♥ Originally posted back in January 2017. ♥
So we’re six days into 2017 and Nora’s prediction didn’t quite bear fruit – we’re still here, yay!! It’s a shame that within hours of the new year we were hit with how mad and sad the world can be with the nightclub shootings in Turkey, and so it continues. The world keeps turning and the beat goes on!
There are certain beats that will always be playing in life. I like to imagine it as our personal human playlist that we’re instilled with. There’s every type of beat going that pertains to making you a part of society; social, ethical, compassion, love, hate etc – it’s down to you how you turn on, tune in, drop out and tun’ up! We control the levels and more time we need to start hollering our own tune than remixing someone else’s.
I people watch but I don’t watch people and yes, there is a big difference! I love a bit of people watching – we’re all human (I think!) but boy do we come in a wide range and some folk, from their outside appearance alone, are fascinating creatures.
Obviously you can’t judge a book by its cover, but it does make you wonder sometimes. I don’t spend my whole life doing it but when I get the time to do so (like sitting in a doctors surgery for over an hour!), it’s hard not to take in those around you. That is the difference between the two: people watching is taking things in; watching people is taking things on.
I’ve never been one to watch people. It’s too much like hard work. I’m not interested in keeping up with the Joneses or the Karcrashians thank you all the same. Better yourself and your life for you. Admire and aspire, but when it’s all about impressing or outdoing the neighbours is it really worth all the energy?
There’s no shame in living within your means until you can afford to step up your game. No food in your fridge, in credit up to your eyeballs and can’t sleep at night but you’re rocking the latest designers and top of the range telly so you can keep up appearances. For who? Why does the opinion of others matter to the point of you making yourself miserable on the inside so that they can believe you’re something else on the outside?
People may not understand the way you choose to live your life or look down on you because it’s not how they believe you should live, but if it works for you and you’re not hurting anybody – especially yourself – then what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?
I’ve had people question me in the past on how my relationship works and it works by focusing and watching us and not others, it’s as simple as that. Life is easier when you keep it real, set your levels and dance to your own beat. More folk should try it!
R.I.P Turkey 39, Jill Saward and all those who have passed away this week.
Don’t Watch – Do You!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“Love it would be easy if your colours were like my dreams
Red, gold and green. Red gold and green…”
Karma Chameleon ~ Culture Club
I was going to tell you about a particular tale that happened to me over the past few weeks but that can wait as ultimately it was part of a bigger lesson that I’d prefer to address.
This is a message to those who believe that they can behave in any which way without some form of consequence. I’m here to confirm that good or bad, your actions will come back to face you at some point in the future.
The past fortnight I’ve been shown example after example of how karma works. She has a wide and varying spectrum and can be big and bold or subtle as fuck, but she’s always at work. For some of us it appears she’s on a long ting – I can truly testify!🙋🏿♀️🤣 – but she’s here to teach us timing is everything.😮💨
You already know how it goes if you’re on the love train, but to those passengers on darker rides enjoy it whilst you can. Life is never all it seems. Despite it appearing a safe and secure journey at some point it stops and the lights turn on, and whatever colour you’re rocking, be it red with rage or the blood of humanity, gold with light or the glint of greed or green with envy or love of the Earth, karma is a chameleon and will adapt to greet you.
Who don’t hear will definitely feel.
R.I.P Leon Christian. Sincerest condolences to your family and R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Rest Easy King Tony (Bangy) Cunningham. A fitting send off for the legend you were and remain.🙏🏾
Congratulations to the Bailey and Henry families on the birth of beautiful baby girl Nellie Tara Bailey~Henry.🥰
I’m sure Nanny Tara is watching and guiding with pride as always.😍🖤💚
Happy 31st Anniversary to the Mr and me!💞 As it forever goes, still working through the highs and lows, sure in the knowledge that it’s love that follows.😘
Just to confirm, no I haven’t been away; my ebony glow is the effect of me topping up to the maximum because, a la Game Of Thrones – winter is coming, and with it my usual vitamin D deficiency (🙄😩) so I’m grabbing every ray in the hopes of a slow release system during the ‘Bers!☺️…👀…Ok, I’m pretty certain that’s not how the science works but let me live, cha!🤣
Match Made – Poison Or Peace? Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day…”
I Can See Clearly Now ~ Johnny Nash
It’s been 9 years since I was diagnosed with cancer and as I’ve previously discussed I have the lasting effects of chemotherapy in the form of neuropathy to contend with. I’m going to applaud myself here because despite how things look on the outside, the struggle is very much real.
