Downtime🖤 (Part 3)

A 20/20 Vision

 

Hello again! I wasn’t intending on leaving it months before I wrote another blog, but the reality is I’ve kinda been in a funk. To be fair to myself, there have been a few legit reasons as to why I would be.

I won’t bore you with the details of my funky disposition right now. Let’s just say that I’m working on it! The year so far has really been a humdinger. Like, seriously, who could have predicted the madness?*

The 20/20 vision I had is nothing in comparison to the reality, but it has enabled me to see certain people’s true colours with crystal clarity. In my last Downtime blog I wrote about being tired. That’s not quite cutting it anymore. I’m fully over certain attitudes and having to break things down time and again. We’ve now reached Black History Month and it’s added more fuel to those already raging flames of hate.

It’s actually not hard to imagine that people would get so irate over trying to eradicate racism and giving us a fair chance. I guess it boils down to what you choose to see and what makes you feel un/comfortable. I’ve tried to highlight my feelings for you below. I hope you enjoy it, but most of all I hope you understand it.🖤

 

 

A little while back I wrote about being tired

But that description has long since expired

Tired no longer fits the bill

Let me try to explain if you will

To those taking issue with the words Black Lives Matter

And the “It’s all political!” nonsense and chatter

Having an issue with taking the knee

Or a powerful dance performed by Diversity

 

Disgust at adverts with Black families

Or in general, too many Black faces on their tv’s

Or a necklace with the initials B.L.M,

Causing outrage a little hard to comprehend,

Folk can find time to moan and complain

As if we’re all out here just playing some game

They’ll tell us we don’t deserve sympathy

Because crimes and statistics is all they can see

 

Allow me to give you a little clarity

If politics is all that you choose to see

There may be things you don’t like about the organisation

I hear you and understand your frustration

But the focus should be on Black Lives Matter – the movement

And how we’re constantly striving for improvement

There are way too many unnecessary failures

Too many George Floyds, Sarah Reeds and Breonna Taylor’s

 

Too many concerned over the placement of a statue

With negative statements to throw at you

Why should I waste my time trying to explain

When you clearly don’t want to register our pain

If you’re not interested that’s all good with me

I’m not about begging, and I’ll leave you be

I really have no time for all of those bigots

The likes of Jim Davidson and Laurence Fox

 

Who, granted, are entitled to their opinions and views

But don’t have a clue what’s it’s like to walk in our shoes

Every colour and creed commit crimes on the street

But if it’s a Black face they don’t miss a beat

In pointing the finger and calling us out

But if it’s a White face there’s always room for doubt

And heaven forbid we speak up or speak out

They’ll seriously question what we’re talking about

 

It honestly is a real travesty

That a lot of the naysayers really can’t see

When they say we should be grateful

And it’s all ok

Because we’re less racist here in the U.K

There’s a huge piece of the picture that you miss

And really and truly, it’s more than a diss

 

Addressing the ‘All Lives Matter’ crew

And the ‘Blue Lives Matter’ too

For the latter here’s somewhere to begin

They can take off their uniform

We can’t take off our skin

As for all lives mattering, that goes without saying

But the comparison needs to take some weighing

 

The past few months have given much insight

Between those who truly understand our plight

And those who’ve had enough, and are over it

And would love nothing more than for us to quit

Wondering how much longer we intend to go on

Whinging, whining and singing the same old song?

 

But in the midst of all of the chanting and crying

And every which way my people keep trying

Black people are dying at an alarming rate

At the hands of people fuelled by hate

Happy to deny us the right to live

All whilst sitting comfortably in their privilege

 

Band us together and label us BAME

With little recognition that we’re not all the same

No sympathy for Grenfell or the Windrush generation

No time for unity or the rise of one nation

We can all be different but still live as one

It’s not impossible; it can be done

 

I have no idea what the future will be

But I’ll try not to give up hope, that one day they’ll see

So take in the words I’ve written above

The lack of understanding, empathy and love

Now can you see why I’m way past tired?

Exhausted’s the word that is now required

But to my brothas and sistas

Don’t let it get you down

Put your head up and hold on to your crown

Whenever it seems there’s no ending in sight

As Bob Marley said, don’t give up the fight!

