After the passing of yet another good friend this week, I couldn’t help but reflect on some of the memories we’d shared, which in turn had me once again reflecting on friendships and relationships. I was sat on mums bench at the time, and then wouldn’t you know it, someone I used to speak to rounded the corner and walked past.
The joke is the reason we don’t talk is because I fell out with a mutual friend who put the call out to their minions that they too had to follow suit. Now, I’m fully aware of certain friendship codes, but in my opinion this didn’t warrant animosity from others. I didn’t break any of the commandments. I didn’t lie, cheat, steal their money, flirt with or fuck their man – I simply didn’t give them as much attention as they thought they deserved.
I’ve already explained it all in Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go! (Part 1), and my sentiments remain the same, but another emotion has been added to the mix since writing that. Pity. I watched this person and thought it’s a pity too many of us are sheep. It actually made me give a chuckle and a sad head shake. What a way to spend your life! It’s bad enough when we’re kids; it’s even sadder as grown folk. I already knew the lesson I’d learnt from our not talking but I sure caught the blessing that day too!
If I’m a friend of yours it’s based on my relationship with you regardless of how we got to know each other or your relationship with others. It’s not dependent on anything but the love and respect I have for you and your actions. Actions can be tricky though. Sometimes we can go through things that make us act out of character for a while, so you need to use your judgement. If it’s unusual give them time, but if it’s a regular nip that bitch in the bud!
The powers of hindsight and peace truly are amazing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any good times with those people; but I can see now that there was always an underlying level of negative energy and toxicity that was bubbling away. The contrast between that bunch and the friend I’d lost could not be more different.
I’ve managed to weed out a lot of the fake friends or they’ve fallen off naturally. It’s possible that they’ve grown in the years since we haven’t spoken, and I really do hope that’s the case; but I’ll be goddamned if I’ll ever be inclined to find out. My new and improved quality control won’t allow it. The friend count may be lesser in numbers but it’s abundant in authenticity.
I’m thankhful to have had some long and strong ones with many great memories made to more than balance out the shitty ones that came my way, and long may they continue. There is real power in laughter and good vibes, and I’ve been getting plenty of late!* I can’t reiterate how important it is to make memories and love on your people whilst they’re here. At some point it’s all we’ll have left, but if you’re lucky you’ll get to a point where you understand that true love never dies, it multiplies.
R.I.P Tony Cunningham. I hope you’re blaring tunes and having a blast up there! You’ll be missed by many. Sincerest condolences to Gardel and your family.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
*Shouting out the Shake The Room – Teatime Thursday/Thirsty Thursday Clubhouse room! Y’all had me weak! If you don’t know, please get to know! A special mention going out to Queen Pee – I mean Tee and tales of her special blend!🤣😂 Looking forward to sharing the madness with the masses!
Make The Memories Count, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
https://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/pexels-roberto-nickson-2775196-scaled.jpg17072560NuDawnhttps://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/IMG_0444-1030x1030.pngNuDawn2023-08-18 12:53:212023-08-25 12:54:50Memories Don’t Leave Like People Do
So, full disclosure, I didn’t write a blog last week as I’d been in a bit of a funk due to this and that and *almost all of it a negative vibe.
It’s possibly my hormones, but I’ve been feeling hella emotional of late, and an Instagram post of a social experiment had me feeling all kinds of a way, despite me knowing better. There were 2 blind guys, one Black and the other White with a guide stick and dark glasses on and they had them individually walk down a high street and side up to a member of the public who was the opposite colour to them and hold on to their arm for support.
The results spoke volumes. When the white guy approached the Black people all but two continued to allow him to hold on and help guide him, and even then there were other Black folk with the 2 who didn’t help who stepped in and took their place and helped him.
Reverse the roles and every White person shrugged him off and went about their business.
I felt that. And that’s just it, we feel shit. I’m not saying we’re perfect, and as is the same for most ethnicities there are the bad, uncaring and or prejudice/racist ones; but I believe for most of us our levels of empathy and capacity to love is greater than most. It’s almost as if it’s been passed down with all of the trauma, trials and tribulations of our ancestors. We understand what it’s like to suffer and be made to feel a lesser person and would more time choose love over hate. We will still give it regardless of whether or not we get it back.
