R.I.P’d Off (Part 4)

⚠This is long and a bit sweary but worth a read and a share, especially if you’re from Slough!

R.I.P’d Off covers issues that mainly effect Black people and just this week alone there are a number of them I could pick from but after hearing the fuckery that I heard a few days ago this took precedence as it’s happening in the town that I live in – and where better to start than home?

I need to try to clear this shit off my doorstep before one of my daughters accidentally treads in it and brings it in my home! To say I’m pissed off with what I’m hearing doesn’t even cover it! I love my people but I’m building up a heavy intolerance to a few – as a good friend would say, I’m allergic! Today it’s your turn “Mandem”.

I know I’m gonna sound like an old fart now but bear with me, I’m only 41 so it’s not that long ago that I was born and bred in Slough and I have never lived anywhere else…yet! It’s not the greatest town but it’s home and I’m comfortable(ish) in my surroundings.

When I was younger there were no “ends” and in my opinion the government have a big part to play in the creation of the dickheads who go on about them. We had play centres, youth clubs and a sense of community. Almost every part of Slough had a play centre and you would go and check mates in different ones, play pool, badminton, basketball, football, whatever took your fancy. They’d be parties, jokes and generally a good vibe.

No, it wasn’t The Get-Along-Gang all the time, and a few people would fall out every now and then but the majority of the time it was cool. Then the government in their infinite wisdom decided to close them all and hand the youth over to technology and out on the streets and low and behold – the “Mandem” were born.

Call me old fashioned but I honestly believe if they were still around today things would be different. We might even find a new Olympic champion who turned their life around after discovering a love for badminton or basketball, you never bloody know, stranger shit has happened! Sometimes the simplest solutions solve the biggest problems. #RealTalk.

I’m so tired of the same old story: man’s gotta shot and brandish guns to be considered a bad man, spend x-amount of money on fancy cars and other materialistic shit whilst running down a next “man” whose not from “ends” who tries to invade their territory and swindle them out of what’s theirs blah, blah, blah.

You would rather risk your life or freedom to make that paper, it’s all good as long as you can floss that Rolex! You like to call yourselves the MANdem but our definitions of a man are very different. In my eyes a real man knows life is worth more than silver and gold. He’s trying to build a solid foundation for himself and his own so when the big, bad wolf comes around he won’t have to run and his house won’t get blown down, ya get me fam? No, you probably don’t, because it’s hard to see the bigger picture when you’re only focused on the corners.

We all know it’s not easy out there for us but you lot are making it harder. I understand the need for a little side hustle if things get tight but it shouldn’t be a career choice.

All you do when you glorify your ‘thug life’ is plant seeds in young impressionable minds and give the police the excuse they’ve been looking for for so long to arm themselves on the daily; and we’ve all seen how well that works out for us in other countries.

All the while you’re making it easier for them by wiping each other out over nonsensical bullshit. FUCKING ENDS!! THEY’RE NOT YOURS. YOU DO NOT OWN THEM!! WAKE UP MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

There are better ways to do for you and yours and if we pull together we could all be living well. I really don’t understand the risks you choose to take so you can have it all now – but for how long will you have it?

Wouldn’t you rather have something you can enjoy without having to look over your shoulder to keep it secure or ever getting to really enjoy it because you’re doing time or dead? I truly believe everyone has something they can bring to the table. This shit can work and we are stronger together.

Even the real fucking G’s that you try so hard to emulate are standing together so hurry up and follow this trend as quickly as you follow the rest! I’m behind any one who tries to better themselves and the community and will try to support you as much as I can, but when I’m asked to share videos about us bringing each other down over bullshit when we are being wiped out on a daily basis just for being black and innocent people get caught up in the crossfire, I’ll pass thanks.

Call me what you want (and I’m sure you will), but I really couldn’t give a toss! I’m not about that life or advocating it, unlike the mediaagghh who I see are advertising a new documentary on gangland/turf wars around Britain. It’s not a coincidence they’re putting this out there on the tell-lie-vision now with all the racial tension from Brexit surfacing – more ammunition for more ammunition!

So that being said I want to bring to your attention the absolute fuckery I learned of this week. By all accounts there’s a gang of little fuckwits in Slough who believe they have the power to bar girls from certain areas and if they have the audacity to step out of their bounds they’ll get a beat down……Yeh you heard me right – they will beat a girl down for walking in their own town – nothing more. And it’s actually happening.

They’ve managed to brainwash some girls into beating them as a form of initiation and they are being pulled down a slippery slope. I’m going to urge parents to start taking more of an interest in what your children are doing, TODAY!!

