Nine Nights & One Awakening

On Tuesday I attended the nine nights of a true Slough legend and friend Mr Tony ‘Bangy’ Cunningham; and what a night it was! 

No matter who we are we have 2 things in common and that is that we’re born and we die. How we spend the time in between can most times generally, albeit loosely, be summed up by the reaction of our passing. What mark did we leave? How many will genuinely miss us and feel the need to come out and show love?

We all have our faults. Nobody is perfect and despite you trying to be your best you, you will always have the ability to upset someone, some way, some how – it’s a part of human nature. We can’t be everybody’s friend and personally speaking, nor would I want to be.

But all faults aside, you would like to hope that the general consensus of the people that really know you would have some kind of positive view of you and would feel some form of relative emotion to boot. It ain’t gotta be a weeping and a wailing and the gnashing of teeth (😅) – but even one good memory would suffice. In Tony’s case things spoke for themselves.

The place was jammed. His people came through! I saw faces I hadn’t seen for well over a decade – boys turned to men!*😩, the numbers were truly a testament to his character. He was dearly loved and will be missed. It wasn’t until I saw a clip posted on social media that I realised how many people I hadn’t seen that were there.

To be fair a part of that also has to do with the fact that by the time I got there after work it was dark, and I’m currently rocking an old pair of glasses until I get my new pair and let’s just say it’s a struggle to focus when my ass should be bussing bifocals at the very least! #ToSeeOrNotToSeeThatIsTheQuestion

Which brings me to the awakening part. As I said it was late when I got there and you know what it’s like when there’s lots of people, you get caught up in hellos every few steps, but I was eager to go and see Tony’s partner, Gardel, and was told that she was inside and it would be easier to go through a particular door. I made my way over there and got stopped by my husband who pointed out a friend so I went over and greeted him briefly before excusing myself and telling him I’d be back to catch up soon and finally headed through the door and inside.

Now I’m aware that there were other people standing around and a few sat down, but I wasn’t focused on them because even if I did try it would have been a mission, and also because I wanted to see my friend first and foremost. After catching up with her I did the rounds inside and was told that a family member was sat outside the entrance I’d come through.

I went out to greet them and their partner and was met with 2 push’ up faces. I was asked if it’s only now I’m coming to say hello and they questioned if I hadn’t seen them sat there. They said they watched me come their way and speak to someone and ignore them and go inside. Sigh…

I explained the circumstances, and had a brief chat about the fact I’d been waiting to hear from them for weeks to which they informed me that they forgot, which I get. I will never judge anyone with a memory like mine…well, for certain shit anyway. There’s a particular section of my brain that ain’t forgetting fuck all trust, but still we move! 

I kept it polite, said my goodbyes and continued to catch up with people, but that trigger switch had been activated. As ever, there’s a longer, stronger tale behind it than someone’s perception of not being acknowledged, but I’m not going to go into it now as it’s all a part of The Tales Of The Dales saga and I’d prefer to put them all to bed one time. 

What I will share is that it was a damn sight quicker and easier to handle this particular trigger. All it took was a nights sleep with an awakening reminder that boundaries were put in place for a purpose and they have been doing a fantastic job of keeping the fuckery out so far. If it ain’t broke…

The fact is these people could quite easily have come and addressed me as they so clearly saw me but decided to get in their feelings with I’m guessing a hint of ‘elder entitlement’ to add to their negative energy. Well they can feel all the ways they want. I may not be as old as them but I’m fully grown, untied that bind time ago and keep telling y’all  –

NOBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO DISTURB MY PEACE!

Fuck about!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Have a great Bank Holiday weekend and good luck to all of those venturing to Notting Hill! I’ll be with y’all in spirit but never again in body.😅

*S’up Trev!?😂🖤💚

Protect Your Energy, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Memories Don’t Leave Like People Do

“Memories don’t leave like people do

They always ‘member you

Whether things are good or bad

It’s just the memories that you have.”

Memories ~ Beenie Man

After the passing of yet another good friend this week, I couldn’t help but reflect on some of the memories we’d shared, which in turn had me once again reflecting on friendships and relationships. I was sat on mums bench at the time, and then wouldn’t you know it, someone I used to speak to rounded the corner and walked past.

