Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number…For The Most Part!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m one of those people whose life is 9 times out of 10 never straightforward. Even a simple, everyday manoeuvre will usually result in me having some form of tale to tell by the end of it. The past few weeks and counting have been above average.

The highlight being in talks with the 3 wise monkeys – Sky, Openreach and Slough Borough Council – between them I have seen and heard more shit than I care to deal with and spoken to too many imbeciles to count. I swear they’ve flagged my name so that as soon as my number comes up only idiots are allowed to deal with any issues I have.

One ray of sunshine in my otherwise overcast weeks was my firstborns 18th birthday. I’m giving myself props, as before her and her sister were born I couldn’t even keep a plant alive (still can’t!), so to raise a child to government-adult status is a real accomplishment.

I say government-adult because, as far as I’m concerned, just because you turn 18 does not a man or woman make. I know some fifty odd year olds that aren’t grown yet, and believe me I’m not even joking. On the flip side I know some very mature young people, but she’s not quite there yet. I’ll let her know when I think she’s grown enough, and until I witness it I can’t define it with a number…but I can tell you it isn’t 18.

I couldn’t help but compare her to myself at the same age, and I was definitely more mature; with no disrespect to my daughter at all. It’s not that she’s overly immature, she just hasn’t had the same experiences as me to warrant her having to take on real adult responsibilities yet. For starters she has two loving parents in her life, where as I was raised by my mum and older siblings. I’m not knocking it, we didn’t have a lot but my mum loved us and did what she could for us, and who’s to say it would have been any better with my dad in the picture?

I will never know the answer nor do I care, but I do know that not having him about and clocking how the male role models in my life stayed, it made me determined that I was going to be very picky about who I chose to have children with, and if I had daughters they would be told that although no man is an island it doesn’t mean you have to take on every castaway.

Another difference between us is she is the eldest child of two, where as I was the youngest, (by 5 minutes) of five. Like me back then, she has to share a room (hopefully not for too much longer), but unlike me it wasn’t with a sociopath. That’s another story for another day but it’s the reason why I left home at 17 and why I only managed one year of my media studies course at college. I wasn’t quite as good at multitasking as I am now (👀) so I couldn’t really deal with homelessness and education at the same time.

I figured the priority was a roof over my head and to earn money to pay for it. I’d eventually sort myself out and then go back and complete the course at some point but….erm….yeah, that never happened but life did! I’m not too fussed though. The way I see it, life happened so I’d have plenty to write about when the time was right. Thankfully Isis is now into her second year at college. She’s still not sure which career path she wants to take but I’m grateful she’s at least had a smoother ride so far than I did.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry about what the future holds for her and her sister. The world is more messed up on every level than it has ever been, and being Black and women means they’ll have to fight harder. I’ve tried my damnedest to keep things real with them from day one. Yes they are British, but they are Black first and foremost.

As much as colour shouldn’t count it does to a lot in this realm, always has and always will until that change that gon’ come, comes!! There have been some small changes since way back when but we need the big whammy to really shake shit up! You know we have a loooonnnggg way to go when they can airbrush our hair out of pictures and prevent us from progressing because of our natural hair type. #DTMH

I can’t say either daughter has given me any serious cause for concern…yet. Here’s hoping they never do but you never really know. Being a part of Generation Effed does not help their cause. Technology is great but the internet and social media has turned a whole heap of our youth into shallow, vain, pretentious, materialistic, selfish sheep. It stems back to nature versus nurture but it’s not really one or the other it’s both. The majority of us raise them with the intention of them growing up to be well rounded, responsible adults but our intentions and expectations can only go so far.

Others either drag them up or pander to their every whim, so there’s little wonder as to how they turn out…or is there? I know kids that have had far from the greatest start that flourish and others that have come from loving, stable homes that end up in prison. Now that is definitely down to nature not nurture. Parenting certainly ain’t easy and we can’t beat ourselves up if we know we’ve tried our best and failed. Sometimes it’s simply down to the DNA and you can’t compete with that.

Our children will potentially be someone’s husband/wife/father/mother and we owe it to them and ourselves to try and shape them into decent human beings, but once they are out in the big wide world the paths we’d like them to choose may not be the ones they want to follow. As much as they are our babies at heart in reality they’re not.

I’ve tried to teach my daughters that life isn’t all a bed of roses – there’s the thorns and manure to contend with amongst the beauty. Celebrate life by all means, but show a little love and compassion to others at the same time. The amount of unnecessary deaths of youngsters nowadays is heartbreakingly sad and frankly fucking pointless. If you teach your children one thing, teach them that life really is too short to be wasted.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

Only Time Will Tell, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife