Well dang!, it’s been a while! How you doing? I’d like to think you’re all ok, but I know for a fact that 2023 came in firing shots left, right and centre and nuff people caught them strays.
I’d love to say I managed to avoid being hit but that’s not the case. January was one hell of a month with twists and turns I’d never imagined – like, NEVER! I’ll get around to sharing some of those later, but firstly let me give you a lil’ overview.
I decided to write the Reality Check… blogs to cover three aspects of my life – Health, Wealth and Happiness. Supposedly the most important 3 things you need in life, which I agree with, but not necessarily in that order. I believe if you’re happy you’ll have an easier time with the other two (that’s just my philosophy!), but nevertheless I put them in that order. I made a start with parts 1 and 2, but didn’t feel ready for part 3.
I attempted on several occasions but could never get past a few paragraphs. I’d made actual steps to work on the health and wealth side (updates pending!), but the happiness part needed work! If you’ve read any of the Disclaimers, Tales Of The Dales or Family Matters you’d know this as I made my feelings and emotions crystal clear to say the least!😅
One of the main reasons I wanted to write my blogs was to tell my side of a sad, mad tale of fuckery and heartache that had been and continued to be in my life for the past few years.
It’s crazy the way the world works! I thought after mum had passed that I was ok-ish, well, ok-ish in the sense that I no longer had to be around certain members of my family and I knew that mum was at peace so it was fine. Huh! Little did I know the truth was on her way to slap me in the face and claw at my heart.
Mum passed away on the 3rd January 2020, and despite knowing she’s at peace whenever the anniversary rolled around I still couldn’t help but feel emotional and miss her. The week after the anniversary I attended a funeral of an old family friend of my mums. You need to consider my emotions were already high, and now I’m sat in a church listening to all of the hymns she loved and feeling the grieving family’s loss too.
I fully expected my brother to be there, so wasn’t surprised to see him. What I didn’t expect was for him to give a speech. It wasn’t in the order of service so I was totally blindsided. He and another lady were front and centre so I had no option but to look at him. I felt my heartbeat quicken and my ears getting warm and muffled. The first sign. A few folk know there is no love lost between us, and as I’ve mentioned I have spoken about it openly, so I knew a few eyes would be on me. Then as luck would have it a mobile rang out and everyone looked to see whose it was. Unfortunately it was the woman’s sat next to me, so if folk didn’t know I was sat there feeling uncomfortable as fuck they soon got to know.
I was with my husband but he’d had to pop out to move the car before he got a ticket, so the spotlight was fully on me and I was without my force field. Then it was my brothers turn to speak and as I listened to a particular story he regaled I felt like I was being battered emotionally. My chest hurt. My head hurt. My throat was closing and the hottest silent tears were streaming down my face. When I tell you I had to hold my shit together you honestly don’t know! My body was doing that shaky business when you try to hold the sobs in, and then I felt a hand on my shoulder from my friend Maureen sat on the pew behind me, and another old family friend, Geraldine, gave my knee a squeeze and sympathetic eyes over her face mask. Much appreciated Queens.
There were too many emotions in the mix, but the most predominant one was rage. Sign two. His ending line almost took me out. I realised I had been holding my breath. I wanted to scream and shout and get up there and rip his throat out, but naturally was aware of where I was so tried to focus on breathing and remaining sane. And then he was done and moseyed on back to his seat whilst I was left a teary mess.
After the service I had numerous people approach me and tell me how moved they were by my brothers heartfelt speech but I couldn’t manage to agree. As much as I didn’t want to cause a scene, there’s no way I could stand there and pretend I’d enjoyed it. I kept it civil but known that that was very much their opinion, but having been a part of the tale he’d told I had a slightly different outlook.
When I got home and reflected on things I understood that I’d only been fooling my damn self into thinking I was over the hold they had on me. I’d managed to disguise it because they were out of sight out of mind, but the higher power was CLEARLY telling me you gon’ learn today bitch!😂
I got the message that day, which is the only way you can truly deal with your issues is to deal with them head on. When you can face it and it doesn’t phase you only then can you claim to be good with it. With all of the above and other little signs I knew á la Kevin Hart – she wasn’t ready!! Fortunately for me I’m grounded enough to know what my issues are and I knew I had to find a way to handle it.