The joke is the reason we don’t talk is because I fell out with a mutual friend who put the call out to their minions that they too had to follow suit. Now, I’m fully aware of certain friendship codes, but in my opinion this didn’t warrant animosity from others. I didn’t break any of the commandments. I didn’t lie, cheat, steal their money, flirt with or fuck their man – I simply didn’t give them as much attention as they thought they deserved.

I’ve already explained it all in Friend Or Foe, Let Them Go! (Part 1), and my sentiments remain the same, but another emotion has been added to the mix since writing that. Pity. I watched this person and thought it’s a pity too many of us are sheep. It actually made me give a chuckle and a sad head shake. What a way to spend your life! It’s bad enough when we’re kids; it’s even sadder as grown folk. I already knew the lesson I’d learnt from our not talking but I sure caught the blessing that day too!

If I’m a friend of yours it’s based on my relationship with you regardless of how we got to know each other or your relationship with others. It’s not dependent on anything but the love and respect I have for you and your actions. Actions can be tricky though. Sometimes we can go through things that make us act out of character for a while, so you need to use your judgement. If it’s unusual give them time, but if it’s a regular nip that bitch in the bud!

The powers of hindsight and peace truly are amazing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any good times with those people; but I can see now that there was always an underlying level of negative energy and toxicity that was bubbling away. The contrast between that bunch and the friend I’d lost could not be more different.

I’ve managed to weed out a lot of the fake friends or they’ve fallen off naturally. It’s possible that they’ve grown in the years since we haven’t spoken, and I really do hope that’s the case; but I’ll be goddamned if I’ll ever be inclined to find out. My new and improved quality control won’t allow it. The friend count may be lesser in numbers but it’s abundant in authenticity.

I’m thankhful to have had some long and strong ones with many great memories made to more than balance out the shitty ones that came my way, and long may they continue. There is real power in laughter and good vibes, and I’ve been getting plenty of late!* I can’t reiterate how important it is to make memories and love on your people whilst they’re here. At some point it’s all we’ll have left, but if you’re lucky you’ll get to a point where you understand that true love never dies, it multiplies.

R.I.P Tony Cunningham. I hope you’re blaring tunes and having a blast up there! You’ll be missed by many. Sincerest condolences to Gardel and your family.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

*Shouting out the Shake The Room – Teatime Thursday/Thirsty Thursday Clubhouse room! Y’all had me weak! If you don’t know, please get to know! A special mention going out to Queen Pee – I mean Tee and tales of her special blend!🤣😂 Looking forward to sharing the madness with the masses!

Make The Memories Count, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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R.I.P’d Off! (Part 18) – Tek A Seat, Bitch!

“I’m gonna knock you out

Mama said knock you out…”

Mama Said Knock You Out ~ LL Cool J

So, full disclosure, I didn’t write a blog last week as I’d been in a bit of a funk due to this and that and *almost all of it a negative vibe.

It’s possibly my hormones, but I’ve been feeling hella emotional of late, and an Instagram post of a social experiment had me feeling all kinds of a way, despite me knowing better. There were 2 blind guys, one Black and the other White with a guide stick and dark glasses on and they had them individually walk down a high street and side up to a member of the public who was the opposite colour to them and hold on to their arm for support.

The results spoke volumes. When the white guy approached the Black people all but two continued to allow him to hold on and help guide him, and even then there were other Black folk with the 2 who didn’t help who stepped in and took their place and helped him. 

Reverse the roles and every White person shrugged him off and went about their business.

I felt that. And that’s just it, we feel shit. I’m not saying we’re perfect, and as is the same for most ethnicities there are the bad, uncaring and or prejudice/racist ones; but I believe for most of us our levels of empathy and capacity to love is greater than most. It’s almost as if it’s been passed down with all of the trauma, trials and tribulations of our ancestors. We understand what it’s like to suffer and be made to feel a lesser person and would more time choose love over hate. We will still give it regardless of whether or not we get it back.