 

No Matter How Tired, Don’t Give Up The Fight!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

R.I.P Hazel Bruce and to all those who have passed away recently

*Apparently someone did. They could have given us a better heads up!😅

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R.I.P’d Off (Part 16)

I put off writing about the current events happening in the world in regards to the murder of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter movement for a reason. It was because I wanted to repost the previous R.I.P’d Off blogs to show and prove that this isn’t a new phenomenon and some of us have been shouting about it for years.

Yesterday I changed my mind, and it was in part thanks to a White ‘friend’. It all started with a post on Facebook. She was up in arms and disgusted at the London mayors proposal to possibly remove the statues of figureheads around the town with connections to profiteering from slavery.

She made her feelings quite clear. It’s just disgusting, history is history and it makes her so pissed. The majority of her friends agreed with her and commented about how we (Black people) wanted to try and rewrite history or erase it. They also spoke about the holocaust and how the Jews don’t carry on and make such a fuss so what’s our problem?

It’s funny how quickly and easy it is to be dismissed and perceived as the ‘angry Black woman’ when all you’ve done is politely speak your mind.

This is what I wrote back in response:

No one is asking to forget or rewrite history. They are asking you to acknowledge that this ‘great’ country was made great off of the backs of slaves. If it’s history and we should forget about it why are you getting all up in your feelings by having them removed? Shouldn’t you be doing the same? And comparing it to the holocaust is a joke. You acknowledge the holocaust and reparations were given for their treatment. We’re told, yeah it happened and what? Here’s a reminder on the daily! Whether they’re in public or in a museum where they belong it doesn’t change what happened in the past – but you could at least acknowledge the impact they may have on us.

My ‘friend’ saw fit to bypass and ignore my response, yet continued to interact and like other posts of those who shared her sentiment. As you can see I didn’t cuss, I just tried to politely put my point across but obviously that was too much. I scrolled back on her page and saw that this was the first mention she’d made of anything that had gone on previously in regards to this subject.

No disgust at the murder of George Floyd or support or empathy for her black friends – just anger over statues that I very much doubt she even knew existed before they were highlighted in the press, but such is life! I left it at that and moved on.

So then we come to Saturday, and the patriotic counter-protesters (🙄) who were supposedly protecting these precious statues in London by getting bladdered, fighting police, fighting each other, pissing on monuments, terrorising picnickers and generally being a bunch of racist, small minded dicks.

Funnily enough she had nothing to say about them. Crickets all round. But she did see fit to post about a Black pedophile who caused tremendous hurt and damage to a little girl. She was rightly disgusted and wanted him named and shamed.

Now, I understand her disgust fully and personally I hope he rots in whatever prison he’s in, but that post was over a year old and considering the current climate we’re in, I figured there were more important issues we should be focusing on today than to rile people up over something abhorrent that had already been dealt with.

So again I responded:

You’re right, he is a totally disgusting specimen and deserves all that he gets and then some. But I’ve gotta ask why you’re sharing something over a year old and you’ve got nothing to say about the mob that went out on Saturday to “protect” the statues you care so much about? Oh, my bad, is that classed as history too now it’s Tuesday and to be forgotten? Bye Felicia!🖐🏾

I decided that I couldn’t be arsed and unfriended her. She’d already shown me all I needed to see. But I was informed she responded back by saying she has nothing to say because she’s fucking sick to the back teeth of it all, Black, White, yellow, she doesn’t care. She just wishes everyone would get on. Seriously I need to calm down and she’s all for peace.

I need to calm down. Hmmm….

If you check it, it was she who wrote the angry post about statues and agreed with all of her angry little friends. I don’t recall her telling any of them to calm down and we should all get on. Not once did I use a cuss word or angry faced emoji, yet she did and so did her angry friends.

Yet I should calm down.

Black, White, yellow – she doesn’t care, but diss a concrete statue and it’s on! She’s got time to care about that!

She then decided to private message a family member – not me, and spin those go to lines of certain white folk of growing up with Black people and having mixed race family.

Can someone please explain to me just what the fuck that’s suppose to prove?

