“I’m a little wiser, baby
I’m a little kinder, baby
After all these years it’s time I let you know
See, I learned some things, my baby
Finally spread my wings to save me
Yes, I lost myself, that’s why I had to go
Then the light came up, my baby
Right after I forgave me
And I prayed so hard, I thought I’d lose my mind
I’m a little stronger, baby
Took a little longer, maybe
Tell my younger self to enjoy the ride…”
Rose In The Dark ~ Cleo Sol
At the end of last year I made a conscious decision to tighten my boundaries when it came to loving on certain folk. I would constantly be the one making contact with no response for weeks, sometimes months, if at all. I still had/have love for them, but I was done wasting my energy. I made it clear in a message and let things be. The door will always be open but they’ll have to find their own way to it and knock instead of me holding it open and catching breeze!
I know I’ve said it before, but it’s crazy the things we do and put ourselves through for love – or our perception of what love is anyway. Throughout my years of personal experience I can testify that that pathway can be a rocky one but honestly, it’s not meant to be.
There are many types of love to be found. I have plenty of love to give but not everyone gets the same type. I’m not gonna love on my friend the way I love on my man; those distinctions are clear enough to comprehend, but it tends to get a bit fuzzy when it comes to setting those boundaries that surround certain entrances to your heart. Remember there are many ways in. If one door closes you’ve got options. Find the love where it flows freely until that door opens up again.
It all starts with thyself. Once you know the score and you’ve got you covered that cold breeze of rejection will be replaced by a warm glow and you’ll manage to avoid the majority of the potholes and debris. Naturally we’ll all encounter a little heartache at some point in time – for some of us more often than not – but hopefully you’ll realise that the ache is only a fraction of the heart’s capacity.
If some people can’t appreciate you or acknowledge your worth it’s their loss not yours. It’s a lesson I’ve learnt but I confess to still having my moments of feeling less than in certain peoples opinion*, but they are only fleeting. I will never allow anyone to dim my shine. The attention I’m missing from them can be and has been made up tenfold by loving on me.**
I know it sounds easier said than done but I promise you it’s worth the effort.
STOP THE WAR AND THE MADNESS AND SET PALESTINE FREE!!!🇵🇸 My heart goes out to all of those suffering and I pray for peace and an end to all of your bloodshed and injustices.🙏🏾
R.I.P Paul Mills and all those who have lost their lives this week. My heartfelt condolences to the Bailey family on yet another passing.🙏🏾
Earthday Blessings to my firstborn blessing Queen Isis. Keep shining and being true to you. Love you!😍🖤💚
More Earthday love to fellow Scorpio Princess Nyah and Queen Bex Richardson. Sending nothing but love your way!😍
*And the work continues!😅 We will slip and slide throughout this ride but still we move!
**I love a tattoo and I’ve added a few more to the collection! The girls are looking pretty even if I do say so myself!😂😏😍 #TattooCute🪷
Go Where The Love Flows Freely, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.
Mel Brooks
I was recently reminded yet again of how the choices we make can impact our life. A few years ago I went against the majority of my family and made the decision to go with my heart and show love to someone. To say that’s been repaid in abundance is an understatement.
A couple of weeks ago I had one of the most magical experiences I’ve had to date; and that includes all of the joys we associate with being “magical” that I’ve been blessed to receive. When I got home and reflected on the events of that day it took me back to that one step I took years ago, and naturally had me remembering all of the fuckery that surrounded it and with that a whole bag of emotions.
When I say I’ve always been about the love I tell no lies. I’ve had personal experience of rejection, literally starting from before I was out the womb with a steady drip of it to date; the majority of it coming from the ones who are supposed to love you the most and of whom I did.
I’ve had every reason to be a bitter, twisted old wretch and apportion blame and spew hate, but throughout all of it I never let go of the belief that real love and acceptance exists. The type that can still hold strong despite us not agreeing on everything. The type that knows my true heart and capabilities. The type that won’t deny me or try me. The type that understands you don’t shut love out, you let it in.
I have to give thankhs to them still because they made my beliefs stronger with the determination that I could never be like them and cause another to feel the things I’d worked through*.