Even more fortunately for me, the week before I had accepted an offer to go away to a retreat for a few days at the end of the month, which turned out to be the beginning and the end. Beginning of the true NuDawn and an end to the ties. I’ve always been about the love, and love truly is key, but there was a big piece of me that had a VERY hard time with forgiveness, especially for my siblings and the years of bullshit.
I have finally found peace and it has been a long time coming. I’ve said time and again that I try to protect and preserve it but this!…this time is different. Hear me when I say:
NO ONE WILL BE ALLOWED TO DISTURB MY PEACE!
NO👏🏾ONE👏🏾
Love really did set me free and I will be deflecting all negative and/or toxic energy by using an any means necessary protocol. I’m not having it. End of. If you don’t hear me you will most definitely feel me.
I can honestly say I’m good now, but that road was far from fucking easy! I’ve re-read some of the old blogs and could clearly remember the thoughts and feelings, yet luckily for those involved they carry no weight now. I say luckily for them because the tea that was going to be spilled woulda had the devil begging to cool it down! When I say I’m the keeper of receipts MARK MY WORDS! That energy has gone* and been replaced, but it was a part of me, and I’m not about to deny it or shy away from it. You’ve got to know where you’re coming from to know where you’re going to.
I’ll be wrapping up Tales Of The Dales with a couple more chapters, but before I do I’m going to re-share the blogs containing the events that would be the pathway to eventually lead me to being the most at peace I’ve ever experienced in my Earthly existence to date. It turns out the signs were there, and although they had been acknowledged I didn’t have a scooby about their capacity!
With all of the above being said, I feel the need to write this now more than ever, in black and white so there can be no doubt. To all of my loved ones – friends and family alike – and anyone who has shown me love or bettered my life in any way, shape or form, I love you all and feel blessed to have received it and given it in return. Should I pass away tomorrow know that I managed to overcome all of the madness and sadness I’ve written about over the years and I am truly happy. The missing piece of my puzzle is complete. I’m genuinely all good and thankh you all WHOLEheartedly.
There will be an accompanying podcast to go over each blog because tbh, as much as I like writing it’d be way too much to type!
R.I.P Christina Brooks-Abraham, Paul Muhammad, Maureen De Silva, Tara Bailey and all those who have lost their lives recently.
Thee most amount of love and thankhs going out to Josh, Leon, Empress Naïma and the whole Daily Deposits Tribe!Y’all don’t even know!🖤💚
*Mostly! I’m still doing the work and saying the mantras so don’t test the waters just yet. They may still be a lil’ choppy!
Only Love Can Set You Free, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
I decided a while ago that when I returned back to work after taking care of Mum it wouldn’t be working for ‘the man’ wherever possible, and primarily it would be doing something that I’d always wanted to do. Obviously I know that it’s easier said than done. Them bills gotta be paid!, and it’s not easy out there for everyday folk.
I’m thankful that my circumstances so far have allowed me to stick to what I have decided – for now anyway. I’ve never been about the money. I know there are plenty of people out there who are on their grind constantly to make that paper and spend it on the highlife. I totally get that and more power to you, but that has never been the life for me. I’m not big on the materialistic. I’m not hating. Some people assume that’s your temperament because you don’t have the money, and your thinking would be different if you could afford it. I can’t deny they’re right in part, but it’s a very small part.
If I had a wealth of disposable income I’d no doubt have a few nice little touches – but honestly, overall I’m happy with my lot – which can sometimes be hard for others to understand or believe. I’ve already explained in Can You Feel The Beat?, so I won’t go over it all again – just know that there are many of us out here who it takes very little to make happy, and despite what you may think, we’re good! In that blog I talk about certain beats in life and setting your levels, and it’s exactly that that has me writing this today.
As I mentioned in Check 1, last year I was (still am!) going through some thaanggs, and my mojo took a hit to say the least. I had plans, thoughts and ideas but it was a struggle to get myself together and, full disclosure, certain things are still a struggle; but this year has been a lot more progressive, and an opportunity arose for me to do some work that I enjoyed and would be paid to do – a win-win if ever I saw one, so naturally I accepted the offer. I had a couple of meetings with them and then I started to feel the beat; and it was off!