She also added that all this bitterness is getting no one anywhere. Which bitterness would that be? Me politely calling her out or the bitterness spewed out by herself and her angry little friends over statues? #AnswersOnAPostcard

It’s funny how quickly and easy it is to be dismissed and perceived as ‘the angry Black woman’ when all you’ve done is politely speak your mind. She’s not the first one to describe me in such a way, and as I really don’t give a fuck I’m sure she won’t be the last either.

It’s all good for her to be sick to the back teeth of it, but she was over it after 3 weeks. Try a lifetime then come at me! See how sick, tired, fed up, frustrated, confused, upset, disappointed, downhearted and pissed she feels then. And that’s just a few emotions at the tip of the iceberg.

Whilst her fellow patriots were busy ‘protecting’ statues and not being a menace to society in the slightest, I was busy at a peaceful protest on the same day in a local park. It was a beautiful day with no trouble and good vibes. Everyone came together for a common cause and it was truly a sight to see. I was asked to give a speech and admit to feeling flattered that they would ask but also nervous. I’m really not a limelight girl or public speaker, but I felt the need to come out of my comfort zone and show my support.

For the ‘friend’ who chose to ignore our plight and the rest of my readers I’ll end with the speech I gave. I hope it gives a little more understanding and incite into why we feel the way we do.

In life there comes a time when you look at a certain situation and come to the conclusion that enough is enough. I’d reached my limit a good while ago, but the horrific, public murder of George Floyd became the straw that broke the camels back for a lot more of us.

His murder may have been the catalyst for these protests and current events, but it is by no means the only reason why we find ourselves taking to the streets. For centuries the tale has been the same. Depending on how far back you go, HIStory will tell you of how great a country is, but deny or try to sweep under the carpet the reality of how that greatness came to be – and racism is key!

We have been – and for a lot of people will always be seen as the dregs of society. To be used, abused and disposed of accordingly. Racism runs deep within the police force and governments, home and away, and the reality is they were not created to benefit the likes of us. Only now are we slowly beginning to see change, but even still, the level of justice that is mete out to White people is highly disproportionate to those of colour.

They will throw statistics at us to prove our plight is a myth and we literally doth protest too much, but actions will always speak louder than words or figures on a page. It’s funny how people are incensed and raging over the removal of statues, but not outraged at the brutal loss of life they represent. That in itself speaks volumes. It seems like no matter what we do, or how we do it, someone will take issue with us telling the world that our lives matter and we deserve to be treated with respect.

You don’t even have to go way back to 1775 to highlight things. For example, look at how they handled the murders of Steven Lawrence and Mark Duggan. In 2015 the last reparations to slave owners was paid out. In 2015! It’s nearly 3 years to the day that the Grenfell fire broke out, with very little progress made in the enquiry and the Windrush scandal is still ongoing. I could happily stand here all day and give you example after example but what we really need is change. The system has been proven to be broken and corrupt from the core and desperately needs to be addressed and fixed, but that is not something we can do alone.

This is not a Black and White issue, it’s a humanitarian one. There are plenty that hate us but also an equal measure that have shown love and support from the start and from the heart. I know plenty who actually get it and understand that our cry isn’t about being selfish, it’s about being treated equally, respectfully and with dignity.

They are aware that White privilege is very real and they benefit from it on a daily basis without having to try. They understand that the privilege is the ease to walk and talk freely without fear of repercussions based purely on the colour of their skin. But to those who say that they are not racist or don’t see colour it has to be said that that is not enough. For real change to be made you need to be anti racism and acknowledge that yes, we are different shades, but it doesn’t make us lesser people.
I want you to see my melanin and embrace it, not deny it exists.

I’ll never forget my first racist encounter, and it was in this very town not far from here, by a blonde haired, blue eyed boy who spat at me and called me a nigger whilst I was simply minding my own business walking down the back of the high street. I’d love to say that that was my one and only experience but it hasn’t been. To those who have been lucky enough to not experience any racism so far in their lives, I’m happy for you, but please don’t dismiss those that have as talking nonsense. Who feels it knows it.

So, where do we go from here? Well, you’re never too old to learn, and it’s never too late for change. Racism isn’t genetic. To the White people who want to make a difference start by teaching your children to love not hate and educate yourselves on the real history of how your countries became so ‘great’.
Try to empathise and put yourselves in our shoes before you judge us.

