is I’ve had some bad news recently, and as much as I enjoy writing TOTD, despite them being infused with humour, the majority of the memories are sad and negative ones about people who now mean very little to me.
Although it’s in the past, I don’t have the headspace to be thinking about them right now. Alongside an uncle passing away and the family drama that incurred, a cousin of mine is gravely ill and my focus has been on sending as much love and positive vibes I can muster her way.
When you go through the shit I have with my siblings it makes you question the word family and what it entails. I admit to at times feeling cynical about it, but certain members reminded me that the actions of a few shouldn’t tarnish the true meaning.
A lot of people knock Facebook and other social media platforms for creating issues and drama. That’s not the case. It’s down to how you choose to use it. For me, amongst other things, it’s been a great way to communicate with my people all over the world, and a few years ago I set up a messenger group page.
It was good to be able to fill them in on what was going on, and also to vent to people who knew me and had prior knowledge of how certain family members stood and the complexity of the situation.
It’s by far easier to sit on the fence for fear of offending or causing upset, but the reality is people can be both good and bad. If certain folk only want to highlight the good and can’t handle being called out on the bad that’s not for me to feel a way about, no matter how much they like to point fingers and shout about it, and I feel blessed and thankful to those in the group who fully understand that.
One such person is my cousin who is now fighting for her life. She is one of the most loveliest young women you could hope to meet, and helped me no end when I was getting married. She’s a character and a half and has a lovely bubbly personality. To think of her the way she is now honestly breaks my heart.
I can’t help but question the higher powers movements sometimes. Apparently everything happens for a reason and I’m hoping at some point some sense will be made of this. To be fair I questioned her (the higher power), when I was going through things with mum, but I now see it was (in the end) for the greater good. I’m hoping with all my might my cousin is not called up just yet. I know we’ve all got to go sometime…just not yet.
In life we’re given blessings and lessons. I’ve learnt to be grateful for them all – the good and bad. The lesson I got from my escapades with my family is to make sure you truly fully appreciate the ones who are there for you and show you they care for you.
All too often excuses are made as to why some don’t put the time and effort in. I’ve heard the most amount of bullshit reasons as to why some don’t bother coming to see my mum. The fact of the matter is as hard as it is for some to see her in a home, it’s not a fraction on how it must feel for her to live there, but it’s her home now so you should try your best to make it feel that way.
Presumption is a key factor. They presume because she has dementia it means she’s not worth the effort. What’s the point? She doesn’t remember shit anyway!…only she does, but you have to be around to see it. Because she has dementia you make more of an effort not less. But to each their own. You keep on doing you and I’ll keep on doing for those who need it.
Show your love and mean it. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the fucking walk! Tomorrow isn’t promised and life is way too short. If you haven’t said it lately, or ever, tell those you care about how much you love them. If you can’t muster up the words find ways to show it instead. It has the same effects and doesn’t have to be a grand gesture but can have a big impact and mean a lot, especially when it’s truly heartfelt.
R.I.P Uncle James and all those who have lost their lives recently.
Lil’ cuz, if prayers alone could see you through you’d have been out and about time ago. Keep fighting, and we’ll keep sending up and out the all the love we can.