I manage well enough throughout the day, but when it comes to winding down that’s when I really feel it. The varying sensations and temperature control can be a lot, but imagine my surprise when another symptom decided to pop up and say hello!
I discovered it one morning when I got out of bed and nearly fell on my ass. Thankhfully I managed to fall back on the bed. It was as if my feet were still asleep, then there was a rush of sensations as the blood flowed back to them. They were back to their normal form after a minute or so, but it has now become a regular morning occurrence. I then found myself doing a mental tally of my battered and aging body and added it to an ever growing list.😩
I can’t tell you how much I miss the BC* me at times. Adaptations have been made for certain missing elements – but right now, in this moment, I miss the way I used to be albeit knowing there’s not a lot I can do about it.
That’s not to say I don’t love who I am now because I really do – excess baggage all round ‘n’ all! What I lack physically has been more than balanced out by my mental, emotional and spiritual growth. I’m wise enough to know I can have my moments and still stay on track. It’s all a part of the journey and dependent on how long you want to stay in it for.
For someone who writes the most I really do need to be listening to me more!😂 The other night is a good example. I found myself doing something to keep ‘the’ peace, and it wasn’t until I was actually doing it that I realised my mistake. I shouldn’t have preoccupied the ‘the’ and focused on the peace. Whose peace was I keeping? ‘cause it damn sure wasn’t mine…
My usual Thursday night blog routine was disturbed by feeling absolutely shattered. You know them ones where you can feel it in your bones. The yawns are coming thick and fast bringing watery eyes and more exhaustion? Yep!, c’est moi!…but then a comment was made (but not made) and I found myself not so tired and more upset and frustrated.
I ended up having a word with myself, and once more awoke the next day with clarity and the ability to address it and let it go. There are times when you will do things to keep ‘the’ peace which is perfectly okay within reason, but if it’s at the risk of fucking with your own then always prioritise you. I should have done just that instead of working myself up and wearing myself out over a comment, and it’s fully on me. #BoundaryCheck
This week marked 3 years since the death of Chadwick Boseman, and of all of the celebrity passings I feel his the most; mainly down to it being the same type of cancer, our similar ages and of course ethnicity. To me and I’m sure many others of the Black community, he will be seen as the warrior he depicted and his legacy as an actor will live on as all legends should.
I feel blessed beyond measure to still be here. Regardless of how exhausted I may get and how many different circumstances come my way, I’m still afforded the pleasure to rise and get over it. I may not be able to leave a legacy as big and far reaching as King Chadwick but I will continue to leave my little legacy for future generations in my written word and podcasts.**
I love life and I love writing, and you should do more of what you love. Cancer gave me many lessons but the most predominant one is just when you think shit is at its worst you can still find beauty in the madness, and it can be the tiniest of things that has a profound impact on you. Hold on to those things and feelings – ‘tis a bumpy ride to be sure and all forms of cushioning are welcome.
Not everyone will understand your methods, but mate, if it gets you through do you! What’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gander so don’t be put off by others thoughts and opinions – when they start paying your bills or carrying your weight they can talk up.
I’ve ventured down many avenues to find where I am now and realise I was just peeling back the layers to expose my true core and nature. Now I see me and if my being human, open and honest helps even one of my future generations (or anyone in the present) to address beginning to heal their trauma in any way, I’m good with that.
R.I.P Mama Thompson and all those who have lost their lives this week.
*BC – Before Cancer. It was a whole other life but the same essence remains. #NuDawnBible
**They’re coming!😅 The tests keep testing and I continue to do the work, and it’s most definitely fodder for another day!