To my fellow brethren, especially those who live in Slough, I say this; we need to focus on us and feel no way about it, and that’s not being divisive, it’s about coming together as one and celebrating us. Throughout the years I have seen nearly every other ethnic minority pull together and support their own without any issue. It’s more than time for us to do the same. It can be achieved we just need trust in each other, faith and to believe.

You can’t have a community without unity, and to the ladies that organised this protest today, my husband Chris Biggs, Rebecca Richardson, Tina Brooks, Tanya and Claudine Brooks-Carty, Anita Herbert and those who have already started in paving the way I thank you.
To the parents out there I’ll end with this, we need to teach our children that these postcode wars and fighting each other will get us nowhere and is bullshit! We will always be stronger together!

R.I.P George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Rayshard Brooks and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Stand Up And Be Counted, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
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Downtime🖤 (Part 2)

“Mostly, I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day…”

John Coffey ~ The Green Mile

I’ve seen a few posts on social media asking what’s one thing that being in downtime (lockdown) has taught you. I responded to one and told the truth – nothing.

All it has done is highlight a lot of things I was very much aware of beforehand. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs I’ve been through enough in my lifetime to see things a little more clearly and appreciate and celebrate life. Ultimately I’m a lover not a hater. I love life and I can fully understand tolerance, patience and forgiveness – but only to a certain extent.

The past couple of weeks have been testing for me. Obviously with the world being the way it is now it’s a trying time for everyone, but so far I’ve been reasonably ok, so I’ve been trying to pinpoint exactly why it is that I’m feeling the way I am. I took into account the current climate and the fact that Mother Nature did her monthly rounds and I realised that my hormones were raging – but then I realised something else. It’s fatigue.

Like John Coffey said, I’m tired. T👏🏾I👏🏾R👏🏾E👏🏾D👏🏾

I’m not a fan of politics or religion and I’ll avoid both like the plague if I can. I know there are those who feel strongly about these subjects, and more power to them, but for me they are entities saturated in so much fuckery and corruption I have no interest in wasting my time trying to figure them out. Some may well see it as me being ignorant, but I have my reasons, and if anyone is interested I’ll gladly tell them what they are.

I don’t claim to be an expert. I just know what I know and feel how I feel. If you’ve read any of my R.I.P’d Off! blogs you’d already have a gist.

So when I awoke one morning and popped onto Facebook to see Bore-us Johnson’s face all up in my timeline and people inviting me to clap for that clown, I wrote a post to let them know what I thought about it. I made it clear they’d be no form of clapping or sympathy for him from me. For a start, wasn’t it he who publicly stood and ignored the warnings given and visited a hospital – A HOSPITAL – shaking hands with people? I stated that if any “friends” took offence at my post to delete me. I lost a couple but the way I see it they weren’t friends in the first place, as friends would enquire. We don’t necessarily have to be on the same page on all things to get along.

One such person responded to my post before deleting me. I had made a comment about Bore-us being just as bad as those who were blatantly ignoring protocol and was told I need a reality check. Me or you my “friend”? Bore-us is actually WORSE than those people as he is supposedly a leader and to set the example we follow. And now it transpires that he possibly ignored meetings and advice given about how to deal with Covid-19 weeks prior to the outbreak in the U.K.

And you would have me clap for this fucker? KMT!

I make no apologies about it. Some people are quick to forget things. I’m not…wait, let me take that back. It depends on what it is, and in this instance there was a lot to remember when it came to my issues with our grate leader.

It’s bad enough when the average Joe decides to give us his two pence worth on his thoughts about immigrants, but when derogatory remarks are made from someone who is supposed to be fair and impartial and running the *cuntry you live in, it makes it hard to ignore and easy for others of their ilk to think it’s acceptable behaviour.

Not only has he proved what he thinks about us, he and the Tories decided to show us too by underhandedly abandoning the Windrush generation and forcing them into poverty and ill health, then forcing them on a plane ‘back to where they came from’. They openly stood and applauded not giving NHS and other key workers a fair living wage, did the dirty on the victims of Grenfell and thought they were slicker than slick with Brexshit.