Obviously you’d be a little startled at a stranger grabbing your arm out of the blue, I’m pretty sure I would be, but after assessing the situation there’s no way I’m not going to help, whatever colour you may be you’re human first. From the time those White folk assessed the circumstances and still decided to walk on by you know exactly where their minds were at. For some no matter what position we’re in we’ll always be a threat.
This is why when I hear things like, “I don’t see colour” or “If you stop talking about racism it will stop existing” it annoys the hell out of me. All you have to do is look at HisStory to see that’s a crock of shit. They would rather delete and deny their misdeeds or try to spin it and make it appear they were doing us a favour than admit it; and if we allow that to happen we leave the door wide open for them to try their fuckery again as it’s clear some are just waiting for those good ol’ days to return!
It’s people of that mindset that caused my mood to lift extensively and why I’m still laughing days later. I’ve said it time and again but, I FUCKING LOVE US!!!
If you don’t know you need to google the Alabama brawl. Long story short, a Black dock worker was minding his business and doing his job when a group of entitled White folk decided to start antagonising him, all under the watchful eye of a boat load of passengers and staff waiting to dock. True to their red neck roots, their energy took hold and they thought they’d assert their superiority and hit him. Well!! My brother threw up his cap and sent out the signal.
It started as one on one but when he started to get the better of the White dude his friends jumped in – and that’s when the magic happened. The Black folk cried a collective ‘Not today!’ – and it was on! It really needs to be seen to be believed as I can’t do the running commentary justice! It was a beautiful sight to behold.
Hear me when I say I don’t do violence. I can’t even stand watching boxing, BUT I’m a BIG believer in if someone hits you, tump their claart right back – especially in these circumstances. My mum always told me that and I’ve told my girls too. Turning the other cheek or being the bigger person and walking away only allows them to hit you again on the other side or push you down from behind. Their generations done had their fun and games with us – the buck has well and truly stopped here.
Fuck around and you gon’ find out. You start it and we will finish it. That’s a **S.U.R.T! Just like those White folk in Montgomery we’ll show and prove that despite what you may think we can come together as one – and swim!🤣…well some of us anyway! I’m your stereotypical but working on it.😅
Shoutout to ‘Blaquaman’ Aaren, the young King who jumped from the boat and swam to the dock workers aid. I can only imagine the adrenaline levels to swim fully clothed and still have the energy to fight. Bravo young man. You set many examples that day without even realising it.
Another shoutout goes to the Montgomery Chair! One brother got creative and used a folding chair to fight them off!🤣…allegedly…👀…I hear they’re looking for him and I know nothing.🤷🏾♀️…👀…
Talking of creativity, the Black internet is truly undefeated when it comes to bussing jokes! I’ve laughed ‘til I cried seeing some of the memes, videos and songs in response. One thing about us is we’re gonna find a way to have a joke no matter the situation – and we know how to do it well!
But we can’t be all smiles all of the time. We have our limits and Black people on a whole have surpassed theirs when it comes to so called White superiority and supremacy. Pardon my French but you can suck out! I’m all for peace and love for all mankind, but my kind will get a bigger portion every time; and if my thoughts and sentiments disturb you or make you see me in a different light that’s on you. I’m good!
Too many who have no real experience of what it’s actually like to live as a Black person wanna come and chat the most sheggery on how things should be and how we should behave. No, you shouldn’t have to big up your colour or creed but we’ve been done down for too long, despite bringing our culture, flavour and swag to every corner of the Earth, and we’ve learned the hard way that if we don’t show us love and stand up for us no one else will. Granted some of us could do with working on our unity a lot more but such is life. The rest of us will continue whilst you catch up.
I honestly could have burst with pride seeing that video. I love my people. I love my colour and I love myself enough to know that I will never let any White person try me or us – and I make no apologies. Y’all can have several seats!
As a self confessed sun child the past couple of weeks have been seriously lacking! Yep, I know we’re lucky to see the suns ass as “often” as we do, but dang! This dipping in and out business ain’t the one! As I posted on socials earlier this week – July, Ju really be lying! KMT!