I Can C Clearly Now, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
On Tuesday I attended the nine nights of a true Slough legend and friend Mr Tony ‘Bangy’ Cunningham; and what a night it was!
No matter who we are we have 2 things in common and that is that we’re born and we die. How we spend the time in between can most times generally, albeit loosely, be summed up by the reaction of our passing. What mark did we leave? How many will genuinely miss us and feel the need to come out and show love?
We all have our faults. Nobody is perfect and despite you trying to be your best you, you will always have the ability to upset someone, some way, some how – it’s a part of human nature. We can’t be everybody’s friend and personally speaking, nor would I want to be.
But all faults aside, you would like to hope that the general consensus of the people that really know you would have some kind of positive view of you and would feel some form of relative emotion to boot. It ain’t gotta be a weeping and a wailing and the gnashing of teeth (😅) – but even one good memory would suffice. In Tony’s case things spoke for themselves.
The place was jammed. His people came through! I saw faces I hadn’t seen for well over a decade – boys turned to men!*😩, the numbers were truly a testament to his character. He was dearly loved and will be missed. It wasn’t until I saw a clip posted on social media that I realised how many people I hadn’t seen that were there.
To be fair a part of that also has to do with the fact that by the time I got there after work it was dark, and I’m currently rocking an old pair of glasses until I get my new pair and let’s just say it’s a struggle to focus when my ass should be bussing bifocals at the very least! #ToSeeOrNotToSeeThatIsTheQuestion
Which brings me to the awakening part. As I said it was late when I got there and you know what it’s like when there’s lots of people, you get caught up in hellos every few steps, but I was eager to go and see Tony’s partner, Gardel, and was told that she was inside and it would be easier to go through a particular door. I made my way over there and got stopped by my husband who pointed out a friend so I went over and greeted him briefly before excusing myself and telling him I’d be back to catch up soon and finally headed through the door and inside.
Now I’m aware that there were other people standing around and a few sat down, but I wasn’t focused on them because even if I did try it would have been a mission, and also because I wanted to see my friend first and foremost. After catching up with her I did the rounds inside and was told that a family member was sat outside the entrance I’d come through.
I went out to greet them and their partner and was met with 2 push’ up faces. I was asked if it’s only now I’m coming to say hello and they questioned if I hadn’t seen them sat there. They said they watched me come their way and speak to someone and ignore them and go inside. Sigh…
I explained the circumstances, and had a brief chat about the fact I’d been waiting to hear from them for weeks to which they informed me that they forgot, which I get. I will never judge anyone with a memory like mine…well, for certain shit anyway. There’s a particular section of my brain that ain’t forgetting fuck all trust, but still we move!
I kept it polite, said my goodbyes and continued to catch up with people, but that trigger switch had been activated. As ever, there’s a longer, stronger tale behind it than someone’s perception of not being acknowledged, but I’m not going to go into it now as it’s all a part of The Tales Of The Dales saga and I’d prefer to put them all to bed one time.
What I will share is that it was a damn sight quicker and easier to handle this particular trigger. All it took was a nights sleep with an awakening reminder that boundaries were put in place for a purpose and they have been doing a fantastic job of keeping the fuckery out so far. If it ain’t broke…
The fact is these people could quite easily have come and addressed me as they so clearly saw me but decided to get in their feelings with I’m guessing a hint of ‘elder entitlement’ to add to their negative energy. Well they can feel all the ways they want. I may not be as old as them but I’m fully grown, untied that bind time ago and keep telling y’all –
NOBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO DISTURB MY PEACE!
Fuck about!
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Have a great Bank Holiday weekend and good luck to all of those venturing to Notting Hill! I’ll be with y’all in spirit but never again in body.😅
*S’up Trev!?😂🖤💚
Protect Your Energy, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“Memories don’t leave like people do
They always ‘member you
Whether things are good or bad
It’s just the memories that you have.”
Memories ~ Beenie Man
After the passing of yet another good friend this week, I couldn’t help but reflect on some of the memories we’d shared, which in turn had me once again reflecting on friendships and relationships. I was sat on mums bench at the time, and then wouldn’t you know it, someone I used to speak to rounded the corner and walked past.