What better way to get rid of the rest of the pests by labelling them as low skilled and 10 a penny. We don’t need them if they can’t prove to be worth £25,000 or more. We’ve got this! This is England. We’ll pull together and show them what we’re made of…only there’s a problem with that…

It mainly lies in the fact that they are patriotic to a fault. The fault being that they forget that their *Grate Britain is so great because of the blood, sweat and tears of a lot of the minorities they despise, disadvantage and dismiss. If they were to really check facts and strip away all that was robbed from other countries to benefit them they wouldn’t have much to shout about. Not even over a cup of tea with 2 sugars.

Right now there is no shadow of doubt about the roles immigrants and ethic minorities play in helping the country to survive, but there are certain collectives who, no matter what kind of information you put before them, fail to see our worth. It couldn’t get more prominent now and it needs to be remembered.

Piss poor apologies mean nothing and as HIStory shows that’s all we’re ever given!

To top off my mood, a few days later I saw some footage that has been hard to swallow. China – ground zero for this whole madness that we and the world find ourselves dealing with – had supposedly eradicated Covid-19 in their cuntry until some recent cases that they are now saying is being spread by Black people…

Yep! You heard right.

Despite not testing positive for Coronavirus, they have been thrown out of their homes, beaten, abused and denied access to shops, restaurants and other amenities with little to no help from authorities. China are to blame for causing it, but let’s forget that and divert attention and look at these dirty Black people spreading it. It gets me so mad, but to be honest it doesn’t surprise me. It seems like it’s only a matter of time before we get to be the cause of every negative going.

It’s an age old tale. They love our climate and natural resources, some even love our culture but they don’t love us, and feel that we’re not worthy of having anything they consider to be of value. All the while we’re welcoming them into our countries and not focusing on the bigger picture. They don’t love us or want to integrate – they want to take over. And they’re doing it. How many Chinese shops and businesses in Africa and the Caribbean have Black people working in them? How much land do they own? I’ll wait!

As “all about the love and not hate” that I am, and as tolerant, patient and understanding as I try to be, I have to confess that it’s running low – way low! I’m battling my negative emotions HARD! I have always tried to be kind hearted and accepting but it’s getting harder by the day. My fear is I’ll end up being as cold hearted as the ones causing us pain but I’m truly sick and tired of people being ugly to each other and especially my people. We’ve been used and abused for centuries and enough is enough.

2020 and downtime has shown us that we can do things differently and adapt to change – well the majority of us anyway. Now is the time for a lot of us to wake up and really look at what’s going on and work on a solution to the problems we face. My anger isn’t just at those taking the ‘berties but our own people who are allowing it to happen. The corrupt governments and money hungry leaders thinking that they’re good because they’ve been given backhanders. What happens when you’re out of power and the money runs dry???

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but most things worth fighting for aren’t.

Thankfully, right now my aromatherapy diffuser, essential oils and herbs have been working its magic and I won’t be out on the streets causing a revolution…not yet anyway!

And breathe!

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives.

Well done Captain Tom Moore.

*no misspelling

Breathe In/Breathe Out, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Downtime🖤 (Part 1)

Well!! 2020 has certainly come in all guns blazing! I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I did have an idea as to how I’d like it to be…needless to say it looked nothing like this!

From the get go there have been occurrences all around the world of biblical proportions. Not that I’m religious, but the majority of us have heard about what’s to come in the end of days according to the book of Revelation, and we’re coming pretty close to its description. Fires, floods, hailstones the size of grapefruits, a plague of locusts, and now to top it off we have a pandemic – and it’s only March.

The majority of signs are there and honestly, the way things are going, if come April 1st someone were to tell me the four horsemen of the apocalypse were parading through Slough high street I’d probably think hard before dismissing it – especially as they’d probably feel right at home there.

There are a lot of conspiracy theories as to how and why the coronavirus has arrived. Whether it be bat eating Chinese, 5G or Bill Gates ‘great corrector’ thesis; the effects have been felt worldwide. No matter who you are it will effect you in some way, shape or form. The most notably universal one being lockdown!