Life always seems a little lighter when the sun’s out. It’s a great mood lifter, but if like me you’re missing the joy it brings, there are other ways to bring a lil’ pep back in your step!
Some of the best things in life are free and that includes the 4 basic elements of nature – Earth, Air. Water and Fire. This week I’ve appreciated each one at different points.
In regards to earth and air, I had a walk in the park with my playlist working its magic whilst breathing deep and taking in the scenery. It’s good to clear your mind. It doesn’t have to be a walk in the park or a long meditation session. It can literally be just closing your eyes and switching off for a few minutes.
We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle that we convince ourselves that we don’t have a minute to spare, but you should always attempt to find some you time, no matter the length.
I had a glorious shower after work. You know them ones where you’re feeling sticky and icky because you’ve sweated out of every orifice and have to double check to see if you’re catching a whiff of you…👀😅….well today was one of those days! It wasn’t me, but I’m sure I wasn’t far off, and that shower seriously felt amazing. I like to imagine that I’m not only washing away the grime of the day, but all of the stresses and strains too. It honestly helps to visualise them being washed down the drain.
So that brings us to fire, and ok this wasn’t free, but it was on sale, and I do love a bargain! I bought me some lovely lights for the garden with a flame effect, and as I walked down to the *outhouse they were twinkling beautifully in the dark to escort me to bring the REAL fire with the Mr – and that most definitely is free, and easy!
We had a christening to get to…😏🔥
I’ve also had a good few chuckles this week and it’s a tonic I swear by. As much as the Mr can wind me up sometimes, he’s always had the ability to make me laugh. I have to shoutout the ‘Not A Raaaaaaaarse’ Clubhouse room for the morning madness and mayhem too. A great way to start the day!
I fully admit all of the above is even better when you’re basked in sunshine in an idyllic environment, but an elementary part of being is to start from the inside out. Get the mindset right and the rest will follow. We may not always have the ways and means to get away and escape it all, but clearing your mind and taking a little breather to do you (or have somebody do you 😏), can be a great substitute…Ok, who am I trying to kid!?! I may have exaggerated on the great, but it is good! Free up some time, be your own sunshine and let the good times roll!
R.I.P Shuhada Sadaqat aka Sinéad O’Connor. A beautifully talented artist and activist who didn’t get half the respect she deserved. May you rest in peace and all those who have lost their lives this week.
*Apologies Nasheta, ya girl’s been trying but outhouse she remains!😂
Congratulations Mr & Mrs Weston on your upcoming first wedding anniversary.😍 Wishing a beautifully blessed day for a beautiful couple and many more to come.
It’s Elementary And Meant To Be, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
Believe it or not I really do attempt to live and let live, sip water and mind my business, but every once in a while you need to just talk the ting, and after some utter fuckery I’ve witnessed of late imma put my tuppence worth into the mix on the Transgender debate.
I truly don’t care what you identify as, but there are 2 lines I’d have you not cross – the manipulation and abuse of children and your approach on pleading your case.
I don’t personally know any transgender people, but my understanding of their change is that they don’t believe they were assigned the right gender that they were born with and want to be/live as their opposite sex. I get that part. Who am I to tell you how you feel? Do what makes you happy, but let’s not forget what you’re basing your changes on and can we get some boundaries put in place before making big bold movements.
I believe children should be protected and allowed to be kids for as long as possible without being involved in adult business. Obviously they need to be informed about sex and relationships when the time’s right and depending on their set of circumstances. I’m well aware that some children know their feelings from a very young age and can show signs of going in a certain direction, and it’s all well and good to discuss and act upon it, but within reason.
It’s only a short time that they’re kids. They can hold out on being pumped with hormones and all that comes with transitioning until they are more mentally prepared to handle it. The children of adults that have transitioned should be supported too. I saw a video recently that disturbed my spirit no end.
It was of a transgender woman who was highly emotional and distressed at not being able to breastfeed her child, but was still attempting to do so, knowing full well it was a futile effort but still insisting on doing so, telling us how he was latching on and she found it comforting. I’m sorry but no. She put it out there for the world to see her distress for clout and without any consideration of that poor baby. He’s not a prop, and there comes a point where lines need to be drawn.