The joke is the reason we don’t talk is because I fell out with a mutual friend who put the call out to their minions that they too had to follow suit. Now, I’m fully aware of certain friendship codes, but in my opinion this didn’t warrant animosity from others. I didn’t break any of the commandments. I didn’t lie, cheat, steal their money, flirt with or fuck their man – I simply didn’t give them as much attention as they thought they deserved.
I’ve already explained it all in Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go! (Part 1), and my sentiments remain the same, but another emotion has been added to the mix since writing that. Pity. I watched this person and thought it’s a pity too many of us are sheep. It actually made me give a chuckle and a sad head shake. What a way to spend your life! It’s bad enough when we’re kids; it’s even sadder as grown folk. I already knew the lesson I’d learnt from our not talking but I sure caught the blessing that day too!
If I’m a friend of yours it’s based on my relationship with you regardless of how we got to know each other or your relationship with others. It’s not dependent on anything but the love and respect I have for you and your actions. Actions can be tricky though. Sometimes we can go through things that make us act out of character for a while, so you need to use your judgement. If it’s unusual give them time, but if it’s a regular nip that bitch in the bud!
The powers of hindsight and peace truly are amazing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any good times with those people; but I can see now that there was always an underlying level of negative energy and toxicity that was bubbling away. The contrast between that bunch and the friend I’d lost could not be more different.
I’ve managed to weed out a lot of the fake friends or they’ve fallen off naturally. It’s possible that they’ve grown in the years since we haven’t spoken, and I really do hope that’s the case; but I’ll be goddamned if I’ll ever be inclined to find out. My new and improved quality control won’t allow it. The friend count may be lesser in numbers but it’s abundant in authenticity.
I’m thankhful to have had some long and strong ones with many great memories made to more than balance out the shitty ones that came my way, and long may they continue. There is real power in laughter and good vibes, and I’ve been getting plenty of late!* I can’t reiterate how important it is to make memories and love on your people whilst they’re here. At some point it’s all we’ll have left, but if you’re lucky you’ll get to a point where you understand that true love never dies, it multiplies.
R.I.P Tony Cunningham. I hope you’re blaring tunes and having a blast up there! You’ll be missed by many. Sincerest condolences to Gardel and your family.
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
*Shouting out the Shake The Room – Teatime Thursday/Thirsty Thursday Clubhouse room! Y’all had me weak! If you don’t know, please get to know! A special mention going out to Queen Pee – I mean Tee and tales of her special blend!🤣😂 Looking forward to sharing the madness with the masses!
Make The Memories Count, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
“I’m gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out…”
Mama Said Knock You Out ~ LL Cool J
So, full disclosure, I didn’t write a blog last week as I’d been in a bit of a funk due to this and that and *almost all of it a negative vibe.
It’s possibly my hormones, but I’ve been feeling hella emotional of late, and an Instagram post of a social experiment had me feeling all kinds of a way, despite me knowing better. There were 2 blind guys, one Black and the other White with a guide stick and dark glasses on and they had them individually walk down a high street and side up to a member of the public who was the opposite colour to them and hold on to their arm for support.
The results spoke volumes. When the white guy approached the Black people all but two continued to allow him to hold on and help guide him, and even then there were other Black folk with the 2 who didn’t help who stepped in and took their place and helped him.
Reverse the roles and every White person shrugged him off and went about their business.
I felt that. And that’s just it, we feel shit. I’m not saying we’re perfect, and as is the same for most ethnicities there are the bad, uncaring and or prejudice/racist ones; but I believe for most of us our levels of empathy and capacity to love is greater than most. It’s almost as if it’s been passed down with all of the trauma, trials and tribulations of our ancestors. We understand what it’s like to suffer and be made to feel a lesser person and would more time choose love over hate. We will still give it regardless of whether or not we get it back.