I’d like to say I’ve been amazed at the way some people have handled things but that’d be a lie. The levels of greed and selfishness have been astounding, from the stockpilers making it hard for our elderly and most vulnerable to get the simple basics, to the multi billionaires who don’t want to give a tiny fraction of their money to help the ‘little people’ that made it possible for them to accumulate their huge wealth.

As frustrating and annoying as this lockdown may be, we’ve all been given reflection time and should try to appreciate it. For those of you who think it’s a pointless exercise you can at least take comfort in the fact that as well as helping others stay safe, you’re helping Mother Nature out too. Our planet has been bawling out for the longest while and now she gets a chance to breathe a little more freely.

I think we can all agree that there’s no doubt as to who the real superheroes have been. Each and every frontline, key worker who has done their utmost to keep the world ticking over and keep us alive. I’ve seen the most wonderful acts of kindness in these troubled times and online communities offering every kind of support and advice. Naturally there are those who can’t help themselves and take advantage. In my opinion these people are worse than the virus we’re dealing with. To try and make a profit out of peoples hard times and misery is abhorrent.

I don’t care how much I like dumplings, I will not pay £3.99 for a 500g bag of plain flour! You’d best believe every shop I’ve seen taking the ‘berties will never get another penny of my money and get reported to trading standards. I definitely won’t be Ceeing U Next Tuesday, Sorry!

Also in that category are the likes of Bore-us Johnson, Priti Pathetic and all of those conservatives who now want to show love to the ‘low skilled’ workers. It’s ironic that the same Windrush generation who Priti gave a half arsed apology to not so long ago, and they were quick to deny their rights and fling out of Grate Britain on the sly, were some who were the backbone of your magnificent NHS.

For all his talk of others making a fuss and wearing gloves, Bore-us has now supposedly got the virus himself! Good for his backside! Who don’t hear will feel as they say. I have little sympathy and if I pray for anything it’s that he sees some form of sense now in how he treats others on every level.

I’d remind you that whilst they were all stood on their doorsteps on Thursday night giving a worthy clap for all of their beloved NHS staff, it wasn’t that long ago they were clapping at the fact that they were not going to give those same, low skilled workers a fair wage whilst toying with the very foundation of the service.

For those who couldn’t see it before, it’s as clear as fucking day now! They’ve more than proved their worth. No one is denying they had and still have their issues, but it cannot be disputed that they are a valued and much needed service that should be protected and funded to make life easier for those that put the effort in 24/7 and were very much under appreciated before this pandemic.

They can pull countless millions out of their ass now – where was it before? To every person who, like myself stood and clapped and cheered and whooped, I hope you remember the feeling you had and carry it with you when this is all over and demand that the government do what is right by them. It benefits us all in the long run. At some point in your life you or one of your loved ones will need them. It’s something we should all be invested in trying to better.

In the meantime I’m gonna try and better myself and make the most of this downtime. Somehow it’s easier on my soul to call it that than lockdown! I started loc’ing my hair again 3 weeks ago today and it’s at that Coolio stage so I’m grateful to be out of sight for a while!

I’m also trying to work on my body. Like most I’m having trouble socially distancing myself from the whole damn kitchen not just the fridge, but I’m determined not to be rolling out the gaff in a few weeks time. My saviour has to be music. Netflix and books are all good but no matter what I’m going through or how I’m feeling music always has an answer.

These are serious times folks, but a few simple steps can make a difference for all. I don’t need to tell you what needs to be done – it actually couldn’t get any easier but people are dumb and make life harder than it has to be. Don’t be that dick I beg you please!

Try to breathe life in, under a mask if you have to, but just try and find a bit of peace. It’s not like you don’t have the time. Technology allows us the luxury of being able to connect with those who you can’t see on the regular anymore and reconnect with those who you haven’t for a while. Now is the ideal time for so many things. Don’t waste it.

I truly hope we learn from this and it’s not a forgotten blur once we’re (hopefully) back to normality. Big love and positive vibes heading your way.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives and those currently fighting this virus. Wishing you all a speedy recovery.

Sending love and best wishes Linda. Hope you’re on the mend soon.