One step. One step is all it takes to make a world of difference. It doesn’t matter the size or direction if it’s in accordance with being a better you. Be it a step up, down, to the side, into the unknown, new pastures or in your own damn truth – just take the step! Have faith in yourself and that those who are meant to love you will.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.
*I thought I’d worked through! One step in the right direction showed me otherwise and more than I’d ever realised!
The most amount of love and respect going out to my nephew Josh Parker and the wonderful work of the Daily Deposits Tribe.😍 One step I will never regret or forget.🙏🏾🖤💚
Big love and thankhs to niecey Ajada Bridges-Matthew for hooking Aunty up as I embark on this vegan ting!😅
One Step, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
♥ Originally posted back in January 2017. ♥
So we’re six days into 2017 and Nora’s prediction didn’t quite bear fruit – we’re still here, yay!! It’s a shame that within hours of the new year we were hit with how mad and sad the world can be with the nightclub shootings in Turkey, and so it continues. The world keeps turning and the beat goes on!
There are certain beats that will always be playing in life. I like to imagine it as our personal human playlist that we’re instilled with. There’s every type of beat going that pertains to making you a part of society; social, ethical, compassion, love, hate etc – it’s down to you how you turn on, tune in, drop out and tun’ up! We control the levels and more time we need to start hollering our own tune than remixing someone else’s.
I people watch but I don’t watch people and yes, there is a big difference! I love a bit of people watching – we’re all human (I think!) but boy do we come in a wide range and some folk, from their outside appearance alone, are fascinating creatures.
Obviously you can’t judge a book by its cover, but it does make you wonder sometimes. I don’t spend my whole life doing it but when I get the time to do so (like sitting in a doctors surgery for over an hour!), it’s hard not to take in those around you. That is the difference between the two: people watching is taking things in; watching people is taking things on.
I’ve never been one to watch people. It’s too much like hard work. I’m not interested in keeping up with the Joneses or the Karcrashians thank you all the same. Better yourself and your life for you. Admire and aspire, but when it’s all about impressing or outdoing the neighbours is it really worth all the energy?
There’s no shame in living within your means until you can afford to step up your game. No food in your fridge, in credit up to your eyeballs and can’t sleep at night but you’re rocking the latest designers and top of the range telly so you can keep up appearances. For who? Why does the opinion of others matter to the point of you making yourself miserable on the inside so that they can believe you’re something else on the outside?
People may not understand the way you choose to live your life or look down on you because it’s not how they believe you should live, but if it works for you and you’re not hurting anybody – especially yourself – then what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?
I’ve had people question me in the past on how my relationship works and it works by focusing and watching us and not others, it’s as simple as that. Life is easier when you keep it real, set your levels and dance to your own beat. More folk should try it!
R.I.P Turkey 39, Jill Saward and all those who have passed away this week.
Don’t Watch – Do You!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“Love it would be easy if your colours were like my dreams
Red, gold and green. Red gold and green…”
Karma Chameleon ~ Culture Club
I was going to tell you about a particular tale that happened to me over the past few weeks but that can wait as ultimately it was part of a bigger lesson that I’d prefer to address.
This is a message to those who believe that they can behave in any which way without some form of consequence. I’m here to confirm that good or bad, your actions will come back to face you at some point in the future.
The past fortnight I’ve been shown example after example of how karma works. She has a wide and varying spectrum and can be big and bold or subtle as fuck, but she’s always at work. For some of us it appears she’s on a long ting – I can truly testify!🙋🏿♀️🤣 – but she’s here to teach us timing is everything.😮💨
You already know how it goes if you’re on the love train, but to those passengers on darker rides enjoy it whilst you can. Life is never all it seems. Despite it appearing a safe and secure journey at some point it stops and the lights turn on, and whatever colour you’re rocking, be it red with rage or the blood of humanity, gold with light or the glint of greed or green with envy or love of the Earth, karma is a chameleon and will adapt to greet you.
Who don’t hear will definitely feel.