I’m not asking for the whole trans community to be vetted, but when it comes down to involvement with kids Hell yes! And that’s not being biased because I would expect the same of all adults alike, no matter their persuasion.
I also read of one person who claimed to be a transgender woman so they put ‘her’ in a female prison and lo and behold ‘she’ managed to impregnate several cell mates.🙄
You really couldn’t make it up.
If they’re going to make moves like that at the very least the ‘woman’ in question should not have the ability to be able to get women pregnant. Why not make sure that they’ve gone through some form of medical procedure to ensure it won’t happen before placing them there? It shouldn’t be an issue for a real trans woman to accept. Why would you want to keep an appendage you detest so much?
On flip side, there are some that are so upset with their parts it’s verging on the ridiculous.
The fact that you may not want certain parts of your anatomy is fine, but it doesn’t give you the right to rename and reclaim what you decide would be a better description for genitalia. We all know that there are other terms used for those parts and it’s for the most part taken as is – with humour.
I would never expect any medical professional to call it anything other than what it is medical named – regardless of whether you want it or not, but one particular cancer trust has featured a glossary on its website stating ‘the correct language’ that healthcare professionals should use with terms such as ‘bonus hole’ instead of vagina to avoid upsetting transgender men…
They actually put that shit in writing. Bonus. Hole. It’s got me wondering what the name for an unwanted penis is? Chopstick? I’m honestly intrigued…
Speaking for myself and as a natural born woman, it kinda feels like a piss take – no pun intended. I can sympathise and understand the transgender plight and they have every right to be recognised, but can we do so without making demands on how it should be, degrading, demoralising and downgrading us?
It’s coming like a bad joke and women are at the butt of it. As much as the transgender community want to be respected we deserve the same in kind. That ‘bonus hole’ is the bringer of life – and at times misery. A woman’s lot is not an easy one and starts from a young age for some of us, and on top of that we have to fight for equality – now you wanna come bring wahala for those of us loving and accepting our natural, earthly form. KMT!
I know this may sound harsh but can we just reality check and real talk for a hot minute. I fully recognise and appreciate some people feeling like they’re born as the wrong gender. As an adult you can identify as what you like, which in itself is a slippery slope as predators like to take advantage and the populous is all too willing to bend so as not to offend; but somewhere along the line logic needs to come into play.
You can feel all the feels, dress and live as you like and make all of the medical enhancements you feel necessary, genetically getting close to being what you desire, but ultimately you will never be 100% all woman/man. It’s impossible, and no amount of foot stamping, clout chasing or name changing will change that fact, and that’s ok. Don’t let your main purpose get lost in translation.
You can live your life without encroaching on what you deem an anomaly and trying to make us feel lesser than because you do. Time is precious. Enjoy it and do you – but please do so without attempting to have us pander to fuckery and fitting into your a-gender. Pun intended.
R.I.P to those who have lost their lives this week.
Be Happy And Free ~ Just Don’t Involve We! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
https://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/img_2032-e1689932058362.jpg386800NuDawnhttps://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/IMG_0444-1030x1030.pngNuDawn2023-07-21 10:11:582023-07-22 08:15:30Lost In Trans-lation
From my mental, physical, spiritual and emotional bodies
‘Cause I know that spirit guides me
And love lives inside me
That’s why today I take life as it comes.”
Healing ~ India Arie
I’m happy to report that this week has been more peaceful than the last!😅
It did get me thinking though on the different types of people we’re tested by in life. It can be so easy for others negative energy to seep in and do damage, either by clouding yours or encouraging you to match what’s being sent your way.
I’ve been told in the past that I’m too nice, and when you’re so inclined it leads people to believe that they can take advantage and that you’re weak and gullible. I beg to differ. It takes real strength to stay on and maintain your path of peace. As pertaining to most things in life it’s invariably easier to go low than stay high, and there has to be that balance of light and dark to keep us in check.
It isn’t that people like me are too nice, weak or gullible – we’re not the problem. We are the light and I refuse to change who I am and follow suit. I will continue to give and show love. Since finding the art of forgiveness I’m more equipped to handle the problematic ones that slip through the net and fuck with my energy and disturb my peace, and even then it’s left with love, but from a distance!
