R.I.P’d Off! (Part 19)

‘Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.’

Still I Rise ~ Maya Angelou

I purposely stay away from the news, and I haven’t really spoken on Black issues for a while – well, apart from the Alabama Brawl and the Montgomery chair – that will always have a special place in my heart!😂

Jokes aside, I couldn’t help but see numerous posts about Tory donor Frank Hester OBE, and his comments made towards Diane Abbott and in turn all Black women. He said, “It’s like trying not to be racist but you see Diane Abbott on the TV and you’re just like…you just want to hate all Black women because she’s there. And I don’t hate all Black women at all, but I think she should be shot.”

Following on from that a spokesperson released a statement saying, “Frank Hester accepts that he was rude about Diane Abbott in a private meeting several years ago but his criticism had nothing to do with her gender or the colour of her skin.”😑

You smell it right? I was about to break it down when I had a deja vu moment. I’d been here before. It’s all just a little bit of history repeating. Sure it was played out in a different way, but the root cause is still the same – and so it shall remain. So forgive me if this seems a little familiar.

A way to see it is like this; there’s a tree that’s overgrown and blocking your view, so you trim it back and it’s good for a while, but then the branches return and you’ve got to do it all over again. The issue will keep on returning and you won’t solve the problem permanently unless you uproot it.

That’s what racism is. A long ass root of a poisonous tree that’s way overgrown, and no matter how many times we clear a branch there will always be more waiting to spring forth and multiply, and people like Frank Hester are making sure those roots are well hydrated. 

Trust me, as a Black woman I have felt all the feels about the way we have been, and continue to be, disrespected and downtrodden. As a mother of daughters I would love nothing more than for them to live freely, without the negative attachments others attempt to force them to carry purely because of their melanin glowing skin.

Skin I have always encouraged them to love and cherish. If you have read any of the previous R.I.P’d Off! blogs you’ll note my passion when it comes to my people. And yes, I say my people. I’m well aware that we are all ‘one people’, but please miss me with the “I don’t see colour” ish! I see it. Every tone and every hue of every person, and it should be celebrated – whoever and wherever you are. No it doesn’t define you, but it’s part and parcel of who you are. Love the skin you’re in. Embrace others differences instead of shunning, labelling and degrading. 

When issues arise let everyone know exactly what’s been said and who said it. Name and shame – if that’s even in their vocabulary. Don’t believe that being quiet means they’ll get bored and it will be forgotten. Speak up and speak out. Speaking on racism doesn’t keep it alive, it’s doing that all on its own. Speaking on it brings awareness and allows for preparation. 

I’ve heard it being said that we should move on from certain aspects of history and look at how far we’ve come. I get it, and yes I’m thankhful that I can now wash my hands in the same space as you, but doesn’t something have to fully stop before you move on? That train may have slowed but it’s still fucking rolling.

Given time we can move on from history and atrocities but there has to be a level of acknowledgment and accountability that goes with it. You don’t get to gloss over it like it had no effect. 

On a personal note, I will NEVER forget that somewhere down the line my ancestors went through literal Hell and high water and strived to survive the utmost fuckery at the hands of White men. It’s kinda hard to forget when you still carry the name of their ancestors that put yours there.🫠

And don’t even get me started on reparations!

If there were ever a collective of people who had a genuine reason to spew hate and division but choose to show dignity and grace, Black women would be at the top of that list. I could run it down for you but like I said, this is all deja vu and I’m not about to go over it again. Instead I have a message for my Queens.

No matter who tries to convince you you’re not allowed to occupy space don’t be fooled and don’t quit; but focus on what you’re putting your energy into and the space you want to inhabit. Diane, Queen, to each their own and I got you girl, but when you decide to go sit in the snake pit expect to be bitten. 

I really can’t when it comes to politics; and no matter what kinda token they wheel out to persuade us they’re up for change and for THE people there’s a silent ‘IR’ they’re not telling you about.