Now I need to pause right here and give props to Queen Kelechi Okafor. If it wasn’t for me tuning in to her podcast and choosing the third tarot card reading people would be getting fully bought out and exposed.
F👏🏾U👏🏾L👏🏾L👏🏾Y!
But, I’m going to heed what was advised and hold my corner for now. Instead I’ll break it down like this:
The Beat
By beat, I mean what tune is being played? Are you in sync and rocking together, or is someone playing you like a fiddle and expecting you to jump to their beat? I had a few crystal clear signs that the people I was dealing with were of the latter thinking and that nah ga’ work! When you’re running or conducting business there is a basic standard and/or principle that should be set and, to be fair, it’s really not that fucking hard to do. Communication is key, and in this day and age there really are no excuses to be had when it comes to putting it into practice! But when you’re dealing with certain demographics it’s not about how easy or hard things are, it’s more to do with who they think they are.
Without getting too deep into my particular situation, the Black/White ratio was an issue here. And trust me, this isn’t about me playing the race card – more the raas card!
The Levels
Setting your levels is highly important. It’s basically another way of saying KNOW YOUR WORTH. People can only treat you how you allow them to. What are you willing to contend with? What are you willing to do or not do? How long do you let shit slide for? What are your boundaries? Under the right circumstances I’m pretty patient and tolerant. I know that we’re only human and things don’t always go according to plan and mistakes can be made, I’m not unreasonable; but understand when it looks and smells like a piss take know you get 3 strikes* and then you’re out! I really don’t business. That’s one of the levels I’ve set for myself as life is way too short to waste on fuckery and my time is precious!
There are things we all want in life no mater how big or small, cheap or expensive. How we go about getting it and what we’re willing to do for it is another thing. You should never be made to feel less than or tolerated, especially when the example others set are below your standards. I, for one, am not willing to play small, do myself down or sell my soul to the devil to get mine or what you have to offer. It sometimes amazes me what others will put up with to stunt on others.
Grandmama was giving her grandkids a reality cheque! Money can’t buy everything, especially integrity, and you don’t have to bend down or over and assume the position to get yours! Have faith, your time will come, and without you having to put up with other peoples shit.
For those who believe they are entitled to treat others like a claart don’t be surprised when you get raased up!
WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!
R.I.P Desmond Tutu, Betty White and to all those who have lost their lives recently, and forever remembering those who have passed away.
Wishing you all a Very Happy, Healthy & Blessed New Year And Beyond🖤
*Not every occurrence will get 3 chances, it depends on the severity – sometimes it’s one and done but, NEVER any more than 3!
Straighten Your Crown & Don’t Bend Down! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
If you could put a face to the phrase ‘Doin’ It For The Kids’, I’m pretty sure it’d look like my guest this week! After being introduced to the Orchard Youth Club by her friends at the age of 11, Rebecca Richardson’s sense of community spirit was set in motion.
For those of you who don’t know, The Orchard was a staple hub of the Slough Black community, offering a range of amenities and events to cater for us – day or night! They often showcased a range of talents, introducing well known musical artists, comedians and parties galore. For Rebecca (Bex to her friends), the joy of learning street dance and the multiple activities that were on offer triggered a want in her to be part of the action; and she soon found herself volunteering, progressing on to being given a part time job.
Music has been front and centre in her life, and as a child, in the comfort of her grandmother’s living room, her love of singing developed. Influenced by the church and gospel music, she aspired to and couldn’t wait until she was old enough to join the choir. That love has blossomed into her creating choirs of her own, most notably to date the Soulful Sistas Quartet and The Slough Community Youth Soul Choir.
On 30th July this year the Soulful Sistas launched their official video of their rendition of the gospel classic Ain’t Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around. These Sistas are definitely doing it for themselves, with this being the first of many to come and appearances lined up to perform at festivals and other events in 2022.
Her work with the Youth Soul Choir has gone from strength to strength too. The choir itself being an amalgamation of several different local schools, and their most recent performance being at none other than The Royal Albert Hall. It was an amazing experience for all involved and the kind of boost she’s adamant about providing for the youth.