In regards to last weeks drama I mentioned that this was a repeat case of BFD – Bullshit Fuckery & Drama. I’d been down that road with them once before and thought that we’d turned a corner only to buck up on a dead end.
It’s all good though, we all make wrong turns. You can do a u-turn and keep it moving. The mistake would be to keep going down that road and expecting anything different until you’ve been notified of things opening up.
Being your loving unapologetic self surrounded by likeminded folk makes for good times, great vibes and magical memories which is what I’ve had this week and long may love reign!
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Thankh you to the Queens of the NLC for lifting ya girl’s spirits with Wray, his nephew and crack cake!😂
Welcome home Hubby and thankh you for date night!😍 Jill Scott absolutely bloody smashed it! She’s such a beautifully talented being and her energy is phenomenal. I loved every minute.🖤💚
https://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/img_2031-scaled-e1689329613189.jpg10942560NuDawnhttps://nudawndiary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/IMG_0444-1030x1030.pngNuDawn2023-07-14 10:41:332023-09-12 20:26:09Love Reign Down On Me
“Cah some ah dem badmind some ah dem badmind Tek Weh Yuhself dem badmind Dis yah one ah fi prime time Dis ah fi prime time Tek Weh Yuhself ah prime time.”
Tek Weh Yuhself ~ Mr Vegas
Woosah!!
Not a week after telling you all about how I was floating upstream didn’t my claart get caught on some weeds trying to drag me back to the depths of ‘99!
My latest test came in the form of family…again. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but people’s definition of the word can vary drastically. This week’s drama is a case in point.
I unintentionally managed to upset a group of family members. Without getting into things too deeply, I am friends with someone they don’t get on with and have had issues with over the years, but me being me, I don’t get involved and don’t discuss one to the other, so I had no real inkling of how things were between them.
I was having a last minute family gathering and had invited both parties to attend but had warned both that I didn’t know what beef, if any, was still going on between them but please don’t bring that shit there if you know it’s an issue. We’re all adults, but I also understand not wanting to be in the same vicinity as certain people.
I was assured by all that neither had any issues and it wouldn’t be a problem, and it wasn’t in the end as neither party showed up.
It wasn’t long after that that I started to feel a vibe with the family side. It was subtle, but there was something off…and then I got the tingle, but surely it couldn’t be? I’d just recovered from the last bout ffs.
Would you Adam and Eve it! Another dose of BFD*. This case was different though – it was a recurring strain as I’d been here before with them. At that time we’d discussed things fully and I made it clear then that if they had anything they wanted to say to me don’t be afraid to do so. I am honestly one of the most open people you could meet, I mean HELLO!! I might not always agree with you but I will listen and discuss whatever you want.
Anyhoo, back to the tingle. We were in a group chat and one member left unexpectedly. I enquired with the others if they knew why and was told no. I messaged the person to see if they were ok and they said they were, they were just too busy for group chats. I’m guessing the one with me in in particular but left it at that; but it wasn’t sitting right and you know me…or do you?
Little did I know them scars ran deep! And that’s the point here. I knew fuck all because they’d rarely been discussed and never in depth. All I knew was, with it has to be said good reason on their behalf, they didn’t like each other. Unlike myself, who has happily shared literal ins and outs of my mind, body and soul, their tales were less forthcoming and I’m not about to pry.
I was informed that the invitation had triggered the one that left the group and immediately apologised to them all for not knowing I had done so, but naturally I was left wondering why no one had said something sooner as weeks had gone by since then.
Well, someone did eventually tell all – and boy was I told!
They confirmed that they had been cold towards me and went on to explain the reason why, which I understand in part. They had an issue with the initial message sent, feeling like I was accusing them of starting trouble, and I know and appreciate that words can be misread or taken out of context, but rather than tell me that and explain how deep your hurt was at the time, you thought a better decision was to react the way you did?
They then went on to question why I would even invite that person as they are not family and if it was a supposed family affair why were other family members not included like my daughters uncle, aunt and cousin as they are real family.