Remember I said it goes root deep and it’s from an ancient tree. There is a hidden agenda to keep us distracted and at war, but it’s not so hidden if you really care to look. Fight the good fight, but be mindful of your reserves and conserve your energy.  For every Frank there’ll be 1000 more and if they all hate on me and my kind so be it. I don’t want or need their love or respect. 

Of course there’s the danger that his words may inspire others of the same thinking to take things a step further and incite more hate and/or violence towards us, but I am not prepared to live in fear. Fuck ‘em! I’m sick to the back teeth of that demographic thinking they own the world. Bring it!. When my time comes, it’ll come.

We have as much right to be here as anybody else. We ALL came to be and it’s proven we’re of the first people on Earth – you’d best believe we were put here for a higher purpose. Black Girl Magic ain’t a myth, you just need to tap into yours. We were blessed and kissed by the sun to receive her light and you need to shine my sistas!✨ 

Blind them with it! They’re deaf and dumb already, might as well go the whole hog!*

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives recently.

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🙏🏾🖤💚

*Gammon pun FULLY intended!

Keep Glowing Queen! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Reality Check 1! (Part 4)

“I’m not the average girl from your video

And I ain’t built like a supermodel 

But I learned to love myself unconditionally 

Because I am a Queen…”

Video ~ India Arie

So we’ve finally gotten through the 310 long ass days of January and cruising through February,  and if you’re anything like me, you’re patiently waiting and observing the skies for signs that those long ass days will soon be filled with more light and warmth. #BringItCome

In preparation for the changing season, and the need to seriously reduce the overflowing contents of my wardrobe, I found myself having a little fashion show (as you do!), as I debated on what would stay or go.

Last summer I put a post up on Instagram about my ‘some-time’ top. It was a purchase made for summertime in the hope that at ‘some time’ in the (then) near future I’d fit in it. That didn’t happen. My cups and handles runneth over so I put it back and kept it moving!😅

There was once a time when that would have had me feeling all kinds of way, fat most especially, but over time I have learnt to love my new curves. I say new curves as I was blessed with batty and breast so they’ve always been there, but the flat stomach of my BC* days are over.

I ain’t gonna lie, my AD* body has taken some getting used to. Since that fateful day I discovered the magic of a Lycra catsuit circa 1992 I’ve been mostly very happy with my physique; but I now have a scar that runs from above my belly button down to my bikini line, and I’m not sure what the frig the surgeons were doing (other than saving my life, obvs!) but after they’d rummaged around and removed a third of my bowel, they stitched me right up in more ways than one by leaving my stomach bigger on one side and looking like hills and valleys. 

I thought I’d give it time after the op to settle down and hopefully look less abnormal but alas, the body snap back that occurred after both my pregnancy’s had left the building! My size has fluctuated naturally over the years. I’ve ranged from Kun Kum Kum* to my body being so Bootylicious even I struggled to handle that jelly, but I’ve always managed to carry it well enough. This was different though. It felt glaringly obvious and made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I stopped wearing my figure hugging clothes and opted for looser fitting tops and dresses to hide my embarrassment. I worried about how my husband would see me. Yes, I still had the lovely lady lumps he was so fond of but now I had an equally lumpy belly to match. 

As ever he continued to show me I picked a winner by continuing to love on me effortlessly, and although it wasn’t enough to make me feel completely comfortable in my skin, it helped a great deal and I felt brave enough to put some things back on – but then 2020 hit! Miley Cyrus said it best – it came in like a wrecking ball!

Death, depression, grief, toxic family, greedy corporations, moving and menopause all took its toll on me and my waistline, and before I knew it I was the biggest I’ve ever been and back to wearing the clothes that hid all I had to offer.

I made attempts to find something that worked in regards to keeping fit, but found I had an easier time keeping fat.🫠 To be fair the attempts were half hearted so I couldn’t screw too much. I only had myself to blame! But fast forward to last year and the magic happened; the mindset shifted and it caused a chain reaction.