The biggest instigator of her putting the choir together was her late, great, super multi-talented cousin and Slough legend, Dani Richardson. After losing his battle with cancer in 2018, Rebecca wanted to make sure that his love and legacy of all things musical continued, and her hope is to get more kids involved in every aspect.
She recognises that there is a wealth of talent out there and doesn’t want to see them pigeonholed in the stereotypical vision of the masses. Maybe I’m just blessed to know these kind of people, but like my previous guests, the aura and energy that is given off when she speaks about things is palpable.
Her passion knows no bounds, and for years now she has dedicated her services to educating the kids – not just in the musical field, but in knowing who they are, where they came from and formulating on where they are heading to. After securing funding one of her first projects was creating a ‘Nuseum’ in the high street, a new style museum where the kids were taught a wealth of information – not just the bog standard teachings synonymous with our history.
She’s a strong believer that Black History Month should be scrapped and covered 365 days of the year, (which if you’ve read my blogs you’d know I’m a big advocate of! A podcast discussing this very subject coming soon!), and the focus should be on ALL aspects of Blackness – the good, the bad, the ugly, the absolutely amazingly blacknificent!
Over the summer she took part in the Marcus Rashford initiative, making sure that the children who needed food and entertainment throughout the holidays were covered and learning new skills in a fun and safe environment. A TikTok video of the children performing the Breakfast Challenge went viral, being viewed over 20,000 times and retweeted by Mr Rashford himself, hyping up the kids no end!
On top of doing it for the kids, she also does it for herself and the adults, performing with The Upfront Reggae Band, which she informs me she’s been involved with for over 20 years, playing gigs all over the country. We reminisce and catch the most jokes of days gone by when she reveals it was in Tree Tops that she was first ‘discovered’ by the band members. One day I’ll drop the outtakes and you can join in the jokes too! #WhenISeeYouSmile
I have known Bex for many years and it’s not hard to understand why she’s so well received. She has a fun and bubbly personality, and it also has to be said that she’s one of those women who smashes whatever it is they turn their hand to! Like seriously, she’s a great singer, banging cook, she can do hair and has a fantastic rapport with both youngsters and adults alike.
Her future wants and plans are to get more kids playing instruments that you wouldn’t necessarily associate young Black and ethnic minority children playing, and to eventually create an Urban Orchestra. She would also like to create cultural hubs that cater for the different ranges we have in our diverse town. Naturally she’ll start with the Black community, but can’t stress enough it’s ultimately about unity and having a connection and understanding of all cultures and hopes that the hubs will allow that to happen.
With her sense of purpose and determination there’s no doubt in my mind that she will achieve this and add to the multitude of good she has already done for the community of Slough. Queen salute going out to my girl!
If you would like to contact Rebecca or are interested in finding out more the Slough Community Youth Soul Choir you can find them on Facebook and Twitter
I don’t know many people out there who knew from an early age what they’d like to do with their life. Hell, I’m nearly 47 and only just putting my hopes and dreams into play! But for some, not only do they know, but they put in the work from the get go to make them come true and through.
This is most definitely the case for this weeks guest, Portia Walker. It’s the first time I’ve had the joy of meeting her in the flesh, but I’d heard about this young Slough woman many years previously. Although they are a little more prominent now (very little), having a super talented young Black girl playing football and killing it was a rarity back then, so naturally she stood out from the crowd.
At the tender age of eight years old and influenced by her older brother, she started playing football for local teams. By the age of 10 she was trialling for Arsenal, Chelsea and Fulham, who she eventually signed for, but after a few months made the change to Tottenham, also playing at West Ham, Millwall and back to Tottenham once more.
Her talent cannot be denied and she continued to blossom throughout the years, mixing the sport she loves with a variety of different jobs and promotions in between. She was fortunate enough when she was younger to escape the racism that seems to go hand in hand with the game, but by her teenage years she couldn’t help but notice the presence of it within the industry.
This was to have a detrimental effect on her passion for the game, with her coming to the conclusion that it was no longer for her as she feels that there will never be a change when it comes to the powers that be truly tackling the issue (pardon the pun!) – although her love for it still strongly remains and she is still involved in different aspects of the sport.