I had to reread it to make sure that that is what they had written and my heart sank. I will put my hands up every time and admit that I’m an emotional soul. My feelings are fine tuned, and with hormones added it can sometimes be a heady mix! I done told y’all I’m still doing the work!
And work I did. I had to fight against my negative Scorpio energy bringing me back to the surface firing shots, because believe me I hold an arsenal of ammunition with receipts attached. Years worth. I am more than equipped to match energies but that’s never been my calling, and it’s because of this that some find themselves feeling entitled to be bold enough to tell you who you should and shouldn’t be classing as friends and family and taking your kindness and emotion for weakness. Please don’t be fooled.
I get me. I know my heart and intentions. The circumstances with my dad has been the first time I’ve ever said I don’t want to talk to anyone. Other than that I am always willing to listen when it comes to resolving issues, and I’m aware not everyone wants to talk – but to wake up and continuously choose violence against someone who has given you every opportunity to air your grievances will never sit well with me.
Your bonafides won’t bitch behind your back, they’ll tell you to your face and would never intentionally hurt you and I’m over dealing with that type. I had it from their peers for years and it seems to have trickled down.
I left a parting teary voice note in the group and came to my place of peace to have a word with the ancestors. I know there are sceptics but it’s doing its thing for me, so I aired it out. A little while later I picked up my phone and checked my Facebook memories and there it was. They’d come through yet again.
The day before I’d put up a post about life rules I set myself and numbering them. At some point in the future (👀😅) I’ll be constructing my NuDawn Bible, and had jotted them down to incorporate them within that. My memory for that day was of a funny encounter I had with my mum where we were counting steps. It ended with her telling me that I’d been going to school for so long and still can’t count…
I hear you loud and clear momma!💫
Generational trauma, negative traits and toxicity being passed down is hella real! I will continue to do my work and I suggest others find a suitable outlet to do the same. For as spiritual as some claim to be I’d be questioning exactly what type of spirits are guiding you. Just saying!
And whilst I’m at it I’ll add this. There is a huge difference between the person they hate and the missing family members they named. I will never say their pain isn’t justified but it’s not my pain and I had nothing to do with causing it. The same person they hate has shown me nothing but love and respect but do you know who hasn’t? We may not see each other that often but I would class them as a good friend.
There’s an old Antiguan saying mum used to drop and it’s, “Some people chat cah dem hab mout’!” It translates to some folk talk a good talk purely because they have a mouth to do so, but they ain’t saying anything worth listening to or of any substance.
Actions people. Your actions will always give you away. Between the time I got cancer until the time my mum passed away I can count on one hand the amount of times ANY of the particular aggrieved came to see me or mum. The same goes for my brothers and sister in regards to visits in mums care home.
Everybody managed to show up and out for the funeral though.
When I truly could have done with the love and help from family no one was there. They in fact made things harder or were too caught up in their feelings to assess the bigger picture. Do you know who didn’t, who was there and has done so without involving me in not 1 piece of BFD and still continues to do so? Ok.
Show me you love me and I’ll show it back, come with the fuckery and I’m out. It’s as simple as that. I don’t hate them but I’m not feeling them. I worked it out and I’m good. A friend posted a TikTok of a woman dancing with a quote ‘Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.’ She’s right. You don’t have to match negative energy sent your way. Block that ish with your light and keep shining and dancing to your own beat.
Imma pump up the tunes – yes, hubby not loud enough so you can hear it over there and blow the speaker!😅 – and I’m gonna soak up the sun whilst it’s dared to show its face. Tek weh yuhself from it all and continue to float on.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
*BFD ~ Bullshit, Fuckery and Drama. There’s a pandemic y’all! Protect yourselves and strengthen your defences.
I’m guessing those involved in this weeks case of BFD were fully expecting this write up and I’d hate to disappoint!😂
I’m pretty sure no fucks will be given as has been evident, but credit where it’s due to the only one of the bunch that has actually responded like an adult throughout. It’s much appreciated.
I’m also guessing some are watching me with bombastic side eye waiting on their turn!🤣 Relax. If you truly know me and come correct you have nothing to fear and I rarely name names. Rarely…
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