January 2024 - NuDawn Diary

“When I think of where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One

Look at where I’m coming from

Looking back at where the journey began

I really haffi say that I’m strong, I’m strong

All praises to the most High One…”

Where I’m Coming From ~ Lila Iké

A few weeks ago I wrote about my love/hate relationship with social media, and this week I was reminded of one of the reasons why I love it. Facebook has a function where they’ll post memories of things you’d posted on that day from years past, and this month’s reminders so far has been a shining example of love and exactly how far I’ve come.

I told y’all I’m thee keeper of receipts! Please believe me when I tell you I kept every email, text, voicemail and diaries to boot! Hence the disclaimers! Ya girl was READY and waiting for them to slip and try me once I really got going. #BringItCome

One memory to re-emerge I remember well! It was days after mum died and I’d had to deal with family and their fuckery, and I was very angry, upset and about to fire shots. I spoke to a couple of people about it and noticed this; some “friends” will goad you whilst others attempt to guide you. You need to focus and respect the difference. One will have you more up in your feelings and the other will allow you to acknowledge and deal with them.

I chose guidance from the light that was Ms Christina Brooks-Abraham, and put up a post stating as much. I wasn’t where I am now though, so there was a little dig at the end – just to let them know they weren’t forgiven, just allowed – for now!😂

There were a few more angry posts with me slinging expletives left, right and centre. I’m sure I even questioned what the collective noun of cunts was at one point.*🤣 I can look back now and see what a waste of real energy it was, but at the time it felt good to get it out, and it’s part and parcel of what I had to go through to get here.

Two more posts to pop up were one I was tagged in by Tara Bailey, celebrating women and asking to build each other up instead of tearing us apart, and the other post had a response from the fluffiest of fluffies, Ms Cotton Candy, my beautiful cousin Janel.

All of the above Queens have now passed over to the other side, so to have these reminders is a blessing. I’m doing my own Spiritual Accountancy course and so far it’s working wonders. I’ve nearly archived the receipts of the negatives and I’m building another collection, the NuDawn Love Collective. Collective power based in love, great energy and good vibes. These are the kinda things I want to hold onto.

When I look at where I’m coming from I will applaud myself all day, every day for getting here. The ride was wild but necessary and I’m beyond grateful to be seeing and feeling the way I do. The only wild life I’m experiencing is the one nature provides, not people, ego, greed and circumstance. It’s a great place to be and I’m feeling free. No ‘woe is me’, it’s ‘Woah! It’s Me!🤩

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

Continue to rest in paradise and shine your light from above Queens Tina, Tara and Janel.🙏🏾😍

STOP THE GENOCIDE! Continuing to send love to Palestine, Congo, Lebanon, Uyghur, Syria, Sudan and all of the other nations suffering some sort of atrocity.🖤💚

*I think we settled on bunch, but I could be wrong!😂

Check What Receipts You Keep! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

“Everybody’s got a thing

But some don’t know how to handle it

Always reaching out in vain

Just takin’ the things not worth having

But don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing

‘Cause I’ll be standin’ on the side when you check it out..”

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing ~ Incognito

Happy New Year one and all. I hope and pray it’s a blessed one for you and yours. 2024 is a significant year for me personally. It’s been a decade since being diagnosed with stage 3C bowel cancer and the many, MANY tales that followed from that journey.

I thought I knew myself, and I did for the most part, but I had to be reminded of the light I had inside. It was burning but not quite bright enough; then cue the darkness. 2014 said come le’ me show you some thangs and brought forth the cancer and chaos.😩

It changed me on EVERY level, and I’ve learnt so much more about myself and people within the past decade. You know the phrase ‘a real eye opener!’, well that part!! It’s also the year I decided on one final resolution – to not make any and live.

I’ve never had any issues with the ability to love and I thought I knew loss, hurt and heartbreak, but I got the real beat down in 2020. It wasn’t just losing the woman who gave me life, it was the fight beforehand to make sure she had the most comfortable twilight years possible whilst fighting my own battles. The struggle was real y’all!

This is one of the reasons why I want to do the podcasts. There’s a lot to unpack! I cannot deny the stinger in my Scorpio being was in control when I first started writing. I wanted to out them and shame them and hurt them the way they’d hurt me. I remember writing in one particular blog that I don’t understand why my siblings would behave in some of the ways they did and say some of the things they said, but I sooo get it now, like, really get it.

I thankh the higher power for receipts of all kinds because the proof and truth is made easier to find when need be. The difference is now I can clearly see their motivation and energy from a higher level and don’t feel compelled to bring them out in the same manner. They’re more than capable of doing that without my help. My actions are justifiable in the space that matters most, my heart and soul.

That will all be broken down in time. You see that little light of mine that was flickering in the cold breeze of pain and dis-ease in 2014 has grown as big and bright as the sun. I’ve had to contend with more fuckery than most but I’m still here, rising, just as my name implies. I’ve been blessed to know myself from an early age and by this time last year I knew that my one major flaw* had to be addressed – them signs were signing HARD!! They were too blatant to ignore.

But I did it, and just as cancer and chaos had changed me on every level this worked its magic on them too. I done told you about the missing puzzle piece, and it was made possible to find it by having faith in myself to step outside of the box and have my world turned upside down, only to find out that that was the way it should be all along.✨

I’m happy to report I’m still growing and glowing, and despite my lifespan being capped by oncologists and certain fam wishing me dead with chest, I’m heading towards 50 years of existence feeling the best version of me yet and it’s improving every day. Suck on that bitches!🖕🏾😂

Jokes aside it’s bought me to a place where I’m equipped to handle my feelings and emotions, to the extent of feeling completely at peace with the anniversary of mums passing tomorrow – a year ago it was a different story, and in honesty if I had truly picked up on the signs earlier I could have avoided years of misery.

I think that’s why I’m now so passionate about wanting the same for others. If I can help you avoid unnecessary worry and source draining ish I’m on it! I’ve been there, felt that, and not just wearing the T-shirt, I have it tattooed. If I can get to where I am now I know you can, but as with all good things it takes the right mix and blend and the willingness to make it.

I’ve had a taster of how awesome it can be to help others find a way through, and 2024 has more in store! I always knew I had a heart and wanted to help people in some way but I think I may have found my calling, I’m not entirely sure but I’m not gonna worry ‘bout a thing and keep growing with the flow!💫

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week

4 years since you passed and I’m finally at peace with it.🙏🏾 Continue to rest in peace my Queen. Love and miss you but I know you’re close by.✨💫

STOP THE GENOCIDE IN PALESTINE AND ALL OVER THE WORLD!! Honestly, what the fuck have we become?

*It’s shocking I know, but I do have them!😅

To my Daily Deposits Tribe I can’t thankh you enough for the help you gave me and it’s an honour and a pleasure to be a part of such a beautiful family.

Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing! Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife

Archive for month: January, 2024