Happy 3rd Earthday/Birthday Tula. Can’t wait to see you and give you a squeeze!😘

Keep Calm & Carry On, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife
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Sticks And Stones (Part 1)

⚠️WARNING!!: If you’ve read my blogs before you’ll be aware I like the odd smattering of expletives here and there. I could apologise but I won’t. It’s MY real talk and how I express myself, obviously not all the time – there is a time and a place. HERE IS MY TIME AND MY PLACE! I’m just giving you a heads up: There’s a couple of strong ones today!!

Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I’ve heard it being said and even muttered the saying myself as a kid, but the truth of the matter is I was only lying to myself. It’s a crock of do-do! No, they can’t break bones but they can cause pain – they can make your heart ache – and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that they hurt you.

I had my fair share of petty drama as a teen but as an adult I avoid it like the plague! “Ain’t nobody got time for that!!”

I’m not saying I’m friends with everybody. There are a few people I really don’t like but it ain’t a thang! I see you, but I don’t see you and life goes on. They quite literally mean nothing to me and I understand the value of time so it will not be wasted on “nothing”. The majority of the time I’m an easy going person, I live and let live. I know my worth, I don’t allow people to cross many lines and I know how to lock people off, but sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes a situation arises where as much as you try to be the better person you can’t escape a little drama whilst dealing with it because you’re faced with a special breed of people. I like to call them CUNTS.

Harsh words are never welcome but at times need to be spoken. Every once in a while certain people need to be put in check and told a few home truths. #JustSaying

Thankfully I don’t have to do it often but when I do, for me, the reason they’re receiving the tongue lashing is a build up of so much bullshit either being said or done I can no longer bear the stench. It may come across as harsh but it’ll be based in truth. I’m aware that those words hurt the person on the receiving end (or possibly not as it’s debatable whether they actually have feelings) but, in my eyes, that pain can be classified as being self inflicted on account of being a cunt. #YouBroughtItOnYourself

Cunts have the ability to throw you off balance. The most grounded person can be rocked by another persons cuntish behaviour. They come in both sexes, all colours, creeds, shapes and sizes but share many nasty characteristics and qualities. Their cuntishness knows no bounds and can range from small time cunt – like the ones who now feel it necessary to shout abuse and tell every person of colour in England to go home, or major cunts like the government and the most recent terrorists in Turkey. They have the knack of pushing the right buttons to really upset you and make you wanna fuck up a bitch! As cool, calm and collected as we may appear to be (👀), we’re human, we have feelings and cunts can inflict pain with words like no other, which as well as causing anger can also have some sliding down a slippery slope to dark places.

My pain was caused by words that come straight out of left field and knock you for six. It kinda stops you in your tracks for a hot minute as your head and heart register what was said. It’s said just in the right tone or just at the right time to inflict the most damage. It’s bad enough if it’s from a random stranger but when it comes from a supposed “loved one” it cuts all the more deeper. Unfortunately for me I’m dealing with the latter type at the moment, with words and actions combined they are the hardest to ignore and forgive.

Unfortunately for them their words are not enough to break me fully, but inspired me to write a few of my own. The pain they caused has subsided substantially and their actions I am dealing with as best I can. A little down but never out – believe that!! These cunts picked the wrong bitch to mess with.

I believe you shouldn’t hold things in that upset you. Negative energy’s not the one. Better out than in and all that jazz. Release that shit and keep on moving! I also believe you shouldn’t allow anybody to try to bring you down or disrespect you no matter who they are to you, especially if, like me, you know your worth.

I try to stay as positive as I possibly can be, but as I’ve said time and again I’m a realist, and I know it’s not possible all the time. I’m not a big fan of airing my business and I’ve never felt the need to name and shame but under special circumstances (and for especially cunty cunts) I’m willing to make an exception to my rule. The only reason it hasn’t been done already is because I have no option but to bide my time…for now.

There’s been a mild breeze in the air but hear me when I say Hurricane Dawn is brewing!!

Watch what you say people. No matter what the old adage says WORDS HURT!! I’m very careful with mine. It’s a shame others are not the same because once they’ve been said they cannot be taken back, but they can be remembered for a long time. Some will soon be reminded of their words. #Cunts


R.I.P Turkey 43

R.I.P to all who have lost their lives this week


Think Before You Speak, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Thankh You Mama (Part 2)

“What’s worse, lookin’ jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy? Or like, being walked all over lately, walked all over lately. I’d rather be crazy.”…

Beyoncé ~ Hold Up

Two weeks ago my mum unexpectedly passed away. As you can imagine it hasn’t been an easy time. Despite her being in her twilight years and having dementia and knowing it’s inevitable, I wasn’t ready. There was no prep time. No warning. No final goodbye.