Obviously you’d be a little startled at a stranger grabbing your arm out of the blue, I’m pretty sure I would be, but after assessing the situation there’s no way I’m not going to help, whatever colour you may be you’re human first. From the time those White folk assessed the circumstances and still decided to walk on by you know exactly where their minds were at. For some no matter what position we’re in we’ll always be a threat.
This is why when I hear things like, “I don’t see colour” or “If you stop talking about racism it will stop existing” it annoys the hell out of me. All you have to do is look at HisStory to see that’s a crock of shit. They would rather delete and deny their misdeeds or try to spin it and make it appear they were doing us a favour than admit it; and if we allow that to happen we leave the door wide open for them to try their fuckery again as it’s clear some are just waiting for those good ol’ days to return!
It’s people of that mindset that caused my mood to lift extensively and why I’m still laughing days later. I’ve said it time and again but, I FUCKING LOVE US!!!
If you don’t know you need to google the Alabama brawl. Long story short, a Black dock worker was minding his business and doing his job when a group of entitled White folk decided to start antagonising him, all under the watchful eye of a boat load of passengers and staff waiting to dock. True to their red neck roots, their energy took hold and they thought they’d assert their superiority and hit him. Well!! My brother threw up his cap and sent out the signal.
It started as one on one but when he started to get the better of the White dude his friends jumped in – and that’s when the magic happened. The Black folk cried a collective ‘Not today!’ – and it was on! It really needs to be seen to be believed as I can’t do the running commentary justice! It was a beautiful sight to behold.
Hear me when I say I don’t do violence. I can’t even stand watching boxing, BUT I’m a BIG believer in if someone hits you, tump their claart right back – especially in these circumstances. My mum always told me that and I’ve told my girls too. Turning the other cheek or being the bigger person and walking away only allows them to hit you again on the other side or push you down from behind. Their generations done had their fun and games with us – the buck has well and truly stopped here.
Fuck around and you gon’ find out. You start it and we will finish it. That’s a **S.U.R.T! Just like those White folk in Montgomery we’ll show and prove that despite what you may think we can come together as one – and swim!🤣…well some of us anyway! I’m your stereotypical but working on it.😅
Shoutout to ‘Blaquaman’ Aaren, the young King who jumped from the boat and swam to the dock workers aid. I can only imagine the adrenaline levels to swim fully clothed and still have the energy to fight. Bravo young man. You set many examples that day without even realising it.
Another shoutout goes to the Montgomery Chair! One brother got creative and used a folding chair to fight them off!🤣…allegedly…👀…I hear they’re looking for him and I know nothing.🤷🏾♀️…👀…
Talking of creativity, the Black internet is truly undefeated when it comes to bussing jokes! I’ve laughed ‘til I cried seeing some of the memes, videos and songs in response. One thing about us is we’re gonna find a way to have a joke no matter the situation – and we know how to do it well!
But we can’t be all smiles all of the time. We have our limits and Black people on a whole have surpassed theirs when it comes to so called White superiority and supremacy. Pardon my French but you can suck out! I’m all for peace and love for all mankind, but my kind will get a bigger portion every time; and if my thoughts and sentiments disturb you or make you see me in a different light that’s on you. I’m good!
Too many who have no real experience of what it’s actually like to live as a Black person wanna come and chat the most sheggery on how things should be and how we should behave. No, you shouldn’t have to big up your colour or creed but we’ve been done down for too long, despite bringing our culture, flavour and swag to every corner of the Earth, and we’ve learned the hard way that if we don’t show us love and stand up for us no one else will. Granted some of us could do with working on our unity a lot more but such is life. The rest of us will continue whilst you catch up.
I honestly could have burst with pride seeing that video. I love my people. I love my colour and I love myself enough to know that I will never let any White person try me or us – and I make no apologies. Y’all can have several seats!
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvDFA_VIK2D/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Link to the social experiment
R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.
Happy Chapter Six Wedding Anniversary to the Mr.😍
Love you long time King.🖤💚
*I visited the site of the new Daily Deposits home!😍 I can’t wait for the magic to commence!
**S.U.R.T – Straight Up Real Talk! Always!
Try Me And See! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife