Reality Check 1! (Part 4)

“I’m not the average girl from your video

And I ain’t built like a supermodel

But I learned to love myself unconditionally

Because I am a Queen…”

Video ~ India Arie

So we’ve finally gotten through the 310 long ass days of January and cruising through February, and if you’re anything like me, you’re patiently waiting and observing the skies for signs that those long ass days will soon be filled with more light and warmth. #BringItCome

In preparation for the changing season, and the need to seriously reduce the overflowing contents of my wardrobe, I found myself having a little fashion show (as you do!), as I debated on what would stay or go.

Last summer I put a post up on Instagram about my ‘some-time’ top. It was a purchase made for summertime in the hope that at ‘some time’ in the (then) near future I’d fit in it. That didn’t happen. My cups and handles runneth over so I put it back and kept it moving!😅

There was once a time when that would have had me feeling all kinds of way, fat most especially, but over time I have learnt to love my new curves. I say new curves as I was blessed with batty and breast so they’ve always been there, but the flat stomach of my BC* days are over.

I ain’t gonna lie, my AD* body has taken some getting used to. Since that fateful day I discovered the magic of a Lycra catsuit circa 1992 I’ve been mostly very happy with my physique; but I now have a scar that runs from above my belly button down to my bikini line, and I’m not sure what the frig the surgeons were doing (other than saving my life, obvs!) but after they’d rummaged around and removed a third of my bowel, they stitched me right up in more ways than one by leaving my stomach bigger on one side and looking like hills and valleys.

I thought I’d give it time after the op to settle down and hopefully look less abnormal but alas, the body snap back that occurred after both my pregnancy’s had left the building! My size has fluctuated naturally over the years. I’ve ranged from Kun Kum Kum* to my body being so Bootylicious even I struggled to handle that jelly, but I’ve always managed to carry it well enough. This was different though. It felt glaringly obvious and made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

I stopped wearing my figure hugging clothes and opted for looser fitting tops and dresses to hide my embarrassment. I worried about how my husband would see me. Yes, I still had the lovely lady lumps he was so fond of but now I had an equally lumpy belly to match.

As ever he continued to show me I picked a winner by continuing to love on me effortlessly, and although it wasn’t enough to make me feel completely comfortable in my skin, it helped a great deal and I felt brave enough to put some things back on – but then 2020 hit! Miley Cyrus said it best – it came in like a wrecking ball!

Death, depression, grief, toxic family, greedy corporations, moving and menopause all took its toll on me and my waistline, and before I knew it I was the biggest I’ve ever been and back to wearing the clothes that hid all I had to offer.

I made attempts to find something that worked in regards to keeping fit, but found I had an easier time keeping fat.🫠 To be fair the attempts were half hearted so I couldn’t screw too much. I only had myself to blame! But fast forward to last year and the magic happened; the mindset shifted and it caused a chain reaction.

It pays to actually focus and listen to what your mind and body tells you, and mine was screaming flexibility. I remembered doing yoga some years back and how much I enjoyed it and followed the signs to a 1-2-1 session and it’s been doing its thing ever since.

So much so that it’s given me a renewed appreciation for my body. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m aware I’m a natural born woman of a certain age who is currently wading her way through peri menopause, so I have no unrealistic expectations of what/how my body shape should be; but after literally and figuratively weighing things up I’m finally at peace with what I’ve been blessed with and the fact I’m here, alive and relatively well.

That’s not to say I plan on staying this way. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m good. I’m not flawless, but I care about my flaws less. My birthday suit is looking cute, and although the Mr assures me I’m there already, by summer I will be looking like a goddess in my some-time top and the shorts that are currently having trouble making their way past my knees. Update pending! In the meantime I’ll look on the bright side; they say thick thighs saves lives, and hubby keeps testing the waters so they’re serving their purpose.😏😂

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*BC: Before Cancer, AD: After Damage – The NuDawn Bible with its own tales, testaments, scriptures and revelations pending!😅

Kun Kum Kum by Red Dragon – Google it!🤣

Reality Check 1, Cheque 2, Check Me!

Reality Check 1! (Part 2)

Reality Check 1! (Part 3)