It pays to actually focus and listen to what your mind and body tells you, and mine was screaming flexibility. I remembered doing yoga some years back and how much I enjoyed it and followed the signs to a 1-2-1 session and it’s been doing its thing ever since.

So much so that it’s given me a renewed appreciation for my body. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m aware I’m a natural born woman of a certain age who is currently wading her way through peri menopause, so I have no unrealistic expectations of what/how my body shape should be; but after literally and figuratively weighing things up I’m finally at peace with what I’ve been blessed with and the fact I’m here, alive and relatively well.

That’s not to say I plan on staying this way. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m good. I’m not flawless, but I care about my flaws less. My birthday suit is looking cute, and although the Mr assures me I’m there already, by summer I will be looking like a goddess in my some-time top and the shorts that are currently having trouble making their way past my knees. Update pending! In the meantime I’ll look on the bright side; they say thick thighs saves lives, and hubby keeps testing the waters so they’re serving their purpose.😏😂

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*BC: Before Cancer, AD: After Damage – The NuDawn Bible with its own tales, testaments, scriptures and revelations pending!😅

Kun Kum Kum by Red Dragon – Google it!🤣

Reality Check 1, Cheque 2, Check Me!

Reality Check 1! (Part 2)

Reality Check 1! (Part 3)

I Don’t Need No Other Body, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Spiritual Accountancy

“When I think of where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One

Look at where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One…”

Where I’m Coming From ~ Lila Iké

A few weeks ago I wrote about my love/hate relationship with social media, and this week I was reminded of one of the reasons why I love it. Facebook has a function where they’ll post memories of things you’d posted on that day from years past, and this month’s reminders so far has been a shining example of love and exactly how far I’ve come.

I told y’all I’m thee keeper of receipts! Please believe me when I tell you I kept every email, text, voicemail and diaries to boot! Hence the disclaimers! Ya girl was READY and waiting for them to slip and try me once I really got going. #BringItCome

One memory to re-emerge I remember well! It was days after mum died and I’d had to deal with family and their fuckery, and I was very angry, upset and about to fire shots. I spoke to a couple of people about it and noticed this; some “friends” will goad you whilst others attempt to guide you. You need to focus and respect the difference. One will have you more up in your feelings and the other will allow you to acknowledge and deal with them.

I chose guidance from the light that was Ms Christina Brooks-Abraham, and put up a post stating as much. I wasn’t where I am now though, so there was a little dig at the end – just to let them know they weren’t forgiven, just allowed – for now!😂

There were a few more angry posts with me slinging expletives left, right and centre. I’m sure I even questioned what the collective noun of cunts was at one point.*🤣 I can look back now and see what a waste of real energy it was, but at the time it felt good to get it out, and it’s part and parcel of what I had to go through to get here.

Two more posts to pop up were one I was tagged in by Tara Bailey, celebrating women and asking to build each other up instead of tearing us apart, and the other post had a response from the fluffiest of fluffies, Ms Cotton Candy, my beautiful cousin Janel.

All of the above Queens have now passed over to the other side, so to have these reminders is a blessing. I’m doing my own Spiritual Accountancy course and so far it’s working wonders. I’ve nearly archived the receipts of the negatives and I’m building another collection, the NuDawn Love Collective. Collective power based in love, great energy and good vibes. These are the kinda things I want to hold onto.

When I look at where I’m coming from I will applaud myself all day, every day for getting here. The ride was wild but necessary and I’m beyond grateful to be seeing and feeling the way I do. The only wild life I’m experiencing is the one nature provides, not people, ego, greed and circumstance. It’s a great place to be and I’m feeling free. No ‘woe is me’, it’s ‘Woah! It’s Me!🤩

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

Continue to rest in paradise and shine your light from above Queens Tina, Tara and Janel.🙏🏾😍

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*I think we settled on bunch, but I could be wrong!😂

Check What Receipts You Keep! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing!