But being the woman that she is, she wasn’t about to just sit back and blend in with the shadows. Instead she used her voice and platform, and in 2020 not only called out the W.S.L (Women’s Super League), for their lack of diversity in their campaigns, but off of the back of it, the WSL made the change within 2 days of her highlighting it. Although she appreciated the gesture, she found it very frustrating that it took them being called out to take action.
Spurred on by this, she made a short film, ‘Is It Because I’m Black’, with input from a range of other females, again highlighting the challenges faced by women of colour and in general within the industry.
It’s got to be said that there is an amazing energy that this young lady exudes, and with her infectious smile it’s an easy interview to conduct. What’s even more pleasurable to see is the fact that she is 100% confident in her own skin and happy with who she is. She freely admits that she struggled academically, but she knew where her talents lie and believes that everybody should be given the chance to shine and excel at what they’re good at without having the pressure of other peoples expectations of what it means to be smart and successful.
She’s out, proud and unapologetic about it – which is so refreshing to see in one so young and especially with being part of the Caribbean community – as some are unfortunately still stuck in their homophobic ways.
She may well tick a few boxes, but don’t ever proceed to think about putting her in one. There’s no hiding in closets for my girl! She’s truly smashed it to pieces and is dancing around the bonfire made from the remnants – probably to tunes she’s spinning herself! Not one to sit on her laurels, Portia taught herself how to DJ during lockdown last year and her talent has taken her from strength to strength, taking her from being headhunted to have her own show on Croydon FM, to DJing for Lost Girl at Leeds Festival this year, holding her own in front of a massive crowd and enjoying every minute of it. In fact, since conducting our interview she has just finished touring with Lost Girl supporting Dappy.
With all of the above, advertising campaigns for Adidas and Nike, appearances on BT Sport and guest mixing for Capital Xtra all under her belt, this twenty two year old has already achieved more than most her age, but she’s adamant that you’ll be seeing and hearing a lot more of her in the future; and I have to say I believe it, I’m here for it and look forward to it!
If you would like to contact Portia you can find her on:
We are all guaranteed three things in life; we’re born, we grow, we die. No matter who you are or what clout you may carry, we all have these things in common; but it’s the middle part that separates and/or defines us.
If you’re fortunate enough, you’ll forge great friendships within that growth section, that will hopefully continue on through to the twilight years. Our journeys can come with a number of twists and turns, highs and lows – the Black woman’s road even more so – and as women in general there is a hella lot we go through, especially when we reach a certain point along the path.
My guests this week like to describe that specific point as being ‘Middle-Young’ – which I personally couldn’t love any more! The Shelf Renaissance is a podcast that was created by two Slough Queens and firm friends Lydia Shekiluwa and Patsy Christian, after realising there was a gap in the market to cater for the category of Black women who are at that ‘Life-Beginning-But-Certain-Aspects-Ending’ phase!
They are accompanied by fellow co-hosts and Slough Queens, Margaret Shekiluwa and Hellen Lawuo-Meena, and collectively call themselves a tribe. They are a sisterhood addressing different aspects we associate with being adults, and whilst forever keeping it real, each topic is handled with a level of research, compassion, insight, and the perfect balance of infectious humour. Their main objective being to discuss a varying range of subjects and situations, bolstered by their lived experiences and seen through the eyes of the wise, incorporating three of their favourite things; catching jokes, drinking and spending time with the sisters!
Each episode is called a Campfire; bringing about the heat, coziness and warmth you’d feel if you were around a real one. There is a natural flow between all that, even if you personally don’t know who these ladies are, you can tell is genuine and inviting, giving the feeling that you’re sat with your sistas putting the world to rights! What’s also great is that there is a mix of West Indian and African descent, helping to break the old taboo of our cultures not mixing or getting along.
I have had the pleasure of knowing both Lydia and Patsy from a very young age, and as we sit around the table, I can’t help but be reminded of memories we’ve shared around different tables throughout our lifetime so far.
I have known Patsy, literally for as long as I can remember as our parents were good friends and my godparents. I have many fond memories of going to Patsys family home on numerous occasions when I was younger, but due to our slight age gap, I was closer to her younger brother. Over the years, the age gap that seemed so wide when I was small dissipated with the realities of life and adulthood.