We need to teach our daughters to never disrespect each other without a bloody good reason, and never because a man tells them what to do! Once that starts, where’s it going to end? Be aware of what’s going on on your children’s social media sites, and more seriously we need to pull together and put this shit in check.

How is this happening in Slough? Seriously, HOW!?! Who the fuck are these BOYdem? I strongly suggest you find out what your children are up to BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, and if you find out your child is connected to this mess have a strong word. Don’t just take their word for it that everything’s cool – check and triple check that you know what’s going on before you jump to little precious’ defence when shit goes down.

Explain consequences to them for their own safety, because one day they’re gonna pick on the wrong girl – like MY child for example, and then they will know about consequences.

I’m all about peace and love, but only to a certain degree. You don’t put a hand on my child unless she puts her hands on you first, which she shouldn’t because I’ve taught them better than that, but if they ever do, feel free to address me because if the roles are reversed I will be addressing you, and I know damn well that their dad won’t have it; AND IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY! You have been warned!!

YOU DO NOT DICTATE WHERE MY CHILDREN CAN GO IN THEIR OWN TOWN, OR OUT OF IT! Who do they think they are? Despite what these little fuckers think, they don’t run things and I’m hoping that it has only gone so far because not enough people are aware – well now you are, and I’m sure the community spirit will kick in again……or just straight kicks will suffice – I’m down for whatever! #JustSaying.

So to the established “Mandem” I urge you to take a good look at how you’re living and check out what’s growing from the seeds you plant. I know some of you have daughters, sisters, nieces, cousins – are you telling me you’d be cool with your princess or relation getting battered for crossing some imaginary line cos ‘man a bad man’ and runs these ends? No, I didn’t think so!

Adam Gemili I feel your pain but you did Team GB proud! #YourTimeSoonCome

R.I.P Dalian Atkinson, Lance Walker, Andre and all those who have lost their lives this week

Omran we are praying for you and Syria

What You Sow You Reap, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Now You C Me (Part 3)

I’m touching on another side effect which again ties in neatly to something in the news this week. It’s all about my crowning glory! I was born with a hairstyle similar to Mr T whilst my twin brother had a full on ‘fro! Thankfully it picked up but it wasn’t the easiest to manage.

I had the standard black girl corn rows and if I was lucky, on special occasions the hot comb came out and I’d pray I’d get away without a singed ear or forehead as I inhaled the aroma of Blue Magic and burning hair – ahhhh, the good old days!

My mum wouldn’t allow me to ‘put na damn chemical’ in my hair so as I got older extensions were the next best thing. All the while I was praying for the day I could get a hit of the creamy crack!

For me it was the miracle I was looking for. It was about being able to run a comb through my hair without flinching and looking more Mary. J than Macy Gray! I was half asleep then but I’ve been awake for a while now.👀

I stopped relaxing my hair 17 years ago when I first fell pregnant and never looked back. (It’s actually quite easy to not miss the burns, scabs and breakage!) I’m not a vain person at all, but I believe I look better with hair and definitely feel more comfortable with it.

I’d toyed with the idea of growing locs for a while and then finally decided I was going to do it. The transition wasn’t the easiest but I knew it would be worth it, and it was! It was a labour of love. They were my babies, I loved them, nurtured them as I did my girls and watched them grow then finally, FINALLY I truly understood the beauty to be found in my natural hair.

I understood what it was my mum was trying to preserve, and I’m trying my damnedest to instil it in my girls too. Our hair is amazing and versatile and there are so many ways to go with it naturally.

I know many are not comfortable with that and I get it – it took me a while too, so I still hold out hope for some of you; yet I also understand there are the diehard weavers and creamy-crackheads (No lye!) Your choice is your choice and I respect that, it is YOUR head after all.

Chemotherapy didn’t leave me much of a choice with what to do with my hair. I was fortunate enough not to lose all of it, but it thinned so much that my locks started falling out so I decided to cut them off, partly to save me the heartache of watching them drop off and partly so I didn’t end up looking like Predator!

Now I know for some this is no big deal; it’s only hair, it’ll grow back, you can rock it short or wrap it up – it’s all good!, but for many women like myself it is a big deal when it’s not something you’d ever planned.

Thankfully, underneath the crochet braids it is slowly growing back and I hope to have a strong enough base in the future to grow my babies back again. For now I’m just appreciating every ‘nap’ that comes around because I know how strong and mighty it could grow.

As I said before, it’s our own personal choice what we do with our hair, and even though I would love my sisters to embrace their naturalness we are entitled to do with it what we please. It’s amazing though that you still find some people losing their jobs because they choose to wear an Afro or have locs as they are seen as ‘unprofessional’ and not quite European enough.