“Everybody’s got a thing

But some don’t know how to handle it

Always reaching out in vain

Just takin’ the things not worth having

But don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

‘Cause I’ll be standin’ on the side when you check it out..”

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing ~ Incognito


Happy New Year one and all. I hope and pray it’s a blessed one for you and yours. 2024 is a significant year for me personally. It’s been a decade since being diagnosed with stage 3C bowel cancer and the many, MANY tales that followed from that journey.

I thought I knew myself, and I did for the most part, but I had to be reminded of the light I had inside. It was burning but not quite bright enough; then cue the darkness. 2014 said come le’ me show you some thangs and brought forth the cancer and chaos.😩

It changed me on EVERY level, and I’ve learnt so much more about myself and people within the past decade. You know the phrase ‘a real eye opener!’, well that part!! It’s also the year I decided on one final resolution – to not make any and live.

I’ve never had any issues with the ability to love and I thought I knew loss, hurt and heartbreak, but I got the real beat down in 2020. It wasn’t just losing the woman who gave me life, it was the fight beforehand to make sure she had the most comfortable twilight years possible whilst fighting my own battles. The struggle was real y’all!

This is one of the reasons why I want to do the podcasts. There’s a lot to unpack! I cannot deny the stinger in my Scorpio being was in control when I first started writing. I wanted to out them and shame them and hurt them the way they’d hurt me. I remember writing in one particular blog that I don’t understand why my siblings would behave in some of the ways they did and say some of the things they said, but I sooo get it now, like, really get it.

I thankh the higher power for receipts of all kinds because the proof and truth is made easier to find when need be. The difference is now I can clearly see their motivation and energy from a higher level and don’t feel compelled to bring them out in the same manner. They’re more than capable of doing that without my help. My actions are justifiable in the space that matters most, my heart and soul.

That will all be broken down in time. You see that little light of mine that was flickering in the cold breeze of pain and dis-ease in 2014 has grown as big and bright as the sun. I’ve had to contend with more fuckery than most but I’m still here, rising, just as my name implies. I’ve been blessed to know myself from an early age and by this time last year I knew that my one major flaw* had to be addressed – them signs were signing HARD!! They were too blatant to ignore.

But I did it, and just as cancer and chaos had changed me on every level this worked its magic on them too. I done told you about the missing puzzle piece, and it was made possible to find it by having faith in myself to step outside of the box and have my world turned upside down, only to find out that that was the way it should be all along.✨

I’m happy to report I’m still growing and glowing, and despite my lifespan being capped by oncologists and certain fam wishing me dead with chest, I’m heading towards 50 years of existence feeling the best version of me yet and it’s improving every day. Suck on that bitches!🖕🏾😂

Jokes aside it’s bought me to a place where I’m equipped to handle my feelings and emotions, to the extent of feeling completely at peace with the anniversary of mums passing tomorrow – a year ago it was a different story, and in honesty if I had truly picked up on the signs earlier I could have avoided years of misery. 

I think that’s why I’m now so passionate about wanting the same for others. If I can help you avoid unnecessary worry and source draining ish I’m on it! I’ve been there, felt that, and not just wearing the T-shirt, I have it tattooed. If I can get to where I am now I know you can, but as with all good things it takes the right mix and blend and the willingness to make it.

I’ve had a taster of how awesome it can be to help others find a way through, and 2024 has more in store! I always knew I had a heart and wanted to help people in some way but I think I may have found my calling, I’m not entirely sure but I’m not gonna worry ‘bout a thing and keep growing with the flow!💫

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

4 years since you passed and I’m finally at peace with it.🙏🏾 Continue to rest in peace my Queen. Love and miss you but I know you’re close by.✨💫

STOP THE GENOCIDE IN PALESTINE AND ALL OVER THE WORLD!! Honestly, what the fuck have we become?

*It’s shocking I know, but I do have them!😅

To my Daily Deposits Tribe I can’t thankh you enough for the help you gave me and it’s an honour and a pleasure to be a part of such a beautiful family.

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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