Their home was always welcoming, filled and flowing with music, alcohol and good vibes – and me amazed at how, 1) their back garden was on the first floor, and 2) how many different varieties of Club biscuits Goddy Ursil always had on offer! Our parents had a truly lifelong friendship, and when my mum sadly passed away last year a big, totally unplanned, comfort to me was that she was buried right opposite her best friend.
Lydia and Margaret I have known since first school days, with our most prominent memories made from the early 90’s. The common room banter at Langley College and camaraderie which was to follow us through the years was one of a kind, with firm friendships being cemented. I couldn’t regale on our past without the association of bussin’ a tune or ten! Meeting up at the college disco with DJ Aki spinning the latest rhymes and trying not to choke on the heady mix of peoples body spray and body funk!
Black music had a number of different genres that were on fire in the 90’s, all of which we enjoyed – but you’d definitely have to crown them Hip Hop Queens! It was the era of finger waves, high top fades and many memories being made; the Shekiluwa sisters being synonymous with unity, as you very rarely saw one without the other.
The times may well have changed but the unity and vibes remain, only now they are sharing the isms and schisms that come with being middle-young!
Ok I admit it, I’m a tad biased, but I truly believe that these ladies, with their relatability and refreshingly real podcasts, offer up a bit of knowledge with a dash of melanin magic and a sprinkling of light relief – which considering the current climate is more than welcome! One of their punchlines is Stay Curious, and I encourage you all to do just that and check them out! Pour a brew, pull up a pew and listen to what’s on offer – especially as the new season of Campfires have just been lit!
Click below for all of The Shelf Renaissance media links.
If you order up a cuppa Coach Tee be prepared to get more than your money’s worth! She’ll come at you hot and in full force, with a kick to your nervous system to challenge any caffeine hit you can find.
I have known Tanya Brooks-Carty, aka Coach Tee, for a number of years so can personally speak on the ball of energy that is she! In fact, the day of our interview she cycled her way to meet me, her love of exercise leaving her pumped up and good to glow, whilst I eyed up Greggs wondering if I should pop over and grab a vegan sausage roll and see whether they’ve got London Cheesecakes back in stock yet.
There’s definitely something about her energy that cannot be denied, and she has the wild and wonderful personality to match, (with the hair too, as long as she can keep it in place!)
Tanya is a Slough born and bred entrepreneur who has had interactions with the Black Slough community from a very young age, in part due to her being the daughter of one of Sloughs most prominent features within the community, the formidable Christina Brooks-Abraham.
With the seed firmly planted, it nourished and grew, and at the age of 25 Tanya decided to branch off from Motivation – the family community group, and alongside a group of young ladies consisting of her sisters and friends, R.A.W – Real Ass Women, was born!
RAW started as a dance squad, performing a variety of dance styles and routines to a selection of Black music and participating in many performances, tours and video shoots.
Eventually Tanya ventured out on her own, starting with her dance/fitness classes, (and trust me when I say she will put you through your paces and have you wukkin’ up a sweat!), which has snowballed into a number of businesses and enterprises including her Pick Me Up Sticks – a collection of sticks emblazoned with positive words and affirmations to help pick you up when you need a lift or some guidance. They come in a range of different themes and are available for the young, old and in between to enjoy.
Her journey has productively continued on, with her becoming a life coach and mentor offering RAWtreats, brunches, seminars, workbooks, Sisterhood, networking events and Mindset to name a few! On top of all of that she has her exercise classes and a range of fitness products and online launches. Phew!
It’s totally unsurprising to me that she would at some point end up in the field that she is currently in. I can testify that her words work, as she was the instigator of me writing blogs and she seems to have an uncanny ability to pick up on things you may well dismiss. Not everything will be to your taste or you may find yourself wondering if certain aspects are for you, as I admit to wondering myself, but she has a saying of take what you need to proceed! #SipSip
She may not be everybody’s Cuppa Tee, but she may just be the perfect blend for you – and you don’t know until you try!
This mother of 2 has most definitely packed in a lot during her lifetime so far and I have no doubt there is a lot more to come! Ultimately she would love to build up our community so that her sons and the rest of the communities children can thrive and flourish in a creative and safe environment.
We’ll be watching this space Coach Tee!🖤
If you would like to get in contact with Tanya or purchase any of her products you can find her on:
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