R.I.P Leon Christian. Sincerest condolences to your family and R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Rest Easy King Tony (Bangy) Cunningham. A fitting send off for the legend you were and remain.🙏🏾
Congratulations to the Bailey and Henry families on the birth of beautiful baby girl Nellie Tara Bailey~Henry.🥰
I’m sure Nanny Tara is watching and guiding with pride as always.😍🖤💚
Happy 31st Anniversary to the Mr and me!💞 As it forever goes, still working through the highs and lows, sure in the knowledge that it’s love that follows.😘
Just to confirm, no I haven’t been away; my ebony glow is the effect of me topping up to the maximum because, a la Game Of Thrones – winter is coming, and with it my usual vitamin D deficiency (🙄😩) so I’m grabbing every ray in the hopes of a slow release system during the ‘Bers!☺️…👀…Ok, I’m pretty certain that’s not how the science works but let me live, cha!🤣
Match Made – Poison Or Peace? Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day…”
I Can See Clearly Now ~ Johnny Nash
It’s been 9 years since I was diagnosed with cancer and as I’ve previously discussed I have the lasting effects of chemotherapy in the form of neuropathy to contend with. I’m going to applaud myself here because despite how things look on the outside, the struggle is very much real.
I manage well enough throughout the day, but when it comes to winding down that’s when I really feel it. The varying sensations and temperature control can be a lot, but imagine my surprise when another symptom decided to pop up and say hello!
I discovered it one morning when I got out of bed and nearly fell on my ass. Thankhfully I managed to fall back on the bed. It was as if my feet were still asleep, then there was a rush of sensations as the blood flowed back to them. They were back to their normal form after a minute or so, but it has now become a regular morning occurrence. I then found myself doing a mental tally of my battered and aging body and added it to an ever growing list.😩
I can’t tell you how much I miss the BC* me at times. Adaptations have been made for certain missing elements – but right now, in this moment, I miss the way I used to be albeit knowing there’s not a lot I can do about it.
That’s not to say I don’t love who I am now because I really do – excess baggage all round ‘n’ all! What I lack physically has been more than balanced out by my mental, emotional and spiritual growth. I’m wise enough to know I can have my moments and still stay on track. It’s all a part of the journey and dependent on how long you want to stay in it for.
For someone who writes the most I really do need to be listening to me more!😂 The other night is a good example. I found myself doing something to keep ‘the’ peace, and it wasn’t until I was actually doing it that I realised my mistake. I shouldn’t have preoccupied the ‘the’ and focused on the peace. Whose peace was I keeping? ‘cause it damn sure wasn’t mine…
My usual Thursday night blog routine was disturbed by feeling absolutely shattered. You know them ones where you can feel it in your bones. The yawns are coming thick and fast bringing watery eyes and more exhaustion? Yep!, c’est moi!…but then a comment was made (but not made) and I found myself not so tired and more upset and frustrated.
I ended up having a word with myself, and once more awoke the next day with clarity and the ability to address it and let it go. There are times when you will do things to keep ‘the’ peace which is perfectly okay within reason, but if it’s at the risk of fucking with your own then always prioritise you. I should have done just that instead of working myself up and wearing myself out over a comment, and it’s fully on me. #BoundaryCheck
This week marked 3 years since the death of Chadwick Boseman, and of all of the celebrity passings I feel his the most; mainly down to it being the same type of cancer, our similar ages and of course ethnicity. To me and I’m sure many others of the Black community, he will be seen as the warrior he depicted and his legacy as an actor will live on as all legends should.
I feel blessed beyond measure to still be here. Regardless of how exhausted I may get and how many different circumstances come my way, I’m still afforded the pleasure to rise and get over it. I may not be able to leave a legacy as big and far reaching as King Chadwick but I will continue to leave my little legacy for future generations in my written word and podcasts.**
I love life and I love writing, and you should do more of what you love. Cancer gave me many lessons but the most predominant one is just when you think shit is at its worst you can still find beauty in the madness, and it can be the tiniest of things that has a profound impact on you. Hold on to those things and feelings – ‘tis a bumpy ride to be sure and all forms of cushioning are welcome.
Not everyone will understand your methods, but mate, if it gets you through do you! What’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gander so don’t be put off by others thoughts and opinions – when they start paying your bills or carrying your weight they can talk up.