Until hair has the ability to go out and earn money itself, you’ll get what you get! Thankfully no one ever questioned my hair at work as they would have been told all about themselves in no uncertain terms – like I’m gonna tell these “sisters” who had the audacity to take it upon themselves to air their opinion and disrespect two beautiful, amazingly talented OLYMPIANS.

With all that’s happening to us in the world right now we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down yet, time after time some of us just can’t help ourselves.

We need as many positive role models we can get and these ladies are doing us proud, yet you would rather focus on the “model” aspect and bitch about their hair instead of delighting in the fact they are repping us hard!

Your decision to flick your Brazilian weave or straighten out your edges is your business. It’s your choice to submit to the “good hair” mentality from back in the day – more power to you, but I beg you please, keep your small minded, shallow, petty, trifling comments to yourself. Who the Hell are you to diss a sister, especially for keeping it real?

Unless you can offer some professional evidence on how slicking down their hair can aerodynamically improve their performance STFU! In fact, take a fucking seat and rest your fingers Keyboard Queens, because these Real Queens have already left your arses fast asleep at the starting line, and are literally ahead of you by leaps and bounds – ‘edges’ and all! #JustSaying.

Gabby Douglas and Simone Biles I salute you my sistas✊🏾Brush their shit off like chalk dust and keep on winning!

R.I.P to the many innocent lives taken this week.

Congratulations to all the athletes out there doing their countries proud.

Hair Today-Gone Tomorrow, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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Now You C Me (Part 2)

So this week I’d like to touch on another side effect I experienced that also ties in nicely with a subject that really bugs the Hell out me!

Not long after starting chemo one of the more noticeable side effects was the change in my complexion. Let’s get things straight from the get go: I LOVE BEING BLACK! I have never had an issue with my complexion at all, as I have no issue with any other complexion – we all bleed the same! I’m the shade I was made and it ain’t gon’ change!!….until it did.

I got darker all over, most noticeably the palms of my hands, soles of my feet, fingernails, toenails and most predominately my face. I’d bump into people and they’d ask if I’d just got back off of holiday (yes white folk – we do tan!!) and I’d explain that I’m on an 8 month cruise round the Topics of Cancer!

I’m not going to say it didn’t phase me at all; it did, when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see me looking back. I can’t even really explain it but it was like looking at a stranger (one whose eyebrows blended in with her face) and I can honestly say it’s the ONLY time I’d ever wished I could change my complexion; not because lighter is better but because it was what I was used to seeing for 39 years!

There was no holiday glow about it trust me! Thankfully I’ve never been too hung up on that type of thing so I didn’t let it phase me for too long. I figured it is what it is and I’m still me despite the packaging.

That’s not to say that I don’t understand those who experience the same kind of thing wanting to cosmetically alter their appearance so they feel more comfortable in their skin, it’s just not for me (make up never has been), and my understanding only goes so far!

I get applying a little foundation etc to even out a skin tone for whatever reason, but things have gotten waaaayyy out of hand and a whole lot deeper with a lot of people, especially in the Black community, and men and women alike!

Too many of us still have not woken up and are still clinging on to the lie told many moons ago that to be seen as worthy you have to be white or at least light. I’ve watched documentaries in Jamaica and Africa on people bleaching and their reasons as to why and it breaks my heart and gets me vex at the same time. #RealTalk.

Chatting fuckery about when you’re darker skinned you look dirty and nobody wants you, but when you bleach you look fresher and more attractive….well…..it has the same effect on my toilet so I suppose you could be right, but I’d prefer not to try it thanks!

Seriously though, how is this even a thing in 2016, that they are still so confused they will damage their health to try to impress? Impress who exactly? You’re only kidding yourself and whilst you’re trying to lighten your skin the people you admire are trying to darken theirs! Tomfoolery at its highest!

The torture they put themselves through to look like the living frigging dead is unbelievable. Chemical burns and skin as thin as tissue paper that doesn’t heal if you get cut…lovely!! Not to mention your tarantula looking hands….beautiful!!👀

In my opinion I can say with all honesty that not one of them looked better for it….NOT ONE!, and I very much doubt it bought them whatever it was that they thought they’d get.

The thing that upsets me the most is they’re brainwashing their children with the same sorry thinking so there’ll be another generation of the walking dead coming soon if we don’t wake them up! #JustSaying.

I love every shade that we produce; from high yellow to jet black, and no matter what shade I am, there’s not one person who will convince me I’m a lesser person because of it.

Since stopping chemotherapy my colour is changing back, even though my face is not fully back to how I used to look, I can now see my eyebrows so it’s all good! And even if it is to remain a darker shade it ain’t a thing – the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!

R.I.P Darlene Horton, Jassim Eissa al-Baloushi and all those who have lost their lives this week.

Love The Skin You’re In, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

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