It was nothing we hadn’t been through before. She had been admitted to hospital with a chest infection and would be fine once the antibiotics had kicked in. I’d been there for hours and it was late and I was told to go home. She’d be fine and discharged back to the home in the morning. I wrapped her blanket around her, kissed her and told her I loved her and I’ll see her tomorrow.

I did see her, but not how I expected. I got a call just after 5am telling me she wasn’t looking good and to come now. I was confused. “What do you mean, not looking good? You said she’d be fine? You told me to go home!”
The nurse told me it was a suspected heart attack, so naturally I threw some clothes on, made the necessary calls and rolled out.

I was the first to arrive, and I knew as soon as I was asked to come and sit in the relatives room instead of by her bedside what the deal was; but I still needed to hear it. I had been alright up until that point. As soon as she said she’d gone I was a mess. It was only a matter of minutes before I was joined by my twin and as soon as he saw me he knew.

With my hand on my heart I can say we did all we could to make sure she was loved and taken care of. Since she went into the home the longest my twin and I had not seen her for was a week – the week of our cousins funeral which we both attended in Antigua. Before I left I made sure I’d asked people to visit. Regardless of whether she could hold a running conversation or not, it’s always nice to see a different face and you don’t know what seeing it may trigger.

For some it’s just a waste of time. For me it was quality time. I have been accused of being to blame for mum being in a home. It’s all true. I fully accept my part in it. But when the Carry-Go-Bring-Comers get the scoop they forget to ask about the finer details. The multiple questions and reasons as to why. It’s all good. I have the answers as you’ll discover soon enough. In the meantime here’s two you can ask them.
How often did they see mum in the past year and how often did they take her out?
It’s ok. I’ll wait…

To those who have been vocal and for those who are whispering behind closed doors, I’ll set you straight. There will never be any chance of reconciliation with my siblings within my lifetime and possibly the next. I’m pretty sure it works both ways too. Apparently I’m an interfering, druggie, family wrecker with daddy issues who needs help, and I’m to keep on ranting on Facebook like the crazy Black woman I am!

Ok. If I must!

Call me what you want and say what you will. I would rather be me than anything like what others perceive themselves to be. I admit I’m not always a lady and I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, holier than thou – I’m as far from religious as you can be, but I’ve respected my mum all of my life and I’m not about to stop now as we lay her to rest.

If ‘people’ are looking for fireworks or some kind of show at her burial you’ll be disappointed so please don’t come unless it’s about showing your respect. Many didn’t when she was alive, and it’s actually ironic how some are more fussed about her dead body and what happens to it than when she was living.

Gotta make sure she has a good send off!

I think it was more important to give her the best life rather than a good send off. Some will see me as being awkward or stubborn or just plain outta order, and that is your right, but I am not in the habit of playing happy families to make other ‘people’ feel comfortable. I have no desire to ‘pull together’ now. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do? For who exactly? Her spirit has left. That’s what needed lifting when she was here. Fuck who wants to lift her coffin now she’s gone.

But that’s just me, and emotions are high, but as I was told I have to live with my guilt and my conscience. And I’m doing just fine on those levels! I can’t say I’m the best with the rest but I’m sure I’ll be fine in time. It just hurts like a bitch.

For now I’m going to try and deal with the flow of toxicity that has returned in my life, and do what has to be done and move on. It’s a struggle but one thing I know for sure is I am definitely Dolly Merchant’s daughter when it comes to my mouth, so I will continue ranting like the crazy Black woman I am for you, mum.

Whilst others may remain wrong and strong, so I shall remain right, tight and shedding light…when the time is right!

Thankh you Mama for the 9 months you carried me through and for being you. You’re finally at peace now and out of your dementia state. I hope you’re having a blast up there.

R.I.E.P Mumzy🖤

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.

Rest Easy, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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