I’ve ventured down many avenues to find where I am now and realise I was just peeling back the layers to expose my true core and nature. Now I see me and if my being human, open and honest helps even one of my future generations (or anyone in the present) to address beginning to heal their trauma in any way, I’m good with that.
R.I.P Mama Thompson and all those who have lost their lives this week.
*BC – Before Cancer. It was a whole other life but the same essence remains. #NuDawnBible
**They’re coming!😅 The tests keep testing and I continue to do the work, and it’s most definitely fodder for another day!
I Can C Clearly Now, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
On Tuesday I attended the nine nights of a true Slough legend and friend Mr Tony ‘Bangy’ Cunningham; and what a night it was!
No matter who we are we have 2 things in common and that is that we’re born and we die. How we spend the time in between can most times generally, albeit loosely, be summed up by the reaction of our passing. What mark did we leave? How many will genuinely miss us and feel the need to come out and show love?
We all have our faults. Nobody is perfect and despite you trying to be your best you, you will always have the ability to upset someone, some way, some how – it’s a part of human nature. We can’t be everybody’s friend and personally speaking, nor would I want to be.
But all faults aside, you would like to hope that the general consensus of the people that really know you would have some kind of positive view of you and would feel some form of relative emotion to boot. It ain’t gotta be a weeping and a wailing and the gnashing of teeth (😅) – but even one good memory would suffice. In Tony’s case things spoke for themselves.
The place was jammed. His people came through! I saw faces I hadn’t seen for well over a decade – boys turned to men!*😩, the numbers were truly a testament to his character. He was dearly loved and will be missed. It wasn’t until I saw a clip posted on social media that I realised how many people I hadn’t seen that were there.
To be fair a part of that also has to do with the fact that by the time I got there after work it was dark, and I’m currently rocking an old pair of glasses until I get my new pair and let’s just say it’s a struggle to focus when my ass should be bussing bifocals at the very least! #ToSeeOrNotToSeeThatIsTheQuestion
Which brings me to the awakening part. As I said it was late when I got there and you know what it’s like when there’s lots of people, you get caught up in hellos every few steps, but I was eager to go and see Tony’s partner, Gardel, and was told that she was inside and it would be easier to go through a particular door. I made my way over there and got stopped by my husband who pointed out a friend so I went over and greeted him briefly before excusing myself and telling him I’d be back to catch up soon and finally headed through the door and inside.
Now I’m aware that there were other people standing around and a few sat down, but I wasn’t focused on them because even if I did try it would have been a mission, and also because I wanted to see my friend first and foremost. After catching up with her I did the rounds inside and was told that a family member was sat outside the entrance I’d come through.
I went out to greet them and their partner and was met with 2 push’ up faces. I was asked if it’s only now I’m coming to say hello and they questioned if I hadn’t seen them sat there. They said they watched me come their way and speak to someone and ignore them and go inside. Sigh…
I explained the circumstances, and had a brief chat about the fact I’d been waiting to hear from them for weeks to which they informed me that they forgot, which I get. I will never judge anyone with a memory like mine…well, for certain shit anyway. There’s a particular section of my brain that ain’t forgetting fuck all trust, but still we move!
I kept it polite, said my goodbyes and continued to catch up with people, but that trigger switch had been activated. As ever, there’s a longer, stronger tale behind it than someone’s perception of not being acknowledged, but I’m not going to go into it now as it’s all a part of The Tales Of The Dales saga and I’d prefer to put them all to bed one time.
What I will share is that it was a damn sight quicker and easier to handle this particular trigger. All it took was a nights sleep with an awakening reminder that boundaries were put in place for a purpose and they have been doing a fantastic job of keeping the fuckery out so far. If it ain’t broke…
The fact is these people could quite easily have come and addressed me as they so clearly saw me but decided to get in their feelings with I’m guessing a hint of ‘elder entitlement’ to add to their negative energy. Well they can feel all the ways they want. I may not be as old as them but I’m fully grown, untied that bind time ago and keep telling y’all –
NOBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO DISTURB MY PEACE!
Fuck about!
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Have a great Bank Holiday weekend and good luck to all of those venturing to Notting Hill! I’ll be with y’all in spirit but never again in body.😅
*S’up Trev!?😂🖤💚
Protect Your Energy, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife