Tek Weh Yuhself!

“Cah some ah dem badmind some ah dem badmind
Tek Weh Yuhself dem badmind
Dis yah one ah fi prime time
Dis ah fi prime time
Tek Weh Yuhself ah prime time.”

Tek Weh Yuhself ~ Mr Vegas

Woosah!!

Not a week after telling you all about how I was floating upstream didn’t my claart get caught on some weeds trying to drag me back to the depths of ‘99!

My latest test came in the form of family…again. I’m sure I’ve said it before, but people’s definition of the word can vary drastically. This week’s drama is a case in point.

I unintentionally managed to upset a group of family members. Without getting into things too deeply, I am friends with someone they don’t get on with and have had issues with over the years, but me being me, I don’t get involved and don’t discuss one to the other, so I had no real inkling of how things were between them.

I was having a last minute family gathering and had invited both parties to attend but had warned both that I didn’t know what beef, if any, was still going on between them but please don’t bring that shit there if you know it’s an issue. We’re all adults, but I also understand not wanting to be in the same vicinity as certain people.

I was assured by all that neither had any issues and it wouldn’t be a problem, and it wasn’t in the end as neither party showed up. 

It wasn’t long after that that I started to feel a vibe with the family side. It was subtle, but there was something off…and then I got the tingle, but surely it couldn’t be? I’d just recovered from the last bout ffs.

Would you Adam and Eve it! Another dose of BFD*. This case was different though – it was a recurring strain as I’d been here before with them. At that time we’d discussed things fully and I made it clear then that if they had anything they wanted to say to me don’t be afraid to do so. I am honestly one of the most open people you could meet, I mean HELLO!! I might not always agree with you but I will listen and discuss whatever you want.

Anyhoo, back to the tingle. We were in a group chat and one member left unexpectedly. I enquired with the others if they knew why and was told no. I messaged the person to see if they were ok and they said they were, they were just too busy for group chats. I’m guessing the one with me in in particular but left it at that; but it wasn’t sitting right and you know me…or do you?

Little did I know them scars ran deep! And that’s the point here. I knew fuck all because they’d rarely been discussed and never in depth. All I knew was, with it has to be said good reason on their behalf, they didn’t like each other. Unlike myself, who has happily shared literal ins and outs of my mind, body and soul, their tales were less forthcoming and I’m not about to pry.

I was informed that the invitation had triggered the one that left the group and immediately apologised to them all for not knowing I had done so, but naturally I was left wondering why no one had said something sooner as weeks had gone by since then.

Well, someone did eventually tell all – and boy was I told! 

They confirmed that they had been cold towards me and went on to explain the reason why, which I understand in part. They had an issue with the initial message sent, feeling like I was accusing them of starting trouble, and I know and appreciate that words can be misread or taken out of context, but rather than tell me that and explain how deep your hurt was at the time, you thought a better decision was to react the way you did? 

They then went on to question why I would even invite that person as they are not family and if it was a supposed family affair why were other family members not included like my daughters uncle, aunt and cousin as they are real family.

I had to reread it to make sure that that is what they had written and my heart sank. I will put my hands up every time and admit that I’m an emotional soul. My feelings are fine tuned, and with hormones added it can sometimes be a heady mix! I done told y’all I’m still doing the work! 

And work I did. I had to fight against my negative Scorpio energy bringing me back to the surface firing shots, because believe me I hold an arsenal of ammunition with receipts attached. Years worth. I am more than equipped to match energies but that’s never been my calling, and it’s because of this that some find themselves feeling entitled to be bold enough to tell you who you should and shouldn’t be classing as friends and family and taking your kindness and emotion for weakness. Please don’t be fooled.

I get me. I know my heart and intentions. The circumstances with my dad has been the first time I’ve ever said I don’t want to talk to anyone. Other than that I am always willing to listen when it comes to resolving issues, and I’m aware not everyone wants to talk – but to wake up and continuously choose violence against someone who has given you every opportunity to air your grievances will never sit well with me.

Your bonafides won’t bitch behind your back, they’ll tell you to your face and would never intentionally hurt you and I’m over dealing with that type. I had it from their peers for years and it seems to have trickled down.

I left a parting teary voice note in the group and came to my place of peace to have a word with the ancestors. I know there are sceptics but it’s doing its thing for me, so I aired it out. A little while later I picked up my phone and checked my Facebook memories and there it was. They’d come through yet again.

The day before I’d put up a post about life rules I set myself and numbering them. At some point in the future (👀😅) I’ll be constructing my NuDawn Bible, and had jotted them down to incorporate them within that. My memory for that day was of a funny encounter I had with my mum where we were counting steps. It ended with her telling me that I’d been going to school for so long and still can’t count…

I hear you loud and clear momma!💫

Generational trauma, negative traits and toxicity being passed down is hella real! I will continue to do my work and I suggest others find a suitable outlet to do the same. For as spiritual as some claim to be I’d be questioning exactly what type of spirits are guiding you. Just saying!

And whilst I’m at it I’ll add this. There is a huge difference between the person they hate and the missing family members they named. I will never say their pain isn’t justified but it’s not my pain and I had nothing to do with causing it. The same person they hate has shown me nothing but love and respect but do you know who hasn’t? We may not see each other that often but I would class them as a good friend.

There’s an old Antiguan saying mum used to drop and it’s, “Some people chat cah dem hab mout’!” It translates to some folk talk a good talk purely because they have a mouth to do so, but they ain’t saying anything worth listening to or of any substance.

Actions people. Your actions will always give you away. Between the time I got cancer until the time my mum passed away I can count on one hand the amount of times ANY of the particular aggrieved came to see me or mum. The same goes for my brothers and sister in regards to visits in mums care home. 

Everybody managed to show up and out for the funeral though.

When I truly could have done with the love and help from family no one was there. They in fact made things harder or were too caught up in their feelings to assess the bigger picture. Do you know who didn’t, who was there and has done so without involving me in not 1 piece of BFD and still continues to do so? Ok.

Show me you love me and I’ll show it back, come with the fuckery and I’m out. It’s as simple as that. I don’t hate them but I’m not feeling them. I worked it out and I’m good. A friend posted a TikTok of a woman dancing with a quote ‘Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.’ She’s right. You don’t have to match negative energy sent your way. Block that ish with your light and keep shining and dancing to your own beat.

Imma pump up the tunes – yes, hubby not loud enough so you can hear it over there and blow the speaker!😅 – and I’m gonna soak up the sun whilst it’s dared to show its face. Tek weh yuhself from it all and continue to float on.

R.I.P to all those who have lost their lives this week.

*BFD ~ Bullshit, Fuckery and Drama. There’s a pandemic y’all! Protect yourselves and strengthen your defences.

I’m guessing those involved in this weeks case of BFD were fully expecting this write up and I’d hate to disappoint!😂

I’m pretty sure no fucks will be given as has been evident, but credit where it’s due to the only one of the bunch that has actually responded like an adult throughout. It’s much appreciated.

I’m also guessing some are watching me with bombastic side eye waiting on their turn!🤣 Relax. If you truly know me and come correct you have nothing to fear and I rarely name names. Rarely…

Tek Weh Yuhself!, Stay Blessed & #CelebrateLife