Obviously you’d be a little startled at a stranger grabbing your arm out of the blue, I’m pretty sure I would be, but after assessing the situation there’s no way I’m not going to help, whatever colour you may be you’re human first. From the time those White folk assessed the circumstances and still decided to walk on by you know exactly where their minds were at. For some no matter what position we’re in we’ll always be a threat.

This is why when I hear things like, “I don’t see colour” or “If you stop talking about racism it will stop existing” it annoys the hell out of me. All you have to do is look at HisStory to see that’s a crock of shit. They would rather delete and deny their misdeeds or try to spin it and make it appear they were doing us a favour than admit it; and if we allow that to happen we leave the door wide open for them to try their fuckery again as it’s clear some are just waiting for those good ol’ days to return!

It’s people of that mindset that caused my mood to lift extensively and why I’m still laughing days later. I’ve said it time and again but, I FUCKING LOVE US!!!

If you don’t know you need to google the Alabama brawl. Long story short, a Black dock worker was minding his business and doing his job when a group of entitled White folk decided to start antagonising him, all under the watchful eye of a boat load of passengers and staff waiting to dock. True to their red neck roots, their energy took hold and they thought they’d assert their superiority and hit him. Well!! My brother threw up his cap and sent out the signal.

It started as one on one but when he started to get the better of the White dude his friends jumped in – and that’s when the magic happened. The Black folk cried a collective ‘Not today!’ – and it was on! It really needs to be seen to be believed as I can’t do the running commentary justice! It was a beautiful sight to behold.

Hear me when I say I don’t do violence. I can’t even stand watching boxing, BUT I’m a BIG believer in if someone hits you, tump their claart right back – especially in these circumstances. My mum always told me that and I’ve told my girls too. Turning the other cheek or being the bigger person and walking away only allows them to hit you again on the other side or push you down from behind. Their generations done had their fun and games with us – the buck has well and truly stopped here. 

Fuck around and you gon’ find out. You start it and we will finish it. That’s a **S.U.R.T! Just like those White folk in Montgomery we’ll show and prove that despite what you may think we can come together as one – and swim!🤣…well some of us anyway! I’m your stereotypical but working on it.😅

Shoutout to ‘Blaquaman’ Aaren, the young King who jumped from the boat and swam to the dock workers aid. I can only imagine the adrenaline levels to swim fully clothed and still have the energy to fight. Bravo young man. You set many examples that day without even realising it.

Another shoutout goes to the Montgomery Chair! One brother got creative and used a folding chair to fight them off!🤣…allegedly…👀…I hear they’re looking for him and I know nothing.🤷🏾‍♀️…👀…

Talking of creativity, the Black internet is truly undefeated when it comes to bussing jokes! I’ve laughed ‘til I cried seeing some of the memes, videos and songs in response. One thing about us is we’re gonna find a way to have a joke no matter the situation – and we know how to do it well!

But we can’t be all smiles all of the time. We have our limits and Black people on a whole have surpassed theirs when it comes to so called White superiority and supremacy. Pardon my French but you can suck out! I’m all for peace and love for all mankind, but my kind will get a bigger portion every time; and if my thoughts and sentiments disturb you or make you see me in a different light that’s on you. I’m good! 

Too many who have no real experience of what it’s actually like to live as a Black person wanna come and chat the most sheggery on how things should be and how we should behave. No, you shouldn’t have to big up your colour or creed but we’ve been done down for too long, despite bringing our culture, flavour and swag to every corner of the Earth, and we’ve learned the hard way that if we don’t show us love and stand up for us no one else will. Granted some of us could do with working on our unity a lot more but such is life. The rest of us will continue whilst you catch up.

I honestly could have burst with pride seeing that video. I love my people. I love my colour and I love myself enough to know that I will never let any White person try me or us – and I make no apologies. Y’all can have several seats!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvDFA_VIK2D/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Link to the social experiment

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Happy Chapter Six Wedding Anniversary to the Mr.😍

Love you long time King.🖤💚

*I visited the site of the new Daily Deposits home!😍 I can’t wait for the magic to commence!

**S.U.R.T – Straight Up Real Talk! Always!

Try Me And See! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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